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People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that the quality of life in this contemporary era has been enhanced compared to that of earlier times. From my perspective, I partially advocate this standpoint since besides several aspects improved such as technological advancements and transportation infrastructure, natural environment and the population well-being have been adversely affected.
On the one hand, fueled by digitalization and the booming technological development, the life of the 21st century residents undoubtedly have become convenient. For example, the proliferation of labour-saving devices such as cleaning robots and washing machines enables residents to allocate their time for other recreational activities. Moreover, such improvements in infrastructure as high-speed trains and public transport currently underpins the lives of the majority of residents. These, thus, lead to an increasing life satisfaction compared to the past.
Conversely, the 21st century citizens are still facing a number of pressing issues which lower their quality of life. To be more specific, due to the rapid economic growth in several nations, chemical waste has been discharged into the air and water, thereby raising environmental concerns. This damages living habitats of marine and terrestrial species. Additionally, undergoing the fast life pace may potentially create a further stress on not only teenagers, but adults as well, consequently exerting the higher risk of serious mental diseases, including insomnia, depression and autism.
In conclusion, I partially agree that the 21st century residents enjoy a better life than those in previous centuries since they still encounter numerous urgent problems, namely environmental contamination and worse mental well-being, though their lives have been facilitated by technology and better infrastructure.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some individuals believe that the quality of life in this contemporary era has been enhanced compared to that of earlier times." -> "Some individuals contend that the quality of life in the contemporary era has improved compared to earlier times."
    Explanation: Replacing "enhanced" with "improved" and "this" with "contemporary" contributes to a more formal tone. The change from "compared to that of earlier times" to "compared to earlier times" streamlines the sentence without sacrificing clarity.

  2. "From my perspective, I partially advocate this standpoint since besides several aspects improved such as technological advancements and transportation infrastructure, natural environment and the population well-being have been adversely affected." -> "From my perspective, I partially support this viewpoint. While certain aspects, such as technological advancements and transportation infrastructure, have improved, the natural environment and population well-being have been adversely affected."
    Explanation: The phrase "advocate this standpoint" is replaced with "support this viewpoint" for more precision. Restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and separates the positive and negative aspects for a more organized presentation.

  3. "On the one hand, fueled by digitalization and the booming technological development, the life of the 21st-century residents undoubtedly have become convenient." -> "On one hand, driven by digitization and the rapid pace of technological development, the lives of 21st-century residents have undoubtedly become more convenient."
    Explanation: "Fueled by" is replaced with "driven by" for a more formal expression. "Life" is changed to "lives" for subject-verb agreement, and "digitalization" is replaced with "digitization" for precision.

  4. "For example, the proliferation of labour-saving devices such as cleaning robots and washing machines enables residents to allocate their time for other recreational activities." -> "For instance, the widespread adoption of labor-saving devices, such as cleaning robots and washing machines, allows residents to allocate their time to other recreational activities."
    Explanation: The term "proliferation" is replaced with "widespread adoption" for a more precise description. "Enables" is substituted with "allows" for variety, and the structure is refined for better flow.

  5. "Moreover, such improvements in infrastructure as high-speed trains and public transport currently underpins the lives of the majority of residents." -> "Furthermore, the enhancements in infrastructure, such as high-speed trains and public transport, currently underpin the lives of the majority of residents."
    Explanation: "Such improvements" is replaced with "enhancements in infrastructure" for clarity. The verb "underpins" is used for proper subject-verb agreement, and "currently" is added for temporal precision.

  6. "Conversely, the 21st-century citizens are still facing a number of pressing issues which lower their quality of life." -> "Conversely, 21st-century citizens still confront numerous pressing issues that adversely impact their quality of life."
    Explanation: "Are still facing" is replaced with "still confront" for conciseness and to avoid unnecessary repetition. "Which lower" is changed to "that adversely impact" for specificity and formality.

  7. "To be more specific, due to the rapid economic growth in several nations, chemical waste has been discharged into the air and water, thereby raising environmental concerns." -> "To be more specific, rapid economic growth in several nations has resulted in the discharge of chemical waste into the air and water, thereby raising environmental concerns."
    Explanation: The sentence is streamlined for clarity and precision. The passive voice is replaced with an active construction for a more direct expression.

  8. "This damages living habitats of marine and terrestrial species." -> "This damages the habitats of marine and terrestrial species."
    Explanation: "Living" is removed as it is redundant, and the sentence is simplified without sacrificing meaning.

  9. "Additionally, undergoing the fast life pace may potentially create a further stress on not only teenagers, but adults as well, consequently exerting the higher risk of serious mental diseases, including insomnia, depression, and autism." -> "Additionally, the fast pace of life may potentially contribute to increased stress, affecting not only teenagers but also adults and consequently posing a higher risk of serious mental disorders, including insomnia, depression, and autism."
    Explanation: The phrase "undergoing the fast life pace" is replaced with "the fast pace of life" for conciseness and clarity. "Create a further stress" is changed to "contribute to increased stress" for more precise wording, and "exerting the higher risk" is modified to "posing a higher risk" for better phrasing.

  10. "In conclusion, I partially agree that the 21st-century residents enjoy a better life than those in previous centuries since they still encounter numerous urgent problems, namely environmental contamination and worse mental well-being, though their lives have been facilitated by technology and better infrastructure." -> "In conclusion, I partially agree that 21st-century residents experience an improved quality of life compared to those in previous centuries. However, they still contend with urgent issues, namely environmental contamination and deteriorating mental well-being, despite the facilitation of their lives by technology and better infrastructure."
    Explanation: The sentence is refined for clarity, and "enjoy a better life" is changed to "experience an improved quality of life" for a more formal expression. "Since" is replaced with "However" to indicate contrast, and the structure is adjusted for smoother flow.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the prompt by acknowledging improvements in the quality of life in the 21st century while also highlighting adverse effects on the natural environment and well-being. Specific examples, such as technological advancements and environmental concerns, are cited to support the points made.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more specific examples related to the improvement in quality of life and the adverse effects. Expanding on the detrimental impact on well-being and the environment with additional details would strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by stating a partial agreement with the prompt. The stance is evident in the introduction, maintained in the body paragraphs, and reiterated in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the degree of agreement or disagreement in the introduction. This can provide a roadmap for the reader and make the position even more explicit.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas with examples of technological advancements and infrastructure improvements. However, the support for the adverse effects on well-being and the environment could be more detailed. The examples given, such as chemical waste and fast-paced lifestyles, need more elaboration to strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: Provide more in-depth explanations and examples for the negative aspects, connecting them explicitly to the overall quality of life. This will add depth to the essay and strengthen the argumentation.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the quality of life in the 21st century in relation to the prompt. However, there is a need for more focus on the prompt’s components. The discussion on environmental issues and mental well-being, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the overall quality of life.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every point made is explicitly connected to the prompt, demonstrating a clear link between technological advancements, infrastructure improvements, and their impact on the overall quality of life in the 21st century.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt, presents a clear stance, and provides relevant examples. To improve, focus on expanding and elaborating on supporting points and ensuring a more direct connection between ideas and the overall quality of life.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. The introduction provides a clear stance, and body paragraphs present supporting points in a structured manner. For instance, the first paragraph discusses improvements, while the second addresses challenges.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. The second body paragraph, which introduces challenges, could benefit from a smoother transition from the positive aspects discussed in the first paragraph. Additionally, consider using stronger linking words between sentences to create a more seamless connection between ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression. However, the transition from the first to the second paragraph could be smoother to enhance overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the transition between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences. For instance, in the transition from discussing technological advancements to environmental concerns, consider employing a phrase that signals a shift in focus, such as "On the contrary" or "However."
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns (e.g., "these," "such"), conjunctions (e.g., "moreover," "conversely"), and transitional phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "consequently"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are well-used, aim for even greater diversity. Explore the use of advanced transitional phrases and synonyms for repeated words to add sophistication to the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used purposefully to strengthen the connection between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion, with room for refinement in transitions between paragraphs and the diversification of cohesive devices. Keep practicing the effective use of transitions and experiment with a broader range of cohesive devices to elevate the overall coherence of your essays.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms related to technological advancements, infrastructure, environmental concerns, and mental well-being. However, the use of vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, and there’s a room for improvement in terms of diversifying word choices.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and alternative expressions for commonly used words. For instance, instead of frequently using terms like "improved" or "advancements," experiment with more specific or nuanced language. Additionally, introducing more specialized vocabulary related to environmental issues and mental health could further enrich the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally precise vocabulary usage, with terms such as "digitalization," "labour-saving devices," and "environmental contamination." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the use of "fast life pace" could be replaced with a more specific term such as "hectic lifestyle," and "worse mental well-being" could be more precisely described.
    • How to improve: To achieve greater precision, focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In the instances mentioned, consider using terms like "hectic lifestyle" for a more specific description of the fast pace of life, and explore more specific terms for mental well-being issues, such as "deteriorating mental health."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of spelling accuracy, with minimal spelling errors observed. However, there are a few instances where attention to detail could further improve spelling accuracy. For instance, "teenagers" is spelled correctly, but there is a missing article before it ("on not only teenagers").
    • How to improve: Continue to prioritize accuracy in spelling, paying attention to small details such as articles and prepositions. Proofreading the essay before submission can help catch minor errors and enhance overall spelling precision.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, with room for refinement in terms of variety and precision. Attention to detail in spelling and a conscious effort to explore more diverse and specific vocabulary will contribute to further improving the lexical resource in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. The writer effectively employs complex sentences, such as those with dependent and independent clauses, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the diversification of structures. There is a reliance on standard sentence structures, and more complex constructions, like conditional sentences or inverted structures, could be incorporated for a more sophisticated presentation.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Experiment with conditional sentences, parallel structures, and inversion to add depth to your writing. This will not only showcase your proficiency but also contribute to a more engaging and varied essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where minor errors occur. For example, in the phrase, "…since besides several aspects improved such as technological advancements," there is a lack of parallelism in the structure. Additionally, attention to subject-verb agreement could be improved, as in the phrase "underpins the lives," where the plural "lives" does not match the singular subject "improvements."
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to parallelism in sentence structures to ensure a more polished presentation. Further, consistently check subject-verb agreement to eliminate instances of disagreement. This attention to detail will elevate the overall grammatical accuracy of your essay. Consider proofreading your work carefully to catch such subtleties and maintain a consistently high level of accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammar and a solid range of sentence structures, refining these aspects can contribute to a more nuanced and polished expression of ideas. Keep practicing and diversifying your sentence structures, and pay careful attention to grammar details to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that the quality of life in the contemporary era has improved compared to earlier times. From my perspective, I partially support this viewpoint. While certain aspects, such as technological advancements and transportation infrastructure, have improved, the natural environment and population well-being have been adversely affected.

On one hand, driven by digitization and the rapid pace of technological development, the lives of 21st-century residents have undoubtedly become more convenient. For instance, the widespread adoption of labor-saving devices, such as cleaning robots and washing machines, allows residents to allocate their time to other recreational activities. Furthermore, the enhancements in infrastructure, such as high-speed trains and public transport, currently underpin the lives of the majority of residents.

Conversely, 21st-century citizens still confront numerous pressing issues that adversely impact their quality of life. To be more specific, rapid economic growth in several nations has resulted in the discharge of chemical waste into the air and water, thereby raising environmental concerns. This damages the habitats of marine and terrestrial species. Additionally, the fast pace of life may potentially contribute to increased stress, affecting not only teenagers but also adults and consequently posing a higher risk of serious mental disorders, including insomnia, depression, and autism.

In conclusion, I partially agree that 21st-century residents experience an improved quality of life compared to those in previous centuries. However, they still contend with urgent issues, namely environmental contamination and deteriorating mental well-being, despite the facilitation of their lives by technology and better infrastructure.

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