Prompt: The use of social media (e.g. Facebook and Twitter) is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Prompt: The use of social media (e.g. Facebook and Twitter) is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life.

Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people are concerned that social media is taking the place of face-to-face interactions in everyday life. Critically responding to the said issue, this essay will underscore the benefits and the drawback of using social media for contacting, finally argues that the advantage, which include providing a new, fast and convenient way to contact, outweigh the disadvantage of losing emotion expression.
It is undeniable that relying on social media can reduce in-person communication skills. When using social media, individual are directly connecting with their mobile phone or laptop, engaging with words, emojis, stickers, while their eye contact, body language or face emotional expressions are hidden behind screens. It might be difficult for their partner to get their insight, and this lack of information can make the communication ineffective. For example, when someone says 'I love you,' oxytocin in their body may be reflected in their facial expressions, such as shy eyes, a slight blush, or a genuine smile—reactions that cannot be conveyed through text-based chatting. However, in the long run, the development of technology can address this disadvantages. We have video call with high quality camera lenses nowadays, which enable people show eye contact or use body language through screen. Furthermore, the technology advancement is going to install virtual reality support video call, therefore reduce distance between individual and also the concern of losing personal interaction.
On the positive side, social media has greatly expanded communication, make it easier, faster and more convenient compared to face-to-face interaction. People nowadays are having chat platform such as Facebook, Instagram, Zalo,… which can solve the geographical barriers by enables quick communication without the need to arrange meetings or travel, therefore can save time for busy individuals. Especialy in the emergency case, online chatting platform is time flexible, give information about the situation immediately, such as updates on safety, traffic accident, or the availability of emergency services. In the past, when social media platform have not installed, it is difficult for students who are studying abroad to get information about funeral due to the time wasting of sending information through post-office. They might miss their family's important event. Therefore, thanks to the appearance of social media, we can connect in an easier and faster way.
Punctuating the argument, this essay maintains that the supporting national for the disadvantages of using social media for contact overshadows its advantages. As the technology advancement, using social media is no longer raises the concern about the loss of emotion expression. Furthermore, it can enhance fast, convenient and flexible communication. What we need to do is adapt to the conveniences that social media brings to us.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people are concerned" -> "Many individuals are concerned"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" enhances the formality of the language, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"taking the place of" -> "replacing"
Explanation: "Replacing" is a more direct and precise term that conveys the idea of something being substituted more effectively than "taking the place of."
"the said issue" -> "the aforementioned issue"
Explanation: "The aforementioned" is a more formal and precise way to refer back to previously discussed topics in academic writing.
"the drawback of losing emotion expression" -> "the drawback of diminished emotional expression"
Explanation: "Diminished emotional expression" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "losing emotion expression," which is awkward and informal.
"advantage, which include" -> "advantages, which include"
Explanation: "Advantages" should be plural to match the plural subject "the advantage," and "which" should be followed by a comma for proper grammatical structure.
"relying on social media can reduce in-person communication skills" -> "reliance on social media can diminish in-person communication skills"
Explanation: "Reliance" is a more formal synonym for "relying on," and "diminish" is a more precise verb than "reduce" in this context.
"individual are" -> "individuals are"
Explanation: "Individual" should be plural to agree with the verb "are."
"engaging with words, emojis, stickers" -> "interacting through words, emojis, and stickers"
Explanation: "Interacting" is a more formal term than "engaging," and "and" should be used instead of a comma to separate items in a list.
"hidden behind screens" -> "concealed by screens"
Explanation: "Concealed" is a more formal and precise term than "hidden," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"We have video call with high quality camera lenses" -> "We now have video calls with high-quality camera lenses"
Explanation: "Now" is more appropriate to indicate a current state, and "high-quality" should be hyphenated for grammatical correctness.
"reduce distance between individual" -> "reduce the distance between individuals"
Explanation: "The distance between individuals" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"make it easier, faster and more convenient" -> "make it easier, faster, and more convenient"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "faster" corrects the list structure, aligning with formal writing standards.
"Especialy in the emergency case" -> "Especially in emergency cases"
Explanation: "Especially" should be spelled correctly, and "emergency cases" is more grammatically correct than "emergency case."
"give information about the situation immediately" -> "provide immediate information about the situation"
Explanation: "Provide" is a more formal verb than "give," and "immediate" should be used as an adjective before "information."
"the supporting national for the disadvantages" -> "the support for the disadvantages"
Explanation: "Supporting national" is incorrect and unclear; "support" is the correct term, and "for" should be used to introduce the prepositional phrase.
"using social media is no longer raises the concern" -> "the use of social media no longer raises concerns"
Explanation: "The use of social media" is more formal and precise, and "concerns" should be plural to match the generalization implied.
"What we need to do is adapt to the conveniences" -> "What is required is adapting to these conveniences"
Explanation: "What is required is adapting" is more formal and precise, and "these conveniences" specifies the subject more clearly.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of social media as outlined in the prompt. It effectively discusses the drawbacks of reduced in-person communication and the potential loss of emotional expression. The advantages are also highlighted, particularly the convenience and speed of communication. However, the essay could improve by providing a more balanced analysis of both sides, as it seems to lean slightly more towards the advantages without fully exploring the implications of the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are given equal weight. This could involve expanding on the disadvantages with more examples or evidence and discussing the potential long-term effects of reduced face-to-face interactions in greater detail.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages. However, the argument could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the conclusion reiterates this stance, the body paragraphs sometimes present the disadvantages in a way that could confuse the reader about the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly link each point back to the central argument. Using phrases like "despite these disadvantages" or "however, the benefits still prevail" can help clarify the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding both the advantages and disadvantages of social media. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes lacking depth. For example, while the essay mentions the emotional disconnect caused by social media, it could benefit from more concrete examples or statistics to substantiate this claim. Similarly, the advantages are stated but not deeply explored.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could involve discussing specific studies or statistics that illustrate the impact of social media on communication skills or emotional expression, as well as providing more personal anecdotes or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate the advantages.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impact of social media on face-to-face interactions. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of technological advancements in video calls, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the main argument about social media’s role in communication.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This could involve revising sections to eliminate tangential information and ensuring that all examples clearly illustrate the advantages or disadvantages of social media in the context of the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. With improvements in balance, clarity, depth of support, and focus, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of social media as a replacement for face-to-face contact. The introduction sets the stage by outlining the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, with the first focusing on disadvantages and the second on advantages. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the drawbacks of social media to its benefits is somewhat abrupt, which can confuse the reader about the overall structure of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively, making the flow of ideas more coherent.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph contains a central idea, but some paragraphs are overly long and could be broken down into smaller sections. For example, the second paragraph could be divided into two: one focusing on the disadvantages of social media and the other discussing the technological advancements that mitigate these disadvantages. This would enhance readability and allow for a more focused discussion of each point.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear structure within paragraphs by ensuring that each one contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider using the PEEL (Point, Evidence, Explanation, Link) structure to organize each paragraph effectively. This will help maintain clarity and ensure that each point is fully developed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "therefore," and "on the positive side." These devices help connect ideas, but the range is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel forced or repetitive. For instance, the phrase "in the long run" is used, but other phrases could add variety and improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, some sentences lack clear connections, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," "as a result," and "for instance." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance its clarity and effectiveness, potentially raising the band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "emotional expressions," "geographical barriers," and "technology advancement." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "fast and convenient way to contact" is repeated in different forms, which limits the lexical diversity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the said issue" feels somewhat awkward and could be replaced with more natural expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "fast and convenient," alternatives like "swift and efficient" or "prompt and accessible" could be used. Additionally, exploring more academic or nuanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "interpersonal communication" or "digital interaction," would elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that detract from clarity. For instance, "the advantage, which include providing a new, fast and convenient way to contact" should be "advantages, which include providing new, fast, and convenient ways to communicate." The phrase "the supporting national for the disadvantages" is unclear and seems to misuse "national," which may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that nouns and verbs agree in number and that phrases are clear. For example, revising "the supporting national for the disadvantages" to "the arguments supporting the disadvantages" would clarify the meaning. Additionally, using more specific terms, such as "communication methods" instead of "ways to contact," would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "disadvantage" (used as "disadvantages"), "individual" (used as "individuals"), and "especialy" (which should be "especially"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing software can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards focusing on commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Regular reading can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of a complex sentence in "When using social media, individual are directly connecting with their mobile phone or laptop, engaging with words, emojis, stickers, while their eye contact, body language or face emotional expressions are hidden behind screens" effectively conveys multiple ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures are repetitive or awkward, such as "the advantage, which include providing a new, fast and convenient way to contact, outweigh the disadvantage of losing emotion expression," which could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider using more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases to connect ideas. Additionally, practice combining shorter sentences into more complex ones to improve flow. For example, instead of saying "People nowadays are having chat platform such as Facebook, Instagram, Zalo," you could say, "Today, people utilize various chat platforms, including Facebook, Instagram, and Zalo, to facilitate communication."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "individual are directly connecting" should be "individuals are directly connecting," and "the development of technology can address this disadvantages" should be "this disadvantage." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of conjunctions, can lead to confusion. For example, "the supporting national for the disadvantages of using social media for contact overshadows its advantages" is unclear and could benefit from clearer punctuation and phrasing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and correct article usage. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, will enhance clarity. Consider breaking complex sentences into simpler ones to ensure grammatical correctness. For example, instead of "As the technology advancement, using social media is no longer raises the concern about the loss of emotion expression," you could rephrase it to "With advancements in technology, using social media no longer raises concerns about the loss of emotional expression."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people are concerned that social media is taking the place of face-to-face interactions in everyday life. Critically responding to the aforementioned issue, this essay will underscore the benefits and the drawbacks of using social media for contacting, finally arguing that the advantages, which include providing a new, fast, and convenient way to connect, outweigh the disadvantage of diminished emotional expression.

It is undeniable that relying on social media can reduce in-person communication skills. When using social media, individuals are directly connecting with their mobile phones or laptops, engaging through words, emojis, and stickers, while their eye contact, body language, or facial emotional expressions are concealed by screens. It might be difficult for their partners to gain insight into their feelings, and this lack of information can make communication ineffective. For example, when someone says “I love you,” oxytocin in their body may be reflected in their facial expressions, such as shy eyes, a slight blush, or a genuine smile—reactions that cannot be conveyed through text-based chatting. However, in the long run, the development of technology can address these disadvantages. We now have video calls with high-quality camera lenses, which enable people to show eye contact or use body language through screens. Furthermore, technological advancements are going to install virtual reality support for video calls, thereby reducing the distance between individuals and also the concern of losing personal interaction.

On the positive side, social media has greatly expanded communication, making it easier, faster, and more convenient compared to face-to-face interaction. People nowadays have chat platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and Zalo, which can solve geographical barriers by enabling quick communication without the need to arrange meetings or travel, thus saving time for busy individuals. Especially in emergency cases, online chatting platforms are time-flexible, providing immediate information about the situation, such as updates on safety, traffic accidents, or the availability of emergency services. In the past, when social media platforms had not been established, it was difficult for students studying abroad to get information about funerals due to the time wasted sending information through the post office. They might miss their family’s important events. Therefore, thanks to the appearance of social media, we can connect in an easier and faster way.

Punctuating the argument, this essay maintains that the support for the disadvantages of using social media for contact overshadows its advantages. As technology advances, the use of social media no longer raises concerns about the loss of emotional expression. Furthermore, it can enhance fast, convenient, and flexible communication. What is required is adapting to these conveniences that social media brings to us.