People now wear Western-style clothes rather than their traditional clothing. Why? Is it a positive or negative development?

In this day and age, wearing Western-inspire clothing rather than traditional clothes has become a pervasive and prevalent tendency of many modern individuals. In this essay, I would explore the cause behind this development before assessing whether it has beneficial or detrimental implications on the cultural value of society.
As Western-originated clothing has become more popular after industrial revolutions, it generally aims at subtracting rather than adding, meaning that it provides comfort and wearability. In contrast, the traditional clothes of many cultures were originally designed for official ceremonies and special occasions, making it challenging for day-to-day uses. For instance, although “Ao Dai”, a traditional dress in Vietnam, has been cherished by many generations, its usual sheer materials may make it not suitable for normal social situations.

As the changes in the way each individual wears based on the proposal usage for normal days, they make the overall development both beneficial and detrimental to our society as a whole. While wearing another country’s clothes, we are easy to accept and tolerant about its culture. Furthermore, it can open the door for broader trade goods such as clothing, fabric, leading to cultural integration around the world. However, along with its positive aspects, wearing more Western-style clothes also has its negative ones. Individuals nowadays have an innate curiosity to easily adopt the new, which means it is easy to forget the conventional. A nation lost its traditional clothes, causing the problem of losing its cultural identity and leading to other devastating consequences.

In conclusion, although Western clothes are more common to wear on usual days, each individual always has to remember its origin. I believe this tendency has both its benefits and drawbacks, and the governments of all nations should bring in an obligation to moderate citizen’s clothes in order to preserve their cultural identity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"Western-inspire clothing" -> "Western-inspired clothing"
Explanation: The correct term is "Western-inspired," which is the adjectival form needed to describe clothing influenced by Western styles.
"pervasive and prevalent tendency" -> "widespread trend"
Explanation: "Pervasive and prevalent" is redundant; "widespread" is a more concise and academically appropriate term.
"I would explore" -> "I will examine"
Explanation: "I would explore" is somewhat informal and tentative; "I will examine" is more assertive and suitable for academic writing.
"subtracting rather than adding" -> "prioritizing comfort and practicality over aesthetics"
Explanation: "Subtracting rather than adding" is unclear and awkward. The suggested phrase clarifies the meaning and enhances formality.
"making it challenging for day-to-day uses" -> "rendering it impractical for everyday use"
Explanation: "Making it challenging for day-to-day uses" is verbose and informal. "Rendering it impractical for everyday use" is more precise and formal.
"Ao Dai" -> "the traditional Vietnamese dress known as Ao Dai"
Explanation: Adding "the traditional Vietnamese dress known as" provides clarity and specificity, enhancing the academic tone.
"proposal usage" -> "recommended use"
Explanation: "Proposal usage" is unclear and incorrect. "Recommended use" is the correct term and is more formal.
"we are easy to accept and tolerant about its culture" -> "we become more accepting and tolerant of its culture"
Explanation: "We are easy to accept and tolerant about its culture" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects these issues and improves readability.
"open the door for broader trade goods" -> "facilitate broader trade in goods"
Explanation: "Open the door for" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Facilitate" is a more precise and formal term.
"along with its positive aspects" -> "in addition to its benefits"
Explanation: "Along with its positive aspects" is somewhat informal and vague. "In addition to its benefits" is clearer and more formal.
"Individuals nowadays have an innate curiosity to easily adopt the new" -> "Individuals today often exhibit a natural inclination to readily adopt new trends"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and enhances formality.
"A nation lost its traditional clothes" -> "A nation loses its traditional attire"
Explanation: "A nation lost its traditional clothes" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "A nation loses its traditional attire" corrects the grammar and uses a more formal term.
"moderate citizen’s clothes" -> "regulate citizens’ attire"
Explanation: "Moderate citizen’s clothes" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Regulate citizens’ attire" corrects these issues and is more formal.
"bring in an obligation" -> "impose a requirement"
Explanation: "Bring in an obligation" is unclear and informal. "Impose a requirement" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt effectively. It explores the reasons behind the shift towards Western-style clothing and evaluates whether this trend is positive or negative. The introduction clearly outlines the intention to discuss causes and implications. However, the exploration of causes could be more detailed, as it briefly mentions industrial revolutions without elaborating on how these changes specifically influenced clothing choices.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or historical context regarding the influence of Western fashion on traditional clothing. Additionally, including more nuanced reasons for the shift, such as globalization or media influence, would provide a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both the positive and negative aspects of the trend. However, the conclusion introduces a somewhat ambiguous suggestion about government intervention, which could confuse readers regarding the author’s stance. The phrase "each individual always has to remember its origin" could be interpreted in various ways, leading to a lack of clarity.
- How to improve: To strengthen the position, the writer should clearly articulate their viewpoint in the conclusion, perhaps by explicitly stating whether they believe the trend is ultimately positive or negative. Consistency in language and tone throughout the essay will also help reinforce the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about the implications of wearing Western clothing, such as cultural integration and the loss of cultural identity. However, some points lack sufficient development. For instance, the idea of cultural integration is mentioned but not fully explored with examples or evidence. The discussion of the negative impact on cultural identity is more developed, yet it could benefit from specific examples of cultures that have experienced this loss.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific instances where traditional clothing has been abandoned in favor of Western styles would strengthen the argument. Additionally, incorporating statistics or studies on cultural identity loss could provide more substantial support.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the shift to Western clothing and its implications. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "broader trade goods" feels slightly tangential and could detract from the main argument about cultural identity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point directly relates to the central theme of the essay. Avoiding tangential discussions and instead elaborating on the primary arguments will help keep the essay cohesive. A clear outline before writing could assist in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a balanced view, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, and focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both the positive and negative aspects of adopting Western-style clothing, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to first explore the reasons for the trend and then assess its implications. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between discussing the comfort of Western clothing and the cultural implications could be more seamless. The phrase "As the changes in the way each individual wears based on the proposal usage for normal days" is somewhat convoluted and disrupts the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. For example, after discussing comfort, explicitly link this to the cultural implications of adopting Western clothing to maintain a coherent flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, allowing for clarity. However, the second body paragraph could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the positive aspects of wearing Western clothing and the other on the negative implications. This would help to further clarify the arguments and provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and is developed fully before moving on to the next point. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a contrasting idea or a new aspect of the discussion. This will help to create a clearer structure and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "furthermore," and "although," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be stronger. For example, the phrase "A nation lost its traditional clothes" could be better connected to the preceding sentence to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity. For example, when discussing the negative implications, you could use "as a result" to clearly indicate the consequences of losing traditional clothing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, addressing the suggestions above will help to elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "pervasive," "prevalent," "beneficial," "detrimental," and "cultural integration." These words effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "wearing Western-inspire clothing" could be improved to "wearing Western-inspired attire" to enhance the sophistication of the language.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more descriptive adjectives throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "traditional clothes," alternatives like "heritage garments" or "cultural attire" could be employed to avoid redundancy and enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "subtracting rather than adding" is somewhat vague and could confuse readers about the intended meaning. Additionally, the term "official ceremonies" might be too broad; specifying "formal events" or "cultural celebrations" could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify ambiguous phrases and ensure that terms accurately reflect their intended meanings. This could involve revisiting sentences to replace vague language with more specific alternatives. For instance, instead of saying "the usual sheer materials may make it not suitable," the writer could say, "the lightweight, sheer materials may render it impractical for everyday wear."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "individuals," "cultural," and "development" are spelled correctly, indicating a strong grasp of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is generally accurate, the writer should remain vigilant about potential typos or overlooked errors. Regular practice with spelling exercises and utilizing tools like spell check can help maintain this accuracy. Additionally, reading widely can expose the writer to correct spellings in context, reinforcing their understanding.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range and precision. By diversifying word choice and ensuring clarity in expression, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the sentence "As Western-originated clothing has become more popular after industrial revolutions, it generally aims at subtracting rather than adding, meaning that it provides comfort and wearability" showcases a complex structure with multiple clauses. However, there are instances of less varied sentence beginnings, such as starting several sentences with "As" or "However," which can create a monotonous rhythm.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more diverse sentence openings and use different grammatical forms. For instance, instead of frequently beginning sentences with conjunctions, the writer could start with adverbial phrases or use passive voice constructions. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging flow. For example, combining shorter sentences into more complex ones can add depth, while breaking up overly long sentences can improve clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "wearing Western-inspire clothing" should be "Western-inspired clothing," indicating a need for careful attention to adjective forms. Additionally, the sentence "A nation lost its traditional clothes, causing the problem of losing its cultural identity" could be more clearly expressed as "A nation that loses its traditional clothes risks losing its cultural identity." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which means it is easy to forget the conventional."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with adjective forms and sentence clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify mistakes that may be overlooked. Furthermore, practicing sentence restructuring can aid in avoiding awkward phrasing. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences, to ensure that ideas are clearly separated and easily understood.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, wearing Western-inspired clothing rather than traditional clothes has become a widespread trend among many modern individuals. In this essay, I will examine the causes behind this development before assessing whether it has beneficial or detrimental implications for the cultural values of society.

As Western-originated clothing has become more popular after industrial revolutions, it generally aims at subtracting rather than adding, meaning that it provides comfort and wearability. In contrast, the traditional clothes of many cultures were originally designed for official ceremonies and special occasions, making them challenging for everyday use. For instance, although the “Ao Dai,” a traditional dress in Vietnam, has been cherished by many generations, its usual sheer materials may render it impractical for normal social situations.

As changes occur in the way individuals dress based on the proposed use for daily life, this overall development can be both beneficial and detrimental to our society as a whole. While wearing clothing from another country, we become more accepting and tolerant of its culture. Furthermore, it can facilitate broader trade in goods such as clothing and fabric, leading to cultural integration around the world. However, along with its positive aspects, wearing more Western-style clothes also has its negative consequences. Individuals today often exhibit a natural inclination to readily adopt new trends, which means it is easy to forget the conventional. A nation loses its traditional attire, causing the problem of losing its cultural identity and leading to other devastating consequences.

In conclusion, although Western clothes are more common to wear on regular days, each individual must always remember their origins. I believe this tendency has both its benefits and drawbacks, and the governments of all nations should impose a requirement to regulate citizens’ attire in order to preserve their cultural identity.