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The debate surrounding free healthcare system should be offered to residents rather than relying on private health care is a point of ongoing discussion. This essay argues that not providing free healthcare presents a mutually beneficial situation for both society and governments. By not receiving a free healthcare system, a modern society can be guaranteed and countries can develop their economies.
One reason why governments should not provide free healthcare is an enhancement in society. There are arguments that it is important to give citizens free healthcare so that everyone has access to the same quality of care and treatment. This is true to some extent but people should pay for their hospital treatment bills in order to take care of their health considerably; moreover, by providing a free healthcare treatment, the frequency of going to hospital will increase, leading to overload and a downgrade of hospitals’ facilities.
Another reason why governments should not provide free healthcare is a guarantee of a stable society. It is true that when a free healthcare system is provided for citizens, in order to pay for doctors’ salary, hospitals’ facilities and drug bills, taxes must be raised, leading to a financial pressure on the poor. Additionally, when being provided with free health treatment, citizens would not take care of their health considerably, causing a huge health problem in society.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that the implementation of a free healthcare system can enhance citizens' lives, especially the poor. However, a free healthcare system can bring drawbacks such as downgrades in hospitals’ facilities and financial pressure on citizens, leading to an unstable society and economy.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The debate surrounding free healthcare system" -> "The debate surrounding the provision of a free healthcare system"
    Explanation: Adding "the provision of a" clarifies the subject of the debate, enhancing the precision and formality of the sentence.

  2. "should be offered to residents rather than relying on private health care" -> "should be provided to residents rather than relying on private healthcare"
    Explanation: "Provided" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "offered," which is somewhat vague and less formal. Also, "healthcare" should be used instead of "health care" for consistency in the use of the compound noun.

  3. "a point of ongoing discussion" -> "a topic of ongoing debate"
    Explanation: "Topic of ongoing debate" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "point of ongoing discussion," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  4. "not providing free healthcare presents a mutually beneficial situation" -> "not providing free healthcare offers mutual benefits"
    Explanation: "Offers mutual benefits" is more direct and formal than "presents a mutually beneficial situation," which is slightly awkward and less precise.

  5. "a modern society can be guaranteed" -> "a modern society can be ensured"
    Explanation: "Ensured" is more appropriate in this context than "guaranteed," which implies a stronger, more absolute promise that may not be realistic or accurate in this context.

  6. "countries can develop their economies" -> "countries can foster economic development"
    Explanation: "Foster economic development" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of contributing to economic growth, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  7. "enhancement in society" -> "enhancements in society"
    Explanation: "Enhancements" should be plural to match the plural subject "reasons," aligning with grammatical correctness and clarity.

  8. "people should pay for their hospital treatment bills" -> "individuals should bear the costs of their hospital treatment"
    Explanation: "Bear the costs" is a more formal and precise expression than "pay for," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.

  9. "take care of their health considerably" -> "adequately care for their health"
    Explanation: "Adequately care for" is more formal and precise than "take care of considerably," which is redundant and informal.

  10. "the frequency of going to hospital will increase" -> "the frequency of hospital visits will increase"
    Explanation: "Hospital visits" is a more formal and specific term than "going to hospital," which is colloquial.

  11. "overload and a downgrade of hospitals’ facilities" -> "overcrowding and a deterioration of hospital facilities"
    Explanation: "Overcrowding" and "deterioration" are more precise and formal terms than "overload" and "downgrade," which are somewhat vague and informal.

  12. "a guarantee of a stable society" -> "a guarantee of societal stability"
    Explanation: "Societal stability" is a more formal and precise term than "a stable society," which is somewhat redundant.

  13. "when being provided with free health treatment" -> "when receiving free healthcare"
    Explanation: "Receiving free healthcare" is more direct and formal than "being provided with free health treatment," which is awkward and verbose.

  14. "huge health problem in society" -> "significant health issues in society"
    Explanation: "Significant health issues" is a more formal and precise term than "huge health problem," which is colloquial and vague.

  15. "implementation of a free healthcare system" -> "implementation of a universal healthcare system"
    Explanation: "Universal healthcare system" is a more specific and formal term than "free healthcare system," which is vague and potentially misleading.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by arguing against the provision of free healthcare, which is one aspect of the debate. However, it does not fully explore the implications of providing free healthcare or the potential benefits that could arise from such a system. The argument is somewhat one-sided, focusing primarily on the drawbacks without adequately considering counterarguments or the potential positive outcomes of a free healthcare system.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should include a more balanced discussion that acknowledges the benefits of free healthcare, such as improved public health outcomes and reduced financial burdens on individuals. Integrating counterarguments and addressing them would provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against free healthcare, stating that it leads to societal and economic drawbacks. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, the conclusion mentions that a free healthcare system can enhance citizens’ lives, which contradicts the earlier arguments.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the essay should avoid contradictions. The writer should ensure that all parts of the essay consistently reflect the stance taken in the introduction. Reiterating the main argument in the conclusion without introducing new ideas or conflicting statements would strengthen the overall coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas against free healthcare, such as increased hospital overload and financial pressure on the poor. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, the claim about hospital overload lacks statistical data or real-world examples that could substantiate the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the points made. Additionally, elaborating on the implications of these ideas would enhance the depth of the argument. For example, discussing how countries with free healthcare manage their systems could provide a more nuanced view.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the argument against free healthcare. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly vague, particularly when addressing the consequences of free healthcare. The phrase "leading to an unstable society and economy" is somewhat broad and could benefit from more precise language.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates to the central argument. Avoiding vague statements and providing clear, specific consequences of the arguments presented would help in staying on topic. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of the issue, consistent positioning, deeper development of ideas, and sharper focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents its arguments in a generally logical order, starting with a clear introduction that outlines the main argument against free healthcare. Each paragraph addresses a specific reason supporting this stance, which helps maintain a coherent flow. However, the connection between the points could be strengthened. For instance, the transition from discussing societal benefits to economic implications could be more explicit to enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," or "In addition," can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct reason against free healthcare. However, the paragraphs could be more developed, with clearer connections between the ideas presented. For example, the second paragraph introduces the concept of financial pressure but does not sufficiently elaborate on how this directly relates to the stability of society.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph and link it back to the overall argument, reinforcing the coherence of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "moreover" and "additionally," which help connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied usage to enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, the use of pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts could improve cohesion.
    • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "on the other hand," "consequently," and "for instance." Additionally, using cohesive devices that refer back to previous points can help create a smoother narrative and reinforce connections between ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and expressions. For instance, terms like "free healthcare," "society," and "government" are repeated without much variation. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, it lacks the sophistication and variety expected at higher band scores. Phrases such as "financial pressure" and "health treatment" are used correctly but could be expanded upon with more varied synonyms or related terms to enhance the lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "free healthcare," you could use "universal healthcare," "public health system," or "government-funded medical services." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to economics and healthcare could elevate the essay’s language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "not providing free healthcare presents a mutually beneficial situation" is misleading, as it suggests a positive outcome from a lack of healthcare, which contradicts the common understanding of healthcare benefits. Additionally, the term "downgrade" in "downgrade of hospitals’ facilities" is somewhat informal and may not convey the intended meaning clearly.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, ensure that the vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "downgrade," consider using "deterioration" or "decline." Furthermore, clarify complex ideas with more precise terms; for example, instead of "financial pressure," you could specify "economic burden" or "fiscal strain" to convey a clearer message.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, there are instances where spelling could be improved, such as "health care" being written as "healthcare" in some contexts, which is acceptable but inconsistent. Additionally, "doctors’ salary" should be "doctors’ salaries" to reflect the plural correctly.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing software can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling for commonly used terms in the healthcare and economic fields can further improve overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "when a free healthcare system is provided for citizens, in order to pay for doctors’ salary, hospitals’ facilities and drug bills, taxes must be raised." This showcases the ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, the essay tends to rely on certain structures repetitively, such as starting several sentences with "Another reason why" or "It is true that," which can make the writing feel formulaic.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using different introductory phrases or clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Another reason why," you could start with "Furthermore," or "In addition," to introduce new points. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence lengths and types can create a more engaging flow. Experimenting with inversion or conditional structures could also add complexity to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the debate surrounding free healthcare system should be offered" is missing an article ("the free healthcare system"). Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for example, "by providing a free healthcare treatment, the frequency of going to hospital will increase" should not have a comma before "the frequency." The phrase "leading to overload and a downgrade of hospitals’ facilities" could be clearer if rephrased for grammatical correctness.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for missing articles and incorrect prepositions. Practicing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can also help. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Consider breaking down longer sentences into shorter ones to ensure that each idea is clearly expressed and punctuated correctly. Additionally, using grammar-checking tools can help identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate surrounding whether a free healthcare system should be provided to residents rather than relying on private healthcare is a topic of ongoing discussion. This essay argues that not providing free healthcare offers mutual benefits for both society and governments. By not receiving a free healthcare system, a modern society can be ensured, and countries can foster economic development.

One reason why governments should not provide free healthcare is the enhancement of society. There are arguments that it is important to give citizens free healthcare so that everyone has access to the same quality of care and treatment. This is true to some extent, but individuals should bear the costs of their hospital treatment bills in order to adequately care for their health; moreover, by providing free healthcare, the frequency of hospital visits will increase, leading to overcrowding and a deterioration of hospital facilities.

Another reason why governments should not provide free healthcare is the guarantee of societal stability. It is true that when a free healthcare system is provided for citizens, in order to pay for doctors’ salaries, hospital facilities, and drug bills, taxes must be raised, leading to financial pressure on the poor. Additionally, when receiving free healthcare, citizens may not take care of their health adequately, causing significant health issues in society.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that the implementation of a universal healthcare system can enhance citizens’ lives, especially the poor. However, a free healthcare system can bring drawbacks such as a deterioration of hospital facilities and financial pressure on citizens, leading to an unstable society and economy.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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