Plan A below shows a health center in 2005. Plan B shows the same place in the present day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps provide information about the developments taken in a healthcare center from 2005 to the present day. Overall, there was an ascent in treatment rooms, indicating an escalation in the patient numbers.
One of the most noteworthy alterations is witnessed in the center’s entrance. Originally, the center was located on the middle side of the building, connecting to the car parking. However, after the redevelopment, this entry was relocated to the left side of the building. The car park adjacent to the entrance has also been expanded to make the need for 18 more parking places. The vacant place came from shrinking and repositioning three consulting rooms situated on both sides of the center to the bottom right corner of the building, which has been used to accommodate the reception desk and children’s playground.
Another crucial alteration is observed in the change in the office’s shape. By now, the workplace has been reduced in size and transformed into a trapezium-shaped office, while the hallway beside it also shows an extension in size, resulting in an addition of seats. Since 2005, the Physiotherapy has remained untouched. The garden above it, however, experienced a cut in size by half, making way for the construction of a minor operation room next to the Physiotherapy room.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"taken" -> "undertaken"
Explanation: "Developments undertaken" is a more formal and precise phrase that conveys the actions performed in the healthcare center with a higher level of sophistication.
"ascent" -> "increase"
Explanation: While "ascent" is technically correct, "increase" is a more commonly used and straightforward term that enhances clarity and readability.
"alterations" -> "changes"
Explanation: "Changes" is a simpler and more direct term compared to "alterations," maintaining clarity without sacrificing meaning.
"witnessed" -> "observed"
Explanation: "Observed" is a more formal and appropriate term in this context, aligning better with the academic tone of the essay.
"middle side" -> "middle portion" or "center"
Explanation: "Middle side" is an awkward phrase. "Middle portion" or simply "center" would be more precise and natural alternatives.
"connecting to" -> "connected to"
Explanation: Using "connected to" instead of "connecting to" provides a clearer and more grammatically correct description of the relationship between the center and the car parking.
"redevelopment" -> "renovation"
Explanation: "Renovation" is a more specific term for the process of improving or updating a building, which better captures the nature of the changes described.
"adjacent to" -> "next to" or "beside"
Explanation: "Adjacent to" is slightly formal for this context. "Next to" or "beside" are simpler alternatives that maintain clarity.
"make the need for" -> "create the need for"
Explanation: "Create the need for" is a clearer and more accurate phrase to describe the consequence of expanding the car park.
"vacant place" -> "empty space"
Explanation: "Empty space" is a more straightforward term to describe the area freed up by the changes in the consulting rooms.
"came from" -> "resulted from"
Explanation: "Resulted from" is a more precise and formal phrase to describe the origin of the empty space.
"shrinking" -> "reduction"
Explanation: "Reduction" is a more formal and appropriate term in this context, describing the decrease in size of the consulting rooms.
"above it" -> "adjacent to it"
Explanation: "Adjacent to it" provides a clearer indication of the relationship between the garden and the Physiotherapy room, avoiding potential confusion.
"cut in size" -> "reduction in size"
Explanation: "Reduction in size" is a more formal and specific phrase that accurately describes the change in the garden’s dimensions.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the health center’s development from 2005 to the present day. It presents a clear overview of the changes, including the relocation of the entrance, expansion of the car park, repositioning of consulting rooms, and alterations to the office and hallway. The comparison between the original layout and the current state is effectively highlighted, demonstrating an understanding of the task.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could further extend the discussion of key features, providing more detail on how these changes have impacted the functionality or efficiency of the health center. Additionally, ensuring that all information presented is relevant and accurate would strengthen the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information, starting with an overall summary and then delving into specific changes observed in the healthcare center. The progression from discussing the entrance to changes in consulting rooms and offices is clear and coherent. There is effective use of cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as "however," "another crucial alteration," and "by now." Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the changes in the healthcare center. The essay also utilizes a range of cohesive devices appropriately, although there is slight overuse in some instances, which prevents it from reaching the Band 8 criteria.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion further, ensure that the use of cohesive devices is balanced throughout the essay. Some phrases could be streamlined for smoother transitions. Additionally, reinforcing the connections between paragraphs could enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is effective use of less common lexical items such as "escalation," "noteworthy," "alterations," "redevelopment," "adjacent," "shrink," "repositioning," "crucial," "transformation," "trapezium-shaped," "untouched," "experienced," and "construction." The writer also shows awareness of style and collocation by using phrases like "originally," "by now," "since 2005," and "witnessed." Occasional errors in word choice and collocation are present but do not significantly detract from the clarity of communication.

How to improve: To further improve lexical resource, strive for more varied sentence structures and consider incorporating additional academic or domain-specific vocabulary where appropriate. Continue to refine word choice and collocation to enhance precision and fluency. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in word choice and collocation can help maintain consistency and accuracy throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy overall. There is evidence of a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and descriptive phrases, contributing to the coherence of the text. The essay also shows a good command of punctuation and sentence structure, with the majority of sentences being error-free. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that slightly disrupt the flow of the essay, preventing it from reaching the highest band score.

How to improve:
To further improve the grammatical range and accuracy, ensure consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to word choice to avoid awkward phrasings and ensure clarity of expression. Finally, thorough proofreading can help identify and correct any remaining minor errors or inconsistencies.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided maps illustrate the transformation undergone by a healthcare center from 2005 to the present day. In general, there has been an increase in treatment rooms, indicating a rise in patient numbers.

A notable change is observed in the relocation of the center’s entrance. Originally positioned centrally and connected to the car park, it has now been shifted to the left side of the building. Additionally, the adjacent car park has been expanded to accommodate 18 more parking spaces. This expansion was made possible by the reduction and repositioning of three consulting rooms, which were previously located on either side of the center and have now been moved to the bottom right corner of the building to make room for the reception desk and children’s playground.

Another significant alteration is seen in the reshaping of the office, which has been reduced in size and transformed into a trapezium shape. This change has allowed for an extension of the hallway, resulting in the addition of more seating. Notably, the Physiotherapy area has remained unchanged since 2005. However, the garden above it has been halved in size to make way for the construction of a minor operation room adjacent to the Physiotherapy room.