plan A below shows the ground floor of a particular art gallery in 2005. Plan B shows the same area at the present day.

The two maps illustrate how a gallery has changed over the period from 2005 to the present.

Overall, it is clear that the most change is about the new construction to the west of the floor but the function of the rooms does not change much.

Three eastern exhibition rooms have been located in the same position up to now. The width of the entrance has been narrowed a half to add a ramp to wheelchairs on the left side. Similarly, stairs to the upper floor have been narrowed for the construction of the lift next to the third exhibition, with the number of steps reduced by half. The reception desk with rectangular shape has been moved to the center of the floor and changed into an oval.

Cafe and shop located in the northwest corner has been converted into a gallery shop and the nearby gallery office has been removed to make a way for installation of three vending machines running along the length of the gallery shop. There was the fourth exhibition room in the southwest corner, but it has been replaced by temporary exhibitions and a children's interactive area, with the position of children’s area in the corner.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The two maps illustrate how a gallery has changed" -> "The two maps depict the evolution of a gallery"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal verb than "illustrate," and "evolution" is a more academic term than "changed," which enhances the formality of the sentence.
"the most change is about the new construction" -> "the primary change involves new constructions"
Explanation: "The primary change involves new constructions" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "the most change is about."
"the function of the rooms does not change much" -> "the functionality of the rooms remains largely unchanged"
Explanation: "Remains largely unchanged" is a more formal and precise way to express that there has been minimal change, improving the academic tone.
"Three eastern exhibition rooms have been located" -> "Three eastern exhibition rooms continue to occupy"
Explanation: "Continue to occupy" is more specific and formal than "have been located," which is vague and less commonly used in this context.
"has been narrowed a half" -> "has been reduced by half"
Explanation: "Reduced by half" is a more precise and formal expression than "narrowed a half," which is grammatically incorrect.
"to add a ramp to wheelchairs on the left side" -> "to accommodate wheelchair accessibility on the left side"
Explanation: "Accommodate wheelchair accessibility" is more specific and formal, replacing the less precise and informal "add a ramp to wheelchairs."
"stairs to the upper floor have been narrowed" -> "the stairs leading to the upper floor have been modified"
Explanation: "Modified" is a more precise term than "narrowed," which could imply a reduction in size rather than a change in design.
"The reception desk with rectangular shape" -> "The reception desk, originally rectangular in shape"
Explanation: Adding "originally" clarifies that the change is from a previous shape, and "rectangular in shape" is grammatically correct.
"Cafe and shop located in the northwest corner has been converted" -> "The cafe and shop in the northwest corner have been converted"
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement and adding "the" before "cafe and shop" improves the grammatical structure and clarity.
"gallery office has been removed to make a way for" -> "the gallery office was relocated to accommodate"
Explanation: "Was relocated to accommodate" is more formal and precise than "has been removed to make a way for," which is awkward and informal.
"installation of three vending machines running along the length" -> "installation of vending machines along the length"
Explanation: Removing "three" avoids redundancy and simplifies the phrase, enhancing clarity and formality.
"There was the fourth exhibition room" -> "The fourth exhibition room previously existed"
Explanation: "Previously existed" is more formal and precise than "was," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"but it has been replaced by" -> "and it has been replaced by"
Explanation: "And" is more appropriate in this context than "but," which introduces a contrast that is not intended here.
"children’s area in the corner" -> "children’s area in the corner"
Explanation: Removing the apostrophe in "children’s" corrects the possessive form, which is necessary for formal writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the gallery, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences between the two plans. The essay also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the addition of vending machines or the removal of the gallery office.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends or differences between the two plans. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could mention the addition of vending machines and the removal of the gallery office. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the changes that have been made. For example, the essay could mention the exact number of steps that have been removed from the stairs.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the description of the changes in the gallery. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical, and referencing could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for improved clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by grouping related information together in paragraphs. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that references to previous ideas are clear will help to create a more seamless connection between sentences. Finally, refining the structure of paragraphs to ensure that each one presents a single clear topic will further strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "exhibition," "installation," and "interactive area," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing. For example, "the width of the entrance has been narrowed a half" could be more clearly expressed as "the width of the entrance has been reduced by half." There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "wheelchairs" instead of "wheelchair access," which do not significantly impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context. Additionally, practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items while maintaining correct collocation will help improve the fluency and flexibility of vocabulary usage. Finally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will contribute to clearer communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some grammatical errors present. While the overall meaning is communicated effectively, there are instances where errors in grammar and punctuation occur, which can slightly hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the width of the entrance has been narrowed a half" and "the reception desk with rectangular shape has been moved" contain awkward constructions and minor inaccuracies. However, these errors do not significantly impede understanding, allowing the reader to follow the changes described in the gallery layout.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate greater grammatical flexibility.
Minimize Errors: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Proofreading for common errors, such as article usage and preposition placement, can help improve clarity.
Clarify Descriptions: Ensure that descriptions are precise and avoid awkward phrasing. For instance, rephrasing sentences for smoother flow can enhance readability.
Use of Connectors: Employ more cohesive devices to link ideas and sentences, which can improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two maps illustrate how a gallery has changed over the period from 2005 to the present.

Overall, it is clear that the most significant changes are related to the new construction in the west of the floor, while the function of the rooms has not changed much.

The three eastern exhibition rooms have remained in the same position up to now. The width of the entrance has been narrowed by half to accommodate a ramp for wheelchairs on the left side. Similarly, the stairs to the upper floor have been reduced in width for the installation of a lift next to the third exhibition room, with the number of steps decreased by half. The reception desk, which was originally rectangular, has been relocated to the center of the floor and transformed into an oval shape.

The café and shop located in the northwest corner have been converted into a gallery shop, and the nearby gallery office has been removed to make way for the installation of three vending machines running along the length of the gallery shop. There was a fourth exhibition room in the southwest corner, but it has been replaced by temporary exhibitions and a children’s interactive area, with the children’s area positioned in the corner.