Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after they are released. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem?

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after they are released.
Why is this the case?
What can be done to solve this problem?

It can be seen that from current studies, once most ex-convicts who were sent to prison experienced rehabilitation, they still revert to crime. Some reasons for this phenomenon can be identified, and some measures could be taken to deal with it.
The trend of ex-criminals committing crimes is caused by certain factors. One main reason is associated with a criminal background. This means making it more difficult for people to find job opportunities. Therefore, they do not have enough financial means to support themselves, engaging in illegal activities again. For example, in order to be affluent, they may become merchants who illegally sell endangered species to make great profit. Another primary reason is that former offenders find it hard to reintegrate into societies. This can be explained by the fact that individuals have a negative attitude towards them. As a result, it makes them a sense of resentment, leading to having an increase in recidivism.
Fortunately, there are several solutions that can deal with this trend. Firstly, residents should be encouraged by the government to mitigate discrimination against ex-convicts. This may not make these prisoners get a sense of exclusion. Therefore, it is more convenient for them to reintegrate the community, promoting them to do good-behaviour activities such as protecting the environment or helping impoverished people. Secondly, the authority had better offer education, special job opportunities or mental health counselling for former violators through rehabilitation and support programs, which can be an essential factor to alleviate recidivism quos. This remedy was extremely successful in Norway reported the lowest recidivism rate in the world.
To sum up, the primary causes of former inmates committing crimes again are their record and the countless challenges involved in their social integration. To handle this, the government needs to reduce social stigmatisation and establish rehabilitation and support systems, leading to easing a number of ex-convicts returning to a life of crime.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It can be seen that from current studies" -> "It is evident from current research"
   Explanation: "It is evident from current research" is more precise and academically formal than "It can be seen that from current studies," which is somewhat vague and informal.

2. "once most ex-convicts who were sent to prison experienced rehabilitation, they still revert to crime" -> "following rehabilitation, many ex-convicts still revert to criminal behavior"
   Explanation: "Following rehabilitation" is more concise and formal than "once most ex-convicts who were sent to prison experienced rehabilitation." Additionally, "criminal behavior" is a more precise term than "crime," which is more general.

3. "Some reasons for this phenomenon can be identified" -> "Several factors contributing to this phenomenon can be identified"
   Explanation: "Several factors contributing to this phenomenon" is more specific and formal than "Some reasons for this phenomenon," which is somewhat vague and informal.

4. "making it more difficult for people to find job opportunities" -> "limiting job opportunities"
   Explanation: "Limiting job opportunities" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the redundancy of "making it more difficult for people to find."

5. "engaging in illegal activities again" -> "re-engaging in illegal activities"
   Explanation: "Re-engaging" is a more precise term that implies a return to previous behavior, which is more appropriate in this context.

6. "in order to be affluent, they may become merchants who illegally sell endangered species to make great profit" -> "to accumulate wealth, they may engage in illegal activities such as the illicit trade of endangered species"
   Explanation: "To accumulate wealth" is more formal than "to be affluent," and "engage in illegal activities such as the illicit trade of endangered species" is more specific and formal than "become merchants who illegally sell endangered species to make great profit."

7. "a sense of resentment" -> "a sense of resentment"
   Explanation: "A sense of resentment" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone of the essay.

8. "having an increase in recidivism" -> "experiencing an increase in recidivism"
   Explanation: "Experiencing" is more appropriate in this context, as it directly relates to the effect of the negative attitude on the individuals.

9. "residents should be encouraged by the government" -> "the government should encourage residents"
   Explanation: "The government should encourage residents" is more direct and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.

10. "This may not make these prisoners get a sense of exclusion" -> "This may prevent these prisoners from feeling excluded"
    Explanation: "Prevent these prisoners from feeling excluded" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "make these prisoners get a sense of exclusion."

11. "do good-behaviour activities" -> "engage in positive behaviors"
    Explanation: "Engage in positive behaviors" is more formal and academically appropriate than "do good-behaviour activities," which is informal and awkward.

12. "the authority had better offer" -> "authorities should offer"
    Explanation: "Authorities should offer" is more direct and formal than "the authority had better offer," which is somewhat informal and less precise.

13. "recidivism quos" -> "recidivism rates"
    Explanation: "Recidivism rates" is the correct term, replacing the incorrect and unclear "recidivism quos."

14. "This remedy was extremely successful" -> "This approach has been highly effective"
    Explanation: "This approach has been highly effective" is more formal and precise than "This remedy was extremely successful," which uses colloquial language.

15. "leading to easing a number of ex-convicts returning to a life of crime" -> "resulting in fewer ex-convicts returning to criminal behavior"
    Explanation: "Resulting in fewer ex-convicts returning to criminal behavior" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "leading to easing a number of ex-convicts returning to a life of crime."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for recidivism and proposing solutions. The reasons mentioned include the difficulties in finding employment due to a criminal background and challenges in social reintegration. The solutions proposed include reducing discrimination and providing educational and job opportunities. However, while the essay touches on these aspects, it could benefit from a more thorough exploration of each point. For instance, the mention of illegal activities could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is addressed in greater depth. This could involve providing more detailed explanations, examples, or data to support the claims made about both the causes of recidivism and the effectiveness of the proposed solutions.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that recidivism is a significant issue stemming from societal attitudes and systemic barriers. The stance is consistent throughout, as the writer clearly advocates for government intervention to address these problems. However, the phrasing in some areas could be clearer. For example, the transition between discussing causes and solutions could be more explicit to reinforce the connection between the two.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use more explicit transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. Phrases like "In light of these challenges, it is crucial that…" can help reinforce the connection between the problems identified and the solutions proposed.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes of recidivism and potential solutions. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the point about ex-convicts engaging in illegal activities could be elaborated by discussing the psychological or economic pressures they face. Additionally, while the mention of Norway’s success is a strong point, it would be more effective if further details about the specific programs implemented there were included.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend each idea with further elaboration and support. This could involve providing more detailed examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions or the severity of the issues discussed.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for recidivism and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the phrase "merchants who illegally sell endangered species" seems somewhat tangential and could detract from the main argument about recidivism.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and points made are directly relevant to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content aligns with the central argument of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and focus. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The ideas flow logically from identifying the problem to suggesting solutions. For instance, the transition from discussing the causes of recidivism to the proposed solutions is smooth, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the relationship between some ideas could be more explicitly stated to enhance clarity. For example, the connection between the criminal background and job opportunities could be more clearly articulated to show how one leads to the other.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the main thesis. Additionally, using linking phrases such as "This leads to…" or "Consequently…" can help clarify the relationships between ideas and reinforce the logical flow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with distinct sections for causes and solutions. Each paragraph contains a main idea supported by examples, which is a strength. However, some paragraphs could benefit from more internal cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph discussing solutions could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on societal attitudes and the other on educational and support programs. This would help maintain focus and clarity within each paragraph.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each focusing on a single idea or aspect of the argument. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that all subsequent sentences relate back to that main idea. This will improve readability and help the reader follow your argument more easily.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "as a result," and "firstly," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel repetitive. For example, "therefore" is used multiple times in similar contexts, which can detract from the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, the phrase "this remedy was extremely successful in Norway" could be better integrated to connect it more explicitly to the previous discussion about solutions.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or varying the structure of sentences to avoid repetition. Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "consequently," and "on the other hand," to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that examples are seamlessly integrated into the argument rather than standing alone, which can enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on clearer organization, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the use of cohesive devices, the essay can be further improved to achieve a higher score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "rehabilitation," "recidivism," and "discrimination" being effectively employed. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety, particularly in the way ideas are expressed. For instance, phrases such as "commit crimes" and "reintegrate into societies" are repeated without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or alternative expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "commit crimes," they could use "engage in criminal activities" or "reoffend." Additionally, varying sentence structures and using idiomatic expressions could also enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "engaging in illegal activities again" could be more directly stated as "resorting to crime." Furthermore, the term "affluent" is misused; it should refer to wealth rather than a means of becoming wealthy.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context-appropriate vocabulary. For instance, they could replace "merchants who illegally sell endangered species" with "poachers" to convey the idea more succinctly. Additionally, reviewing definitions and contexts of words before use can help ensure that the vocabulary chosen accurately reflects the intended meaning.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "good-behaviour" (which should be "good behavior" in American English or "good behaviour" in British English) and "recidivism quos," where "quos" appears to be a typographical error or misused term. These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally using spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud to catch mistakes. Additionally, keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help improve overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and diligently checking for spelling errors, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases such as "this means making it more difficult for people to find job opportunities" and "this can be explained by the fact that individuals have a negative attitude towards them" showcases the ability to construct sentences that convey detailed ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way reasons and solutions are presented, which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "one main reason is" or "another primary reason is," the writer could use alternatives like "a significant contributing factor is" or "additionally, another aspect to consider is." Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences or participial phrases could further enrich the essay’s structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that impact clarity. For example, the phrase "it makes them a sense of resentment" should be corrected to "it creates a sense of resentment." Furthermore, the use of "had better" in "the authority had better offer education" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with "should" for a more formal tone. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage. Practicing sentence rephrasing can help identify awkward constructions. Additionally, paying closer attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity and flow. Regularly reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into effective grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It can be seen that from current studies, once most ex-convicts who were sent to prison experience rehabilitation, they still revert to crime. Several reasons for this phenomenon can be identified, and some measures could be taken to deal with it.

The trend of ex-criminals committing crimes is caused by certain factors. One main reason is associated with a criminal background. This means it is more difficult for people to find job opportunities. Therefore, they do not have enough financial means to support themselves, leading to re-engaging in illegal activities again. For example, to accumulate wealth, they may become merchants who illegally sell endangered species to make a great profit. Another primary reason is that former offenders find it hard to reintegrate into society. This can be explained by the fact that individuals have a negative attitude towards them. As a result, this creates a sense of resentment, leading to an increase in recidivism.

Fortunately, there are several solutions that can address this trend. Firstly, the government should encourage residents to mitigate discrimination against ex-convicts. This may prevent these prisoners from feeling excluded. Therefore, it is more convenient for them to reintegrate into the community, promoting them to engage in positive behaviors such as protecting the environment or helping impoverished people. Secondly, authorities should offer education, special job opportunities, or mental health counseling for former offenders through rehabilitation and support programs, which can be an essential factor in alleviating recidivism rates. This approach has been highly effective in Norway, which reported the lowest recidivism rate in the world.

To sum up, the primary causes of former inmates committing crimes again are their criminal records and the countless challenges involved in their social integration. To handle this, the government needs to reduce social stigmatization and establish rehabilitation and support systems, leading to fewer ex-convicts returning to a life of crime.