People living in in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

In today’s world, people residing in metropolises have to suffer from numerous issues on their daily basis. In this essay, I will demonstrate the problems of this phenomenon before proposing that I align with the initiative that governments should encourage people to relocate to rural areas.
The problems which arise from living in urban areas are many. One of these is that the unemployment rate in cities are rising, which is exaggerated by the overpopulation. The influx of people accommodating in cities have made the labor market become more competitive, resulting in less recruitment opportunities for unemployees to embrace. As a result, the residents there have to borne serious financial burdens, making it challenging to pay different bills as well as foster their own familes and themselves. Another challenge that citizens have to deal with is that there are various pollutions in metropolises such as air pollution and noise pollution. Those pollutions are the consequences of traffic congestions and poor public awareness about protecting the environment, negatively affecting people’s health such as causing respiratory diseases, and their well-being also.
In order to address the aforementioned issues, I believe that governments should distribute people to minor towns to improve living conditions. Firstly, the unemployment rate in large cities is likely to decrease as people are allocated to work in different parts of the countries. Additionally, the less vehicles apear in roads are synomous with the less toxic fumes emit. Therefore, both can contribute to lower the risks in individuals’s health and enhancing their lives quality.
In conclusion, although there are some obvious difficulties while living in cities which are specifically the exorbitant prices and poor environmental factors, regulatory agencies can reverse the situation by encouraging people settle in smaller communities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"people residing in metropolises have to suffer from numerous issues on their daily basis" -> "residents of metropolitan areas face numerous challenges on a daily basis"
Explanation: Replacing "people residing in metropolises have to suffer from" with "residents of metropolitan areas face" refines the sentence by using more precise and formal terminology, enhancing the academic tone. "On their daily basis" is grammatically incorrect; "on a daily basis" is the correct phrase.
"I will demonstrate the problems of this phenomenon" -> "I will elucidate the issues associated with this phenomenon"
Explanation: "Elucidate" is a more formal and precise verb than "demonstrate" in this context, better fitting the academic style. "Associated with" is more specific than "of," which is vague.
"the unemployment rate in cities are rising" -> "the unemployment rate in cities is rising"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from "are" to "is," as "unemployment rate" is a singular noun.
"The influx of people accommodating in cities have made" -> "The influx of people moving to cities has made"
Explanation: "Accommodating" is incorrectly used; "moving to" is the correct phrase. Also, "have" should be "has" to agree with the singular subject "influx."
"the labor market become more competitive" -> "the labor market has become more competitive"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense to "has become" for consistency and grammatical correctness.
"less recruitment opportunities for unemployees" -> "fewer job opportunities for the unemployed"
Explanation: "Unemployees" is not a standard term; "the unemployed" is the correct phrase. "Fewer" is used with countable nouns, which "opportunities" is.
"borne serious financial burdens" -> "bear serious financial burdens"
Explanation: "Borne" is a passive form and should be "bear" to indicate the active subject "residents."
"foster their own familes and themselves" -> "support their own families and themselves"
Explanation: "Foster" is not typically used in this context; "support" is more appropriate for financial and emotional assistance.
"various pollutions in metropolises" -> "various forms of pollution in metropolitan areas"
Explanation: "Pollutions" is not a standard term; "forms of pollution" is more accurate and formal.
"the less vehicles apear in roads are synomous with the less toxic fumes emit" -> "fewer vehicles on the roads are synonymous with fewer toxic emissions"
Explanation: "Apear" is a spelling error; "appear" is correct. "Synomous" is a spelling error; "synonymous" is correct. "Fumes emit" should be "emissions" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"lower the risks in individuals’s health and enhancing their lives quality" -> "reduce the risks to individuals’ health and enhance their quality of life"
Explanation: "Lower" is not the correct verb for risks; "reduce" is more appropriate. "Enhancing their lives quality" is grammatically incorrect; "enhance their quality of life" is correct.
"regulatory agencies can reverse the situation by encouraging people settle in smaller communities" -> "regulatory agencies can address the situation by encouraging people to settle in smaller communities"
Explanation: "Reverse" is too strong and vague; "address" is more precise and appropriate. "Settle" should be "settle in" for grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively identifies several problems faced by individuals living in large cities, such as unemployment and pollution. However, while it mentions these issues, it could benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of the various problems, such as housing shortages, high living costs, and social isolation, which are also significant challenges in urban environments. The second part of the prompt regarding whether governments should encourage people to move to smaller towns is addressed, but the rationale behind this recommendation could be more thoroughly developed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that all aspects of the question are addressed in detail. This could involve expanding the list of problems faced by city dwellers and providing a more nuanced discussion of the potential benefits and drawbacks of relocating to smaller towns. Including specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that governments should encourage relocation to smaller towns, which is consistent throughout the text. However, the phrasing in some areas, such as "I align with the initiative," could be more assertive and direct to enhance clarity. The transition from discussing problems to proposing solutions is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse readers regarding the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use more definitive language and ensure smooth transitions between sections. Phrases like "I believe" or "It is essential" can help assert the writer’s viewpoint more strongly. Additionally, reiterating the main position in the conclusion can reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to urban problems and the proposed solution of moving to smaller towns. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the essay mentions that unemployment may decrease, it does not provide evidence or examples to substantiate this claim. The discussion of pollution is also lacking in depth, as it does not explore how moving to smaller towns could effectively mitigate these issues.
- How to improve: To improve this criterion, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Including data, real-life examples, or hypothetical scenarios can help illustrate the arguments more effectively. Additionally, discussing counterarguments and addressing them could strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the problems of urban living and the suggestion to move to smaller towns. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "exorbitant prices" in the conclusion is not elaborated upon in the body of the essay, which may leave readers wanting more information on this point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. It would be beneficial to outline the essay before writing, ensuring that each paragraph contributes to answering the question. Avoiding any points that are not directly relevant will help keep the essay concise and on topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and support for the arguments made. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing problems, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing unemployment to pollution feels abrupt. The essay could benefit from clearer thematic connections between the problems identified and the proposed solutions. The introduction outlines the intention to discuss problems and solutions, but the body could more explicitly link each problem to the corresponding solution.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph and how it relates to the overall argument. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear separation between the introduction, body, and conclusion. However, within the body paragraphs, the ideas could be better structured. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses unemployment and pollution but could be split into two distinct paragraphs for clarity. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, which would enhance readability and coherence.
- How to improve: Consider dividing the body into separate paragraphs for each major issue (e.g., one for unemployment and another for pollution). This will allow for a more in-depth exploration of each problem and its implications. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Additionally," and "In conclusion." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and their usage can feel mechanical at times. For example, the phrase "the less vehicles appear in roads are synonymous with the less toxic fumes emit" lacks clarity and could benefit from more precise language and structure.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," "On the other hand," and "As a result." Additionally, ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and clear; for instance, rephrasing awkward constructions can enhance coherence. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures will also contribute to a more fluid and engaging writing style.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in the use of terms related to urban living and its challenges, such as "metropolises," "unemployment rate," and "pollution." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, with phrases like "people living in large cities" and "residents there" appearing multiple times. This limits the overall lexical variety and can detract from the essay’s sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "people" or "cities," alternatives like "inhabitants," "urban centers," or "metropolitan areas" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to economic and environmental issues would elevate the essay’s quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "unemployed to embrace," which is awkward and unclear. The phrase "the less vehicles apear in roads" contains a grammatical error and lacks clarity, as it should be "fewer vehicles appear on roads." Furthermore, "pollutions" should be singular ("pollution"), and "toxic fumes emit" is awkwardly phrased.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "unemployed to embrace" with "unemployed individuals seeking opportunities" would clarify the message. Additionally, revising phrases for grammatical correctness and clarity, such as changing "the less vehicles apear in roads" to "fewer vehicles on the roads," would enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "apear" (should be "appear"), "synomous" (should be "synonymous"), and "familes" (should be "families"). These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a list of frequently used vocabulary can help improve spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic command of vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements in lexical range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion. Focusing on these areas will not only enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing but also contribute to a more polished and sophisticated essay overall.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "The influx of people accommodating in cities have made the labor market become more competitive" shows an attempt to convey intricate ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way problems are introduced and explained. The phrase "One of these is that…" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "One of these is that," alternatives like "A significant issue is…" or "Another concern is…" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more complex clauses and varying the sentence beginnings would contribute to a richer grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "the unemployment rate in cities are rising" should be "the unemployment rate in cities is rising," as "rate" is singular. Furthermore, "the influx of people accommodating in cities have made" should be corrected to "the influx of people accommodating in cities has made." Punctuation is generally correct, but there are some run-on sentences that could benefit from clearer separation. For example, the sentence "Those pollutions are the consequences of traffic congestions and poor public awareness about protecting the environment, negatively affecting people’s health such as causing respiratory diseases, and their well-being also" is overly complex and could be broken into shorter sentences for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly. A thorough proofreading process, possibly with the assistance of grammar-checking tools, could help identify and rectify these errors. Additionally, simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each idea is clearly articulated would enhance overall readability and grammatical precision.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, people residing in metropolises have to suffer from numerous issues on a daily basis. In this essay, I will demonstrate the problems associated with this phenomenon before proposing that I align with the initiative that governments should encourage people to relocate to rural areas.

The problems arising from living in urban areas are many. One of these is that the unemployment rate in cities is rising, which is exacerbated by overpopulation. The influx of people moving to cities has made the labor market more competitive, resulting in fewer job opportunities for the unemployed. As a result, the residents there have to bear serious financial burdens, making it challenging to pay various bills as well as support their own families and themselves. Another challenge that citizens have to deal with is that there are various forms of pollution in metropolises, such as air pollution and noise pollution. These pollutions are the consequences of traffic congestion and poor public awareness about protecting the environment, negatively affecting people’s health by causing respiratory diseases and impacting their well-being.

In order to address the aforementioned issues, I believe that governments should encourage people to move to smaller towns to improve living conditions. Firstly, the unemployment rate in large cities is likely to decrease as people are allocated to work in different parts of the country. Additionally, fewer vehicles on the roads are synonymous with fewer toxic emissions. Therefore, both can contribute to reducing the risks to individuals’ health and enhancing their quality of life.

In conclusion, although there are some obvious difficulties while living in cities, specifically exorbitant prices and poor environmental factors, regulatory agencies can reverse the situation by encouraging people to settle in smaller communities.