People in many countries spend more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?

An increasing number of people are now choosing to live abroad, far away from their families, even halfway across the globe. This is largely as a result of modernity, leading to various changes to both the people who are living distantly from their families and their loved ones.
In the modern world, due to the ample means of transportation across borders, this has facilitated the way in which people travel to another country, making it easier for individuals who wish to seek richer occupation and education opportunities overseas. Eventually results in the growing number of migrants whether it is permanent or temporary, usually from less developed countries to more developed and thrived ones. Moreover, this modernity also accounts for the pursuit of more autonomous lifestyles for the young. A recent survey conducted in 2023 at an American university, focusing on the foreign student demography. When being questioned whether they are flying back home for the New Year’s celebration with their families, surprisingly, the majority of them responded that they would prefer to stay in the States rather than returning home. They went on to explain that they felt more free and comfortable there as they don’t want to be overwhelmed by all the traditional procedures taking place during New Year’s.
Moreover, life in another country can bring about both pros and cons for both sides of the situation. People who choose to live abroad would have more chances to open more life-changing doors, enriching their personal growth. For example, students who study abroad will have access to the unique knowledge and academic resources only available in that particular country which fosters their abilities and development and reinforces their occupational competency in the future. Besides, the family members who are living in the home country can receive financial support from their spouses or children overseas. But on the other hand, emotional distance can be the greatest obstacle concerning this trend. The lack of connection with the families can lead to mental instability such as loneliness or worse, depression.
In conclusion, this living abroad phenomenon can be as a result of modern lifestyle with many people yearning for more prospective job and education chances as well as the young generation who want to lead an independent lifestyle. There are multiple impacts that this can offer, both positively and negatively. For one thing, living abroad can introduce a person to more opportunities and financial gain, but it can also cause some mental problems.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"An increasing number of people are now choosing to live abroad" -> "An increasing number of individuals are now opting to reside abroad"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" and "choosing to live" with "opting to reside" enhances the formality and specificity of the language, aligning better with academic style.
"far away from their families, even halfway across the globe" -> "from their families, even across the globe"
Explanation: Removing "far away" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, making it more concise and formal.
"This is largely as a result of modernity" -> "This trend is largely attributed to modernity"
Explanation: "This trend is largely attributed to" is a more precise and formal way to express causality in academic writing.
"due to the ample means of transportation across borders" -> "owing to the extensive transportation networks across borders"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal alternative to "due to," and "extensive transportation networks" is a more precise term than "ample means of transportation," which sounds vague and informal.
"making it easier for individuals who wish to seek richer occupation and education opportunities overseas" -> "facilitating access to more lucrative occupational and educational opportunities overseas"
Explanation: "Facilitating access to more lucrative occupational and educational opportunities" is more specific and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "richer occupation and education opportunities."
"Eventually results in the growing number of migrants" -> "ultimately leads to an increasing number of migrants"
Explanation: "Ultimately leads to" is a more precise and formal expression than "eventually results in," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"thrived ones" -> "more developed countries"
Explanation: "Thrived ones" is an awkward and unclear phrase; "more developed countries" is straightforward and appropriate for academic writing.
"A recent survey conducted in 2023 at an American university" -> "A recent survey conducted in 2023 at a leading American university"
Explanation: Adding "leading" before "American university" enhances the specificity and prestige of the institution, which is important in academic contexts.
"When being questioned" -> "When questioned"
Explanation: Removing "being" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more direct and formal.
"surprisingly, the majority of them responded" -> "surprisingly, the majority responded"
Explanation: Removing "them" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"they felt more free and comfortable there" -> "they felt more liberated and at ease there"
Explanation: "Liberated and at ease" are more precise and formal terms than "free and comfortable," which are somewhat colloquial.
"don’t want to be overwhelmed by all the traditional procedures taking place during New Year’s" -> "wish to avoid being overwhelmed by the traditional practices during New Year’s"
Explanation: "Wish to avoid being overwhelmed" is more formal and precise than "don’t want to be overwhelmed," and "practices" is a more specific term than "procedures."
"People who choose to live abroad would have more chances to open more life-changing doors" -> "Individuals who choose to reside abroad may have greater opportunities to open life-changing doors"
Explanation: "Individuals" and "reside" are more formal than "people" and "live," and "may have greater opportunities" is more precise and formal than "would have more chances."
"enriching their personal growth" -> "enhancing their personal development"
Explanation: "Enhancing their personal development" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "enriching their personal growth."
"the family members who are living in the home country can receive financial support from their spouses or children overseas" -> "family members residing in their home country may receive financial support from their overseas spouses or children"
Explanation: "Residing" and "may receive" are more formal and precise than "living" and "can receive," respectively, and the rephrasing clarifies the relationship between the family members and their financial support.
"emotional distance can be the greatest obstacle concerning this trend" -> "emotional distance may pose the greatest challenge in this context"
Explanation: "May pose the greatest challenge" is more formal and precise than "can be the greatest obstacle," and "in this context" is more specific than "concerning this trend."
"the young generation who want to lead an independent lifestyle" -> "the younger generation seeking an independent lifestyle"
Explanation: "Seeking" is more formal than "want to," and "younger" is grammatically correct in this context, replacing the awkward "young generation."

These changes enhance the form

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing reasons why people live far from their families and the effects of this trend. The reasons provided include the pursuit of better job and educational opportunities and the desire for independence among the younger generation. The effects mentioned include both positive aspects, such as financial support and personal growth, and negative aspects, such as emotional distance and mental health issues. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the reasons and the effects, as well as a more thorough exploration of each aspect.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each reason is clearly linked to its corresponding effect. For example, after discussing the desire for better opportunities, the writer could elaborate on how this directly impacts family relationships. Additionally, providing more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position that modernity and the pursuit of independence are primary reasons for living away from family. However, the conclusion could be more decisive in summarizing the writer’s stance on the overall impact of this trend. While the essay presents both sides of the argument, it lacks a strong, unifying statement that encapsulates the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To improve clarity of position, the writer should reinforce their main argument in the conclusion. A clear statement about whether the positive effects outweigh the negative, or vice versa, would provide a stronger closure. Additionally, using consistent terminology throughout the essay can help maintain clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the reasons for living abroad and the effects on individuals and families. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of mental health issues could be expanded with examples or research findings to provide a more robust argument. The use of a survey is a good start, but it could be integrated more effectively into the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed explanations and examples. Incorporating data, studies, or anecdotal evidence can help substantiate claims and make the argument more persuasive. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details will improve the overall coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for living away from family and the associated effects. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the transition from discussing opportunities to emotional distance could be smoother, as the connection between these ideas is not always clear.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main question. Using topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph can help keep the discussion on track. Additionally, avoiding tangential information that does not directly support the main argument will enhance coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, but it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer connections between points, and a more decisive conclusion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the reasons behind people living far from their families. The body paragraphs logically follow, discussing the causes and effects of this trend. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively links modern transportation and the pursuit of better opportunities to the phenomenon of living abroad. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the shift from discussing modernity to the survey results feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing modern transportation, you could add a sentence like, "This ease of travel not only facilitates migration but also influences personal choices, as evidenced by a recent survey…" This would create a more seamless transition between points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into causes and effects. However, the second body paragraph could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the positive aspects of living abroad and the other on the negative consequences. This would allow for a clearer presentation of ideas and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex paragraphs into smaller ones that each tackle a single idea. For instance, after discussing the benefits of studying abroad, you could start a new paragraph to discuss the emotional challenges faced by those living away from home. This would not only improve readability but also strengthen the coherence of your arguments.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "moreover," "but on the other hand," and "for example." These devices help to connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, the essay relies heavily on "moreover" and "besides," which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, some sentences could benefit from clearer referencing to previous ideas, which would enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of using "moreover" repeatedly, you could use alternatives like "in addition," "furthermore," or "conversely" to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and demonstratives clearly refer back to the correct antecedents to avoid ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "this modernity," specify "this trend of modernity" to clarify what you are referring to.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve greater coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with phrases such as "ample means of transportation," "richer occupation and education opportunities," and "life-changing doors." These expressions indicate an ability to use varied vocabulary to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase "living abroad," which appears multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "living abroad," alternatives like "residing overseas," "expatriate life," or "international living" could be used. Additionally, integrating more idiomatic expressions or less common vocabulary could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "modernity, leading to various changes" is somewhat vague and could be more specific about what changes are being referred to. The term "thrived ones" is also awkward and unclear, as it does not effectively convey the intended meaning of "thriving countries."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify vague terms and ensure that all vocabulary choices accurately reflect the intended meaning. For example, instead of "thrived ones," the writer could use "developed nations" or "economically prosperous countries." Additionally, elaborating on what "various changes" entails would provide clearer context and enhance understanding.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "the pursuit of more autonomous lifestyles for the young" is spelled correctly, but the phrase "the growing number of migrants whether it is permanent or temporary" could be more clearly articulated to avoid confusion. The term "demography" is used correctly, but the phrase "the foreign student demography" could be simplified to "the demographic of foreign students."
- How to improve: To maintain spelling accuracy, the writer should continue proofreading their work for any typographical errors and consider using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary suitable for a Band 7 score, but there is room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and clarity. By incorporating more diverse vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "due to the ample means of transportation across borders" and "life in another country can bring about both pros and cons for both sides of the situation" show an ability to construct more sophisticated sentences. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "this has facilitated the way in which people travel to another country," which could be more concise. The use of relative clauses and participial phrases is present but could be expanded for greater complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, using adverbial clauses to start sentences can add complexity: "Although many people find opportunities abroad appealing, they often overlook the emotional costs." Additionally, practice using inversion or conditional structures to enhance the range of grammatical forms.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, with few errors that do not impede understanding. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies, such as "Eventually results in the growing number of migrants," which lacks a subject and should be rephrased to "This eventually results in a growing number of migrants." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "whether it is permanent or temporary" to separate the clause more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that all clauses are complete. Regular practice with sentence combining exercises can help in recognizing and correcting incomplete sentences. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding comma usage in complex sentences can enhance clarity. For example, ensure that introductory phrases are followed by a comma to separate them from the main clause.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on expanding sentence variety and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

An increasing number of people are now choosing to live abroad, far away from their families, even halfway across the globe. This is largely a result of modernity, leading to various changes for both the people who are living distantly from their families and their loved ones.

In the modern world, due to the ample means of transportation across borders, this has facilitated the way in which people travel to another country, making it easier for individuals who wish to seek richer occupational and educational opportunities overseas. This eventually results in a growing number of migrants, whether permanent or temporary, usually from less developed countries to more developed and thriving ones. Moreover, this modernity also accounts for the pursuit of more autonomous lifestyles for the young. A recent survey conducted in 2023 at a leading American university focused on the foreign student demographic. When questioned whether they were flying back home for the New Year’s celebration with their families, surprisingly, the majority of them responded that they would prefer to stay in the States rather than return home. They went on to explain that they felt more liberated and comfortable there as they did not want to be overwhelmed by all the traditional procedures taking place during New Year’s.

Moreover, life in another country can bring about both pros and cons for both sides of the situation. People who choose to live abroad may have greater opportunities to open life-changing doors, enriching their personal growth. For example, students who study abroad will have access to unique knowledge and academic resources only available in that particular country, which fosters their abilities and development and reinforces their occupational competency in the future. Besides, family members residing in their home country can receive financial support from their spouses or children overseas. But on the other hand, emotional distance may pose the greatest challenge in this context. The lack of connection with families can lead to mental instability, such as loneliness or, worse, depression.

In conclusion, this phenomenon of living abroad can be attributed to a modern lifestyle, with many people yearning for more prospective job and education opportunities, as well as the younger generation seeking an independent lifestyle. There are multiple impacts that this can offer, both positively and negatively. For one thing, living abroad can introduce a person to more opportunities and financial gain, but it can also cause some mental health problems.