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Question: Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Question: Some people think that schools should invest more money in
technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be
spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is assumed that school budget should expend on technology sector including computers while others think that investing in teachers is more rewarding. I partly agree with the former.
on the one hand, there are two main reasons why schools will invest more money in teacher. The first one is that teachers play an important role in building a team of high-quality education. they convey their knowledge in a suitable way for their students. Viet Nam is a telling example. A school having excellent teachers attracts many input students. Therefore, the quality of teaching sector decides mainly in ranking schools quality. Secondly, teacher is not only a educator but also a friend, a companion of students. Student can confide life issues such as academic pressure and sibling rivalry with their teacher, which technology can not do it.
on the other hand, technology can bring many benefits for training students. Investing in technology helps to enhance student's creativity and cognition. Student can get access to the content of a lesson in a more interesting and efficient way by modern equipment including computers, laboratories ,robots and 3D models. For example, Europe education system focuses on technology so that students' hands-on skill is overwhelming terrific. Besides, technology provides students a huge amount of knowledge. Students can find any information on internet within a few seconds.It's so convenient and accurate.
In conclusion, the importance of between technology and teacher is parallel. The support of them is crucial for ensuring the holistic development of students.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "school budget should expend on technology sector" -> "school budget should be allocated to the technology sector"
    Explanation: Replacing "expend" with "be allocated" and "on" with "to" improves the formality of the sentence. Additionally, using "technology sector" instead of just "technology" adds precision.

  2. "invest more money in teacher" -> "invest more in teachers"
    Explanation: The phrase "invest more money in teacher" lacks proper pluralization and should be revised to "invest more in teachers" for grammatical correctness.

  3. "play an important role in building a team of high-quality education" -> "play a crucial role in fostering high-quality education"
    Explanation: Substituting "building a team of" with "fostering" and replacing "important" with "crucial" enhances the formality and clarity of the expression.

  4. "telling example" -> "illustrative example"
    Explanation: Replacing "telling example" with "illustrative example" provides a more formal and precise term for supporting the argument.

  5. "input students" -> "prospective students" or "applicants"
    Explanation: "Input students" is not a standard term. Replacing it with "prospective students" or "applicants" improves the accuracy and formality of the expression.

  6. "teaching sector decides mainly in ranking schools quality" -> "teaching sector primarily determines the quality ranking of schools"
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and proper structure. By rephrasing it to "teaching sector primarily determines the quality ranking of schools," the meaning becomes clearer and more academically appropriate.

  7. "teacher is not only a educator" -> "a teacher is not only an educator"
    Explanation: Correcting the article and adding "an" before "educator" improves grammatical accuracy.

  8. "Student can confide life issues" -> "Students can confide in their teacher about life issues"
    Explanation: Adding "in their teacher" and restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and formality.

  9. "hands-on skill is overwhelming terrific" -> "hands-on skills are remarkably impressive"
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and formality. The suggested alternative provides a more precise and academically appropriate expression.

  10. "technology can bring many benefits for training students" -> "technology can offer numerous advantages for educating students"
    Explanation: The substitution of "training students" with "educating students" and the use of "numerous advantages" contribute to a more formal tone.

  11. "Student can get access" -> "Students can access"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "Student" to "Students" improves grammatical accuracy.

  12. "a lesson in a more interesting and efficient way by modern equipment" -> "a lesson more interesting and efficient through modern equipment"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and formality.

  13. "so convenient and accurate" -> "both convenient and accurate"
    Explanation: Adding "both" before "convenient and accurate" enhances the coherence of the sentence.

  14. "importance of between technology and teacher" -> "importance of both technology and teachers"
    Explanation: Correcting the structure of the phrase to "importance of both technology and teachers" improves clarity and formality.

  15. "The support of them is crucial" -> "Their support is crucial"
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence by changing "The support of them" to "Their support" improves conciseness and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt by discussing both sides (investment in technology and teachers) and stating a partial agreement with the former. The analysis is clear and presents relevant reasons supporting each perspective.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure that the opinion is explicitly stated in the introduction. This helps set a clear roadmap for the reader.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position by expressing partial agreement with investing in technology. Each paragraph is dedicated to supporting this stance, providing specific reasons and examples.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, consider emphasizing it more prominently in the introduction and conclusion to enhance overall coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively. Examples, such as the impact of teachers on school quality and the benefits of technology on student creativity, are provided. However, some ideas could be further developed for depth.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on the examples and explanations, providing more nuanced details and possibly exploring counterarguments to showcase a deeper understanding.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the debate between investing in teachers and technology. However, there are occasional instances where the discussion becomes somewhat generalized.
    • How to improve: Be vigilant to avoid broad statements and ensure that every point made is directly tied to the debate. Clarify and support general statements with specific examples.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, providing a well-structured and coherent argument. To further improve, focus on explicit positioning in the introduction, elaborate on ideas for depth, and avoid occasional generalizations to ensure a consistently high-quality response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the two perspectives, but the body paragraphs could be more coherent. The first paragraph discusses reasons for investing in teachers, while the second focuses on the benefits of technology. While each paragraph addresses a specific aspect, the overall flow lacks a smooth transition between these ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider dedicating each body paragraph exclusively to one perspective (teachers or technology). Provide a clear transition between paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. This will make the essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness are inconsistent. The first paragraph is overly long and covers multiple ideas. The second paragraph, on the other hand, is shorter and more focused. Both paragraphs, however, lack a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Break down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and maintain a consistent structure. This will help the reader follow the development of ideas more effectively.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand." However, the variety and effectiveness of these devices could be improved. Additionally, there is limited use of cohesive devices within paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used, including synonyms, pronouns, and conjunctions, to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Within paragraphs, ensure the use of cohesive devices to connect sentences and maintain a logical flow. This will contribute to a more coherent and cohesive essay.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a basic level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it includes some varied terms such as "team of high-quality education," "cognition," and "hands-on skill," there is room for improvement. The use of vocabulary could be more diverse, and certain terms are repeated (e.g., "technology" and "teacher"). Additionally, there are instances where more specific and precise words could enhance the expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To broaden your vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and exploring nuanced expressions. For instance, instead of consistently using "technology," you might employ terms like "educational tools" or "innovative resources." Be mindful of word repetition and seek alternatives where possible.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances of imprecise language. For example, the phrase "on the one hand" is used, but the subsequent points don’t distinctly represent opposing views. Additionally, the term "overwhelming terrific" lacks precision and could be substituted with a more specific adjective.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, ensure that phrases like "on the one hand" are used when presenting contrasting perspectives. Avoid vague or overly emphatic expressions like "overwhelming terrific" and opt for more precise adjectives that accurately convey the intended meaning, such as "remarkable" or "impressive."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "expend" instead of "spend," "input" instead of "enrolled," and "between" instead of "balance." These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall impression of the essay.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling accuracy during the proofreading phase. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools, and consider reading the essay aloud to identify and rectify any spelling errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically will contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences dominate, with limited use of complex structures. For instance, there’s a reliance on basic sentence structures such as "It is assumed" and "There are two main reasons." More sophisticated sentence structures, such as complex and compound-complex sentences, are underutilized.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, incorporate a variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences with subordinating conjunctions, utilize parallel structures, and experiment with different sentence lengths. For example, instead of starting sentences with standard phrases, vary the structure to maintain reader engagement.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally demonstrates effective use of grammar, there are noticeable errors. The phrase "school budget should expend on technology sector" should be corrected to "school budget should be expended on the technology sector." Also, there are inconsistent capitalization issues, such as "Viet Nam" instead of "Vietnam." Punctuation is generally accurate, but occasional errors disrupt the flow, like missing periods at the end of certain sentences.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and correct article usage. Proofread the essay for capitalization consistency, ensuring proper names are formatted accurately. Improve punctuation precision by verifying the correct placement of periods, commas, and other punctuation marks. Consider utilizing complex punctuation, such as semicolons and colons, to enhance sentence structure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy but can benefit from diversifying sentence structures and addressing specific grammatical errors for a more polished presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is debated whether school budgets should be allocated to the technology sector, including computers, or if investing more in teachers is a more valuable approach. I partially agree with the notion of prioritizing technology.

On one hand, there are compelling reasons to invest more in teachers. Firstly, teachers play a crucial role in fostering high-quality education. They effectively convey their knowledge in a manner suitable for their students. Vietnam serves as an illustrative example where schools with excellent teachers attract prospective students, establishing the teaching sector as the primary determinant of schools’ quality ranking. Secondly, a teacher is not only an educator but also a friend and companion to students. Students can confide in their teacher about life issues such as academic pressure and sibling rivalry, which technology cannot replicate.

On the other hand, technology can offer numerous advantages for educating students. Investing in technology helps enhance students’ creativity and cognition. Students can access a lesson more interesting and efficient through modern equipment, including computers, laboratories, robots, and 3D models. For instance, the European education system places a significant emphasis on technology, leading to remarkably impressive hands-on skills among students. Additionally, technology provides students with a vast amount of knowledge. They can find any information on the internet within a few seconds, making the learning process both convenient and accurate.

In conclusion, the importance of both technology and teachers is parallel, and their support is crucial for ensuring the holistic development of students. Balancing investments in both sectors is essential to create a well-rounded and effective educational environment.

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