People in many countries are spending more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?

It is true that there is now a large consensus of opinions that individuals in modern life tend to spend less time with their families. I personally believe that this trend not only has a severe impact on themselves but also on their families.

On the one hand, the main reason for the limited time people spend with their families is working long hours. In such a fast pace of life, to meet market requirements and enhance the business’s income streams, many industries require their staff to deal with a hectic workload, leading to an increase in average working time. As it stands, employees dedicated themselves to work, leaving them with minimal opportunities to spend time with their families. Additionally, economic factors such as rising living costs, may also compel people to work more to make ends meet.

On the other hand, I believe that lacking time to spend with family has serious consequences for affection within members and individual characteristics. At the family level, busy work schedules prevent people from taking frequent family trips or even just having meals together. Relationships between members are greatly weakened if they cannot make time for each other. In terms of personal characteristics, those far away from their nest might experience feelings of loneliness and isolation sometimes, this circumstance could hinder their work performance as well as cause anxiety disorders. My uncle, for example, not encountering his relatives for a while leading him to introvert, besides that, feeling homesick made him go down emotionally and got more errors at work than he used to.

In conclusion, devoting time to pursuing a career can cause lacking time spent on family. I strongly believe that this phenomenon exerts an adverse effect on individuals and their family bonds.

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Errors and Improvements:

"large consensus of opinions" -> "widespread consensus"
Explanation: "Large consensus of opinions" is redundant and less formal. "Widespread consensus" succinctly conveys the idea that a significant portion of people share the same viewpoint.
"spend less time with their families" -> "allocate less time to family"
Explanation: "Spend time with" is colloquial; "allocate time to" is a more formal and precise choice in academic writing.
"severe impact on themselves" -> "significant impact on individuals"
Explanation: "Severe impact on themselves" is repetitive and less precise. Using "significant impact on individuals" maintains formality and clarity.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly" or "To begin with"
Explanation: While not incorrect, "On the one hand" is slightly informal for academic writing. "Firstly" or "To begin with" are more formal transition phrases.
"meet market requirements" -> "fulfill market demands"
Explanation: "Meet market requirements" is less formal; "fulfill market demands" is a more appropriate term in academic contexts.
"hectic workload" -> "demanding workload"
Explanation: "Hectic workload" is informal; "demanding workload" is a more formal alternative suitable for academic writing.
"As it stands" -> "Consequently"
Explanation: "As it stands" is somewhat informal. "Consequently" provides a smoother transition in academic writing.
"Additionally" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Additionally" is slightly informal; "Moreover" is a more formal transition word commonly used in academic writing.
"make ends meet" -> "meet financial obligations"
Explanation: "Make ends meet" is idiomatic and less formal. "Meet financial obligations" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"lacking time to spend with family" -> "insufficient family time"
Explanation: "Lacking time to spend with family" is wordy and informal. "Insufficient family time" is a concise and formal phrase.
"feeling homesick made him go down emotionally" -> "experiencing homesickness adversely affected him emotionally"
Explanation: "Feeling homesick made him go down emotionally" is colloquial and lacks precision. "Experiencing homesickness adversely affected him emotionally" is more formal and clearer.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a common phrase but "To conclude" is slightly more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score forBand Score for TaskBand Score for Task ResponseBand Score for Task Response:Band Score for Task Response: Band Score for Task Response: 6Band Score for Task Response**: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6