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Pollution has become critical in the past years, and it takes thousands of years to recoup. What are the main causes of pollution? How can we tackle this problem?

Pollution has become critical in the past years, and it takes thousands of years to recoup. What are the main causes of pollution? How can we tackle this problem?

As human society develops, the environment becomes increasingly polluted. There is no doubt that serious consequences that humans cause to the environment will take quite a long time to recover. From my point of view, I believe the main reason leading to this problem lies in the fast fashion industry. To alleviate this issue, individuals could use recycled products and the government could increase taxes on the textile industry.

One of the culprits of environmental pollution is fast fashion. Firstly, the fast fashion industry utilizes chemicals for their production, which can have detrimental impacts on water and soil. For example, the chemical substances if not properly addressed, could be flooded into rivers or dams and inadvertently eradicate aquatic creatures. Secondly, fast fashion can result in air pollution. As fast fashion allows people to shop unlimitedly at extremely affordable prices, people become more likely to throw away clothing items that they dislike. Consequently, those thrown-away garments end up in landfills where they are incinerated, leading to hazardous air pollutants emitted into the atmosphere.(oke nhưng hơi dài dòng)

Nevertheless, the problem can be solved if both individuals and governments join hands. On a personal scale, people should practice the habit of using sustainable clothing items, such as garments made from recycled plastic products. Moreover, products of the fast fashion industries themselves could also be recycled into other useful items, for example, an old dress could be turned into a shopping basket, which helps reduce shopping for new items. On a governmental level, a viable solution for pollution is to levy heavy taxes on the fast fashion industry. As a result, people will be discouraged from shopping for clothing items due to the expensive price, and therefore, the amount of clothes dumped will significantly decrease.

In conclusion, the root cause of environmental pollution is the fast fashion industry. To tackle this problem, it is recommended that people should adopt the habit of recycling and governments should increase taxes on clothing items.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "From my point of view, I believe" -> "In my perspective, I contend"
    Explanation: Replacing the redundant expression "From my point of view, I believe" with the more concise and formal "In my perspective, I contend" enhances the academic tone and eliminates unnecessary repetition.

  2. "leading to hazardous air pollutants emitted into the atmosphere" -> "resulting in the release of harmful air pollutants into the atmosphere"
    Explanation: Substituting the phrase "leading to hazardous air pollutants emitted into the atmosphere" with "resulting in the release of harmful air pollutants into the atmosphere" improves clarity and adheres to a more formal and precise language style.

  3. "Nevertheless, the problem can be solved if both individuals and governments join hands." -> "However, this issue can be resolved through collaborative efforts between individuals and governments."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence from "Nevertheless, the problem can be solved if both individuals and governments join hands" to "However, this issue can be resolved through collaborative efforts between individuals and governments" maintains a more formal tone and improves sentence structure.

  4. "On a personal scale, people should practice the habit of using sustainable clothing items" -> "Individually, individuals should adopt the practice of utilizing sustainable clothing items."
    Explanation: Substituting "On a personal scale, people should practice the habit of using sustainable clothing items" with "Individually, individuals should adopt the practice of utilizing sustainable clothing items" provides a more formal expression and avoids unnecessary repetition.

  5. "Moreover, products of the fast fashion industries themselves could also be recycled into other useful items" -> "Furthermore, products from the fast fashion industry could be repurposed into useful items."
    Explanation: Replacing "Moreover, products of the fast fashion industries themselves could also be recycled into other useful items" with "Furthermore, products from the fast fashion industry could be repurposed into useful items" offers a more precise and formal phrasing.

  6. "a viable solution for pollution is to levy heavy taxes on the fast fashion industry" -> "A viable measure to address pollution involves imposing substantial taxes on the fast fashion industry."
    Explanation: Substituting "a viable solution for pollution is to levy heavy taxes on the fast fashion industry" with "A viable measure to address pollution involves imposing substantial taxes on the fast fashion industry" enhances the formality of the expression and provides a more detailed explanation.

  7. "To tackle this problem, it is recommended that people should adopt the habit of recycling" -> "To address this issue, individuals are advised to embrace the practice of recycling."
    Explanation: Changing "To tackle this problem, it is recommended that people should adopt the habit of recycling" to "To address this issue, individuals are advised to embrace the practice of recycling" maintains formality and eliminates unnecessary words.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt, identifying the main causes of pollution (fast fashion industry) and suggesting solutions (individuals using recycled products and the government increasing taxes on the textile industry). The analysis is coherent and well-supported with relevant examples from the fast fashion industry.
    • How to improve: While the essay provides a comprehensive response, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into the consequences of pollution and the potential impact of the proposed solutions. Offering a more nuanced exploration of these aspects could enhance the overall depth of analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position by attributing environmental pollution primarily to the fast fashion industry. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, providing a strong sense of coherence.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could explicitly state the main argument in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This would reinforce the essay’s overall coherence and ensure the reader is consistently guided by the central theme.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas. Specific examples, such as the use of chemicals in production leading to water and soil pollution, and the disposal of fast fashion items contributing to air pollution, enrich the content.
    • How to improve: While the examples provided are strong, the essay could benefit from incorporating additional real-world examples or statistics to further bolster the argument. This would add depth and make the essay more compelling.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the fast fashion industry as the main cause of pollution. However, there is a brief deviation in the middle of the essay with an unclear phrase ("oke nhưng hơi dài dòng"), which seems to be an editing note mistakenly left in the final draft. This doesn’t contribute to the essay’s coherence and should be omitted.
    • How to improve: Careful proofreading is essential to ensure that the essay remains focused and free of irrelevant elements. Eliminating such editing notes will enhance the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively presenting and supporting its argument. Minor improvements in depth of analysis, explicit statement of the main position, and careful proofreading would further elevate its quality.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically by presenting a clear introduction, discussing the main causes of pollution (fast fashion), and suggesting solutions. However, the development of ideas within paragraphs could be more focused and concise. For instance, the discussion on the impacts of chemicals in fast fashion production meanders, making the point less impactful. A more direct and organized approach would enhance the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the author should focus on presenting one main idea per paragraph and ensuring a clear progression of ideas. Remove unnecessary details that do not directly contribute to the main argument, making the essay more concise and effective.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, but some paragraphs lack clarity in their structure. The second paragraph, discussing the impacts of fast fashion, is lengthy and could be divided into more focused sub-paragraphs for better readability. Additionally, the transition from discussing problems to solutions is somewhat abrupt, affecting the overall flow.
    • How to improve: Break down the second paragraph into smaller, focused sub-paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the environmental impact of fast fashion. Ensure a smoother transition between discussing causes and proposing solutions by using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("firstly," "secondly," "Nevertheless," "On a personal scale," "On a governmental level"), but their use could be more varied and refined. Additionally, there is room for improvement in the way ideas are linked within and between paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. Ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs by explicitly connecting ideas. For instance, use pronouns, repetition of key terms, or synonyms to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more effective and polished piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use specific terms related to pollution and the fast fashion industry, but the vocabulary lacks variety and sophistication. For instance, repeated use of the term "fast fashion" and reliance on general phrases like "detrimental impacts" limit the diversity of vocabulary.

    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more precise and varied terms related to pollution and environmental issues. Instead of relying on the term "fast fashion," explore synonyms or alternative expressions to convey the same idea. Additionally, integrate more specialized terms related to environmental pollution and its consequences.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary with precision, such as "chemical substances," but there are instances where imprecise language hinders clarity. For example, the phrase "serious consequences that humans cause to the environment" is vague and lacks specificity.

    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by avoiding vague expressions. Instead of using broad terms like "serious consequences," provide specific details or examples to illustrate the environmental impact caused by human activities. This will make your argument more compelling and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with only a minor error in the phrase "oke nhưng hơi dài dòng," which appears to be a note left unintentionally.

    • How to improve: Continue practicing careful proofreading to eliminate any unintended errors. Additionally, be cautious about including personal notes within the essay, as these can be distracting and impact the overall professionalism of the writing.

Overall, while the essay displays competence in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and attention to detail. By incorporating a more diverse and precise vocabulary while eliminating vague expressions, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. While there is an attempt to use complex structures, such as conditional sentences and cause-and-effect constructions, some sentences are overly complex, leading to a lack of clarity. For instance, the phrase "As human society develops, the environment becomes increasingly polluted" is clear, but the subsequent sentence is convoluted. A more balanced variety of structures, including simple and complex sentences, would enhance the essay’s readability.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical range and sentence structure, strive for a balance between simple and complex sentences. Use complex structures judiciously to convey ideas clearly. For instance, the second paragraph could benefit from simplifying some sentences for clarity without sacrificing complexity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are some instances where incorrect verb tenses are used, such as "The chemical substances if not properly addressed, could be flooded into rivers." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and unnecessary commas in phrases like "Moreover, products of the fast fashion industries themselves could also be recycled into other useful items."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay careful attention to verb tenses and use commas appropriately. For example, revise the mentioned sentence to "If not properly addressed, the chemical substances could be flooded into rivers." Additionally, review compound sentences to ensure correct punctuation, and consider using simpler structures in areas where complexity is not necessary.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong understanding of grammar and a commendable attempt at sentence variety. With more attention to clarity in complex structures and fine-tuning of grammar and punctuation, the essay could further improve its effectiveness in conveying ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

As our society advances, environmental pollution has become a pressing issue with long-lasting consequences. It is evident that the adverse effects of human activities on the environment will require an extensive period for recovery. From my perspective, the primary contributor to this problem is the fast fashion industry. To address this concern, individuals can opt for recycled products, and governments can implement higher taxes on the textile industry.

One significant factor contributing to environmental pollution is the fast fashion sector. Firstly, the industry employs chemicals in its production processes, which can have harmful effects on water and soil. For instance, if these chemical substances are not properly managed, they may be discharged into rivers or dams, posing a threat to aquatic life. Secondly, fast fashion contributes to air pollution. The affordability of fast fashion encourages excessive shopping, leading to the disposal of unwanted clothing items. Consequently, these discarded garments end up in landfills, where their incineration releases harmful air pollutants into the atmosphere.

Nonetheless, a collaborative effort between individuals and governments can mitigate this problem. On an individual level, people should adopt the practice of using sustainable clothing items, such as those made from recycled materials. Additionally, products from the fast fashion industry could be repurposed into useful items. For example, an old dress could be transformed into a shopping basket, reducing the need for new items. On a governmental level, an effective measure to combat pollution involves imposing substantial taxes on the fast fashion industry. This approach will discourage excessive shopping by making clothing items more expensive, thereby reducing the volume of clothes discarded.

In conclusion, the fast fashion industry stands out as the primary source of environmental pollution. To address this issue, individuals are advised to embrace the practice of recycling, opting for sustainable clothing choices. Simultaneously, governments should consider imposing significant taxes on the fast fashion industry, discouraging wasteful consumption and promoting a more sustainable approach to clothing.

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