Plan A below shows the ground floor of a particular art gallery in 2005. Plan B shows the same area in the present day.

The floor plans depict the changes to a specific art exhibition hall from 2005 to the present. Overall, the gallery has undergone several significant alterations, including the supplement of a wheelchair access ramp, the addition of the elevator, and the playground for children.

There have been various developments in the top part of the gallery. To be more specific, the stairs leading to the higher floor have been relocated leftward to make way for the introduction of the elevator. In the top-left corner, the cafe and shop have been transformed into a gallery shop equipped with some automatic vendors; meanwhile, the main office is turned into an area for temporary exhibition. Regarding the top-right part of the floor plans, two exhibitions have remained intact.

In terms of the bottom section of the map, the fourth exhibition room has been repurposed for the construction of an interactive room for children while the reception desk has been repositioned to the middle to allocate space for the entrance hall. In the bottommost part of the floor, a new ramp for disabled spectators, which is placed adjacent to the stairs, has been introduced. Finally, exhibition room number one remained unchanged.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The floor plans depict" -> "The floor plans illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is a more precise verb for describing the visual representation of information, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"the supplement of a wheelchair access ramp" -> "the addition of a wheelchair access ramp"
Explanation: "Supplement" is incorrect in this context; "addition" is the correct term for introducing something new to a structure.
"the playground for children" -> "an area for children’s play"
Explanation: "An area for children’s play" is more specific and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "playground."
"There have been various developments" -> "Several changes have occurred"
Explanation: "Several changes have occurred" is more concise and formal, fitting better in an academic context.
"the stairs leading to the higher floor" -> "the stairs accessing the upper floor"
Explanation: "Accessing" is more precise and formal than "leading to," and "upper floor" is a more standard term in architectural contexts.
"make way for the introduction of the elevator" -> "accommodate the installation of the elevator"
Explanation: "Accommodate the installation of" is more specific and formal, suitable for describing changes in architectural plans.
"the cafe and shop have been transformed into a gallery shop" -> "the cafe and shop have been converted into a gallery shop"
Explanation: "Converted" is more specific and formal than "transformed," which can imply a more radical change.
"equipped with some automatic vendors" -> "featuring automated vending machines"
Explanation: "Featuring automated vending machines" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vagueness of "some automatic vendors."
"the main office is turned into an area for temporary exhibition" -> "the main office has been converted into a temporary exhibition space"
Explanation: "Has been converted into a temporary exhibition space" is more formal and precise, enhancing clarity and formality.
"Regarding the top-right part of the floor plans" -> "In the top-right section of the floor plans"
Explanation: "Section" is more specific and formal than "part," aligning better with academic writing standards.
"the bottom section of the map" -> "the lower section of the floor plans"
Explanation: "Lower section" is more precise and contextually appropriate than "bottom section" in describing a floor plan.
"the fourth exhibition room has been repurposed for the construction of an interactive room for children" -> "the fourth exhibition room has been converted into an interactive space for children"
Explanation: "Converted into an interactive space" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"the reception desk has been repositioned to the middle to allocate space for the entrance hall" -> "the reception desk has been relocated to the center to facilitate the entrance hall"
Explanation: "Relocated to the center" and "facilitate" are more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"a new ramp for disabled spectators" -> "a new wheelchair-accessible ramp"
Explanation: "Wheelchair-accessible ramp" is more specific and respectful, focusing on accessibility rather than disability.
"exhibition room number one remained unchanged" -> "Exhibition Room One has remained unchanged"
Explanation: Capitalizing "Exhibition Room One" adheres to formal naming conventions, and "has remained" is more formal than "remained."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main changes to the art gallery. It highlights the key features of the changes, such as the addition of a wheelchair access ramp, the elevator, and the children’s playground. The essay also presents a clear overview of the changes to the top and bottom sections of the gallery.

How to improve: The essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the changes. For example, the essay could mention the size of the new children’s area or the location of the vending machine. The essay could also provide more specific information about the changes to the exhibitions. For example, the essay could mention the type of art that is displayed in the temporary exhibition area.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The main changes to the art gallery are outlined logically, and there is an attempt to organize the information into distinct sections. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where the referencing could be clearer. For example, phrases like "the top part of the gallery" and "the bottom section of the map" could be more effectively linked to improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphs, the organization within them could be improved to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should focus on enhancing the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas. This can be done by employing a wider range of linking words and phrases. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the information within each paragraph is logically sequenced will improve coherence. Finally, refining the overall structure of the essay to ensure that all parts contribute to a clear narrative will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "supplement," "repurposed," and "interactive room." However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "the playground for children," which could be more precisely described. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "disabled spectators," which could be more appropriately phrased as "disabled visitors." These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do detract from the overall lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes selecting more appropriate terms for specific contexts and ensuring that collocations are used correctly. Additionally, minimizing spelling and word formation errors will help improve clarity and sophistication in vocabulary use. Engaging with more complex and varied vocabulary will also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There are some grammatical errors present, such as "the supplement of a wheelchair access ramp" (which should be "the addition of a wheelchair access ramp") and "the playground for children" (which is unclear in context). While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they indicate a lack of full control over grammatical structures. The use of varied sentence structures is evident, but the frequency of errors suggests that the essay falls within the Band 6 range.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for errors and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Increasing the variety of sentence structures and reducing the number of grammatical mistakes will also help in achieving a more sophisticated level of writing. Additionally, providing clearer and more precise descriptions would improve overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The floor plans illustrate the changes made to a specific art exhibition hall from 2005 to the present. Overall, the gallery has undergone several significant alterations, including the addition of a wheelchair access ramp, the installation of an elevator, and the creation of a playground for children.

There have been various developments in the upper part of the gallery. Specifically, the stairs leading to the higher floor have been relocated to the left to accommodate the introduction of the elevator. In the top-left corner, the café and shop have been transformed into a gallery shop featuring several automatic vending machines; meanwhile, the main office has been converted into an area for temporary exhibitions. Regarding the top-right section of the floor plans, two exhibition rooms have remained unchanged.

In terms of the lower section of the map, the fourth exhibition room has been repurposed to create an interactive room for children, while the reception desk has been repositioned to the center to allow for a more spacious entrance hall. At the bottom of the floor plan, a new ramp for disabled visitors, located adjacent to the stairs, has been introduced. Finally, exhibition room number one has remained unchanged.