Rubric: Happiness is very important to individuals, but it is very hard to define. Why is happiness hard to define? What is your definition of happiness?

Rubric: Happiness is very important to individuals, but it is very hard to define. Why is happiness hard to define? What is your definition of happiness?

There is no doubt that happiness, among others, contributes massively to the wellness of humanity, which recently has become more and more challenging to describe. In my view, it is the distinction in the masses’ values and age that generates the complexity of the term.
To begin with, humanity’s distinct values develop various ways of understanding one’s contentment. For instance, many people valuing family would regard staying near their homes as happiness, whereas others will only feel the same as long as they have reached a specific state of abundance. Therefore, the diversity in the concept of happiness roots from the fact that each individual holds different priorities throughout one’s life.
In addition, the literature on happiness has highlighted the fact that the mood comes from different stimuli, yet the major one is satisfaction towards goal accomplishments. What matters is that age disparity establishing various goals – for instance, a juvenile might consider completing their homework as happiness, in the meantime, an adolescent might aim at receiving promotion in their career path in order to be happy – causes different means to obtain happiness. In short, different age groups would form distinct definitions of delight.
Personally, the fact that I can ensure a good condition of both physical and mental health brings me the joy of life. This perception grows from my belief that only by having good health can I not only pursue what I value but create my own fortune as well, which status quo enables me to live to the fullest.
In general, that happiness plays an integral role in motivating humanity living in this age, to some extent, engenders difficulties for it to be called out as the perception of values and goals to achieve may vary by person. No matter how vague one’s understanding of their own happiness is, it is necessary for society to delve into the concept so as to foster one’s development throughout their life.

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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "massively" -> "significantly"
    Explanation: Replacing "massively" with "significantly" provides a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic writing standards.

  2. "recently has become" -> "has recently become"
    Explanation: Rearranging the words to "has recently become" improves the grammatical structure, maintaining a formal tone.

  3. "wellness" -> "well-being"
    Explanation: Substituting "wellness" with "well-being" is a more formal and widely accepted term in academic discourse.

  4. "In my view" -> "From my perspective"
    Explanation: Using "From my perspective" adds formality to the expression, offering a more academically appropriate transition.

  5. "contentment" -> "happiness"
    Explanation: While "contentment" is acceptable, using "happiness" is a more direct and common term in this context, enhancing clarity.

  6. "staying near" -> "residing close to"
    Explanation: Replacing "staying near" with "residing close to" offers a more formal and precise description of the concept.

  7. "others will only feel the same" -> "others may only experience similar feelings"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more nuanced and formal expression.

  8. "major one" -> "primary one"
    Explanation: Substituting "major one" with "primary one" maintains clarity while using a more sophisticated term.

  9. "For instance" -> "For example"
    Explanation: "For example" is a standard and slightly more formal alternative to "For instance" in academic writing.

  10. "juvenile" -> "young individual" or "adolescent"
    Explanation: Replacing "juvenile" with "young individual" or "adolescent" is more precise and avoids potential ambiguity.

  11. "In short" -> "In summary"
    Explanation: "In summary" is a more formal transition phrase, suitable for academic writing.

  12. "Personally" -> "From a personal standpoint"
    Explanation: Using "From a personal standpoint" adds formality and structure to the expression.

  13. "the fact that" (repeated) -> Omit one instance
    Explanation: Redundant use of "the fact that" can be eliminated without loss of meaning.

  14. "grows from" -> "derives from"
    Explanation: Substituting "grows from" with "derives from" offers a more formal and precise choice of words.

  15. "not only… but" -> "not only… but also"
    Explanation: Completing the correlative conjunction with "also" ensures grammatical correctness.

  16. "status quo" -> "current state"
    Explanation: Replacing "status quo" with "current state" is clearer and more standard in academic writing.

  17. "integral role" -> "essential role"
    Explanation: Using "essential role" maintains the meaning while employing a more formal term.

  18. "to some extent" -> "to a certain extent"
    Explanation: "To a certain extent" is a more formal expression in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the question. It explores why happiness is challenging to define by delving into differences in values and age. The discussion on the personal definition of happiness is also present.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing a bit more depth on specific examples of how values and age contribute to the difficulty of defining happiness.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout. It asserts that the complexity of happiness arises from variations in values and age, and this position is consistently upheld.
    • How to improve: No significant improvements are needed in this aspect. Continue to ensure clarity and coherence in presenting your position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas about the diversity in understanding happiness based on values and age. Examples are provided to illustrate these points, such as valuing family or setting career goals. However, a few instances could benefit from further elaboration.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion on specific examples, providing more depth to enhance the reader’s understanding of the presented ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the challenges of defining happiness due to variations in values and age. However, there is a slight deviation when the essay discusses the importance of society delving into the concept without directly tying it back to the difficulty of defining happiness.
    • How to improve: Maintain a more direct connection between the societal perspective and the challenge of defining happiness, reinforcing the essay’s main theme.

In summary, this essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering a clear position on why happiness is hard to define. While it generally maintains focus, minor improvements in depth of examples and maintaining direct relevance in all sections can further enhance its overall quality. Keep refining your ideas and connecting them explicitly to the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s viewpoint. Each body paragraph explores a different aspect of why happiness is hard to define. The ideas flow logically from one to another, contributing to the coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the organization of ideas within paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph could benefit from a clearer structure and smoother transitions between ideas. The flow within this paragraph is slightly disrupted, affecting overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Develop and present supporting details cohesively within each paragraph. Ensure smooth transitions between sentences and ideas, especially within the body paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, separating distinct ideas and allowing for a clear progression of thoughts. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the prompt, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the second paragraph could benefit from improved structural clarity. The transition between the discussion of family values and individual priorities is somewhat abrupt, affecting the paragraph’s overall effectiveness.
    • How to improve: Consider refining the structure of each paragraph to ensure a smooth transition between ideas. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to provide a clear focus. Additionally, consider using linking sentences or phrases to create a more seamless flow between different aspects of the same idea or related ideas within a paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases, contributing to the overall coherence. For instance, phrases like "To begin with," and "In addition" help signal the organization of ideas. However, there is a slight over-reliance on repetitive phrases, such as "different" and "happiness," which may slightly affect the variety of cohesive devices used.
    • How to improve: While the essay uses cohesive devices effectively, consider diversifying the vocabulary to avoid repetition. Use synonyms or varied expressions where appropriate to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that the chosen cohesive devices contribute to a smooth and natural flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To improve, focus on refining the organization of ideas within paragraphs and enhancing the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate varied terms such as "contentment," "abundance," and "delight." However, the diversity could be improved by introducing more nuanced vocabulary and expressions related to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To enhance your score, strive for greater lexical diversity. Introduce more specific and contextually relevant vocabulary related to happiness. For example, consider incorporating words like "fulfillment," "bliss," or "satisfaction" to convey a richer and more precise meaning.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. Instances like "distinct values" and "satisfaction towards goal accomplishments" show an attempt at precision. However, there are moments where words could be more carefully chosen for a more exact expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: Aim for even more precise language usage. For instance, instead of "distinct values," consider specifying the values that contribute to the complexity of happiness. Replace general terms with more specific ones to convey your thoughts with greater accuracy.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling. There are no major spelling errors that significantly impact comprehension. However, a few minor issues, such as "status quo" (one word), need attention.
    • How to improve: While overall spelling is satisfactory, pay close attention to compound words and ensure they are used correctly. Additionally, consider thorough proofreading to catch minor spelling discrepancies. It might be helpful to use tools like spell checkers for additional support.

Overall, the essay presents a solid understanding of the prompt and expresses ideas coherently. To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on enriching your vocabulary, using terms precisely, and ensuring meticulous spelling throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are utilized, contributing to overall clarity. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety. A significant portion of the essay relies on simple sentence structures, and more complex structures could enhance the sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. For example, experiment with compound-complex sentences to express ideas in a more nuanced manner. Introduce phrases and clauses to create a more varied and engaging prose.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as in the phrase "it is the distinction in the masses’ values and age that generates the complexity of the term," where subject-verb agreement is not maintained. Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, like missing commas in some compound sentences.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical accuracy. In complex sentences, be mindful of punctuation, using commas appropriately to clarify the relationship between ideas. Reviewing and proofreading can help identify and correct these specific issues. Consider seeking feedback on your writing to gain additional perspectives.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, earning a Band Score of 7. To improve further, focus on incorporating a broader range of sentence structures and refining grammatical details through careful proofreading.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is no doubt that happiness significantly contributes to the well-being of individuals, and its definition has recently become more challenging. From my perspective, the complexity arises from the diversity in people’s values and age.

To begin with, distinct values within humanity lead to various interpretations of contentment. For example, individuals who prioritize family might find happiness in residing close to their homes, while others may only experience similar feelings when they achieve a specific level of abundance. The concept of happiness varies because each person holds different priorities throughout their life.

Furthermore, literature on happiness emphasizes that satisfaction towards goal accomplishments is a primary factor, and age plays an essential role in shaping these goals. For instance, a young individual might consider completing homework as happiness, while an adolescent might aim for career promotion. The age disparity in establishing different goals causes distinct means of obtaining happiness, leading to varied definitions among different age groups.

From a personal standpoint, my happiness derives from ensuring a good condition of both physical and mental health. This perspective is rooted in the belief that only by maintaining good health can I not only pursue what I value but also create my own fortune, enabling me to live life to the fullest.

In summary, happiness plays an integral role in motivating individuals, but its definition becomes challenging due to variations in values and goals, influenced by age. No matter how vague one’s understanding of their own happiness is, it is necessary for society to delve into the concept to foster personal development throughout one’s life.

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