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Read this part of a letter from an English-speaking friend, Oliver We might have a school trip to your country next year. What do you think is the best time of year to visit? What are the most interesting things for teenagers to do in your area? In Nam’s name, write a letter (about 80 – 100 words ) to Oliver, answering his questions.

Read this part of a letter from an English-speaking friend, Oliver
We might have a school trip to your country next year. What do you think is the best time of year to visit? What are the most interesting things for teenagers to do in your area?
In Nam’s name, write a letter (about 80 – 100 words ) to Oliver, answering his questions.

Dear Oliver,
How is it going with you recently? I am extremely glad to hear that you and your friends will travel to my country next year.
You know, my country divide to four seasons in a year, but it is clearer with dry and rain season. From my perspective, the most wonderful season for travelling is the Autumn. The weather in this season is incredibly cool and a little bit chill which makes you feel unwind. Additionally, there are so many kinds of flowers blooming which is attractive thousands of tourists, especially adolescents. Furthermore, I am certain that you and your friends will be attracted by many interesting things. One of them is that trying on traditional Vietnamese costumes such as ao dai and wear Vietnamese hat which can help you comprehend more about Vietnam’s culture. Another thing that cannot be missed when coming to Vietnam is visiting historical sites, which can help you get in touch with many things about the glorious past here.
I am looking forward to seeing you soon. I hope you and your school can experience a beneficial and perfect trip in my country.
Best wishes,
Khnhu


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "How is it going with you recently?" -> "How have you been lately?"
    Explanation: The phrase "How is it going with you?" is somewhat informal and conversational for an academic or formal context. "How have you been lately?" is more formal and suitable for a letter to a friend or acquaintance in an academic setting.

  2. "I am extremely glad" -> "I am delighted"
    Explanation: "Extremely glad" is redundant and informal. "Delighted" conveys a strong positive emotion in a more concise and formal manner.

  3. "my country divide to four seasons" -> "my country has four distinct seasons"
    Explanation: "Divide" is incorrect in this context; "has" is the correct verb to use when describing the number of seasons. Additionally, "distinct" is more precise than "clearer with dry and rain season," which is vague and informal.

  4. "a little bit chill" -> "slightly cool"
    Explanation: "A little bit chill" is informal and imprecise. "Slightly cool" is more formal and accurately describes the temperature.

  5. "which makes you feel unwind" -> "which helps you relax"
    Explanation: "Unwind" is an informal term and not typically used in formal writing. "Relax" is more appropriate and formal.

  6. "so many kinds of flowers blooming" -> "numerous types of flowers blooming"
    Explanation: "So many kinds" is informal and vague. "Numerous types" is more precise and formal.

  7. "attractive thousands of tourists" -> "attracting thousands of tourists"
    Explanation: "Attractive" is incorrectly used here; "attracting" is the correct verb form needed to describe the action of drawing tourists.

  8. "I am certain that you and your friends will be attracted by many interesting things" -> "I am confident that you and your friends will find many interesting attractions"
    Explanation: "Attracted by" is awkward and informal. "Find many interesting attractions" is more direct and formal.

  9. "trying on traditional Vietnamese costumes" -> "wearing traditional Vietnamese attire"
    Explanation: "Trying on" is informal and less precise. "Wearing" is more appropriate for describing the action of putting on clothing, and "attire" is a more formal term than "costumes."

  10. "wear Vietnamese hat" -> "wear Vietnamese hats"
    Explanation: "Hat" should be plural as it is referring to multiple hats, which are part of the traditional Vietnamese attire.

  11. "which can help you comprehend more about Vietnam’s culture" -> "which will enhance your understanding of Vietnamese culture"
    Explanation: "Comprehend more about" is awkward and verbose. "Enhance your understanding of" is more concise and academically appropriate.

  12. "I am looking forward to seeing you soon" -> "I eagerly anticipate your visit"
    Explanation: "Looking forward to seeing you soon" is informal and conversational. "Eagerly anticipate your visit" is more formal and suitable for an academic or professional context.

  13. "I hope you and your school can experience a beneficial and perfect trip" -> "I hope your school trip will be both beneficial and enjoyable"
    Explanation: "Can experience a beneficial and perfect trip" is awkward and informal. "Will be both beneficial and enjoyable" is more formal and grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by suggesting Autumn as the best time to visit and mentioning activities for teenagers, such as trying on traditional costumes and visiting historical sites. However, the response lacks depth in explaining why Autumn is the best season and does not provide a variety of activities that may appeal specifically to teenagers. The mention of flowers blooming is somewhat vague and does not effectively connect to the interests of the target audience.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more specific reasons for choosing Autumn, such as weather conditions or cultural events that take place during that season. Additionally, including a wider range of activities, such as popular local events, festivals, or entertainment options that are particularly appealing to teenagers, would create a more comprehensive answer.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position by recommending Autumn as the best time to visit. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the letter. For instance, while the writer mentions the appeal of the season, the transition to discussing activities feels abrupt and lacks a strong connection back to the season’s benefits.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should link the activities back to the season more explicitly. For example, they could mention specific events or festivals occurring in Autumn that would enhance the experience for teenagers, thereby reinforcing the recommendation for visiting during that time.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat limited in their development. While the writer introduces the concept of trying on traditional costumes and visiting historical sites, these ideas are not sufficiently elaborated upon. The explanation of the cultural significance of these activities is minimal, which weakens the overall impact of the suggestions.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should expand on each suggestion with more detail. For example, they could describe what makes the traditional costumes special or mention specific historical sites that are particularly engaging for teenagers. Providing examples or anecdotes could also help to illustrate the appeal of these activities.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the questions posed by Oliver. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For instance, the introduction about the seasons could be more concise, allowing for more space to discuss the activities in detail.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should streamline the introduction and ensure that every sentence contributes directly to answering the prompt. This could involve cutting down on general statements about the seasons and instead diving straight into the specifics of why Autumn is ideal and what teenagers can do.

Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more thorough response to the prompt. By elaborating on key points, maintaining a clear connection between ideas, and ensuring that all parts of the question are fully addressed, the writer can improve their score significantly.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a generally logical order, starting with a greeting and expressing excitement about the trip, followed by a discussion of the seasons and recommendations for activities. However, the transition between discussing the seasons and the activities could be smoother. For instance, the shift from talking about autumn to the activities available for teenagers feels abrupt. The mention of the weather and flowers is relevant but could be more directly linked to the activities suggested.
    • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the beauty of autumn, you could introduce the activities by saying, "In addition to enjoying the beautiful scenery, there are also many activities that you and your friends can engage in." This would create a clearer connection between the seasons and the suggested activities.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, which helps in organizing thoughts. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct in their focus. The first paragraph introduces the topic and expresses excitement, while the second paragraph discusses the seasons and activities. The second paragraph, however, combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it slightly overwhelming for the reader.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider separating the discussion of the seasons from the activities into two distinct paragraphs. For example, one paragraph could focus solely on the advantages of visiting during autumn, while the next could detail the activities available for teenagers. This would enhance clarity and allow each idea to be developed more fully.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "additionally" and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "one of them is that trying on traditional Vietnamese costumes" could be better linked to the previous sentence about interesting things to do.
    • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "for example," "in addition," or "moreover" to introduce new ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain cohesion throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "Vietnamese costumes," you could refer to them as "these traditional outfits" in subsequent sentences.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the communication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "wonderful," "incredibly cool," and "traditional Vietnamese costumes." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat basic and lacks the variety expected at a higher band score. For instance, phrases like "attractive thousands of tourists" could be rephrased for clarity and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more varied adjectives and synonyms. Instead of "wonderful," you might use "spectacular" or "breathtaking." Additionally, instead of saying "attractive thousands of tourists," you could say "which attracts thousands of tourists." This not only improves clarity but also demonstrates a better command of English.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "divide to four seasons" should be "divided into four seasons." Additionally, "unwind" is used in a context that may not convey the intended meaning clearly. The phrase "comprehend more about Vietnam’s culture" is also awkward; "gain a deeper understanding of Vietnam’s culture" would be more precise.
    • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Reading more English texts can help you see how words are used in context. Additionally, practice paraphrasing sentences to find more precise expressions. For example, instead of "unwind," consider "relax" or "enjoy leisure time."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "Khnhu" appears to be a misspelling or a typographical error, as it does not conform to common English names. Furthermore, "rain season" should be "rainy season," and "adolescents" could be replaced with "teenagers" for consistency with the prompt.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread your work carefully before submission. Consider using spell-check tools or reading your essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and patterns in English to reduce mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good attempt at addressing the prompt, there are several areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. Focusing on these aspects will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "From my perspective, the most wonderful season for travelling is the Autumn" uses a complex structure effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as "Another thing that cannot be missed when coming to Vietnam is visiting historical sites," which could be varied further. The use of phrases like "you and your friends will be attracted by many interesting things" shows an attempt to use different constructions, but it could be more sophisticated.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex clauses and varying the sentence openings. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another thing," try using phrases like "In addition to this," or "Moreover," to introduce new ideas. Additionally, using passive voice or conditional sentences can add complexity. For example, "If you visit in Autumn, you will experience the beauty of the season" would diversify the sentence structure.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "my country divide to four seasons" should be "my country is divided into four seasons." The phrase "the weather in this season is incredibly cool and a little bit chill" contains a redundancy; "chill" could be replaced with "chilly" for grammatical correctness. Punctuation is generally correct, but some sentences are lengthy and could benefit from being split for better readability. For example, "Additionally, there are so many kinds of flowers blooming which is attractive thousands of tourists, especially adolescents" could be revised for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, proofreading the essay for run-on sentences and ensuring that each sentence conveys a complete thought will enhance clarity. Consider breaking longer sentences into shorter ones to improve readability. For example, "There are many flowers blooming, which attract thousands of tourists, especially adolescents" is clearer and grammatically correct.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable range of structures and a solid understanding of grammar, attention to detail in grammatical accuracy and further diversification of sentence structures will help elevate the score. Regular practice and revision can significantly enhance the overall quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Dear Oliver,

How have you been lately? I am extremely glad to hear that you and your friends will travel to my country next year. You know, my country has four distinct seasons in a year, but it is clearer with the dry and rainy seasons. From my perspective, the most wonderful season for traveling is Autumn. The weather in this season is incredibly cool and slightly chilly, which helps you relax. Additionally, there are numerous types of flowers blooming, attracting thousands of tourists, especially adolescents. Furthermore, I am confident that you and your friends will find many interesting attractions. One of them is trying on traditional Vietnamese costumes such as ao dai and wearing Vietnamese hats, which will enhance your understanding of Vietnamese culture. Another thing that cannot be missed when coming to Vietnam is visiting historical sites, which can help you learn about the glorious past here.

I eagerly anticipate your visit. I hope your school trip will be both beneficial and enjoyable.

Best wishes,
Khnhu

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