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People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, there is a hotly- debated issue over whether the quality of life of modern humans exceeds that of our ancestors. In my opinion, I completely agree with this view.

To commence with, there are enormous amenities for the masses in the modern world, with the predominant one being the Internet and education. To elaborate, institutions and businesses use computers for daily tasks, making work very manageable. Furthermore, society is well-informed due to smartphones as long as the Internet is available. Apart from this, the education sector has improved since students are accustomed to it and do not need to wait for teachers if they confront difficulties. They can access knowledge from Google and other apps. For instance, Yale University observed that 70% of learners are ahead of their counterparts in primitive times. Hence, this might lead to more independent lifestyles and education globally.

To strengthen these views further, in the past, people lacked knowledge regarding the Internet, and growth was stagnant. Ancient individuals wrote letters to relatives and waited a long time for a response, which affected communications. This delay meant fewer opportunities to achieve their ambitions at the proper time. For example, research conducted by Kenyatta University shows that 20% of people in a sample of 1000 were unable to use phones and the Internet. Therefore, at that time, there were limited facilities for acquiring knowledge. Additionally, some traditions, which technology cannot neglect, are still helpful today.

In conclusion, from the aforementioned points, I reaffirm that although technology is rapidly advancing, promising a better life and increased convenience, people are compelled to adapt and learn swiftly due to the fast pace of modern life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In this day and age" -> "In contemporary times"
    Explanation: Replacing the colloquial expression "In this day and age" with "In contemporary times" lends a more formal and sophisticated tone to the introduction.

  2. "there is a hotly-debated issue" -> "there is a contentious debate"
    Explanation: Substituting "hotly-debated issue" with "contentious debate" maintains the intensity of the discussion while employing a more refined and academic vocabulary.

  3. "I completely agree with this view" -> "I strongly endorse this perspective"
    Explanation: The phrase "I completely agree with this view" is replaced with "I strongly endorse this perspective" to introduce a higher level of formality and conviction in expressing agreement.

  4. "To commence with" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: Replacing the phrase "To commence with" with "Firstly" retains the sequential transition but in a more conventional and formal manner.

  5. "enormous amenities for the masses" -> "significant resources available to the public"
    Explanation: Substituting "enormous amenities for the masses" with "significant resources available to the public" imparts a more precise and formal expression, aligning with academic writing standards.

  6. "making work very manageable" -> "facilitating efficient task completion"
    Explanation: Changing "making work very manageable" to "facilitating efficient task completion" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement.

  7. "Furthermore, society is well-informed due to smartphones" -> "Moreover, society is well-informed owing to smartphones"
    Explanation: The phrase "due to" is replaced with "owing to" for a more formal and academic tone, and "Furthermore" is substituted with "Moreover" for better coherence.

  8. "apart from this" -> "In addition"
    Explanation: Replacing "apart from this" with "In addition" contributes to a smoother transition between ideas, adhering to formal writing conventions.

  9. "since students are accustomed to it" -> "as students have become accustomed to it"
    Explanation: The alteration from "since" to "as" and the extension to "as students have become accustomed to it" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  10. "They can access knowledge from Google and other apps" -> "They can access information through platforms such as Google and various applications"
    Explanation: Substituting "knowledge" with "information" and expanding the sentence adds precision and formality to the discussion.

  11. "Hence, this might lead to more independent lifestyles and education globally" -> "Consequently, this may result in greater autonomy in lifestyles and education worldwide."
    Explanation: The phrase "Hence, this might lead to" is replaced with "Consequently, this may result in" for a more formal and precise expression.

  12. "To strengthen these views further" -> "To reinforce these perspectives"
    Explanation: The phrase "To strengthen these views further" is replaced with "To reinforce these perspectives" for a more formal and nuanced expression.

  13. "In the past, people lacked knowledge regarding the Internet, and growth was stagnant" -> "Historically, individuals had limited awareness of the Internet, contributing to a stagnant development"
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal transition and replaces the colloquial "lacked knowledge" with "had limited awareness," contributing to a more sophisticated expression.

  14. "which technology cannot neglect" -> "which technology cannot overlook"
    Explanation: Substituting "neglect" with "overlook" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and precise term.

  15. "at that time, there were limited facilities for acquiring knowledge" -> "during that period, access to knowledge was restricted"
    Explanation: The phrase "at that time, there were limited facilities for acquiring knowledge" is replaced with "during that period, access to knowledge was restricted" for enhanced formality and clarity.

  16. "some traditions, which technology cannot neglect, are still helpful today" -> "certain traditions, which technology cannot disregard, remain beneficial in contemporary society"
    Explanation: The substitution of "neglect" with "disregard" and the rephrasing contribute to a more formal and precise expression.

  17. "from the aforementioned points" -> "based on the aforementioned arguments"
    Explanation: Replacing "from the aforementioned points" with "based on the aforementioned arguments" adds formality and specificity to the conclusion.

  18. "although technology is rapidly advancing" -> "while technology is advancing rapidly"
    Explanation: The reordering of the phrase "although technology is rapidly advancing" to "while technology is advancing rapidly" maintains the meaning while adhering to a more formal structure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing the advantages of modern life, particularly focusing on the Internet and education. The response provides relevant examples and reasons to support the agreement with the statement.
    • How to improve: To enhance the task response, consider exploring potential counterarguments briefly. This can add depth to the analysis and demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The position is clearly stated in the introduction ("I completely agree with this view") and consistently maintained throughout the essay. The writer effectively communicates their perspective on the quality of life in the 21st century.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly restating the thesis in the conclusion. This helps in reinforcing the main argument and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas, especially in the second paragraph, where specific examples and statistics are used to highlight advancements in technology. The development of ideas is relevant and well-supported.
    • How to improve: To elevate the score, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and maintain a consistent level of detail and elaboration throughout the essay. This can contribute to a more cohesive and polished response.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains relevant to the essay prompt, discussing the impact of modern amenities on the quality of life. However, there is a brief mention of "some traditions" in the last paragraph, which could be more directly connected to the main topic.
    • How to improve: While acknowledging the relevance of traditions, try to tie this point back explicitly to the overall argument about the quality of life in the 21st century. This will ensure a more seamless and focused essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of language, presents well-supported ideas, and maintains a clear position throughout. To achieve a higher band score, consider refining the organization of ideas and incorporating a more comprehensive exploration of potential counterarguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is generally logically organized, with a clear progression of ideas throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the writer’s opinion, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that provide examples and supporting details. The conclusion appropriately summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider maintaining a consistent level of detail across all examples. Ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one, creating a seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, make sure that transitions between paragraphs are explicit to guide the reader through the essay’s progression.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with mostly logical sequencing of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider refining the topic sentences to explicitly convey the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that the order of paragraphs contributes to a smooth and logical progression of arguments. Pay attention to transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. Various cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases are employed to connect ideas and sentences. However, there are occasional inaccuracies or instances where the amount of cohesive devices may be inappropriate.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the use of cohesive devices, carefully review instances where inaccuracies occur. Ensure that pronouns and transitional phrases are used consistently to avoid confusion. Additionally, consider diversifying the types of cohesive devices used, ensuring a balanced and effective application throughout the essay. Pay attention to the quantity, avoiding overuse or underuse of cohesive elements.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for refinement in terms of maintaining consistent detail, refining topic sentences, and ensuring the accurate and balanced use of cohesive devices. These improvements will contribute to an even more effective and polished essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with the use of words like "amenities," "predominant," "manageable," "stagnant," and "ambitions." These choices contribute to a nuanced and varied expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance further, consider incorporating more advanced and contextually appropriate vocabulary. For instance, instead of "hotly-debated issue," you might use "contentious discourse," and replace "enormous amenities" with "abundant conveniences."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay maintains a generally clear meaning, there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "enormous amenities" could be refined for greater specificity, providing a clearer picture of the benefits discussed.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. For instance, instead of "enormous amenities," you might say "a plethora of conveniences," offering a more precise description of the advantages mentioned.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits few spelling errors, and these do not significantly detract from overall clarity. However, there are a couple of instances where attention to detail could enhance the accuracy, such as in "predominant" (missing ‘t’) and "manageable" (misspelled as "managable").
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread carefully, paying attention to details. Utilize tools like spell-check and consider seeking feedback from peers to catch any overlooked errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, but refining precision and addressing minor spelling concerns can elevate the lexical resource score. Keep up the good work!

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to a smooth flow. The writer effectively employs introductory phrases, connectors, and elaborative clauses. For instance, the use of phrases such as "To commence with" and "To strengthen these views further" adds sophistication to the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance variety, consider experimenting with more complex structures, such as compound-complex sentences. Additionally, ensure that sentence structures are consistently used throughout the essay for a more polished effect.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a high level of grammatical accuracy, with the majority of sentences being error-free. There are, however, a few instances where minor errors appear. For instance, in the sentence "This delay meant fewer opportunities to achieve their ambitions at the proper time," the pronoun "their" does not have a clear antecedent.
    • How to improve: To eliminate such minor errors, carefully review pronoun usage and antecedent agreement. Ensure that each pronoun is clearly connected to its intended referent. A thorough proofreading before submission will help catch and rectify such issues.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-controlled throughout the essay. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately used to guide the reader. However, there are instances where the placement of commas could be refined for greater clarity. For example, in the sentence "In my opinion, I completely agree with this view," a comma after "opinion" would enhance readability.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the positioning of commas, ensuring they are used consistently for clarity and to avoid potential misinterpretations. Utilize commas to signal pauses and separate ideas appropriately. Regular practice with complex sentence structures will further refine your punctuation skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present era, there’s a widely discussed topic about whether the quality of life for people today surpasses that of our predecessors. In my view, I firmly support this perspective.

To begin with, there are extensive resources available to the public in today’s world, notably the internet and educational opportunities. To explain further, organizations and businesses rely on computers for their daily operations, making work much more manageable. Additionally, smartphones have played a significant role in keeping society well-informed, provided there is internet access. Moreover, education has seen improvements as students have grown accustomed to technology, enabling them to seek information independently through platforms like Google and various applications. For instance, Yale University observed that 70% of learners today surpass their counterparts from earlier times, potentially leading to greater autonomy in lifestyles and education worldwide.

To reinforce these perspectives, in the past, individuals lacked awareness of the internet, leading to stagnant growth. Our ancestors used to communicate through letters, experiencing prolonged waits for responses, which hindered effective communication and limited opportunities to pursue their aspirations in a timely manner. For example, research from Kenyatta University indicated that 20% of a surveyed group of 1000 individuals had no access to phones or the internet, resulting in restricted avenues for knowledge acquisition during that period. Furthermore, some traditions, which technology cannot overlook, remain beneficial in today’s society.

In conclusion, based on the aforementioned arguments, while technology advances rapidly and promises enhanced lifestyles and convenience, it’s essential to recognize that people are compelled to adapt and learn swiftly due to the rapid pace of modern life.

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