Question: “There are more challenges and risks than benefits to new technology, especially in human work.” Discuss your view.

The advent of technology has transformed the human quality life from social interaction to productivity enhancement. While it can bring back some advantages for society, it can result in several challenges for human life.
Thanks to the appearance of modern technology, this can exert some positive effects. The first advantage is the enhancement of work productivity. This can be explained by the fact that the modern machines are programmed with algorithms to accomplish particular tasks repetitively and keep process on track while human labors have limits in terms of physical states like ailments. As a result, it can ensure a steady production of their goods while maintaining quality standards. This is evident with the use of robots in logistics industry in China. They are tasked to operate the good chains and do this at the continuous rate without the stagnant, which contributes to facilitate business growth. The second merit is the decrease in labor accidents. This is because some typical jobs are attached to the dangerous situations and vulnerable to threat the laborer’s life, however with the advent of technology, it can replace human laborers from the toxic environment and minimize the risks of death rate of the workforce. This can be seen in the case of miners who work in the natural resources mines, they have to go deep into the underground to detect the natural minerals in the airless environment, they can be prone to fall into the coma if they are not provided enough oxygen. But with the replacement of modern detectors, it can help them probe the minerals and do not have to go into deep underground. As a result, it can decrease the death rate and ensure labor safety.
Despite some advantages mentioned above, some problems can be anticipated. The first drawback is to make human laborers redundant. This is because the machine’s automation is not hampered by any physical or mental limits, can undertake most tasks at a rate faster than humans Realizing that advantages, the entrepreneurs replace the workforce with the automatic systems to enhance the productivity. This can deprive job opportunities of the labors, especially is the unskilled labors owing to their not adaptations to the technology transformations. In the case of automatic self -checking machines, it replaces the big amount of staffs in payment stage. This contributes to the increase in unemployment rate, especially the big cities. The second is the effect on environment. It is because the production of modern machines use an amount of heavy metals and in operation, it can release the air the big amount of dangerous fumes causing pollutions. This evidence can be found in the factories installed a number of machine systems during the operation, charge the air the fumes. As a result, it can lead to some degradation and instability environment in the long run.
In conclusion, the appearance of technology has facilitated the human’s life in interaction, productivity. While there are some merits derived from the advent, it also exerts several problems like the high job unemployment and degradation of environment

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"the human quality life" -> "human quality of life"
Explanation: "Human quality life" is an awkward construction. "Quality of life" is a standard term used to describe the overall well-being and satisfaction of individuals or societies.
"advantages for society" -> "benefits to society"
Explanation: "Advantages for society" is grammatically correct but "benefits to society" is a more common and concise phrase in academic writing, maintaining formality.
"Thanks to the appearance of modern technology" -> "Due to the emergence of modern technology"
Explanation: "Thanks to" is colloquial and overly casual for academic writing. "Due to" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"can bring back some advantages" -> "can yield several advantages"
Explanation: "Bring back" implies a return of something lost, which doesn’t fit the context. "Yield" is a more appropriate term to indicate the production or generation of advantages.
"decrease in labor accidents" -> "reduction in occupational accidents"
Explanation: "Decrease" is somewhat informal in this context. "Reduction" is a more formal and precise term, and "occupational accidents" is a standard phrase used in academic writing.
"exert some positive effects" -> "yield positive outcomes"
Explanation: "Exert" is a bit awkward in this context. "Yield" is more appropriate to indicate the production or generation of effects or outcomes.
"This is evident with the use of robots in logistics industry in China." -> "This is exemplified by the utilization of robots in the logistics industry in China."
Explanation: "Evident with" is informal. "Exemplified by" is a more formal phrase for indicating an example.
"do this at the continuous rate without the stagnant" -> "operate continuously without interruption"
Explanation: "Continuous rate without the stagnant" is unclear and awkward. "Operate continuously without interruption" is a clearer and more precise phrase.
"vulnerable to threat the laborer’s life" -> "endangering the lives of laborers"
Explanation: "Vulnerable to threat" is awkward phrasing. "Endangering the lives of laborers" is more concise and clear.
"with the replacement of modern detectors" -> "with the introduction of modern sensors"
Explanation: "Replacement of modern detectors" suggests the old detectors are being replaced. "Introduction of modern sensors" clarifies that new technology is being introduced.
"make human laborers redundant" -> "render human laborers obsolete"
Explanation: "Make redundant" is a common phrase but "render obsolete" is more sophisticated and precise, fitting for academic writing.
"not adaptations to the technology transformations" -> "inability to adapt to technological changes"
Explanation: "Not adaptations to" is grammatically incorrect. "Inability to adapt to" is a clearer and more precise expression.
"big amount of staffs" -> "large number of staff"
Explanation: "Big amount of staffs" is incorrect usage. "Large number of staff" is more appropriate and grammatically correct.
"charge the air the fumes" -> "emit harmful fumes into the air"
Explanation: "Charge the air the fumes" is unclear. "Emit harmful fumes into the air" is a clearer and more concise expression.
"some degradation and instability environment" -> "environmental degradation and instability"
Explanation: "Some degradation and instability environment" lacks proper syntax. "Environmental degradation and instability" is grammatically correct and clearer.

Overall, these changes enhance the clarity, formality, and precision of the essay, making it more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by discussing both the benefits and challenges associated with new technology, especially in human work. It provides examples and explanations for both perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, consider providing more balanced arguments for both sides of the issue. Additionally, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored and analyzed to offer a comprehensive discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, presenting both advantages and drawbacks of technology in human work. The stance is consistently supported with relevant examples and explanations.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that the introduction clearly states the author’s stance on the issue and that each paragraph reinforces this position with coherent arguments and evidence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, extends them with explanations and examples, and supports them with relevant evidence. Each paragraph develops its main point coherently and logically.
- How to improve: To improve the extension of ideas, consider providing more in-depth analysis and elaboration on each point presented. Additionally, strengthen the connections between ideas to ensure a smooth flow of thought throughout the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the challenges and benefits of new technology in human work. However, there are minor instances where the discussion slightly deviates from the main focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every paragraph and example directly relates to the central theme of technology’s impact on human work. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute to the overall argument.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a balanced discussion of the advantages and challenges posed by new technology in human work. To further enhance the response, consider providing more balanced arguments, strengthening clarity and coherence, expanding on ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of organization. It starts with an introduction that sets up the discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of technology, followed by two body paragraphs that discuss the benefits and drawbacks, respectively. Each body paragraph presents examples to support the main points. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother to improve coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, ensure that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are seamless to maintain a coherent flow of thought. For instance, use transition words like "Furthermore" or "On the other hand" to connect contrasting ideas more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs: an introduction, a body paragraph discussing advantages, and another body paragraph discussing disadvantages. Each paragraph contains multiple ideas and examples, which could make the structure appear slightly cluttered. However, the ideas within each paragraph are related to the main topic.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, aim for a clearer topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that introduces the main idea. Then, provide supporting details and examples to elaborate on that idea. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into shorter ones to enhance readability and organization. For instance, separate the discussion of labor accidents and job redundancy into two distinct paragraphs in the second body paragraph for better clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices such as "while," "despite," "because," and "in conclusion" to connect ideas and indicate relationships between sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and frequency of cohesive devices used. Additionally, the transitions between ideas could be strengthened to improve overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "moreover," "however"), and transitional phrases (e.g., "on the contrary," "in addition"). Use these devices strategically to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and clarity of expression. For instance, replace repetitive phrases like "This is because" with alternative transition words to vary sentence structure and improve flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "advent," "merit," "redundant," "automation," "deprivation," and "unemployment," among others. These vocabulary choices enhance the depth of the discussion and allow for nuanced expression of ideas.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a good range of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in the selection of more precise and contextually fitting terms. For instance, instead of using "deprivation of job opportunities," consider alternatives like "displacement" or "elimination" for a more refined expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with reasonable precision. For example, terms like "automation" and "redundant" are used appropriately to convey specific meanings related to technology and employment.
- How to improve: To enhance precision further, ensure that each word used aligns precisely with the intended meaning and context. For instance, instead of "big cities," consider using "metropolitan areas" or "urban centers" to convey a clearer image and avoid ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed throughout. For instance, "big chains" could be corrected to "supply chains," and "the production of modern machines use an amount" could be revised to "the production of modern machines uses a significant amount."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing tools like spell-check and proofreading thoroughly before submitting the final essay. Additionally, practice spelling commonly used words to reinforce accuracy and fluency in writing.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary and relatively accurate spelling, refining the precision of word choice and ensuring consistent accuracy in spelling could further enhance the lexical resource aspect of the writing. Keep practicing varied vocabulary usage and pay close attention to detail to continue improving in these areas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at incorporating various sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there is a mix of simple declarative sentences ("The advent of technology has transformed the human quality life from social interaction to productivity enhancement"), compound sentences ("Despite some advantages mentioned above, some problems can be anticipated"), and complex sentences with subordinate clauses ("This is evident with the use of robots in the logistics industry in China").
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s sophistication, strive for greater diversity in sentence structures. Introduce more complex sentences with intricate clauses and phrases to elevate the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. Additionally, vary sentence beginnings to avoid monotony and engage the reader’s interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a relatively strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are occasional errors throughout the text that slightly detract from its clarity and precision. For example, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("This can deprive job opportunities of the labors"), tense inconsistencies ("the entrepreneurs replace the workforce with the automatic systems"), and punctuation inaccuracies, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("The first advantage is the enhancement of work productivity. This can be explained by the fact…").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation conventions. Proofread the essay meticulously to identify and rectify any errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to refine your writing skills further. Practicing writing exercises focused on specific grammatical structures can also be beneficial in solidifying your understanding and application of grammar rules.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions, there is room for refinement to achieve even greater accuracy and sophistication. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation skills, the essay can reach higher levels of clarity, coherence, and effectiveness in conveying ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The emergence of technology has greatly impacted human life, enhancing productivity and altering social interactions. While it offers certain benefits, it also poses several challenges.

Modern technology brings about various advantages. Firstly, it significantly boosts productivity. Unlike human workers who may have physical limitations, machines are programmed to perform tasks consistently and efficiently. For instance, in China’s logistics industry, robots ensure uninterrupted operations, leading to enhanced business growth. Secondly, technology reduces the occurrence of work-related accidents. Jobs in hazardous environments, such as mining, pose risks to human lives. However, with the introduction of advanced detectors, workers can detect minerals without venturing into perilous conditions, thereby decreasing fatalities and ensuring safety.

Despite these advantages, technology presents drawbacks. Firstly, it renders human labor redundant as machines can operate without constraints. This results in job displacement, particularly affecting unskilled workers who struggle to adapt to technological advancements. For example, automated checkout systems replace numerous staff positions, contributing to rising unemployment rates, especially in urban areas. Secondly, technology’s impact on the environment is concerning. The production and operation of modern machines generate harmful emissions, leading to pollution and environmental degradation. Factories equipped with multiple machine systems emit significant amounts of pollutants, posing long-term risks to the environment.

In conclusion, while technology has improved human interaction and productivity, it also brings challenges such as unemployment and environmental degradation. Balancing the benefits and risks of technological advancement is crucial for sustainable development.