Percentage of tourists who used different types of transport in a particular country, 1989 - 2009

Percentage of tourists who used different types of transport
in a particular country, 1989 – 2009

The line graph illustrates the percentage of visitors traveled by transportations including car, rail, air, coach, ferry in a particular country over a period of 20 years from 1989.
Overall, it is clear that while the percentage of visitors who used rail and coach witnessed rapidly increase, the opposite was true for air transportation. It is also notable that the proportion of car and ferry experienced a considerably growth.
In 1989, the percentage of visitors using rail stood at about 35%. Over the next 20 years it reached a high of nearly 60% in 2009. The figure of coach also witnessed a briskly rise. During the same period, travelers who used air transportations decline from 40% in 1989 to nearly 20% in 2009, significantly lower than the starting point.
Looking at the other transportations, car stood at nearly 50% at the starting point, which was the highest figure. Over the next 10 years, it reached a peak of almost 60% in 1999. However, since then, this figure fell considerably to just over 50% in 2009. The figure of ferry also saw a substantially increase to over 10% in 2004 although it hit a low of 0% at the beginning of the period, but then it remained stable at around 10% at the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"witnessed rapidly increase" -> "witnessed a rapid increase"
Explanation: "Rapidly" is an adverb and should modify a verb, such as "increase," which is a noun here. Therefore, it should be changed to the adjective "rapid" to correctly modify "increase."
"considerably growth" -> "considerable growth"
Explanation: "Considerably" is an adverb and should modify an adjective, such as "considerable," rather than a noun.
"briskly rise" -> "brisk rise"
Explanation: "Briskly" is an adverb and should modify a verb, such as "rise," which is a noun here. Therefore, it should be changed to the adjective "brisk" to correctly modify "rise."
"transportations" -> "modes of transportation"
Explanation: "Transportations" is the plural form of "transportation," but it is more idiomatic to use "modes of transportation" to refer to different methods of traveling.
"decline from 40%" -> "declined from 40%"
Explanation: "Decline" should be in the past tense to match the past tense of "reached" and "witnessed" in the previous sentences.
"considerably increase" -> "considerable increase"
Explanation: Similar to point 2, "considerably" should modify an adjective, not a noun.
"saw a substantially increase" -> "saw a substantial increase"
Explanation: Similar to points 2 and 6, "substantially" should be changed to "substantial" to correctly modify "increase."
"it hit a low of 0%" -> "it reached a low of 0%"
Explanation: "Hit" implies a sudden impact, which is not the intended meaning here. "Reached" is a more suitable term for indicating a point or level that was achieved.
"remained stable at around 10% at the end of the period" -> "remained stable at around 10% by the end of the period"
Explanation: The use of "by" clarifies that the stability was maintained until the end of the period, rather than starting at the end.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the trends in transportation usage over the given period. It clearly presents the main trends for each mode of transportation, highlighting increases and decreases in usage percentages over time.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more detail on the reasons behind the observed trends, such as economic factors or changes in transportation infrastructure. Additionally, ensuring that the information is presented with more precise language and grammar would enhance clarity and overall coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas in a generally coherent manner, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The introduction provides an overview of the data to be discussed. The body paragraphs logically present trends over the 20-year period for various modes of transportation. However, there are some instances of faulty cohesion, such as awkward transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, while the central topic of each paragraph is clear, the overall organization could be improved for smoother flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother. Use cohesive devices more effectively to establish logical connections between ideas. Consider restructuring the essay for better flow, perhaps by grouping related information together more closely. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing logic to ensure each paragraph focuses clearly on a central topic.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task and attempts to incorporate less common words and phrases, such as "witnessed," "decline," "reached a high," and "experienced a considerably growth." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice, collocations, and grammatical structures that impact clarity. For example:

"witnessed rapidly increase" should be "witnessed a rapid increase."
"experienced a considerably growth" should be "experienced considerable growth."
"briskly rise" should be "brisk rise."
The use of "transportations" is inaccurate; the correct term is "transport."

Additionally, there are some spelling and word formation errors like "transportations" instead of "transport," indicating a level of inaccuracy. These errors, while present, do not greatly impede communication but suggest that there is room for improvement in precision and flexibility.

How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria, consider the following suggestions:

Expand Vocabulary: Work on building a more extensive vocabulary, focusing on precise word choice and more varied expressions.
Refine Collocations: Pay attention to commonly used word pairs and correct usage of prepositions, as misusing them can impact clarity.
Review and Edit: Carefully proofread your writing to correct spelling, word formation, and grammar errors. Consider using language tools or seeking feedback from a proficient English speaker.
Practice Contextual Usage: Engage in exercises that encourage using vocabulary in context to improve fluency and flexibility.
By addressing these areas, you can enhance the quality and clarity of your writing, aiming for a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "Overall, it is clear that while the percentage of visitors who used rail and coach witnessed rapid increases, the opposite was true for air transportation." and "The figure of ferry also saw a substantial increase to over 10% in 2004 although it hit a low of 0% at the beginning of the period, but then it remained stable at around 10% at the end of the period." These sentences exhibit a good grasp of complex structures, contributing to coherence and cohesion in the essay.

The majority of sentences are error-free, with only occasional errors present. For instance, there are minor issues with subject-verb agreement ("the opposite was true for air transportation") and word choice ("briskly rise" instead of "brisk rise"), but these errors do not impede communication significantly.

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical accuracy further, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and word choice. Additionally, aim for more consistent use of complex structures throughout the essay to solidify its coherence and cohesion. Overall, continued practice with a focus on precision and variety in sentence structures will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph presents the proportions of tourists utilizing various modes of transportation, namely car, rail, air, coach, and ferry, in a specific country from 1989 to 2009.

Overall, it is evident that there were significant shifts in the transportation preferences of visitors during the 20-year period. Notably, there was a substantial increase in the utilization of rail and coach, while the use of air transportation declined. Additionally, the proportions of car and ferry usage experienced notable fluctuations.

In 1989, approximately 35% of visitors opted for rail travel. This figure saw a steady increase over the next two decades, reaching a peak of nearly 60% in 2009. Similarly, the percentage of visitors choosing coach travel also experienced a notable rise during the same period.

Conversely, the percentage of visitors utilizing air transportation showed a considerable decline from 40% in 1989 to nearly 20% in 2009, marking a significant decrease compared to the initial proportion.

In terms of car usage, it began at nearly 50% in 1989, reaching its highest point of almost 60% in 1999 before declining slightly to just over 50% in 2009. The proportion of visitors opting for ferry travel saw a substantial increase, rising to over 10% in 2004 from an initial value of 0%, and stabilizing at around 10% by the end of the period.