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People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a common belief that humans in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous generation. I completely agree that life for people in most of the world nowadays is much better due to better technology and education.

The first argument given to support my opinion is that innovations are ubiquitous and have enhanced our lifestyle, making it more secure and dynamic. The development of vaccines and health treatments can protect people from many viruses and have greatly improved our immune system, leading to many more lives being saved. Also, the modernisation of working methods, such as automatic watering systems and insecticides can increase productivity, which can raise our income and cater for the growing demand for food. Besides, we now have more leisure time to enjoy various forms of entertainment with the help of automatic robots in both households and work. Therefore with the advancements in various fields, we are now better equipped to deal with most of the challenges.

Another rationale behind my belief is that the general population in this century have a more qualified education. There are more and more schools and universities than a century ago, encompassing online forms, which can bring more opportunities for children to get access to education with less financial and geographical problems. The increasing education standards required innovative pedagogical methods used in both teaching and learning, resulting in better knowledge and more skilful students who can adapt workforce that serves as a basis. Thanks to a better understanding, particularly about the significance of freedom and equality, discrimination toward different genders and races has been reduced significantly. For instance, women today can participate in voting as citizens or find jobs for themselves and slavery no longer exists.

In conclusion, I strongly believe people's well-being today has improved significantly due to improved technology and better education.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is a common belief that humans in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous generation." -> "There is a widespread perception that individuals in the 21st century experience an enhanced quality of life compared to earlier generations."
    Explanation: Replacing "common belief" with "widespread perception" and restructuring the sentence enhances formality and precision by using more formal language and a more elaborate expression.

  2. "I completely agree that life for people in most of the world nowadays is much better due to better technology and education." -> "I wholeheartedly concur that contemporary life, for individuals across much of the globe, has significantly improved owing to advancements in technology and education."
    Explanation: The substitution of "completely agree" with "wholeheartedly concur" and restructuring the sentence using more formal and elaborate language elevates the academic tone and clarity.

  3. "The first argument given to support my opinion is that innovations are ubiquitous and have enhanced our lifestyle, making it more secure and dynamic." -> "The primary justification supporting my stance is the omnipresence of innovations, significantly augmenting our lifestyle’s security and dynamism."
    Explanation: Replacing "argument given" with "justification supporting," utilizing "omnipresence" instead of "ubiquitous," and employing more formal phrasing improves the academic tone and precision of expression.

  4. "development of vaccines and health treatments" -> "advancements in vaccines and medical treatments"
    Explanation: "Development of vaccines and health treatments" can be refined to "advancements in vaccines and medical treatments" to convey a more academic and precise terminology.

  5. "Also, the modernisation of working methods, such as automatic watering systems and insecticides can increase productivity…" -> "Moreover, the modernization of labor practices, exemplified by automated irrigation systems and insecticides, can enhance productivity…"
    Explanation: The replacement of "working methods" with "labor practices" and using "modernization" instead of "modernisation" improves formality and clarity. Additionally, employing "exemplified by" and specifying "automated irrigation systems" enhances precision in the description.

  6. "with the help of automatic robots" -> "with the assistance of automated robots"
    Explanation: The use of "automated robots" instead of "automatic robots" aligns better with formal language by employing a more descriptive and accurate term.

  7. "Another rationale behind my belief is that the general population in this century have a more qualified education." -> "An additional rationale underpinning my viewpoint is the higher educational qualifications of the contemporary populace."
    Explanation: Replacing "behind my belief" with "underpinning my viewpoint" and modifying "more qualified education" to "higher educational qualifications" enhances the formal tone and precision of expression.

  8. "encompassing online forms" -> "including online platforms"
    Explanation: Replacing "encompassing online forms" with "including online platforms" offers a clearer and more precise description within a formal context.

  9. "The increasing education standards required innovative pedagogical methods used in both teaching and learning…" -> "The escalating educational standards necessitated innovative pedagogical methods employed in both instruction and learning…"
    Explanation: Using "escalating" instead of "increasing," "necessitated" instead of "required," and replacing "education standards" with "educational standards" contributes to a more formal and precise articulation.

  10. "Thanks to a better understanding, particularly about the significance of freedom and equality, discrimination toward different genders and races has been reduced significantly." -> "Enhanced comprehension, especially concerning the importance of freedom and equality, has substantially diminished discrimination based on gender and race."
    Explanation: Replacing "Thanks to" with "Enhanced comprehension," restructuring the sentence, and using "diminished" instead of "reduced significantly" improves formality and clarity of expression.

  11. "For instance, women today can participate in voting as citizens or find jobs for themselves and slavery no longer exists." -> "For instance, contemporary women have voting rights as citizens and opportunities for employment, while the abhorrent practice of slavery has been eradicated."
    Explanation: The revision replaces casual language with formal expressions to maintain a more academic tone and precision in the description of social advancements.

  12. "In conclusion, I strongly believe people’s well-being today has improved significantly due to improved technology and better education." -> "To conclude, I firmly advocate that contemporary well-being has markedly improved owing to advancements in technology and enhanced education."
    Explanation: The rephrasing employs more formal language and precise vocabulary to enhance the academic tone and clarity of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by acknowledging the belief about the better quality of life in the 21st century and clearly expressing complete agreement. It discusses advancements in technology and education, supporting the viewpoint.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider elaborating on potential counter-arguments or acknowledging nuances where improvements might not universally apply. This can demonstrate a deeper analysis of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a strong, consistent stance throughout, unambiguously asserting agreement with the statement. Each paragraph consistently reinforces this position with supporting arguments.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, strengthening the transitions between paragraphs can further reinforce the coherence of the essay and the logical flow of ideas.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and elaborates on ideas regarding technology and education, offering specific examples and explanations to support the viewpoint. The arguments are well-structured and developed.
    • How to improve: To add depth, consider exploring the societal, cultural, or environmental impacts of these advancements to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains relevance to the prompt, consistently discussing the improvements in quality of life in the 21st century due to technology and education.
    • How to improve: To enhance focus, ensure each supporting point directly links back to the main argument, avoiding tangents that might dilute the central theme.

Overall Feedback:
The essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, effectively arguing in favor of the statement. It maintains coherence and clarity throughout, showcasing well-supported ideas. To improve further, consider incorporating deeper analysis by exploring counter-arguments or broader implications of the advancements in technology and education on various aspects of life. Additionally, refining transitions between paragraphs could enhance the essay’s overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is generally logically organized, with a clear progression of ideas throughout. Each paragraph presents a distinct argument supporting the thesis statement, creating a cohesive flow. For example, the first paragraph introduces the main idea of a better quality of life in the 21st century, and subsequent paragraphs provide specific reasons, such as technological advancements and improved education, to support this claim. The logical structure enhances the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use transition words or phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to the thesis statement.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs, with mostly logical sequencing of ideas within each paragraph. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas could be strengthened for a more seamless flow. For instance, the transition from discussing technological advancements to the topic of education could be smoother.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the transitions between paragraphs, ensuring that there is a clear and logical progression of ideas. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main point. Additionally, make sure that the ideas within each paragraph are closely related to maintain coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. Cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and linking words, are appropriately employed to connect ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. However, there are occasional instances of imprecise or inappropriate usage.
    • How to improve: Focus on the accuracy of cohesive device usage. Ensure that each conjunction or linking word enhances the clarity of the relationship between ideas. Review the essay for any instances of unclear or inaccurate use of cohesive devices and make necessary corrections. Additionally, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices to add richness to the essay’s overall cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably varied vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. For example, it employs terms such as "innovations," "automatic watering systems," and "pedagogical methods" to convey ideas. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating a more extensive range of vocabulary, especially in presenting nuanced ideas and expressing a broader spectrum of thoughts.
    • How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using phrases like "better quality of life" and "improved technology," experiment with synonyms and explore alternative expressions to add depth and richness to your writing. This can contribute to a more nuanced and refined presentation of your ideas.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally communicates its ideas clearly, but there is room for improvement in the precision of vocabulary usage. While the essay effectively conveys its points, some terms could be more specific or refined. For instance, the phrase "automatic robots" could be replaced with a more precise term like "automated robotic systems" to enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: Work on refining your vocabulary to express ideas with greater precision. Avoid general terms where more specific ones can be used. Take the time to select words that precisely convey your intended meaning. In the case of "automatic robots," consider using terms like "automated machines" or "robotic systems" to provide a clearer and more accurate description.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of spelling accuracy, with few errors that do not detract from overall clarity. This adherence to correct spelling contributes positively to the reader’s understanding of the content.
    • How to improve: Continue to prioritize spelling accuracy in your writing. To further enhance this aspect, consider proofreading your work carefully, paying attention to common pitfalls such as homophones and frequently misspelled words. Additionally, you may find it helpful to use spelling and grammar tools to assist in identifying and correcting any remaining errors.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and spelling, there are opportunities for improvement in both the range and precision of vocabulary usage. By incorporating a more extensive and nuanced vocabulary, you can elevate the sophistication of your writing and enhance your overall lexical resource. Additionally, maintaining the high standard of spelling accuracy exhibited in your essay will contribute to the overall effectiveness of your communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, incorporating complex constructions with some flexibility. For instance, the author effectively employs compound and complex sentences throughout the essay. In the opening, the sentence "It is a common belief that humans in the 21st century…" showcases a complex structure. However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence variety. The essay tends to rely on similar sentence structures, and greater diversity could enhance the overall coherence and engagement of the writing.
    • How to improve: To elevate the essay’s grammatical range, consider experimenting with a wider array of sentence structures. Integrate simple, compound, and complex sentences strategically to add nuance and depth to your expression. For example, vary sentence lengths and use rhetorical devices to enhance the overall flow and engagement.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being error-free. Instances of occasional, minor errors are present, but they do not significantly impede the overall clarity or coherence of the writing. For instance, in the sentence "Therefore with the advancements in various fields, we are now better equipped to deal with most of the challenges," the use of "advancements" might be considered more colloquial than "advances." Additionally, the phrase "a more qualified education" could be refined to "a more qualified form of education" for clarity.
    • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to word choices and sentence structures. Consider revising sentences that may be prone to ambiguity or colloquialisms. Proofread meticulously to catch minor errors that may have slipped through, ensuring the precision of your language.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally well-controlled punctuation. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are used effectively to guide the reader through the text. However, there are instances where greater precision in punctuation usage could elevate the writing. For example, in the sentence "The first argument given to support my opinion is that innovations are ubiquitous and have enhanced our lifestyle, making it more secure and dynamic," consider using a semicolon or colon to enhance the connection between the clauses.
    • How to improve: Refine your punctuation skills by paying attention to the nuanced rules governing the use of punctuation marks. Experiment with advanced punctuation, such as semicolons and colons, to add sophistication to your writing. Proofread specifically for punctuation errors and consider seeking feedback to ensure your punctuation aligns with higher band score criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that individuals in the 21st century enjoy a higher quality of life compared to previous generations. I wholeheartedly agree that life for people across much of the world has indeed improved significantly, thanks to advancements in technology and education.

One primary justification supporting my stance is the pervasive presence of innovations that significantly enhance our lifestyle in terms of security and dynamism. The progress in vaccines and medical treatments, for instance, not only protects people from various viruses but has also greatly improved our immune systems, saving numerous lives. Furthermore, the modernization of labor practices, exemplified by automated irrigation systems and insecticides, can enhance productivity, leading to increased income and meeting the growing demand for food. With the assistance of automated robots, we also have more leisure time for various forms of entertainment, both at home and work. Consequently, these advancements across different fields equip us better to confront the challenges of contemporary life.

Another crucial aspect supporting my viewpoint is the higher educational qualifications of the contemporary populace. The increased number of schools and universities, including online platforms, provides more opportunities for children to access education with fewer financial and geographical constraints. The escalating educational standards necessitated innovative pedagogical methods in both teaching and learning, resulting in a more knowledgeable and skilled workforce. This, in turn, has contributed to a better understanding of the importance of freedom and equality, significantly reducing discrimination based on gender and race. For example, women today enjoy voting rights and employment opportunities, while the abhorrent practice of slavery has been eradicated.

In conclusion, I firmly advocate that contemporary well-being has markedly improved owing to advancements in technology and enhanced education.

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