Quoc Huy

Quoc Huy

There are suggestions that locally produced food should be encouraged due to its benefits. However, numerous drawbacks are also discovered in discussion. The task below illustrates the contention clearly.
The first reason why choosing local food is highly supported is because of its reasonable price. This can be seen in the gap between purchasing produce in local markets, which is obviously more affordable, and imports. For example, local agencies practically tends to sell their products much cheaper that can fulfill customer’s needs where a kilo of tomatoes may be less expensive than in supermarkets. A clear explanation for this is that owners will not meet any law or obligation to commence a stall if they want to start their business spontaneously which leads to lower costs of goods sold. On top of that, it is such an advantage for households when it comes to distances, because local markets are mostly caught up at small towns or villages and buyers can reduce their fees of transportation. Besides commodities, citizens do not have to put themselves om extra costs.
On the other hand, in some places where customers are increasingly aware of their individual health, they tend to intake quality food. This can be the result of numerous circumstances when locals absorb poisoned food leading to a mistrust in consuming domestic foods. The profound cause is that when suppliers impose profits higher than the safety of consumers and put their life in danger. An example for this is that there are circumstances where sellers minimize their inputs by injecting chemical products into foods to maintain the freshness and lengthen the expiration; therefore, they decrease their losses. Next, local markets are only provided with commonly consumed foods, customers occasionally cannot choose an item that is specific. Because locations are specialized in particular sources of food, buyers cannot choose a cold-weather food in tropical nations.
In conclusion, opening a food market can not only increase the economic status to a greater level but also it can make people healthier by balancing their eating habits.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "There are suggestions that" -> "It is suggested that"
   Explanation: "It is suggested that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a proposition or idea in academic writing, enhancing the tone and clarity of the sentence.

2. "numerous drawbacks are also discovered in discussion" -> "several drawbacks are also discussed"
   Explanation: "discussed" is more appropriate than "discovered" as it correctly indicates that the drawbacks are being talked about rather than found or discovered, which is more accurate in this context.

3. "choosing local food" -> "selecting local food"
   Explanation: "selecting" is a more formal and precise term than "choosing" in academic writing, aligning better with the formal tone of the essay.

4. "This can be seen in the gap between purchasing produce in local markets, which is obviously more affordable, and imports." -> "This is evident from the disparity in prices between locally sourced produce and imports, which is significantly more affordable."
   Explanation: "This is evident from the disparity in prices" is a more formal and precise way to describe the comparison, and "significantly more affordable" is a more academic phrase than "obviously more affordable," which can sound informal.

5. "local agencies practically tends to sell" -> "local agencies tend to sell"
   Explanation: "tend to sell" is grammatically correct and more formal than "practically tends to sell," which is awkward and incorrect in this context.

6. "much cheaper that can fulfill customer’s needs" -> "considerably cheaper, thereby meeting customer needs"
   Explanation: "considerably cheaper" is more precise and formal than "much cheaper," and "thereby meeting customer needs" is a clearer and more formal way to express the consequence of the lower prices.

7. "owners will not meet any law or obligation" -> "owners are not subject to any laws or regulations"
   Explanation: "are not subject to any laws or regulations" is a more precise and formal way to express the lack of legal requirements, improving the academic tone.

8. "spontaneously which leads to lower costs of goods sold" -> "without formalities, resulting in lower costs for the goods sold"
   Explanation: "without formalities" is a more precise and formal way to describe the lack of regulatory requirements, and "resulting in lower costs for the goods sold" is clearer and more formal than "leads to lower costs of goods sold."

9. "caught up at small towns or villages" -> "located in small towns or villages"
   Explanation: "located in" is a more precise and formal way to describe the geographical placement of markets, compared to "caught up at," which is colloquial and unclear.

10. "do not have to put themselves om extra costs" -> "do not incur additional costs"
    Explanation: "do not incur additional costs" is a more formal and precise way to express the avoidance of extra expenses, correcting the typographical error "om" to "on."

11. "increasingly aware of their individual health" -> "increasingly health-conscious"
    Explanation: "health-conscious" is a more concise and formal term that better fits the academic style, replacing the more verbose "increasingly aware of their individual health."

12. "absorb poisoned food" -> "consume contaminated food"
    Explanation: "consume contaminated food" is a more precise and formal term than "absorb poisoned food," which is less commonly used and less formal.

13. "impose profits higher than the safety of consumers" -> "prioritize profits over consumer safety"
    Explanation: "prioritize profits over consumer safety" is a clearer and more formal way to express the prioritization of profits over consumer well-being.

14. "injecting chemical products into foods" -> "adding chemical substances to food"
    Explanation: "adding chemical substances to food" is a more precise and formal term than "injecting chemical products into foods," which is less commonly used and sounds informal.

15. "decrease their losses" -> "reduce their losses"
    Explanation: "reduce" is a more formal synonym for "decrease" in this context, aligning better with the academic style.

16. "cold-weather food in tropical nations" -> "seasonal foods in tropical regions"
    Explanation: "seasonal foods in tropical regions" is a more precise and formal way to describe the availability of specific foods based on climate and region, replacing the vague and informal "cold-weather food in tropical nations."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of locally produced food. The first paragraph highlights the advantages, such as affordability and accessibility, while the second paragraph presents concerns regarding food safety and limited variety. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced view by elaborating on both sides with equal depth. For instance, while it mentions the affordability of local produce, it does not sufficiently explore the potential health benefits of consuming fresh, local foods.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that each part of the question is addressed with equal emphasis. This could involve expanding on the advantages of local food production, such as its environmental benefits or support for local economies, and providing more concrete examples or statistics to substantiate these points.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that supports local food production but does so in a somewhat ambiguous manner. The introduction states that there are benefits and drawbacks, but it does not clearly indicate which side the author ultimately supports. The conclusion suggests a positive view of local food markets, but the lack of a definitive stance throughout the body paragraphs can confuse the reader about the author’s position.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay. This could involve using clear topic sentences that reflect the main argument and ensuring that each paragraph ties back to this central thesis.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the affordability of local food and health concerns regarding food safety. However, the development of these ideas is often superficial. For example, the discussion on health risks lacks depth and could benefit from more specific examples or data to support the claims made. Additionally, the essay sometimes presents ideas in a disjointed manner, which can hinder the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Using a clear structure, such as presenting a main idea followed by supporting evidence, can help in creating a more coherent and persuasive argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the pros and cons of locally produced food. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, such as the mention of transportation costs and specific food types available in local markets. While these points are related, they could be more directly tied back to the main argument regarding the benefits and drawbacks of local food.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly supports the central argument of the essay. This can be achieved by regularly referring back to the main thesis and ensuring that all examples and discussions are relevant to the benefits and drawbacks of local food production.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, it would benefit from a clearer structure, more balanced exploration of ideas, and a more definitive stance throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the contention. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss the advantages of local food in the first paragraph and the disadvantages in the second. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from advantages to disadvantages feels somewhat abrupt. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is used, but it could benefit from a more explicit connection to the previous points about local food’s benefits.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing the next. For example, after discussing the advantages, you might add a sentence like, "Despite these benefits, there are significant concerns regarding the safety and quality of local produce." This would create a more cohesive transition between the two contrasting ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of local food, while the second addresses the drawbacks. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined with topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. The current topic sentences are somewhat buried within the text, making it harder for the reader to grasp the main focus at a glance.
  • How to improve: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point. For example, the first paragraph could begin with, "One of the primary advantages of consuming locally produced food is its affordability." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and enhance the overall clarity of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand" and "For example," which help to connect ideas and provide illustrations. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of varied linking words. For instance, the phrase "because" is repeated in several instances, which can detract from the overall fluency of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "because," you could use alternatives like "due to," "as a result of," or "owing to." Additionally, using phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely" can help to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, ultimately leading to a more effective and persuasive argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "locally produced food," "reasonable price," "affordable," and "mistrust." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expressions. For example, the phrase "local markets" appears multiple times without synonyms or varied phrasing, which could enhance the richness of the text.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "local markets," alternatives like "community markets," "regional vendors," or "farmers’ markets" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs would add depth to the writing, such as "affordable" could be replaced with "budget-friendly" or "cost-effective."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "practically tends to sell" is awkward and unclear; "practically" does not fit well in this context. Additionally, the phrase "impose profits higher than the safety of consumers" is vague and could be misinterpreted.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that conveys their ideas clearly and accurately. Instead of "practically tends to sell," a more precise phrase could be "often sells." For the second example, rephrasing to "prioritize profits over consumer safety" would enhance clarity. Encouraging the use of collocations and phrases commonly used in discussions about food safety and economics would also be beneficial.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability. For instance, "om" should be "on," and "that can fulfill customer’s needs" should be "that can fulfill customers’ needs." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can distract the reader from the content.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or utilize spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the essay topic can help. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly would also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "The first reason why choosing local food is highly supported is because of its reasonable price" employs a complex structure effectively. However, there are instances where the sentence structures are repetitive or overly simplistic, such as "On the other hand, in some places where customers are increasingly aware of their individual health, they tend to intake quality food." This sentence could be more engaging with varied structures.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and use varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "This can be seen" or "On the other hand," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses that provide context or contrast, such as "In contrast to this," or "Despite these advantages," to create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, integrating more passive voice constructions or conditional sentences could further diversify the writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "local agencies practically tends to sell" should be corrected to "local agencies tend to sell," as "agencies" is plural. Additionally, the phrase "that can fulfill customer’s needs" should be "that can fulfill customers’ needs" to reflect proper plural possessive usage. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, also hinder readability. For instance, "because local markets are mostly caught up at small towns or villages and buyers can reduce their fees of transportation" could benefit from a comma before "and" to separate the two independent clauses.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that plural nouns are matched with plural verbs. It would also be beneficial to proofread the essay for punctuation errors, particularly in complex sentences where clauses are combined. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct these issues. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on punctuation rules, such as comma usage in lists and complex sentences, will enhance overall clarity and correctness.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy for IELTS Task 2 essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are suggestions that locally produced food should be encouraged due to its benefits. However, several drawbacks are also discussed in this context. The task below illustrates the contention clearly.

The first reason why selecting local food is highly supported is because of its reasonable price. This is evident from the disparity in prices between purchasing produce in local markets, which is obviously more affordable, and imports. For example, local agencies tend to sell their products considerably cheaper, thereby meeting customer needs, where a kilo of tomatoes may be less expensive than in supermarkets. A clear explanation for this is that owners are not subject to any laws or obligations to commence a stall if they want to start their business spontaneously, which leads to lower costs for the goods sold. On top of that, it is such an advantage for households when it comes to distances, because local markets are mostly found in small towns or villages, and buyers can reduce their transportation fees. Besides commodities, citizens do not incur additional costs.

On the other hand, in some places where customers are increasingly aware of their individual health, they tend to seek quality food. This can be the result of numerous circumstances when locals consume poisoned food, leading to a mistrust in domestic foods. The profound cause is that when suppliers impose profits higher than the safety of consumers, they put their lives in danger. An example of this is that there are circumstances where sellers minimize their inputs by injecting chemical products into foods to maintain freshness and lengthen expiration; therefore, they decrease their losses. Next, local markets are only provided with commonly consumed foods, and customers occasionally cannot choose a specific item. Because locations are specialized in particular sources of food, buyers cannot select cold-weather food in tropical nations.

In conclusion, opening a food market can not only increase the economic status to a greater level but also make people healthier by balancing their eating habits.