Robots and AI are being developed to replace humans in workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

AI and robots are being evolved as worker replacements. This writer believes that fee decreases are the root cause of this and in the writer's opinion, this is a positive development due to the effectiveness of these machines.

The original cause of this phenomenon is that the budget to run an automatic system, which can be generated by AI has dropped. This is due to the development in the number of AI cooperations, which has led to a decline in the AI price. Based on CNN's surveillance, the cost of owning an AI system has fallen from more than 500 thousand dollars in 2010 to only 50 thousand dollars in 2023. As a result, more companies will have a chance to occupy a better technique in their businesses.

It must be recognized that this is a positive development due to AI and robot efficiency. This is because AI can do its job more precisely than human workers. Additionally, the fee to operate AI processes is much lower than the wage that humans have to pay to human employees. Taking Amazon as a prime example, they have saved about 4 to 5 billion dollars every year just by replacing their staff with robots and their efficacy is maintained at the same level. Therefore, AI can be a solution to reduce the amount of money invested.

Taking everything into account, the reduction in AI costs has turned AI into a substitute for mortal employees. Hence, this is an useful development due to its exactness and low operation value.

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Errors and Improvements:

"are being evolved as worker replacements" -> "are evolving as replacements for human workers"
Explanation: "Being evolved" is awkward and passive. "Evolving as replacements for human workers" is more active and precise.
"fee decreases" -> "cost reductions"
Explanation: "Fee decreases" is too informal. "Cost reductions" is a more formal and precise term in the context of business operations.
"root cause of this" -> "primary factor behind this trend"
Explanation: "Root cause" is a bit casual. "Primary factor behind this trend" is more formal and accurately conveys the idea.
"in the writer’s opinion" -> "according to the author"
Explanation: "In the writer’s opinion" is redundant and informal. "According to the author" maintains formality and clarity.
"due to the effectiveness of these machines" -> "because of the efficiency of these machines"
Explanation: "Effectiveness" is slightly vague. "Efficiency" is a more precise term in this context.
"which can be generated by AI has dropped" -> "that can be generated by AI has decreased"
Explanation: "Which can be generated by AI has dropped" is unclear. "That can be generated by AI has decreased" is more precise and grammatically correct.
"the development in the number of AI cooperations" -> "the proliferation of AI companies"
Explanation: "Development in the number of AI cooperations" is awkward. "Proliferation of AI companies" is a more concise and accurate phrase.
"led to a decline in the AI price" -> "resulted in a decrease in AI prices"
Explanation: "Led to a decline in the AI price" is slightly awkward. "Resulted in a decrease in AI prices" is clearer and more formal.
"Based on CNN’s surveillance" -> "According to CNN’s research"
Explanation: "Based on CNN’s surveillance" is an unusual phrase. "According to CNN’s research" is more common and formal.
"the cost of owning an AI system has fallen from more than 500 thousand dollars" -> "the cost of owning an AI system has dropped from over $500,000"
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and consistency with numerical representation.
"only 50 thousand dollars" -> "only $50,000"
Explanation: Using numerical representation for currency is more formal and clearer.
"more companies will have a chance to occupy a better technique in their businesses" -> "more companies will have the opportunity to adopt advanced technology in their operations"
Explanation: "Occupy a better technique" is awkward and unclear. "Adopt advanced technology in their operations" is more precise and formal.
"It must be recognized that this is a positive development" -> "It is important to acknowledge that this represents a positive trend"
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality.
"mortal employees" -> "human employees"
Explanation: "Mortal employees" is overly dramatic and not typically used in academic or formal contexts. "Human employees" is more appropriate and neutral.
"Hence, this is an useful development" -> "Therefore, this represents a beneficial development"
Explanation: "Hence" is slightly archaic. "Therefore" is more commonly used in formal writing. "An useful development" should be "a useful development" for correct grammar.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt. It discusses why robots and AI are replacing humans in the workplace (budget decreases) and offers an opinion on whether this is positive or negative for society (positive due to efficiency and cost-effectiveness).
- How to improve: While the essay provides a basic response to all parts of the question, it could benefit from deeper analysis and exploration of potential drawbacks or counterarguments. Encourage the writer to delve into the potential negative societal impacts of AI and robot replacements to provide a more balanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, expressing a belief in the positive impact of AI and robots replacing humans in the workplace.
- How to improve: The clarity of the position could be enhanced by explicitly stating it in the introduction and conclusion, reinforcing it throughout the body paragraphs, and providing stronger transitions to guide the reader through the essay’s argumentation.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the reasons for AI and robot adoption in the workplace (cost reduction) and supports them with specific examples (e.g., the decreasing cost of AI systems, Amazon’s savings).
- How to improve: To extend and strengthen the ideas presented, the writer could provide additional examples, statistics, or expert opinions to bolster their argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Moreover, developing counterarguments or addressing potential objections could enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the reasons for the rise of AI and robots in the workplace and evaluating their impact on society.
- How to improve: While the essay does not deviate significantly from the topic, there is room to enhance coherence and relevance by ensuring that every point directly contributes to the overall argument and thesis statement. Additionally, avoiding repetition and maintaining a logical flow of ideas can help improve focus and clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of task response, presenting a coherent argument in support of the positive impact of AI and robot replacements in the workplace. However, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should strive for deeper analysis, stronger argumentation, and a more balanced consideration of opposing viewpoints.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally logical organization, with clear introductory and concluding statements. However, within the body paragraphs, the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. The essay jumps from discussing the cost reduction of AI to its efficiency without a clear transition, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the body paragraphs more clearly. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, use transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs, ensuring a seamless flow of information.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs adequately, dividing the content into distinct sections. However, there is room for improvement in the structure and coherence within paragraphs. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation, impacting readability.
- How to improve: Focus on structuring paragraphs around a single main idea or argument. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the central point. Use supporting evidence and examples to develop the idea within the paragraph. Ensure a smooth transition between sentences to maintain coherence and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "Additionally" and "Taking everything into account." However, there is a lack of variety and sophistication in the use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: Broaden the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence. Include a variety of transitional words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "On the other hand," etc., to connect ideas within and between sentences. Additionally, use pronouns, demonstratives, and synonyms effectively to maintain coherence and avoid repetition. Experiment with more advanced cohesive devices, such as parallel structure and rhetorical devices, to elevate the essay’s cohesion and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms like "evolved," "phenomenon," "cooperations," "occupy," and "efficacy." However, there is a noticeable repetition of certain words and phrases, such as "AI" and "robots," which could have been varied for better lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or alternative expressions for repetitive terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "AI," you could interchange it with phrases like "artificial intelligence systems" or "automated technologies." This variation not only enriches the vocabulary but also prevents monotony in language usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary, with terms like "efficiency," "precisely," and "substitute" being employed accurately. However, there are instances where the language could be more precise, such as the phrase "better technique in their businesses," which could benefit from more specific terminology.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using vocabulary that conveys the intended meaning with clarity. Instead of "better technique," consider specifying the aspect of improvement, such as "enhanced operational efficiency" or "advanced technological capabilities." This precision adds depth to the argument and avoids ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally adequate throughout the essay, with no glaring errors detected. However, there are minor issues such as "fee" instead of "fее" in the context of "fee decreases," and "useful" instead of "useful" in the final sentence. These errors slightly detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling details, particularly when dealing with homophones or commonly misspelled words. Utilize spell-check tools and proofreading techniques to catch and correct such errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, reviewing vocabulary and its correct spelling can aid in reinforcing accurate usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, simple sentences like "AI and robots are being evolved as worker replacements" are combined with compound sentences such as "This is because AI can do its job more precisely than human workers, and the fee to operate AI processes is much lower than the wage that humans have to pay to human employees." Additionally, a complex sentence is evident in "Taking everything into account, the reduction in AI costs has turned AI into a substitute for mortal employees." However, further diversification with more complex structures, such as conditional or passive constructions, could enhance the sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To elevate the range of sentence structures, consider incorporating conditional sentences to discuss hypothetical scenarios, passive constructions to vary sentence structures, and inverted sentences for emphasis. For instance, instead of consistently using active voice constructions, introduce passive voice constructions where appropriate to bring focus to different elements of the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation, with few notable errors. However, some instances of incorrect verb tense usage and subject-verb agreement issues are present. For instance, "AI and robots are being evolved as worker replacements" should be revised to "AI and robots are evolving as replacements for workers" for smoother verb tense consistency. Additionally, the phrase "this is an useful development" should be corrected to "this is a useful development" to maintain proper article usage. Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are minor instances of comma splice errors and missing commas before introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on consistently using appropriate verb tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Reviewing the use of articles and refining punctuation skills, particularly regarding comma usage in complex sentences, will also contribute to enhancing overall grammatical accuracy. Consider utilizing grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

AI and robots are evolving as replacements for human workers. This writer believes that cost reductions are the primary driver behind this trend, and in the writer’s view, this is a positive development due to the efficiency of these machines.

The main reason for this shift is the decreasing cost of implementing automated systems, powered by AI. This reduction in cost is attributed to the proliferation of AI companies, resulting in a decline in AI prices. According to CNN’s research, the price of owning an AI system has plummeted from over 500 thousand dollars in 2010 to a mere 50 thousand dollars in 2023. Consequently, more companies now have the opportunity to adopt advanced technology for their operations.

It is important to acknowledge that this is a beneficial development owing to the efficiency of AI and robots. These machines can perform tasks with greater precision compared to human workers. Moreover, the operational costs of AI processes are significantly lower than the wages paid to human employees. For instance, Amazon has annually saved approximately 4 to 5 billion dollars by substituting robots for their staff while maintaining the same level of productivity. Therefore, AI presents a cost-effective solution for businesses to reduce their expenditure.

In conclusion, the declining costs of AI have positioned it as a viable alternative to human employees. Consequently, this is a beneficial development due to its precision and cost-effectiveness.