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Question: Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Question: Some people think that schools should invest more money in
technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be
spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is assumed that school budget should expend on technology sector including computer while others think that investing in teachers is more rewarding. I partly agree with the former.
on the one hand, there are two main reasons why schools will invest more money in teacher. The first one is that teachers play an important role in building a team of high-quality education. they convey their knowledge in a suitable way for their students. Viet Nam is a telling example. A school having excellent teachers attracts many input students. Therefore, teachers sector decides mainly in ranking schools quality. Secondly, teacher is not only a educator but also a friend, a company of students. Student can confide life issue such as academic pressure and sibling rivalry with their teacher, which technology can not do it.
on the other hand, technology can bring many benefit for training students. Investing in technology helps to enhance student's creation and cognition. Student can get access to the content of a lesson in a more interesting and efficient way by modern equipment including computer, laboratory ,robots and 3D model. For example, Europe education system focuses on technology so that students' hands-on skill is overwhelming terrific. Besides, technology provides students a huge amount of knowledge. Students can find any information on internet within a few seconds.It's so convenient and accurate.
In conclusion, the importance of between technology and teacher is parallel. The support of them is crucial for ensuring the holistic development of students.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "school budget should expend" -> "school budget should be allocated"
    Explanation: Replacing "should expend" with "should be allocated" enhances formality and clarity in expressing the allocation of the school budget to specific areas.

  2. "including computer" -> "including computers"
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form to "computers" ensures grammatical accuracy when referring to multiple computing devices.

  3. "I partly agree with the former." -> "I partially agree with the latter."
    Explanation: The term "former" refers to the first option mentioned, which is technology in this case. Changing it to "latter" correctly indicates partial agreement with the second option, which is investing in teachers.

  4. "there are two main reasons why schools will invest more money in teacher." -> "there are two main reasons why schools will invest more money in teachers."
    Explanation: Correcting the singular form to "teachers" maintains grammatical consistency when referring to the plural subject.

  5. "convey their knowledge in a suitable way for their students." -> "convey their knowledge effectively to their students."
    Explanation: Adding "effectively" and rephrasing the sentence improves the precision and clarity of the statement.

  6. "Viet Nam is a telling example." -> "Vietnam serves as a compelling example."
    Explanation: Replacing "telling" with "compelling" adds a more formal and persuasive tone to the sentence.

  7. "having excellent teachers attracts many input students." -> "having excellent teachers attracts a significant number of prospective students."
    Explanation: Using "a significant number of prospective students" is more specific and formal than "many input students."

  8. "Therefore, teachers sector decides mainly in ranking schools quality." -> "Therefore, the quality of the teaching sector primarily determines the ranking of schools."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, using "the quality of the teaching sector" instead of "teachers sector."

  9. "not only a educator" -> "not only an educator"
    Explanation: Correcting the article to "an" before "educator" for grammatical accuracy.

  10. "a company of students" -> "a companion to students"
    Explanation: Using "companion" instead of "company" provides a more suitable and precise term in the context of the relationship between teachers and students.

  11. "confide life issue" -> "confide life issues"
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form to "issues" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  12. "which technology can not do it." -> "which technology cannot replicate."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, replacing "do it" with "replicate."

  13. "can bring many benefit" -> "can bring many benefits"
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form to "benefits" for grammatical accuracy.

  14. "enhance student’s creation" -> "enhance students’ creativity"
    Explanation: Correcting the possessive form and using "creativity" for a more precise expression.

  15. "modern equipment including computer, laboratory ,robots and 3D model." -> "modern equipment, including computers, laboratories, robots, and 3D models."
    Explanation: Ensuring proper parallelism and using the plural forms of "computers," "laboratories," "robots," and "3D models" for grammatical accuracy.

  16. "Europe education system" -> "European education system"
    Explanation: Correcting the article and adding "European" for accuracy in referring to the education system of Europe.

  17. "hands-on skill is overwhelming terrific." -> "hands-on skills are exceptionally impressive."
    Explanation: Enhancing formality and clarity by using "skills" instead of "skill" and replacing "overwhelming terrific" with "exceptionally impressive."

  18. "Students can find any information on internet" -> "Students can access any information on the internet"
    Explanation: Enhancing clarity and formality by rephrasing to "access any information on the internet."

  19. "It’s so convenient and accurate." -> "This is both convenient and accurate."
    Explanation: Clarifying the subject and improving formality by using "This is" instead of "It’s."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does not fully address all parts of the question. While it discusses the importance of investing in both technology and teachers, it lacks a clear expression of the writer’s own opinion on the matter. Additionally, the response could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of each side of the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that the essay explicitly expresses your opinion on whether schools should invest more in technology or teachers. Furthermore, provide a more balanced and detailed discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of investing in both aspects.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay takes a partial stance, expressing agreement with investing in technology. However, the expression of this position could be clearer and more consistently maintained throughout the essay. At times, the writer seems to lean towards the importance of teachers without a consistent stance.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, explicitly state your position in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph reinforces this position. Avoid statements that may create ambiguity about your stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the importance of teachers in building a high-quality education and the benefits of technology in enhancing student creation and cognition. However, these ideas are not thoroughly extended or supported with specific examples or evidence.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Elaborate on how teachers contribute to high-quality education and give concrete examples of how technology enhances student learning.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but tends to focus more on the benefits of teachers and technology rather than addressing the two sides of the argument in a balanced manner. Additionally, there are instances of unclear or awkward phrasing.
    • How to improve: To stay on topic, ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the prompt and avoids unnecessary information. Also, pay attention to clarity in expression and use proper grammar to improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a partial understanding of the prompt, improvements in addressing all aspects of the question, maintaining a clear position, providing extended and supported ideas, and staying on topic are essential for enhancing the overall task response and achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a logical organization. It starts with an introduction stating the two perspectives, presents arguments for teachers in the first body paragraph, then discusses technology in the second body paragraph, and concludes with a brief summary. However, there is room for improvement in the introduction’s clarity and the overall progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: Begin the introduction with a clearer thesis statement outlining your opinion. Ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs, enhancing the coherence of the essay. For example, consider starting the second body paragraph with a sentence that links back to the first, creating a seamless flow of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness vary. The first body paragraph focuses on teachers but lacks a clear topic sentence, making it less effective. The second paragraph discussing technology is more coherent, with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
    • How to improve: Provide a concise topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Consider breaking down the first body paragraph into two, each addressing a specific point about teachers, enhancing clarity and organization.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices but could benefit from a wider variety and more consistent application. There is a need for improved coherence within sentences and between paragraphs. For instance, the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph is somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices such as transitional words (e.g., however, consequently), pronouns, and synonyms to enhance sentence-level and paragraph-level coherence. Ensure smoother transitions between introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion for a more connected flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of coherence and cohesion, refining the introduction, enhancing paragraph structure, and incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and logically organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes words like "expend," "rewarding," "convey," "input students," "confide," "cognition," and "holistic development." However, there’s room for improvement as some words are used repetitively, and certain terms lack precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary variety, consider using synonyms and exploring different word choices. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "teacher," consider alternatives like "educator" or "instructor." Additionally, use more precise terms when discussing the benefits of technology, such as specifying the type of technology (e.g., educational software, interactive tools).
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally accurate, but there are instances where imprecise language affects clarity. For example, the phrase "Investing in technology helps to enhance student’s creation and cognition" could benefit from more precise terms, specifying how technology enhances creativity and cognition.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by clearly articulating how technology contributes to creativity and cognition. Instead of using broad terms like "enhance," provide specific examples or mechanisms through which technology achieves these outcomes. For instance, mention how interactive simulations on a computer can boost cognitive understanding.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a noticeable level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors, such as "expend" instead of "spend," and "input students" instead of "enroll students." While the errors do not significantly hinder comprehension, improving spelling consistency will enhance overall writing quality.
    • How to improve: Develop a habit of proofreading to catch and correct spelling errors. Utilize tools like spell-checkers, and consider focusing on common areas of difficulty. For instance, pay attention to homophones, ensuring the correct use of words like "their" and "there." Regular practice and attention to detail will contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in Lexical Resource, refining vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling consistency will elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences, showcasing a reasonable variety. However, there is a tendency to rely on basic structures, and a more extensive range of sentence types, such as compound-complex sentences, could enhance the overall sophistication of the essay. A notable strength is the use of examples to support the points made, contributing to clarity and coherence.
    • How to improve: To elevate the grammatical range, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences to add complexity and nuance to your writing. Additionally, aim for a more varied use of transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas. Introduce diverse sentence structures, including inverted sentences or parallel structures, to enhance the overall fluency and engagement of your essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("budget should expend," "teachers play"), punctuation mistakes (missing comma in "a friend a company"), and occasional awkward phrasing ("it is assumed that school budget should expend"). Despite these errors, the writer effectively conveys their ideas, and the errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
    • How to improve: Carefully review and edit your essay for grammatical accuracy. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency in tense and number. In instances of awkward phrasing, consider restructuring sentences for clarity. Additionally, be vigilant about punctuation use, particularly commas, to avoid ambiguity or confusion. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify specific errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structures, refining these aspects further will contribute to an even more polished and effective piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed by some that school budgets should be allocated to the technology sector, including computers, while others argue that investing in teachers is more beneficial. I partially agree with the latter.

On one hand, there are two main reasons why schools should invest more money in teachers. The first reason is that teachers play a crucial role in fostering high-quality education. They effectively convey their knowledge to their students. Vietnam serves as a compelling example, where a school with excellent teachers attracts a significant number of prospective students. Therefore, the quality of the teaching sector primarily determines the ranking of schools. Secondly, a teacher is not only an educator but also a companion to students. Students can confide life issues, such as academic pressure and sibling rivalry, with their teachers, which technology cannot replicate.

On the other hand, technology can bring many benefits to students’ education. Investing in technology helps enhance students’ creativity and cognition. Students can access the content of a lesson in a more interesting and efficient way through modern equipment, including computers, laboratories, robots, and 3D models. For example, the European education system places a strong emphasis on technology, leading to exceptionally impressive hands-on skills among students. Additionally, technology provides students with a vast amount of knowledge. They can find any information on the internet within a few seconds, making the learning process both convenient and accurate.

In conclusion, the importance of balancing investments between technology and teachers is evident. The support of both is crucial for ensuring the holistic development of students.

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