Quality of life in the 21st century You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

Quality of life in the 21st century
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words

The more time was through, the more this world developed. Especially quality of time at recently time was improved so much, which includes: technological advancements, improved healthcare, educated growth.
On the one hand, there are more inventions, modern devices with many editions, versions which are showed up on marketplaces day by day, such as smartphone, vacuum cleaner, dishwasher,…. All of these were made by human just being meant to help them have more square time, or be labor-saving.For example, modern tools are the right hand of many housewife in the 21st century because almost they use dishwasher to wash dishes, washing machine to do the laundry,…; Or, If you want to keep in touch with who you want from far away, have some entertainment time, catch on with news, the thing you need which is just a smartphone. As a result, technological advancements are bring the ease, make people lives be more convenient.
On the other hand, health is always a preoccupation. Therefore, many researches were conducted to find out therapies, new medicines and more solution from the beginning of 21st century to now to face up with all kinds of diseases. Moreover, a flew of hospitals were built, facilities in the hospitals also were upgraded. This is so much better than the previous time, so many were save or prolonged. In particularly, life expectancy of Japanese in the 20st century is approximately 70-80 years, while the length life at the shame nation at this time is over 80 years. Obviously, healthcare in this modern world are being improved significantly.
Another thing is education. All changes are originally from knowledge. Consequently, human have to learn until the doomsday for the development of this world. Knowing that, there're many schools, libraries were constructed. Besides, thanks to the development of technology, human can learn anyway, anytime, in many different ways. Thus, education is changed in positive ways in the 21st.
In conclusion, undoubtedly, our quality of life in the 21st are better than the previous time so much. There're 3 things about our quality of life changed: technological advancements, improved healthcare, educated growth. Thus, living in this time, we need to take advantage to improve you and join your hand in this society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The more time was through" -> "The more time has passed"
   Explanation: "The more time was through" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The more time has passed" is grammatically correct and more natural in formal writing.

2. "quality of time at recently time" -> "the quality of time in recent years"
   Explanation: "quality of time at recently time" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "the quality of time in recent years" is clearer and more appropriate for academic writing.

3. "includes: technological advancements, improved healthcare, educated growth" -> "includes technological advancements, improved healthcare, and educated growth"
   Explanation: The colon after "includes" is incorrect as it is typically used to introduce a list or an explanation. Using "and" before the last item in the list is more appropriate and grammatically correct.

4. "many editions, versions which are showed up on marketplaces day by day" -> "numerous editions and versions that are constantly appearing in the market"
   Explanation: "showed up" is informal and imprecise. "Constantly appearing in the market" is more formal and precise.

5. "All of these were made by human just being meant to help them have more square time, or be labor-saving" -> "These innovations were designed to save time and reduce labor"
   Explanation: "just being meant to help them have more square time" is awkward and unclear. "Designed to save time and reduce labor" is clearer and more formal.

6. "the right hand of many housewife" -> "the right hand of many housewives"
   Explanation: "housewife" should be pluralized to "housewives" to match the plural context.

7. "Or, If you want to keep in touch with who you want from far away, have some entertainment time, catch on with news, the thing you need which is just a smartphone" -> "For instance, to stay in touch with distant contacts, enjoy entertainment, or stay updated on news, a smartphone is all you need"
   Explanation: The original sentence is overly casual and fragmented. The revised version is more formal and flows better.

8. "technological advancements are bring the ease, make people lives be more convenient" -> "technological advancements bring ease and make life more convenient"
   Explanation: "are bring" is grammatically incorrect. "bring" should be used as a verb without "are." Also, "make people lives be more convenient" is awkward; "make life more convenient" is more natural.

9. "a flew of hospitals were built" -> "a number of hospitals were built"
   Explanation: "a flew" is incorrect; "a number of" is the correct phrase.

10. "so many were save or prolonged" -> "many lives were saved or prolonged"
    Explanation: "so many were save or prolonged" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "many lives were saved or prolonged" is grammatically correct and clearer.

11. "the shame nation at this time" -> "the same nation at this time"
    Explanation: "shame" is incorrect; "same" is the correct word to use here.

12. "healthcare in this modern world are being improved significantly" -> "healthcare in this modern world has been significantly improved"
    Explanation: "are being improved" is incorrect in this context; "has been improved" is the correct form for describing a completed action.

13. "All changes are originally from knowledge" -> "All progress originates from knowledge"
    Explanation: "are originally from" is awkward and unclear. "originates from" is more precise and formal.

14. "human have to learn until the doomsday" -> "humans must continue learning until the end of time"
    Explanation: "human have to learn until the doomsday" is informal and unclear. "humans must continue learning until the end of time" is more formal and clearer.

15. "there’re" -> "there are"
    Explanation: "there’re" is a contraction and is too informal for academic writing. "there are" is the correct form.

16. "join your hand in this society" -> "contribute to this society"
    Explanation: "join your hand" is incorrect and unclear. "contribute to this society" is clear and appropriate for formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing three main areas—technological advancements, healthcare improvements, and educational growth—that contribute to a better quality of life in the 21st century. However, the response lacks a clear indication of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. While the essay leans towards agreement, it does not explicitly state a position or engage with any counterarguments, which would strengthen the response.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reaffirm it in the conclusion. Additionally, including a brief discussion of any potential drawbacks or counterarguments would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate critical thinking.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay suggests a positive view of the quality of life in the 21st century, but the position is not consistently clear. Phrases like “undoubtedly” and “so much better” imply agreement, yet the lack of a definitive statement about the extent of agreement creates ambiguity. The essay could benefit from a more assertive stance throughout.
  • How to improve: The writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph supports this stance. Using phrases like "I strongly agree" or "I partially disagree" can help clarify the position. Additionally, reiterating this stance in the conclusion will reinforce the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to technological advancements, healthcare, and education, providing examples for each. However, some examples lack depth and clarity. For instance, the mention of life expectancy statistics is relevant but could be better explained to illustrate the point about healthcare improvements. The transitions between ideas could also be smoother to enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, elaborating on how technological advancements specifically impact daily life or providing statistics on healthcare improvements would strengthen the argument. Additionally, using linking words and phrases can help improve the flow between ideas.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the quality of life in the 21st century. However, there are moments where the writing becomes slightly off-topic, such as the phrase "human have to learn until the doomsday," which is vague and does not directly relate to the argument about quality of life. The use of informal language ("the right hand of many housewife") also detracts from the academic tone expected in IELTS essays.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the central argument. Avoiding vague or informal expressions and instead using precise language will enhance the academic quality of the essay. A careful review of each paragraph to ensure relevance to the prompt can also help maintain topic adherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in clarity, depth of argument, and adherence to academic conventions would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that the quality of life in the 21st century is better than in previous centuries, structured around three main points: technological advancements, improved healthcare, and education. Each point is introduced and discussed in separate paragraphs, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing technology to healthcare feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect one idea to the next. For example, after discussing technological advancements, a sentence like "In addition to these technological improvements, healthcare has also seen significant advancements" would create a smoother transition.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of quality of life, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, some paragraphs could be better developed. For example, the paragraph on healthcare has a good start but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and a more structured approach to presenting evidence.
  • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, consider expanding on each point with more detailed examples or explanations. For instance, in the healthcare paragraph, you could elaborate on specific advancements in medicine or technology that have contributed to improved health outcomes.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to contrast different points. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, phrases like "this is so much better than the previous time" could be more formally expressed to enhance the academic tone.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "for instance." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly; for example, instead of "the length life at the shame nation," it should be "the life expectancy in the same nation."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraph structures, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "technological advancements," "improved healthcare," and "educated growth." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "improved so much" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical richness of the essay. Additionally, terms like "modern devices" and "inventions" are somewhat generic and could be replaced with more specific vocabulary to enhance clarity and engagement.
  • How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more specific terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "improved," alternatives like "enhanced," "refined," or "advanced" could be employed. Expanding the vocabulary related to technology, healthcare, and education will also help convey ideas more effectively.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the right hand of many housewife" should be "the right hand of many housewives," and "be labor-saving" could be better expressed as "to save labor." Additionally, the phrase "a flew of hospitals" is incorrect; it should be "a slew of hospitals." Such inaccuracies can hinder the reader’s understanding and detract from the overall quality of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review their vocabulary choices and ensure they are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more accurate words, and proofreading for grammatical errors will improve clarity. Furthermore, practicing paraphrasing can help in selecting the right words for specific contexts.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "housewife" (should be "housewives"), "flew" (should be "slew"), and "length life" (should be "life expectancy"). These errors can distract the reader and negatively impact the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should make a habit of proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or apps can reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial for future writing tasks.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "the more time was through, the more this world developed" show an attempt at complex structure, but they are awkwardly constructed and lack clarity. The use of phrases such as "which includes: technological advancements, improved healthcare, educated growth" indicates an attempt to list items, but the structure is not effectively varied. The essay also contains several run-on sentences, such as "As a result, technological advancements are bring the ease, make people lives be more convenient," which detracts from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses, conditional phrases, and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "there are more inventions," the writer could say, "As technology has advanced, numerous inventions have emerged that significantly improve daily life." Additionally, incorporating a mix of sentence lengths can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "All of these were made by human just being meant to help them have more square time" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "humans" instead of "human," and "square time" is an unclear phrase. The misuse of articles is evident in phrases like "the length life at the shame nation at this time," which should be "the average lifespan in the same nation at this time." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas and the inconsistent use of ellipses, contribute to the lack of clarity. For instance, "such as smartphone, vacuum cleaner, dishwasher,…." should be "such as smartphones, vacuum cleaners, and dishwashers."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on understanding subject-verb agreement, proper noun forms, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can help. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring consistent use of commas and periods will enhance overall clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer become familiar with correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt and presents relevant points, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The more time has passed, the more this world has developed. Especially the quality of life in recent years has improved significantly, which includes technological advancements, improved healthcare, and educated growth.

On the one hand, there are numerous inventions and modern devices with many editions and versions that are constantly appearing in the market, such as smartphones, vacuum cleaners, and dishwashers. All of these innovations were designed to save time and reduce labor. For instance, modern tools are the right hand of many housewives in the 21st century because they often use dishwashers to wash dishes and washing machines to do laundry. Furthermore, if you want to stay in touch with distant contacts, enjoy entertainment, or stay updated on news, a smartphone is all you need. As a result, technological advancements bring ease and make life more convenient for people.

On the other hand, health is always a major concern. Therefore, many research studies have been conducted to discover new therapies, medicines, and solutions since the beginning of the 21st century to combat various diseases. Moreover, a number of hospitals were built, and facilities in these hospitals were upgraded. This is a significant improvement compared to previous times, as many lives have been saved or prolonged. In particular, the life expectancy of Japanese individuals in the 20th century was approximately 70-80 years, while the life expectancy in the same nation at this time is over 80 years. Clearly, healthcare in this modern world has been significantly improved.

Another important aspect is education. All progress originates from knowledge. Consequently, humans must continue learning until the end of time for the development of this world. Acknowledging this, many schools and libraries have been constructed. Additionally, thanks to the development of technology, people can learn anytime, anywhere, and in many different ways. Thus, education has changed positively in the 21st century.

In conclusion, undoubtedly, our quality of life in the 21st century is much better than in previous times. There are three key areas where our quality of life has improved: technological advancements, improved healthcare, and educated growth. Therefore, living in this time, we need to take advantage of these opportunities to enhance ourselves and contribute to this society.