Pop stars earn much more than classical music performers. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Along with the rise of the modern concepts, pop music has won the public heart for decades, leading to the higher income of the singers. Those pop stars even make more money than the classical artists. From my point of view, the pop music industry has more advantages than the traditional ones, which makes it reasonable for the mentioned income gap.
One of the reasons contributing to pop stars’ superior income is the audience sector, which is much more diverse than classical music. From the mediaeval time, such classy music has been believed to be a sign of the higher class within the society. Thereby, it consists of sophisticated notes and symphonies, which require fundamental musical knowledge to enjoy. As a result, the classical performances tend to be popular among the more wealthy/affluent/well-off households – a minor part of the population. In contrast, pop music is more accessible to a wide range of people since it is a result of the public culture, conveying daily life emotions via the familiar tunes and straight-forward lyrics. During its evolution, pop music even combines traditional materials such as folk songs, thus, becoming viral among the vast majority of the audiences. Therefore, pop stars’ albums and their merchandise might gain more profit due to the larger demand from a crowder customer pool. Indeed, famous pop singers like Beyonce and Shakira have become millionaires thanks to the enormous album sales.
Moreover, as pop stars’ activities are more entertainment driven, they tend to enjoy various opportunities to earn money than their counterparts. As classical music’ nature, the performers are expected to maintain the glamorous and professional looks. Hence, they are not likely to appear as the ideal applicants for commercials or events, which target the middle class household and the youth but not the elderly or high-class citizens. Meanwhile, pop stars, with their famous songs and the idol culture, in which the admirers unconditionally support these stars, become the representative faces for the advertisements. In addition, as pop songs usually include upbeat tunes, they allow the performers to stir up the atmosphere, enabling them to become indispensable parts of global events. It means that the pop stars are able to graph more profitable opportunities.
From the aforementioned points, I believe that because pop singers catch up with the current customer’s taste and put their efforts into engaging in different musical jobs, they should receive more financial resources.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Along with the rise of the modern concepts" -> "Alongside the emergence of modern concepts"
Explanation: "Alongside" is more precise and formal than "along with," and "emergence" is a more academic term than "rise," which better fits the context of the development of ideas or trends.
"won the public heart" -> "captivated the public"
Explanation: "Captivated" is a more precise and formal term than "won the public heart," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"the higher income of the singers" -> "higher earnings for singers"
Explanation: "Earnings" is a more specific and formal term than "income," which is more commonly used in academic writing.
"the classical artists" -> "classical musicians"
Explanation: "Classical musicians" is a more specific and formal term than "classical artists," which could refer to artists in general.
"the mentioned income gap" -> "the observed income disparity"
Explanation: "Observed income disparity" is a more formal and precise term than "mentioned income gap," which is vague and less formal.
"mediaeval time" -> "medieval period"
Explanation: "Medieval period" is the correct historical term, whereas "mediaeval" is less commonly used and can be considered archaic.
"such classy music" -> "such refined music"
Explanation: "Refined" is a more precise and formal adjective than "classy," which is colloquial and less appropriate in academic writing.
"well-off households" -> "affluent households"
Explanation: "Affluent" is a more precise and formal term than "well-off," which is somewhat informal.
"crowder customer pool" -> "larger customer base"
Explanation: "Customer base" is the correct term, and "larger" is more appropriate than "crowder," which is not a standard term.
"famous pop singers like Beyonce and Shakira" -> "renowned pop singers such as Beyoncé and Shakira"
Explanation: "Renowned" is more formal than "famous," and "such as" is more appropriate than "like" in formal writing.
"enjoy various opportunities to earn money" -> "capitalize on various opportunities to generate revenue"
Explanation: "Capitalize on" and "generate revenue" are more formal and precise terms than "enjoy various opportunities to earn money."
"glamorous and professional looks" -> "professional and polished appearance"
Explanation: "Polished appearance" is a more formal and precise term than "glamorous and professional looks," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"graph more profitable opportunities" -> "secure more lucrative opportunities"
Explanation: "Secure" is a more precise verb than "graph," which is incorrect in this context, and "lucrative" is more formal than "profitable."
"catch up with the current customer’s taste" -> "align with current consumer preferences"
Explanation: "Align with current consumer preferences" is more formal and precise than "catch up with the current customer’s taste," which is colloquial and vague.
"put their efforts into engaging in different musical jobs" -> "diversify their musical endeavors"
Explanation: "Diversify their musical endeavors" is a more formal and precise phrase than "put their efforts into engaging in different musical jobs," which is awkward and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views: the income disparity between pop stars and classical musicians. It presents the argument that pop stars earn more due to their broader audience appeal and diverse income opportunities. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the perspective of classical music performers and their potential reasons for lower earnings. For instance, it briefly mentions the exclusivity of classical music but does not delve into why that might be valued or how classical musicians might also generate income through different avenues.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should include a more detailed exploration of the classical music perspective. This could involve discussing the cultural significance of classical music, its dedicated fan base, and how classical performers might earn income through concerts, teaching, or recordings. Including specific examples of successful classical musicians would also strengthen this section.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that pop music is more advantageous than classical music, which justifies the income gap. The writer consistently supports this stance throughout the essay. However, the position could be more explicitly stated in the introduction and conclusion to reinforce the argument. The phrase "From my point of view" is a good start, but a stronger thesis statement could clarify the writer’s stance more effectively.
- How to improve: Strengthen the thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline the main argument. Additionally, reiterate this position in the conclusion to remind the reader of the essay’s primary focus. For example, explicitly stating that the advantages of pop music justify the income disparity in both the introduction and conclusion would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the argument that pop stars earn more due to their wider audience and diverse income opportunities. However, while some points are well-developed, others lack depth. For instance, the discussion on the accessibility of pop music is strong, but the argument regarding classical musicians’ limitations in commercial opportunities could be expanded. The essay mentions that classical musicians are not ideal for commercials but does not provide specific examples or data to support this claim.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, each point should be elaborated with examples, statistics, or anecdotes. For instance, discussing specific marketing strategies used by pop stars or providing examples of successful classical musicians who have diversified their income could add depth. Additionally, using comparative data on earnings or audience demographics could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the income differences between pop and classical musicians. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the exploration of pop music’s appeal could be more directly linked to how this translates into financial success, rather than just focusing on the cultural aspects.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. When discussing the appeal of pop music, explicitly connect this to the financial implications for artists. A clear structure with topic sentences that reflect the essay prompt can help maintain relevance throughout.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, addressing the suggestions for improvement could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the income disparity between pop stars and classical musicians. The introduction effectively sets the context and states the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct reason supporting the main argument, which contributes to a logical flow. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the audience demographics, while the second focuses on the opportunities available to pop stars. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly when moving from the first to the second paragraph, as the connection between audience accessibility and income opportunities is not explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing audience demographics, a sentence like "This accessibility not only influences the audience’s engagement but also opens up various income opportunities for pop stars" could serve as a bridge to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear focus, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph. The current structure sometimes leads to a mix of ideas that could be better delineated.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. For example, the second paragraph could start with "Another significant factor contributing to the income gap is the diverse range of income opportunities available to pop stars." This would provide a clearer framework for the discussion that follows.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "moreover" and "thereby," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay occasionally relies on simple conjunctions. For instance, the use of "and" is prevalent, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, the connection between ideas could be more nuanced, as some sentences feel abrupt.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, consider using "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently" to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain reader interest and improve cohesion. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "pop stars," try rephrasing to include different subjects or introductory phrases.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "superior income," "audience sector," "sophisticated notes," and "viral among the vast majority." These choices reflect an understanding of the topic and help convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "pop music" and "classical music" could be substituted with synonyms or phrases to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "pop music," you could use "contemporary music" or "popular genre." This will not only diversify your vocabulary but also make the writing more engaging.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the ideal applicants for commercials" could be more clearly stated as "ideal candidates for commercial endorsements." Additionally, the term "classy music" is somewhat vague and could be better articulated as "classical music" or "refined music."
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices for clarity and precision. When you identify a term that feels vague or imprecise, consider its context and select a more specific word. For example, instead of "glamorous and professional looks," you might say "elegant and polished appearances" to convey a clearer image.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is largely accurate, with only minor errors. For instance, "mediaeval" is an acceptable variant but is less commonly used in modern English, where "medieval" is preferred. Additionally, "crowder customer pool" seems to be a typographical error; it should be "broader customer pool."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use digital tools to check for spelling errors. Familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words in English can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, you can enhance your lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "One of the reasons contributing to pop stars’ superior income is the audience sector, which is much more diverse than classical music" effectively combine clauses to convey detailed information. However, the essay could benefit from more varied introductory phrases and transitional structures to enhance coherence and flow. Some sentences are somewhat repetitive in structure, particularly in the second paragraph where multiple sentences begin with "As" or "Meanwhile."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using a mix of different introductory phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," to introduce new ideas. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence lengths can create a more engaging rhythm. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "As," try rephrasing some to begin with the main idea or a contrasting point.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For instance, "the classical performances tend to be popular among the more wealthy/affluent/well-off households" should be simplified to just one term (e.g., "wealthy households") for clarity. Additionally, the phrase "as classical music’ nature" contains a grammatical error; it should be "the nature of classical music." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which" in non-defining relative clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as possessive forms and article usage. Additionally, practice using commas correctly, especially in complex sentences. For example, ensure that non-defining clauses are properly punctuated to avoid confusion. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes that may be overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Alongside the emergence of modern concepts, pop music has captivated the public for decades, leading to higher earnings for its performers. Indeed, pop stars often earn significantly more than classical musicians. From my perspective, the pop music industry offers more advantages than the traditional one, which makes the observed income disparity reasonable.

One reason contributing to the superior income of pop stars is the audience demographic, which is much more diverse than that of classical music. Since the medieval period, classical music has been regarded as a hallmark of the upper class within society. It consists of refined notes and intricate symphonies that require a certain level of musical knowledge to appreciate fully. Consequently, classical performances tend to attract more affluent households, representing a smaller segment of the population. In contrast, pop music is more accessible to a broader audience, as it reflects public culture and conveys everyday emotions through familiar melodies and straightforward lyrics. Throughout its evolution, pop music has even incorporated traditional elements such as folk songs, making it resonate with a vast majority of listeners. Therefore, pop stars’ albums and merchandise can generate more profit due to the larger customer base. Indeed, renowned pop singers such as Beyoncé and Shakira have achieved millionaire status thanks to their enormous album sales.

Moreover, pop stars enjoy a wider array of opportunities to capitalize on various revenue streams compared to their classical counterparts. Given the nature of classical music, performers are expected to maintain a glamorous and polished appearance. As a result, they may not be seen as ideal candidates for commercials or events that target middle-class households and youth rather than the elderly or high-class citizens. Meanwhile, pop stars, with their chart-topping songs and the idol culture—where fans unconditionally support their favorites—often become the faces of advertisements. Additionally, the upbeat nature of pop songs allows performers to energize events, making them indispensable at global gatherings. This dynamic enables pop stars to secure more lucrative opportunities.

In conclusion, I believe that pop singers, by aligning with current consumer preferences and diversifying their musical endeavors, deserve to receive greater financial rewards.