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People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Undoubtedly, the standard of living has experienced a remarkable improvement in comparison to previous centuries. From a comprehensive viewpoint, it is undeniable that life is vastly superior for the majority of people in the world today, primarily due to the accessibility of enhanced healthcare and education.

In the last century, humanity has witnessed unprecedented advancements in the field of healthcare. In the past, diseases like smallpox, malaria, or measles posed severe threats to life. The lack of effective disease prevention measures, coupled with limited medical research and treatment options, left individuals vulnerable to these deadly illnesses. However, thanks to the relentless efforts of scientists and medical professionals, the situation has been revolutionized. The development of new vaccines, antibiotics, and groundbreaking treatments has transformed our ability to combat diseases, and substantially bolstering our immune systems. These medical breakthroughs, although sometimes accompanied by a high cost, have undeniably saved the countless lives of people worldwide.

Moreover, the transformative impact of education on the well-being of individuals cannot be overstated. In this century, access to education has expanded exponentially, surpassing the opportunities available a hundred years ago. The proliferation of schools, universities, and the rise of online-based education has shattered previous barriers, ensuring that more children now have the privilege of acquiring knowledge. Financial or geographical constraints no longer pose insurmountable obstacles to education. This democratization of learning has played a pivotal role in elevating the human experience. The improvement in educational standards has fostered the emergence of innovative teaching and learning methodologies, equipping students with comprehensive knowledge and essential skills. Consequently, the modern workforce is more adept and adaptable, forming the backbone of a nation's economic prosperity as they can effectively meet the demands of a dynamic economy.

In conclusion, the advancements in healthcare and the accessibility of education have undoubtedly resulted in a significant improvement in people's well-being today


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Undoubtedly, the standard of living has experienced a remarkable improvement in comparison to previous centuries." -> "Undoubtedly, the quality of life has undergone remarkable enhancements compared to preceding centuries."
    Explanation: Replacing "standard of living" with "quality of life" and "experienced a remarkable improvement" with "undergone remarkable enhancements" elevates the formality of expression and provides a more nuanced description.

  2. "From a comprehensive viewpoint, it is undeniable that life is vastly superior for the majority of people in the world today, primarily due to the accessibility of enhanced healthcare and education." -> "From a comprehensive perspective, it is indisputable that the quality of life has significantly improved for the majority of individuals worldwide, primarily attributed to the widespread availability of advanced healthcare and education."
    Explanation: Substituting "viewpoint" with "perspective," and refining the phrasing to "the quality of life has significantly improved" and "attributed to the widespread availability" enhances the academic tone and precision of the statement.

  3. "In the last century, humanity has witnessed unprecedented advancements in the field of healthcare." -> "In the previous century, humanity has witnessed unprecedented progress in the field of healthcare."
    Explanation: Replacing "advancements" with "progress" and specifying "the previous century" instead of "the last century" contributes to a more precise and formal expression.

  4. "However, thanks to the relentless efforts of scientists and medical professionals, the situation has been revolutionized." -> "Nevertheless, due to the unwavering dedication of scientists and medical professionals, the landscape has undergone a revolutionary transformation."
    Explanation: Substituting "thanks to" with "due to," and refining "the situation has been revolutionized" to "the landscape has undergone a revolutionary transformation" imparts a more formal and precise tone.

  5. "These medical breakthroughs, although sometimes accompanied by a high cost, have undeniably saved the countless lives of people worldwide." -> "These medical breakthroughs, albeit occasionally associated with a substantial cost, have undeniably preserved the lives of innumerable individuals globally."
    Explanation: Replacing "accompanied by a high cost" with "associated with a substantial cost" and refining the phrasing to "preserved the lives of innumerable individuals globally" enhances formality and clarity.

  6. "Moreover, the transformative impact of education on the well-being of individuals cannot be overstated." -> "Furthermore, the transformative influence of education on the well-being of individuals is of paramount significance."
    Explanation: Substituting "impact" with "influence" and enhancing the phrasing to "is of paramount significance" elevates the formality and precision of the statement.

  7. "The proliferation of schools, universities, and the rise of online-based education has shattered previous barriers, ensuring that more children now have the privilege of acquiring knowledge." -> "The proliferation of educational institutions, including schools, universities, and the advent of online-based education, has dismantled former barriers, guaranteeing that a greater number of children now have the opportunity to acquire knowledge."
    Explanation: Replacing "shattered" with "dismantled," refining "previous barriers" to "former barriers," and specifying "guaranteeing that a greater number of children now have the opportunity to acquire knowledge" improves formality and clarity.

  8. "Financial or geographical constraints no longer pose insurmountable obstacles to education." -> "Financial or geographical constraints are no longer insurmountable impediments to education."
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrasing and using "impediments" instead of "obstacles" maintains formality while ensuring clarity and precision.

  9. "This democratization of learning has played a pivotal role in elevating the human experience." -> "The democratization of education has played a pivotal role in enhancing the human experience."
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrasing to "democratization of education" and replacing "elevating" with "enhancing" maintains formality and clarity.

  10. "The improvement in educational standards has fostered the emergence of innovative teaching and learning methodologies, equipping students with comprehensive knowledge and essential skills." -> "The enhancement of educational standards has fostered the emergence of innovative teaching and learning methodologies, equipping students with a breadth of knowledge and essential skills."
    Explanation: Replacing "improvement" with "enhancement" and specifying "a breadth of knowledge" refines the language for a more formal and precise expression.

  11. "Consequently, the modern workforce is more adept and adaptable, forming the backbone of a nation’s economic prosperity as they can effectively meet the demands of a dynamic economy." -> "As a result, the contemporary workforce is more adept and adaptable, constituting the backbone of a nation’s economic prosperity by effectively meeting the demands of a dynamic economy."
    Explanation: Substituting "Consequently" with "As a result" and refining the phrasing for clarity and formality contributes to a more polished academic expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by acknowledging the substantial improvements in the standard of living in the 21st century compared to previous eras. It specifically discusses healthcare and education as key contributors to this enhancement.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect further, consider explicitly acknowledging and addressing potential counterarguments or limitations to the claim. Providing a balanced perspective by discussing potential areas where life might not have improved significantly could add depth to the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout. It unequivocally asserts that life today is superior due to advancements in healthcare and education, effectively supporting this position throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To bolster this aspect, ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the essay’s stance regarding the prompt to offer an immediate understanding of the writer’s position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay excellently presents, extends, and supports ideas related to healthcare and education. It provides detailed examples and explanations, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of how these advancements have positively impacted society.
    • How to improve: To further enrich this aspect, consider incorporating a wider variety of examples or including specific data/statistics to strengthen the argument and offer a more robust foundation to the presented ideas.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively remains on topic, predominantly focusing on the improvements in healthcare and education as drivers of a better quality of life in the 21st century.
    • How to improve: To refine this, ensure that each paragraph consistently ties back to the central theme without delving into tangential discussions. This will further strengthen the essay’s coherence and relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues for the superiority of life in the 21st century due to advancements in healthcare and education. To further enhance the response, considering alternative viewpoints and incorporating a broader range of examples or evidence would add depth and nuance to the argument. Additionally, ensuring a consistent tie-back to the main theme throughout each paragraph will elevate the essay’s cohesion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with a clear progression of ideas throughout. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the idea of improved living standards, and subsequent paragraphs delve into advancements in healthcare and education. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs. While the overall structure is sound, enhancing the connection between ideas would further strengthen the logical flow. For example, the transition from discussing healthcare advancements to education could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect one idea to the next. For instance, at the end of the paragraph discussing healthcare, a sentence like "Building upon these healthcare advancements, a parallel transformation in the realm of education has also played a crucial role in shaping the 21st-century quality of life" could improve the transition.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs, demonstrating a clear structure and logical sequencing of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, framing the central argument effectively. However, to achieve an even higher band score, consider further refining the topic sentences of each paragraph. Clear and concise topic sentences can enhance the reader’s understanding of the main point of each section.
    • How to improve: Strengthen topic sentences by making them more explicit and directly related to the central argument. For example, in the paragraph discussing healthcare advancements, a more explicit topic sentence could be, "The unprecedented progress in healthcare, marked by the development of vaccines and groundbreaking treatments, has been a cornerstone in elevating the quality of life in the 21st century."
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. There is a clear attempt to link ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. However, some instances show minor inaccuracies or inappropriate amounts of cohesive devices. For example, in the transition between the paragraphs discussing healthcare and education, there is a slight disconnect that could be addressed with more explicit cohesive devices.
    • How to improve: To address minor inaccuracies, consider using a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "however") or transitional phrases (e.g., "building upon," "in contrast"). In the specific transition mentioned, a sentence like "Furthermore, the transformative impact of education…" could strengthen the connection between the two ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay for a smoother reading experience.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the prompt with words such as "remarkable improvement," "unprecedented advancements," "revolutionized," "groundbreaking treatments," and "proliferation." This range contributes to a nuanced and detailed discussion of the topic.
    • How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary usage, consider incorporating more advanced or specialized terms where appropriate. For instance, instead of "transformative impact," you might use "profound influence" or "pervasive effect" to add sophistication.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally communicates ideas clearly, but at times, the precision of vocabulary could be improved. For instance, the phrase "comprehensive viewpoint" might be refined for greater clarity. While the vocabulary is sufficient for effective communication, a more precise selection could elevate the essay’s quality.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. In this case, replacing "comprehensive viewpoint" with "holistic perspective" would enhance precision and maintain clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally high level of spelling accuracy. There are few errors, and they do not significantly detract from overall clarity. However, one instance of note is the misspelling of "undoubtedly" as "undoubtably."
    • How to improve: Continue proofreading meticulously to catch minor spelling errors. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar tools to aid in identifying and rectifying such issues. Developing a habit of reviewing written work can further enhance spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, with minor opportunities for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy. Fine-tuning the selection of words for greater specificity and attention to spelling details will contribute to an even stronger lexical performance.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a sophisticated expression of ideas. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "From a comprehensive viewpoint" and "The lack of effective disease prevention measures, coupled with limited medical research and treatment options…" showcases a nuanced command of language.
    • How to improve: To further enhance your grammatical range, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences or experimenting with rhetorical devices. This can add an additional layer of complexity to your writing and elevate the overall sophistication of your expression.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly maintains an error-free structure, with occasional minor errors. For example, the phrase "the countless lives of people worldwide" could be refined to "countless lives worldwide" for conciseness. Overall, the use of grammar is precise, contributing to the clarity of ideas.
    • How to improve: To achieve an even higher score, pay meticulous attention to sentence structure. Ensure that subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and pronoun usage are consistently accurate. Proofread your work carefully to catch and rectify any minor errors that may have been overlooked.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-controlled throughout the essay. Commendably, commas, periods, and colons are used appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence of the writing.
    • How to improve: To further refine your punctuation skills, consider incorporating a wider range of punctuation marks such as semicolons or dashes where appropriate. Additionally, be vigilant about avoiding common punctuation pitfalls, such as run-on sentences or unnecessary comma splices. Review specific instances in your essay to exemplify these points.

In summary, your essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, earning a Band Score of 7. To elevate your score, focus on introducing even more variety in sentence structures, ensuring absolute precision in grammar, and fine-tuning punctuation for an added layer of sophistication and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

Undoubtedly, the quality of life has undergone remarkable enhancements compared to preceding centuries. From a comprehensive perspective, it is indisputable that the quality of life has significantly improved for the majority of individuals worldwide, primarily attributed to the widespread availability of advanced healthcare and education.

In the previous century, humanity has witnessed unprecedented progress in the field of healthcare. Nevertheless, due to the unwavering dedication of scientists and medical professionals, the landscape has undergone a revolutionary transformation. These medical breakthroughs, albeit occasionally associated with a substantial cost, have undeniably preserved the lives of innumerable individuals globally.

Furthermore, the transformative influence of education on the well-being of individuals is of paramount significance. The proliferation of educational institutions, including schools, universities, and the advent of online-based education, has dismantled former barriers, guaranteeing that a greater number of children now have the opportunity to acquire knowledge. Financial or geographical constraints are no longer insurmountable impediments to education. The democratization of education has played a pivotal role in enhancing the human experience.

The enhancement of educational standards has fostered the emergence of innovative teaching and learning methodologies, equipping students with a breadth of knowledge and essential skills. As a result, the contemporary workforce is more adept and adaptable, constituting the backbone of a nation’s economic prosperity by effectively meeting the demands of a dynamic economy.

In conclusion, the advancements in healthcare and the accessibility of education have undoubtedly resulted in a significant improvement in people’s well-being today.

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