Question: Some people think history has nothing or little to tell us, but others think
that studying the past history can help us better understand the present. Discuss
both views and give your opinion.
It is a relentless discussion at present whether history subject at schools is beneficial for students or not. In the following essay, I would elaborate on both notions and the reason why I approve of the merits that this academic discipline brings to students.
On the one hand, it is not to negate that due to generational gaps between the previous and current generations, a multitude of citizens hold a belief that history has little to no values for pupils. As an illustration, in the ancient history, politicians praised as national heroes tended to prioritize violence and arm wars as optimal solutions to tackle domestic or global dispute, particularly World War I and II, while children are currently educated to avoid aggressive and abusive behaviors. Therefore, through accessibility to historical events, juveniles may acquire a wide-ranging variety of conducts against social principles. Consequently, educational institutions should focus diligently on the teaching of science-based subjects in order to contribute state-of-the-art inventions for human beings.
On the other hand, the opinion that history presents necessary values for young citizens is rational to some extent. More specifically, this subject may stimulate the dissemination of moral rules on children. For example, through transmitting the appreciation towards Ho Chi Minh owing to his significant sacrifice to Vietnam revolutionary war's success on students, growing-up citizens might acquire a sense of patriotism and responsibility of defending their nations from invaders. Consequently, this may lead to social stability, economic development as well as national unity.
In conclusion, even though there may be negative influences of history on children's behaviors, this scholarly subject still possesses a pivotal role on the teaching of ethical values to citizens. As a result, I believe that government s and educational organizations can thoroughly select historical incidents and incorporate them into the formal curriculum with view of forging a comprehensive mindset for students.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"relentless discussion" -> "ongoing debate"
Explanation: The term "relentless" implies something harsh or unyielding, which may not precisely convey the ongoing nature of the discussion. "Ongoing debate" better suits the context, emphasizing the continuous and evolving nature of the discourse around the topic.
"whether history subject at schools is beneficial" -> "the benefits of teaching history in schools"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to focus on "the benefits of teaching history in schools" offers a more direct and academic approach rather than questioning the general benefit of the subject.
"the reason why I approve of the merits" -> "why I support the merits"
Explanation: "The reason why I approve of" can be simplified to "why I support," maintaining the intended meaning while streamlining the language for academic formality.
"citizens" (repeated use) -> "individuals" or "members of society"
Explanation: While "citizens" is not incorrect, varying the term with "individuals" or "members of society" adds diversity to the language and prevents repetition.
"it is not to negate that" -> "it cannot be denied that"
Explanation: "It is not to negate that" is an informal way to express acknowledgment. "It cannot be denied that" maintains a formal tone while conveying the same meaning more academically.
"a multitude of citizens hold a belief" -> "many individuals maintain the belief"
Explanation: Shifting from "a multitude of citizens" to "many individuals" maintains formality and avoids the use of informal collective terms.
"while children are currently educated to avoid aggressive and abusive behaviors" -> "whereas contemporary education aims to discourage aggressive and abusive behaviors among children"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision. By stating "whereas contemporary education aims to discourage aggressive and abusive behaviors among children," it clarifies the contrast between historical and modern educational approaches.
"acquire a wide-ranging variety of conducts" -> "develop a diverse range of behaviors"
Explanation: "Acquire a wide-ranging variety of conducts" sounds awkward. "Develop a diverse range of behaviors" is more direct and clearer.
"educational institutions should focus diligently" -> "educational institutions should prioritize"
Explanation: Replacing "focus diligently" with "prioritize" maintains the intended emphasis on the importance of certain subjects without sounding overly informal.
"the opinion that history presents necessary values" -> "the belief that history embodies essential values"
Explanation: Shifting from "the opinion that history presents necessary values" to "the belief that history embodies essential values" strengthens the sentence by using a more formal and precise expression.
"stimulate the dissemination of moral rules on children" -> "promote the impartation of moral principles to children"
Explanation: "Stimulate the dissemination" is unclear and somewhat awkward. "Promote the impartation of moral principles to children" offers a clearer and more academically appropriate phrase.
"growing-up citizens" -> "young individuals maturing into citizens"
Explanation: "Growing-up citizens" lacks clarity. "Young individuals maturing into citizens" offers a clearer description of the developmental process.
"defending their nations from invaders" -> "protecting their nations from external threats"
Explanation: "Defending their nations from invaders" can be replaced with "protecting their nations from external threats" for a more formal and descriptive phrase.
"government s" -> "governments"
Explanation: Correcting the typo by adding the missing "s" after "government" for proper pluralization.
"with view of" -> "with the aim of"
Explanation: "With view of" is awkward. "With the aim of" maintains formality and clarity in expressing purpose.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "On the one hand, it is not to negate that due to generational gaps between the previous and current generations, a multitude of citizens hold a belief that history has little to no values for pupils."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The essay begins by acknowledging the perspective that history might lack relevance for today’s students due to generational differences. However, the connection between these generational gaps and the belief about the value of history could be more explicitly established. Additionally, providing a specific example or two could solidify this point and make it more persuasive. For instance, highlighting how historical events or figures that were once praised for their actions are viewed differently in modern times due to evolving societal values would strengthen this argument.
- Improved example: "The perception that history lacks relevance for today’s students often stems from stark differences in values and perspectives between past and present generations. For instance, historical figures once celebrated for their violent strategies in conflicts, like those observed in World War I and II, are now viewed through a lens that discourages such approaches. This generational shift in interpreting historical events showcases how societal values influence the perceived value of studying history."
Quoted text: "Therefore, through accessibility to historical events, juveniles may acquire a wide-ranging variety of conducts against social principles."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The argument here suggests that exposure to historical events might lead young individuals to adopt behaviors contrary to social principles. This point would benefit from further clarification and examples that directly illustrate how certain historical lessons might contradict contemporary social norms. It’s important to emphasize the potential negative impact more explicitly by citing instances where historical teachings conflict with present-day ethical standards.
- Improved example: "Exposure to historical events might inadvertently expose juveniles to behaviors that conflict with modern social norms. For instance, glorification of aggressive conflict resolution in historical narratives might inadvertently promote ideals counter to the present-day emphasis on peaceful conflict resolution and cooperation among nations."
Overall, while the essay presents contrasting viewpoints on the relevance of history in education and offers examples to support both perspectives, enhancing the link between generational shifts and historical relevance, along with providing clearer instances where historical teachings clash with contemporary values, would strengthen the argumentation and idea development.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion at a Band 6 level. The writer arranges information in a generally coherent manner, providing a clear overall progression of ideas. There is an attempt to logically organize information, with a central topic presented in each paragraph. However, the essay falls short of achieving higher coherence due to some issues in cohesion. While cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. Additionally, the referencing and substitution of ideas are not always clear or appropriate. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, with some inconsistencies in organization.
How to Improve:
- Enhance logical organization: Ensure a more systematic flow of ideas by carefully structuring paragraphs to present a coherent argument.
- Refine the use of cohesive devices: Work on using cohesive devices more accurately and judiciously to establish smoother connections between sentences and ideas.
- Improve referencing and substitution: Ensure that references and substitutions are clear and appropriately used to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
- Enhance paragraphing: Ensure consistent and logical paragraphing throughout the essay, improving the overall organization of the content.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "generational gaps" and "dissemination," but with some inaccuracy. The essay also makes some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "government s" and "conducts" instead of "conduct." However, these errors do not impede communication.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision. Be mindful of word choice and collocation to avoid occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, proofread the essay to address spelling and word formation errors for a smoother and more polished presentation.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a varied sentence structure. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. For example, the use of "it is not to negate" is awkward, and there are instances of subject-verb agreement issues. Despite these errors, the communication is not significantly hindered, and the overall use of language is moderately effective. The essay attempts to provide examples to support both views, showcasing a fair attempt at complexity.
How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the author should pay closer attention to sentence construction and eliminate common errors. Additionally, refining the expression of ideas with more precise language and better organization can elevate the overall cohesiveness of the essay. Proofreading for grammar and punctuation errors before submission is essential for achieving a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The debate about whether studying history in schools benefits students continues to be ongoing. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives and explain why I support the advantages that this academic discipline offers to students.
Some argue that history holds little or no value for today’s students due to differences between past and present generations. For instance, in ancient history, leaders celebrated as national heroes often advocated for violence and wars as solutions to conflicts, such as in World War I and II. However, contemporary education emphasizes avoiding aggressive behaviors. This gap might lead young learners to conflicting values. Consequently, some suggest that educational institutions should prioritize teaching science-based subjects to contribute to modern inventions.
However, the belief that history provides essential values for young citizens has its merits. It can instill moral principles in children. For instance, by highlighting figures like Ho Chi Minh for his sacrifices in Vietnam’s revolutionary war, students may develop patriotism and a sense of responsibility toward defending their nations. This, in turn, can lead to social cohesion, economic progress, and national unity.
In conclusion, despite potential negative influences on children’s behavior, history plays a crucial role in teaching ethical values. Therefore, governments and educational organizations should thoughtfully select historical events to incorporate into formal curricula. This approach aims to cultivate a well-rounded perspective for students, fostering a deeper understanding of ethical principles.