Question: Nowadays, many people decide to have their first child in their later life. What are the reasons? Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a school of thought concerning people’s decision on delaying their parenthood until late life. There are a number of reasons behind this phenomenon such as financial difficulty and heavy parental duty, and the drawbacks of this trend outweigh its merits due to the rise in aging population and health risks of late pregnancy .

There are two primary reasons why individuals have a tendency to postpone parenting, chief of which is struggling in earning livelihood. Specifically, there has been a rise in unemployment rate and prices of commodities, which is synonymous with fierce competition among job seekers, requiring young generations enormous effort to make ends meet. As a result, people might be afraid of facing another financial burden if they give birth at a young age. Another reason is the heavy responsibilities of looking after families and children. It would take a large amount of time to take care of a child, hampering the youth from experiencing novelties in life such as travelling or engaging in new sports. Hence, individuals would prioritize their life enjoyment before finally settling down and having offspring.

I believe that the demerits of becoming late parents are more significant than the benefits. The first one is the acceleration of senior citizens. Due to low fertility, there would be a lack of participation of the young workforce, triggering the halt in economic development. Moreover, the higher the number of elderly, the more increased pressure on health services and states’ subsidies. The second is the danger of having late pregnancy. Recent research has shown that when having babies at old age, mothers could suffer from various health risks such as miscarriage or birth defects. Furthermore, there is a likelihood that the child could contract chromosomal abnormality, especially Down’s syndrome.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for people’s intention of starting late parenthood, namely financial distress and responsibilities of becoming parents, and the disadvantages of this phenomenon overshadow its advantages such as the rise in older residents and health risks from late pregnancy. It is advisable that individuals should consider a suitable period of time to decide on giving birth.

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Errors and Improvements:

"There is a school of thought concerning people’s decision on delaying their parenthood until late life." -> "There is a discourse surrounding individuals’ choice to defer parenthood until later in life."
Explanation: Replacing "school of thought" with "discourse" and rephrasing the sentence enhances formality and aligns with academic language conventions.
"the drawbacks of this trend outweigh its merits due to the rise in aging population and health risks of late pregnancy." -> "the drawbacks of this trend outweigh its merits due to the increase in the aging population and the health risks associated with late pregnancy."
Explanation: Expanding "rise in aging population" to "increase in the aging population" adds specificity, and inserting "associated with" improves precision in discussing health risks.
"There are two primary reasons why individuals have a tendency to postpone parenting, chief of which is struggling in earning livelihood." -> "Two primary reasons underlie individuals’ inclination to postpone parenting, the foremost being the struggle to secure a livelihood."
Explanation: Replacing "have a tendency to" with "underlie," and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"which is synonymous with fierce competition among job seekers, requiring young generations enormous effort to make ends meet." -> "which is synonymous with intense competition among job seekers, demanding significant effort from younger generations to make ends meet."
Explanation: Substituting "fierce" with "intense" and rephrasing for precision and a more formal tone.
"It would take a large amount of time to take care of a child, hampering the youth from experiencing novelties in life such as travelling or engaging in new sports." -> "Caring for a child requires a substantial time investment, impeding young individuals from exploring life’s novelties, such as travel or participation in new sports."
Explanation: Streamlining the expression, replacing "large amount of time" with "substantial time investment," and enhancing clarity.
"The first one is the acceleration of senior citizens." -> "The first one is the acceleration of the aging population."
Explanation: Replacing "senior citizens" with "aging population" for precision and conciseness.
"Due to low fertility, there would be a lack of participation of the young workforce, triggering the halt in economic development." -> "Low fertility rates would result in a diminished participation of the young workforce, potentially impeding economic development."
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and precision, and replacing "triggering the halt" with "potentially impeding."
"Moreover, the higher the number of elderly, the more increased pressure on health services and states’ subsidies." -> "Furthermore, an increased elderly population exerts additional pressure on health services and state subsidies."
Explanation: Simplifying the expression for clarity and precision.
"Recent research has shown that when having babies at old age, mothers could suffer from various health risks such as miscarriage or birth defects." -> "Recent research indicates that mothers, when having babies at an older age, may face various health risks, including miscarriage or birth defects."
Explanation: Clarifying the relationship between age and health risks and enhancing precision.
"Furthermore, there is a likelihood that the child could contract chromosomal abnormality, especially Down’s syndrome." -> "Furthermore, there is a risk that the child may develop chromosomal abnormalities, particularly Down’s syndrome."
Explanation: Substituting "likelihood" with "risk" for precision and simplifying the expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "There are two primary reasons why individuals have a tendency to postpone parenting, chief of which is struggling in earning livelihood."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point about financial difficulties impacting the decision to delay parenthood is adequately addressed. However, it lacks depth in elaborating on the reasons why these financial struggles deter individuals from starting a family earlier. Providing specific examples or scenarios could strengthen this point. For instance, discussing the cost of childcare, housing expenses, or education could enhance the explanation.
- Improved example: "One primary reason individuals postpone parenthood is the financial strain associated with raising a child. For instance, the rising cost of childcare, education, and housing often poses a substantial obstacle for young couples or individuals striving to provide a stable environment for their children."
Quoted text: "It would take a large amount of time to take care of a child, hampering the youth from experiencing novelties in life such as travelling or engaging in new sports."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This argument regarding the responsibilities of parenting affecting the youth’s experiences is presented reasonably. However, it lacks depth in explaining how these experiences might be compromised. Adding specific examples or personal experiences could make this argument more compelling. For instance, discussing how the commitment to childcare might limit travel opportunities or time for hobbies would enrich this point.
- Improved example: "The extensive responsibilities of childcare often curtail opportunities for personal growth and exploration. For instance, the demanding nature of parenting might restrict the ability to travel extensively or dedicate time to exploring new sports or hobbies, limiting the youth’s exposure to diverse experiences."
Quoted text: "The first one is the acceleration of senior citizens. Due to low fertility, there would be a lack of participation of the young workforce, triggering the halt in economic development."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument about the impact of delayed parenthood on the aging population and workforce participation is presented but lacks nuanced development. Expanding on how decreased fertility rates directly influence the demographic shift and, consequently, the workforce’s dynamics would strengthen this point. For instance, delving into the dependency ratio or discussing specific economic implications could enhance the depth of this argument.
- Improved example: "The delayed decision for parenthood contributes significantly to the aging population and alters the workforce’s dynamics. A decline in fertility rates directly impacts the dependency ratio, leading to a greater proportion of elderly citizens relative to the working-age population. This shift in demographics not only strains social support systems but also challenges economic growth due to a reduced workforce participation and productivity."

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses various reasons behind delayed parenthood and its drawbacks, it would benefit from more detailed elaboration and specific examples to enhance the depth and persuasive impact of the arguments presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction introduces the topic and outlines the reasons behind delaying parenthood. The body paragraphs effectively discuss financial difficulties and parental responsibilities as reasons for delayed parenthood. The essay maintains cohesion through the use of cohesive devices, allowing for smooth transitions between ideas. The central topics within each paragraph are clear.

However, there are instances of underuse and overuse of cohesive devices. For example, the transition between the second paragraph and the third could be smoother. The essay also shows a slight lack of referencing and substitution, impacting the overall coherence. Additionally, paragraphing is generally logical, but there is room for improvement in terms of clarity and consistency.

How to improve:

Enhance the use of cohesive devices, ensuring a more seamless transition between ideas.
Pay attention to referencing and substitution to strengthen the overall coherence.
Refine paragraphing for greater clarity and consistency. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into shorter ones for improved readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, contributing to a clear and coherent expression of ideas. The writer effectively uses words and phrases to convey precise meanings, and there is a noticeable attempt to incorporate less common lexical items. The essay shows awareness of style and collocation, enhancing the overall fluency of the language. While there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, they are infrequent and do not significantly impede communication. Overall, the lexical resource is a notable strength of this essay.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, the writer can focus on refining word choices and ensuring greater accuracy in collocation. Proofreading for occasional errors in spelling will contribute to a smoother, more polished expression. Additionally, incorporating a few more sophisticated lexical features, particularly in the development of ideas, can elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence forms. There is a mix of sentence types, contributing to overall grammatical variety. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as the use of "its merits" which should be "their merits." These errors are infrequent and can be considered as ‘slips.’

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, pay attention to minor errors and proofread carefully. Ensure consistency in pronoun usage, and double-check verb agreement. Additionally, strive for more precision in word choices to enhance overall clarity and expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a discourse surrounding individuals’ choice to defer parenthood until later in life. Two primary reasons underlie individuals’ inclination to postpone parenting, the foremost being the struggle to secure a livelihood. The drawbacks of this trend outweigh its merits due to the increase in the aging population and the health risks associated with late pregnancy.

There are two primary reasons why individuals have a tendency to postpone parenting, chief of which is struggling to earn a livelihood. Specifically, there has been a rise in the unemployment rate and prices of commodities, which is synonymous with intense competition among job seekers, demanding significant effort from younger generations to make ends meet. As a result, people might be afraid of facing another financial burden if they give birth at a young age. Another reason is the heavy responsibilities of looking after families and children. It would take a substantial amount of time to take care of a child, impeding the youth from experiencing life’s novelties such as travel or participation in new sports. Hence, individuals prioritize their life enjoyment before finally settling down and having offspring.

I believe that the demerits of becoming late parents are more significant than the benefits. The first one is the acceleration of the aging population. Low fertility rates would result in a diminished participation of the young workforce, potentially impeding economic development. Furthermore, an increased elderly population exerts additional pressure on health services and state subsidies. The second reason is the danger of having late pregnancy. Recent research indicates that mothers, when having babies at an older age, may face various health risks, including miscarriage or birth defects. Furthermore, there is a risk that the child may develop chromosomal abnormalities, particularly Down’s syndrome.