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People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions.

People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions.

It is true that people do not have a complete sense of security both at home and in outside. There is a number of reasons for this prevalent phenomena and viable solutions must be taken to address this problem, as soon as possible.
This trend is caused by two outstanding reasons. First of all, it is largely due to the occurrence of the burglaries inside the residents’ house by the thieves having techniques and ploys to break in people’s houses. These perpetrators not only steal the householders’ property but also incline to use violence on victims resulting in the fear of residents right in their houses. Similarly, in the outside, the number of accidents by vehicles is notably rising ,even though many pedestrians and drivers comply strictly with traffic safety laws. Consequently, innocent people keep unexpectedly being involved in numerous accidents and being severely injured.
Because of the severity and popularity of this problem, measures need to be proposed to put an end to people’s anxiety. In order to tighten the safety, householders should always check out the efficiency of the locks and doors in the house as well as purchase such advanced equipment as a camera. In terms of the outside, authorities ought to promote and readjust the traffic regulations to reduce unprecedented traffic situations. Furthermore, before entering traffic, people must ensure to have acquire comprehensive knowledge of traffic laws in that no one will have to drive or walk in fear.
In conclusion, this problem result from a wide range of reasons. It can be resolved by enhancing the houses’ security ,creating suitable traffic laws and possessing knowledge of traffic safety laws.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "complete sense of security" -> "absolute sense of security"
    Explanation: Replacing "complete" with "absolute" adds a stronger emphasis, contributing to a more formal tone and enhancing the precision of the statement.

  2. "prevalent phenomena" -> "prevalent phenomenon"
    Explanation: "Phenomena" is plural, and in this context, the singular form "phenomenon" is more appropriate. This change aligns with academic style and maintains grammatical correctness.

  3. "viable solutions must be taken" -> "viable solutions must be implemented"
    Explanation: The use of "implemented" is more precise and formal than "taken," contributing to a more sophisticated expression of the need for solutions.

  4. "outstanding reasons" -> "prominent reasons"
    Explanation: "Prominent" is a more formal and precise term, aligning with the academic style. It enhances the clarity and sophistication of the sentence.

  5. "inside the residents’ house" -> "inside residents’ houses"
    Explanation: The possessive form "residents’" is correct, but "house" should be pluralized to match the possessive form. This change ensures grammatical accuracy.

  6. "incline to use violence" -> "tend to use violence"
    Explanation: "Tend to" is a more formal and suitable phrase than "inclined to," contributing to a more academic tone. It maintains clarity while improving the overall style.

  7. "right in their houses" -> "within their homes"
    Explanation: "Within their homes" is a more formal and precise expression than "right in their houses," contributing to a more sophisticated tone.

  8. "number of accidents by vehicles" -> "incidence of vehicle accidents"
    Explanation: "Incidence of vehicle accidents" is a more formal and accurate phrase, enhancing the precision and academic quality of the sentence.

  9. "notably rising ,even though" -> "significantly increasing, despite"
    Explanation: Replacing "notably rising" with "significantly increasing" and "even though" with "despite" contributes to a more formal and precise expression of the contrast between the rising accidents and adherence to traffic safety laws.

  10. "measures need to be proposed" -> "measures need to be implemented"
    Explanation: Similar to the earlier point, "implemented" is a more suitable term than "proposed," conveying a sense of concrete action and formality.

  11. "check out the efficiency" -> "ensure the effectiveness"
    Explanation: "Ensure the effectiveness" is a more formal and precise phrase, contributing to a higher level of academic style.

  12. "as well as purchase such advanced equipment as a camera" -> "and invest in advanced security equipment, such as cameras"
    Explanation: This revision provides a more detailed and formal description, avoiding the casual tone associated with "check out."

  13. "in terms of the outside" -> "regarding external environments"
    Explanation: "Regarding external environments" is a more formal and academic expression, enhancing the overall tone of the sentence.

  14. "ought to promote and readjust" -> "should promote and adjust"
    Explanation: "Should" is a more direct and formal term than "ought to," contributing to a more academic style. "Adjust" is also more precise than "readjust."

  15. "unprecedented traffic situations" -> "unexpected traffic incidents"
    Explanation: "Unexpected traffic incidents" is a more precise and formal phrase, aligning with academic language standards.

  16. "before entering traffic" -> "before entering traffic flow"
    Explanation: "Traffic flow" adds specificity and formality to the sentence, contributing to a more academic tone.

  17. "ensure to have acquire" -> "ensure they have acquired"
    Explanation: "Ensure they have acquired" is a grammatically correct and more formal expression, contributing to a higher level of academic style.

  18. "result from a wide range of reasons" -> "arise from various factors"
    Explanation: "Arise from various factors" is a more formal and precise phrase, enhancing the overall academic tone of the conclusion.

  19. "enhancing the houses’ security" -> "improving home security"
    Explanation: "Improving home security" is a more concise and formal expression, contributing to a higher level of academic style.

  20. "creating suitable traffic laws" -> "establishing appropriate traffic regulations"
    Explanation: "Establishing appropriate traffic regulations" is a more formal and precise phrase, aligning with academic language standards.

  21. "possessing knowledge of traffic safety laws" -> "having a comprehensive understanding of traffic safety laws"
    Explanation: "Having a comprehensive understanding" is a more formal and precise expression, contributing to a higher level of academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the question by discussing the causes of people not feeling safe at home or when outside and providing solutions. However, the analysis could be more detailed, and some points are presented in a general manner without specific examples. For instance, the causes of insecurity at home and outside are briefly mentioned, and the solutions lack specific implementation details.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more specific examples of the causes of insecurity both at home and outside. Additionally, the solutions could be more detailed and include specific actions or policies, such as recommending specific types of security systems for homes and suggesting particular changes to traffic regulations.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position on the causes of insecurity and proposes solutions. However, the presentation could be strengthened by providing a more explicit thesis statement that clearly outlines the main points of the essay. Some sections lack coherence, and the connection between ideas could be improved.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay should begin with a concise thesis statement that clearly states the main points. Each paragraph should then contribute to supporting and developing the thesis, creating a more cohesive flow of ideas. Transitions between paragraphs should be smooth to ensure a consistent stance throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on the causes of insecurity and proposes solutions. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the essay mentions burglaries and accidents without delving into the root causes or providing in-depth analysis. Specific instances and examples are needed to strengthen the support for each point.
    • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the essay should provide more detailed explanations and concrete examples for each cause and solution. Elaborating on the techniques used by burglars or specifying the types of traffic regulations that need adjustment would enhance the essay’s depth and effectiveness.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but includes some vague statements that may slightly deviate from the main focus. For instance, the phrase "this problem result from a wide range of reasons" is too broad and could be more specific. Additionally, the conclusion could be more concise and directly tied to the essay’s main points.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid broad generalizations and ensure that each point directly relates to the causes and solutions of people feeling unsafe. The conclusion should summarize key points without introducing new information, reinforcing the central theme of the essay.

In summary, while the essay addresses the task response criteria, there is room for improvement in providing specific examples, enhancing clarity, and offering more detailed explanations to support ideas. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more comprehensive and effective response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that outlines the issue and its causes, followed by body paragraphs that delve into specific reasons and solutions. However, the transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother, affecting the overall coherence. For instance, the shift from discussing burglaries to traffic accidents is abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, work on creating seamless transitions between ideas. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the different aspects of the issue. Consider grouping related information together within paragraphs to maintain a more cohesive structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to address different aspects of the issue, including causes and solutions. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, aiding readability. However, some paragraphs could be more developed, with more detailed explanations to strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive analysis.
    • How to improve: Expand on key points within paragraphs, providing more examples or evidence to support each claim. This will contribute to a more thorough exploration of the causes and solutions, improving both coherence and cohesion. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices to connect ideas, but there is room for improvement. While some linking words and phrases are present, their variety is limited, and their usage could be more strategic. This affects the essay’s overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used, incorporating a mix of conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns. Ensure that these devices are not only used for sentence-level coherence but also to connect ideas across paragraphs. This will create a more seamless and connected narrative, contributing to a higher level of cohesion.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. To improve, focus on refining transitions, expanding on key points within paragraphs, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. These enhancements will contribute to a more polished and effectively structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It covers the topic adequately, using words like "burglaries," "perpetrators," "efficiency," and "unprecedented." However, there is room for improvement as some words are repetitively used, such as "safety," "house," and "traffic laws."
    • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider introducing synonyms and varying sentence structures. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "safety," explore alternatives like "security" or "well-being." Additionally, use synonyms for common words to avoid redundancy.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary is generally precise, with words like "burglaries," "residents," and "perpetrators" effectively conveying specific meanings. However, there are instances where the word choice could be more specific. For example, the use of "efficient" in the context of locks and doors could be more precise.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the context and choose words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of "efficiency," consider using words like "effectiveness" or "reliability" depending on the exact nuance you want to express.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some minor errors, such as "residents’" (possessive form) and "phenomena" (plural form), which need correction.
    • How to improve: Review your writing carefully, paying special attention to singular/plural forms and possessives. Proofread systematically to catch such errors before finalizing your essay. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools for additional assistance.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Attention to detail in word choice and careful proofreading for spelling accuracy can contribute to an enhancement in the Lexical Resource band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is a fair attempt to vary sentence length, but the essay tends to rely on straightforward structures. For instance, the repeated use of sentences starting with "This trend is caused by" and "Because of the severity and popularity of this problem" indicates a need for greater variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences, such as compound and complex sentences. Experiment with different sentence beginnings, utilize transitional phrases to connect ideas, and vary sentence lengths for a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates reasonably accurate grammar usage but contains notable errors. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "burglaries inside the residents’ house" (should be "residents’ houses") and "to break in people’s houses" (should be "break into people’s houses"). Additionally, there are some awkward constructions, like "This trend is caused by two outstanding reasons," where the term "outstanding" may not be the most suitable choice.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and word choice. Consider revising sentences for clarity and precision. Proofread the essay thoroughly to catch and correct errors in punctuation, such as missing or misused commas. Seek feedback from peers or educators to identify areas for improvement in grammar and punctuation.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar and sentence structures, there is room for improvement. Strengthening sentence variety and addressing specific grammatical errors will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed a reality that individuals experience a lack of complete security, both within their homes and when outside. The prevalent phenomenon of feeling unsafe stems from various reasons, and it is imperative to implement viable solutions promptly.

This unsettling trend can be attributed to two prominent reasons. Firstly, the occurrence of burglaries inside residents’ houses is a significant factor. Thieves with advanced techniques and strategies break into homes, not only stealing valuable property but also resorting to violence, instilling fear within the residents. Similarly, outside homes, the incidence of vehicle accidents is significantly increasing, despite many pedestrians and drivers strictly adhering to traffic safety laws. Consequently, innocent individuals find themselves unexpectedly involved in numerous accidents, resulting in severe injuries.

Given the severity and prevalence of this issue, effective measures need to be implemented to alleviate people’s anxiety. To enhance home security, residents should regularly check the efficiency of locks and doors, and consider investing in advanced security equipment, such as cameras. In the external environment, authorities should promote and adjust traffic regulations to reduce unforeseen traffic situations. Additionally, individuals should ensure they have acquired a comprehensive understanding of traffic safety laws before entering traffic flow, eliminating the need to drive or walk in fear.

In conclusion, this problem arises from various factors and can be addressed by improving home security, establishing appropriate traffic regulations, and ensuring a comprehensive understanding of traffic safety laws.

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