Population are growing in cities rapidly. What are the effects of it. What solution can you give to maintain a good quality of life in urban cities.

Urbanization is among the principal changeovers facing people this century and amount of people in the city is increasing dramatically.
This essay will first suggest that this appears to lead to the competition within the job market and then investate villages as the most viable solution.
One of the effects of this is that it seems to result in rivalry for the position, because a lot of people for the one role. Moreover, this appears to cause a huge traffic jam, even though there are many variations of transportations such as subway, bus and tram in the metropolitan area. What is more. this may give rise to the price of the flats, since there are strong necessity for it. For example, about 1 billion people enter Almaty city from the nearest towns from Monday till Friday who come to the job in urban cities with a high salary.
A possible solution to this problem would be to develop other countrysides. Shopping malls, such as cinema, theatre and also education centres could be built in regions, thereby stopping the urbanization. In addition, the Government ought to come forward with this issue by increasing the payments and providing any opportunities for individuals, especially for teenagers to earn some extra money and to realize their goals concerning village development.
In conclusion, urban sprawl may cause rush hour in the city and overpriced apartments offering poor living conditions. Therefore, government could improve the situation by industralization of towns which helps people not to move to megalopolis pursuitting career opportunities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Urbanization is among the principal changeovers facing people this century and amount of people in the city is increasing dramatically." -> "Urbanization is one of the primary challenges facing society this century, and the population in cities is increasing dramatically."
Explanation: The original phrase "principal changeovers" is awkward and unclear. "Primary challenges" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. Additionally, "amount of people" should be "population" for clarity and formality.
"This essay will first suggest that this appears to lead to the competition within the job market and then investate villages as the most viable solution." -> "This essay will first argue that this trend leads to increased competition in the job market and then propose villages as a viable solution."
Explanation: "Investate" is a non-existent word; "propose" is the correct term. "This appears to lead to" is vague; "this trend leads to" is more direct and clear.
"it seems to result in rivalry for the position, because a lot of people for the one role." -> "it leads to competition for positions, as many individuals vie for the same role."
Explanation: "Rivalry for the position" is awkward and unclear; "competition for positions" is more precise. "A lot of people for the one role" is grammatically incorrect; "many individuals vie for the same role" corrects this.
"this appears to cause a huge traffic jam, even though there are many variations of transportations such as subway, bus and tram in the metropolitan area." -> "this leads to significant traffic congestion, despite the availability of various transportation options such as subways, buses, and trams in the metropolitan area."
Explanation: "Huge traffic jam" is informal; "significant traffic congestion" is more formal. "Variations of transportations" should be "various transportation options."
"What is more. this may give rise to the price of the flats, since there are strong necessity for it." -> "Furthermore, this may lead to increased housing prices, as there is a strong demand for it."
Explanation: "What is more." is informal and incomplete; "Furthermore" is more appropriate. "Give rise to the price of the flats" is awkward; "lead to increased housing prices" is clearer and more formal.
"about 1 billion people enter Almaty city from the nearest towns from Monday till Friday who come to the job in urban cities with a high salary." -> "approximately one billion people commute to Almaty city from nearby towns Monday to Friday to work in urban cities with higher salaries."
Explanation: "Enter" is incorrect; "commute" is the correct verb for regular travel to work. "From Monday till Friday" is informal; "Monday to Friday" is more formal. "Who come to the job" is awkward and unclear; "to work" is more direct.
"A possible solution to this problem would be to develop other countrysides." -> "A potential solution to this issue could be to develop rural areas."
Explanation: "Countrysides" is not the correct term; "rural areas" is more precise and formal. "Would be" is less assertive; "could be" is more tentative and appropriate for academic writing.
"Shopping malls, such as cinema, theatre and also education centres could be built in regions, thereby stopping the urbanization." -> "Shopping malls, such as cinemas, theaters, and educational centers, could be constructed in rural areas, thereby mitigating urbanization."
Explanation: "Cinema, theatre" should be "cinemas, theaters" for plural agreement. "Also" is informal; "and" is more appropriate. "Stopping" is too absolute; "mitigating" is more accurate and formal.
"the Government ought to come forward with this issue by increasing the payments and providing any opportunities for individuals, especially for teenagers to earn some extra money and to realize their goals concerning village development." -> "the government should address this issue by increasing financial support and providing opportunities for individuals, particularly teenagers, to earn additional income and achieve their goals related to rural development."
Explanation: "Ought to come forward" is somewhat archaic and less direct; "should address" is more straightforward. "Increasing the payments" is vague; "increasing financial support" is specific. "Any opportunities" is too broad; "opportunities" is sufficient. "Concerning village development" is awkward; "related to rural development" is clearer and more formal.
"Therefore, government could improve the situation by industralization of towns which helps people not to move to megalopolis pursuitting career opportunities." -> "Therefore, the government could improve the situation by industrializing towns, which would discourage people from moving to megacities in pursuit

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the effects of urbanization, such as job competition and traffic congestion, and proposing solutions like developing rural areas. However, the explanation of effects is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, while job competition is mentioned, the essay does not elaborate on how this affects individuals or the economy. Additionally, the proposed solutions could be more comprehensive; the suggestion to develop rural areas is valid, but it lacks specific strategies or examples that would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into the effects of urbanization, providing more detailed examples and analysis. It could also explore multiple solutions rather than focusing primarily on rural development, perhaps discussing urban planning, public transportation improvements, or affordable housing initiatives.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that urbanization has negative effects and that rural development is a viable solution. However, the position could be more consistently articulated throughout the essay. The transition between discussing the problems and the proposed solutions feels abrupt, which may confuse the reader about the overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main argument in each paragraph. Additionally, using linking phrases to connect the discussion of problems to the proposed solutions would enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the effects of urbanization and potential solutions, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported. For example, the mention of "huge traffic jam" is made, but there is no exploration of how this impacts daily life or the economy. Similarly, the solution of developing rural areas is mentioned without specific examples or evidence to support its effectiveness.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the essay should include more detailed explanations and examples. Each effect discussed should be followed by an analysis of its implications, and proposed solutions should be backed by evidence or case studies that illustrate their potential success.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of urbanization and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the introduction and conclusion, where the phrasing could be clearer. For instance, the phrase "this may give rise to the price of the flats" is vague and could be more directly connected to urbanization’s effects.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. Avoid vague language and instead use precise terms that clearly connect the ideas to the topic of urbanization and its effects. Additionally, revising the introduction and conclusion to more explicitly tie back to the prompt would enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the introduction mentions two main points but does not clearly outline the relationship between them. The transition from discussing job market competition to traffic congestion feels abrupt, lacking a smooth connection. The ideas are relevant, but the organization could better guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Additionally, use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. For example, when transitioning from job competition to traffic issues, explicitly state how these issues are interconnected.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, which is a strength; however, some paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph mixes multiple ideas (job competition and traffic congestion) without clear separation. The second body paragraph introduces solutions but lacks a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. For example, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on job competition and another on traffic congestion. This would help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "For example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions feel forced or awkward. For instance, the phrase "What is more" is less commonly used and could be replaced with more standard transitions. Additionally, the use of "this" and "it" without clear antecedents can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Consequently." Ensure that pronouns like "this" and "it" clearly refer back to specific ideas to avoid ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "this may give rise to the price of the flats," specify "this increase in population may lead to higher prices for flats."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and variety of cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger coherence and cohesion score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "urbanization," "competition," "rivalry," and "metropolitan area" being effectively used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, the phrase "huge traffic jam" could be enhanced by using synonyms such as "significant congestion" or "severe gridlock." Additionally, the term "countrysides" is not commonly used in this context; "rural areas" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied and advanced vocabulary. Reading academic articles or essays on urbanization can expose the writer to a broader lexicon. Practicing synonyms and antonyms for common words will also help diversify their vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "strong necessity for it," which could be more clearly expressed as "high demand for housing." The phrase "investate villages" is a typographical error and should be "investigate," which affects clarity. Additionally, "the price of the flats" could be more accurately stated as "housing prices" or "property costs."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context-specific vocabulary. Engaging in exercises that require matching words with their meanings or using them in sentences can help. Additionally, proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring that chosen words fit the context will improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "investate" (should be "investigate") and "industralization" (should be "industrialization"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should practice spelling common academic vocabulary and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, reading more can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial for targeted practice.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary related to urbanization, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding their vocabulary, focusing on context-specific language, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple and compound sentences. For example, the sentence "This essay will first suggest that this appears to lead to the competition within the job market and then investate villages as the most viable solution" combines multiple ideas but lacks clarity due to awkward phrasing. However, the use of complex sentences is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or poorly constructed, such as "A possible solution to this problem would be to develop other countrysides." This indicates a need for more sophisticated structures to enhance the essay’s overall coherence and flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses, such as "Although urbanization presents challenges, it also offers opportunities for development." Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and lengths can create a more engaging reading experience. Practice using relative clauses and conditional sentences to express more nuanced ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "amount of people in the city is increasing dramatically" should be "the number of people in the city is increasing dramatically." Additionally, phrases like "a lot of people for the one role" are awkward and grammatically incorrect. Punctuation errors are also evident, such as in "What is more. this may give rise to the price of the flats," where a comma should replace the period. These issues detract from the clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review subject-verb agreement and article usage. For example, ensure that "amount" is used correctly with uncountable nouns and "number" with countable nouns. Regularly practicing grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and rectify common mistakes. Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules, particularly the correct use of commas and periods, will improve the overall readability of the essay. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Urbanization is one of the primary challenges facing society this century, and the population in cities is increasing dramatically. This essay will first argue that this trend leads to increased competition in the job market and then propose villages as a viable solution.

One of the effects of this rapid urbanization is that it leads to competition for positions, as many individuals vie for the same role. Moreover, this trend appears to cause significant traffic congestion, despite the availability of various transportation options such as subways, buses, and trams in the metropolitan area. Furthermore, this may lead to increased housing prices, as there is a strong demand for it. For example, approximately one billion people commute to Almaty city from nearby towns Monday to Friday to work in urban cities with higher salaries.

A potential solution to this issue could be to develop rural areas. Shopping malls, such as cinemas, theaters, and educational centers, could be constructed in these regions, thereby mitigating urbanization. In addition, the government should address this issue by increasing financial support and providing opportunities for individuals, particularly teenagers, to earn additional income and achieve their goals related to rural development.

In conclusion, urban sprawl may cause rush hour traffic in cities and lead to overpriced apartments, resulting in poor living conditions. Therefore, the government could improve the situation by promoting the development of towns, which would help people avoid moving to megacities in pursuit of career opportunities.