Quản Thúy Hằng: Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal? You should write at least 250 words.

Quản Thúy Hằng:
Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal?
You should write at least 250 words.

The topic of whether a country's primary objective should be to enhance its production of materials and goods is a subject of ongoing debate. While agreeing that increasing production can be beneficial, I believe that this is not universally suitable goal for every nation.
On the one hand, it is indeed valid that higher production levels can drive economic growth. Especially for developing countries, the manufacturing of goods play a vital role in stimulate job creation for a large amount of citizens, which can be a way to lift populations out of poverty. Besides, producing goods is a matter of avoiding extra costs and issues arising in transit, making countries more self-sustainable. To cite an example, the rapid industrialization of countries like South Korea or China, illustrate how increasing in manufacturing output can transform economies and elevate living standards, becoming one of the world’s fastest-growing countries.
On the other hand, the pursuit of escalating production levels also comes with significant drawbacks. It is widely acknowledge that the constant effort to generate more materials and goods can result in over-exploitation of natural resources, as well as expanded risk of pollution or environmental degradation. To illustrate, climate change, driven largely by industrial activities and resource consumption, is an urgent issue that many regions have been facing in recent times. Essentially, not all nations are suited to relentlessly amplify their production capacities. For countries with fragile ecosystems or high pollution levels, prioritizing sustainability and environmental protection might be more appropriate than pursuing aggressive production growth.
In conclusion, although producing more products as a primary national objective can be beneficial, I would argued that it is not advisable for every nations by its inherent risks and challenges .A more balanced approach to environmental sustainability, and quality of life considerations is necessary to achieve long-term prosperity and well-being.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "is a subject of ongoing debate" -> "remains a topic of ongoing debate"
   Explanation: Adding "remains" clarifies the ongoing nature of the debate, enhancing the sentence’s temporal precision and formality.

2. "is not universally suitable goal" -> "is not a universally suitable goal"
   Explanation: Adding "a" before "goal" corrects the grammatical structure, ensuring the noun phrase is properly formed.

3. "the manufacturing of goods play" -> "the manufacturing of goods plays"
   Explanation: Correcting "play" to "plays" fixes the verb agreement error, aligning it with the singular subject "manufacturing."

4. "stimulate job creation for a large amount of citizens" -> "stimulate job creation for a significant number of citizens"
   Explanation: Replacing "a large amount of" with "a significant number of" uses more precise and formal language suitable for academic writing.

5. "can be a way to lift populations out of poverty" -> "can serve as a means of lifting populations out of poverty"
   Explanation: "Serve as a means of" is more formal and precise than "be a way to," enhancing the academic tone.

6. "producing goods is a matter of avoiding extra costs and issues arising in transit" -> "increased production of goods can help avoid additional costs and logistical issues"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the relationship between production and cost avoidance, using more precise language.

7. "making countries more self-sustainable" -> "enhancing national self-sufficiency"
   Explanation: "Enhancing national self-sufficiency" is a more formal and precise term than "making countries more self-sustainable."

8. "the rapid industrialization of countries like South Korea or China" -> "the rapid industrialization of countries such as South Korea and China"
   Explanation: Using "such as" instead of "like" and listing the countries separately improves formality and clarity.

9. "increasing in manufacturing output" -> "increasing manufacturing output"
   Explanation: Removing "in" corrects the prepositional error, making the phrase grammatically correct.

10. "It is widely acknowledge" -> "It is widely acknowledged"
    Explanation: Correcting "acknowledge" to "acknowledged" fixes the verb tense consistency.

11. "the constant effort to generate more materials and goods" -> "the ongoing effort to produce more materials and goods"
    Explanation: "Ongoing" is more precise than "constant," and "produce" is a more formal synonym for "generate."

12. "expanded risk of pollution or environmental degradation" -> "increased risk of pollution or environmental degradation"
    Explanation: "Increased" is more appropriate than "expanded" in this context, as it correctly describes the growth of risk.

13. "I would argued" -> "I would argue"
    Explanation: Correcting "argued" to "argue" fixes the verb tense consistency.

14. "is not advisable for every nations" -> "is not advisable for every nation"
    Explanation: Correcting "nations" to "nation" fixes the grammatical number agreement.

15. "by its inherent risks and challenges" -> "due to its inherent risks and challenges"
    Explanation: "Due to" is more appropriate than "by" in this context, indicating causality more clearly.

16. "A more balanced approach to environmental sustainability, and quality of life considerations" -> "A more balanced approach that considers both environmental sustainability and quality of life"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the structure and adds precision by specifying what is being balanced.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of increasing production. The author acknowledges the potential economic advantages, particularly for developing countries, while also highlighting the environmental concerns associated with relentless production growth. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the notion that increasing production is an appropriate goal.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clarify their position more definitively in the introduction and conclusion. For example, stating "I partially agree" or "I disagree to a large extent" would provide clearer guidance on the author’s stance. Additionally, ensuring that each point made directly relates back to the question can strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that while increasing production can be beneficial, it is not universally suitable for all nations. The author maintains this stance throughout the essay, providing supporting arguments for both sides. However, the phrase "I believe that this is not universally suitable goal for every nation" could be more assertively stated to reinforce the position.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author should consistently use assertive language when expressing their viewpoint. Phrases like "I firmly believe" or "It is crucial to recognize" can help emphasize the author’s perspective. Additionally, reiterating the main position in the conclusion can solidify the stance taken throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the economic benefits of increased production for developing countries and the environmental risks associated with overproduction. The use of examples, such as the industrialization of South Korea and China, effectively supports the argument. However, some points could be further elaborated, particularly regarding the specific challenges faced by nations that prioritize production over sustainability.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific environmental policies that countries could adopt to balance production and sustainability would add depth to the argument. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies related to production and environmental impact could further substantiate claims.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of production goals for countries, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages. However, there are moments where the connection to the main argument could be clearer, particularly in the transition between discussing economic benefits and environmental concerns. The phrase "essentially, not all nations are suited to relentlessly amplify their production capacities" could be more explicitly linked back to the initial question.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central question. Using topic sentences that directly reference the prompt can help guide the reader. Additionally, transitional phrases that link ideas back to the main argument can enhance coherence and ensure that all points remain relevant to the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument. With some adjustments in clarity, elaboration, and focus, the response could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of increased production, while the second addresses its drawbacks. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the phrase "On the other hand" is a good start, but the connection to the previous paragraph could be strengthened by summarizing the benefits before introducing the drawbacks.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing a contrasting idea. For instance, you might say, "While the benefits of increased production are significant, it is essential to consider the potential drawbacks that accompany this pursuit."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first on the advantages of increased production and the second on the disadvantages. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and should encapsulate the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs rather than introducing new ideas.
  • How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points discussed in the essay. Avoid introducing new concepts; instead, reinforce the main arguments. For example, you could restate the benefits and drawbacks discussed and then clearly state your final position on the issue.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs several cohesive devices, such as "besides," "to illustrate," and "essentially." These devices help to link ideas and provide clarity. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "to illustrate" is repeated, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "to illustrate," you could use "for instance," "for example," or "as an illustration." Additionally, incorporating more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast," "consequently," or "furthermore," can enhance the essay’s overall cohesion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements can be made in the areas of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By focusing on these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "industrialization," "self-sustainable," and "over-exploitation" effectively conveying complex ideas. The use of phrases like "economic growth" and "living standards" shows an understanding of relevant economic concepts. However, some vocabulary choices could be more varied; for instance, the repeated use of "production" and "goods" could have been replaced with synonyms or paraphrases to enhance lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "production," you could use "manufacturing," "output," or "creation." Additionally, including more advanced vocabulary related to economics and environmental issues would further enhance the essay’s lexical richness.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the manufacturing of goods play a vital role in stimulate job creation" contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The word "acknowledge" in "It is widely acknowledge" should be "acknowledged," which affects clarity. Furthermore, the phrase "a way to lift populations out of poverty" could be more precisely articulated as "a means of alleviating poverty."
  • How to improve: Focus on ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity in vocabulary usage. Proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrases can help. For instance, revise "play a vital role in stimulate" to "plays a vital role in stimulating." Additionally, consider using more precise terms that directly convey the intended meaning, such as "mitigate" instead of "avoid" when discussing costs and issues.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, there is a notable spelling mistake in "acknowledge," which should be "acknowledged." Additionally, "argued" is incorrectly used in the conclusion; it should be "argue." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to review it specifically for spelling errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help identify mistakes. Regular practice with vocabulary lists and spelling exercises can further strengthen spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "While agreeing that increasing production can be beneficial" and "To illustrate, climate change, driven largely by industrial activities and resource consumption, is an urgent issue" showcase the use of subordinate clauses and participial phrases. However, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of sentence openings and structures to enhance fluency and coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "It is," the writer could use alternatives like "One significant advantage is…" or "Moreover, it is important to consider…". Additionally, incorporating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If countries prioritize production, they may face…") could enhance complexity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "the manufacturing of goods play a vital role" should be "plays" to agree with the singular subject "manufacturing." Additionally, the phrase "illustrate how increasing in manufacturing output" is incorrect; it should be "illustrates how increasing manufacturing output." There are also punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "for every nations by its inherent risks and challenges .A more balanced approach," where a space is needed after the period.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly. Practicing sentence correction exercises can help identify common errors. For punctuation, it is essential to proofread the essay for spacing and comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Using grammar-checking tools could also assist in identifying and correcting mistakes before final submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, addressing the noted grammatical and structural weaknesses will enhance the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The topic of whether a country’s primary objective should be to enhance its production of materials and goods is a subject of ongoing debate. While I agree that increasing production can be beneficial, I believe that this is not a universally suitable goal for every nation.

On the one hand, it is indeed valid that higher production levels can drive economic growth. Especially for developing countries, the manufacturing of goods plays a vital role in stimulating job creation for a significant number of citizens, which can serve as a means of lifting populations out of poverty. Besides, producing goods is a matter of avoiding extra costs and logistical issues arising in transit, making countries more self-sustainable. To cite an example, the rapid industrialization of countries like South Korea and China illustrates how increasing manufacturing output can transform economies and elevate living standards, making them some of the world’s fastest-growing countries.

On the other hand, the pursuit of escalating production levels also comes with significant drawbacks. It is widely acknowledged that the constant effort to generate more materials and goods can result in the over-exploitation of natural resources, as well as an increased risk of pollution or environmental degradation. To illustrate, climate change, driven largely by industrial activities and resource consumption, is an urgent issue that many regions have been facing in recent times. Essentially, not all nations are suited to relentlessly amplify their production capacities. For countries with fragile ecosystems or high pollution levels, prioritizing sustainability and environmental protection might be more appropriate than pursuing aggressive production growth.

In conclusion, although producing more products as a primary national objective can be beneficial, I would argue that it is not advisable for every nation due to its inherent risks and challenges. A more balanced approach that considers both environmental sustainability and quality of life is necessary to achieve long-term prosperity and well-being.