Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In recent years, there has been an argument that students could get so much information that internet provides on the internet.While admitting with this opinion,i still think that schools are very necessary for children since face-to-face communication plays a significant role to children’s life.
On the one hand, It is true that we are living in a modern life,internet plays an important role.Internet can provide them all kind of entertainments.Beside,internet also helps children by boosting their creativity,with their problem solving skills and many life’s issues.Helping them to live easily in today’s life.
On the other hand,i convinced that formal school is irreplaceable because of its unique teaching methods,includes interaction of academic staffs and monitoring from lecturers,which online courses still lack.Moreover,traditional school helps children to improve their communication,collaboration and team working skills,they need to nagotiate with their peers by engaging with extracurricular activities in teamwork’s projects,which online learning can’t replace.Such experiences are vital for strengthening children’s empathy,their social skills and the development of their personalities,which the internet are lack of.
In conclusion,Although internet have unlimited search for informations,traditional school provide children with unique style of teaching and many social-life skills that online courses can’t provide enough which is vital for the development of personality.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "get so much information that internet provides" -> "obtain a vast amount of information from the internet"
   Explanation: "Obtain a vast amount of information from the internet" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward phrasing and informal tone of "get so much information that internet provides."

2. "admitting with this opinion" -> "acknowledge this viewpoint"
   Explanation: "Acknowledge this viewpoint" is more formal and academically appropriate than "admitting with this opinion," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

3. "schools are very necessary for children" -> "schools are essential for children"
   Explanation: "Essential" is a more precise and formal term than "very necessary," which is somewhat vague and informal.

4. "face-to-face communication plays a significant role to children’s life" -> "face-to-face communication plays a significant role in children’s lives"
   Explanation: The phrase "in children’s lives" is grammatically correct and more formal than "to children’s life," which is incorrect.

5. "It is true that we are living in a modern life,internet plays an important role" -> "It is true that we live in a modern era, and the internet plays a significant role"
   Explanation: "We live in a modern era" is grammatically correct and more formal than "we are living in a modern life." Also, "and" is added for clarity and correctness.

6. "all kind of entertainments" -> "all kinds of entertainment"
   Explanation: "All kinds of entertainment" is grammatically correct and more formal than "all kind of entertainments."

7. "Beside,internet also helps children by" -> "Besides, the internet also helps children by"
   Explanation: "Besides" should be capitalized as it is the first word of a sentence, and "the internet" is more precise than "internet."

8. "boosting their creativity,with their problem solving skills and many life’s issues" -> "enhancing their creativity, problem-solving skills, and addressing various life issues"
   Explanation: "Enhancing" and "problem-solving skills" are more precise and formal than "boosting" and "many life’s issues," which is awkward and grammatically incorrect.

9. "i convinced that" -> "I am convinced that"
   Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error and maintains formal tone.

10. "includes interaction of academic staffs" -> "includes interactions among academic staff"
    Explanation: "Interactions among academic staff" is grammatically correct and more formal than "interaction of academic staffs."

11. "nagogotiate with their peers" -> "negotiate with their peers"
    Explanation: "Negotiate" is the correct spelling, and "negotiate" is more formal than "nagogotiate."

12. "team working skills" -> "teamwork skills"
    Explanation: "Teamwork skills" is the correct term, whereas "team working skills" is awkward and incorrect.

13. "the internet are lack of" -> "the internet lacks"
    Explanation: "The internet lacks" is grammatically correct, replacing the incorrect "are lack of."

14. "Although internet have unlimited search for informations" -> "Although the internet offers unlimited access to information"
    Explanation: "Offers unlimited access to information" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have unlimited search for informations," which is awkward and incorrect.

15. "traditional school provide children with unique style of teaching" -> "traditional schools provide children with a unique teaching style"
    Explanation: "Schools" should be plural to match the context, and "a unique teaching style" is grammatically correct and more formal.

16. "online courses can’t provide enough" -> "online courses cannot provide sufficient"
    Explanation: "Cannot provide sufficient" is more formal and precise than "can’t provide enough," which is informal and vague.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages of the internet and the necessity of schools. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The introduction states a position but lacks a clear delineation of how strongly the author feels about the statement, which is essential for a comprehensive response. The arguments presented are somewhat relevant but do not sufficiently engage with the nuances of the question.
  • How to improve: To improve, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction, indicating whether they fully agree, partially agree, or disagree with the statement. Additionally, they should provide a more balanced discussion that reflects the extent of their agreement or disagreement, possibly by using phrases like "I partially agree" or "I strongly disagree" and elaborating on the reasons behind their stance.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that schools are necessary, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. The initial argument about the benefits of the internet could lead readers to believe the author is leaning towards the internet being sufficient, which creates confusion about their overall position. The use of phrases like "I still think" is vague and does not strongly assert the author’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: The author should work on maintaining a clear and consistent position by using more definitive language. Instead of saying "I still think," they could use "I firmly believe" or "It is essential to recognize that." Additionally, reinforcing their position in each paragraph with clear topic sentences and concluding statements will help maintain clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the role of schools and the internet, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with specific examples. For instance, while the author mentions that schools help develop social skills, they do not provide concrete examples or evidence to illustrate this point. The arguments tend to be general and lack depth, which weakens the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide specific examples or scenarios that illustrate their points. For instance, they could describe a situation where face-to-face interaction in a school setting led to improved teamwork or problem-solving skills. Additionally, expanding on each point with further explanation and analysis will strengthen the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the roles of schools and the internet. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the first paragraph where the benefits of the internet are mentioned without directly linking them back to the main argument about the necessity of schools. This can lead to a lack of coherence in the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main argument about the necessity of schools. They could use transitional phrases to connect ideas more clearly and reinforce how each point supports their overall stance. Additionally, summarizing the main argument at the end of each paragraph can help keep the essay on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires more clarity, depth, and coherence to achieve a higher band score. By addressing these areas, the author can improve their Task Response significantly.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The argument is logically divided into two opposing viewpoints: the benefits of the internet and the necessity of traditional schooling. However, some points could be better connected. For instance, the transition from discussing the internet’s benefits to the importance of schools could be smoother. The phrase "On the one hand" introduces the first argument well, but the transition to the second argument lacks a clear linking phrase that would enhance the flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate a shift in focus. For example, after discussing the internet’s advantages, a phrase like "Conversely" or "In contrast" could effectively signal the introduction of the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the advantages of the internet, while the second emphasizes the importance of traditional schooling. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. For example, the first body paragraph contains several ideas that could be more clearly delineated, such as separating the discussion of creativity and problem-solving skills into distinct sentences for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Breaking down complex ideas into separate sentences can enhance clarity. For instance, in the first body paragraph, consider separating the ideas about entertainment and creativity into two distinct sentences to avoid overwhelming the reader with information.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the lack of cohesive devices affects the flow of the essay. For example, the phrase "which online courses still lack" could benefit from a more explicit connection to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between the ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," "However," and "For instance." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can enhance cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "the internet," you could use "it" or "this resource" in subsequent sentences to maintain coherence without redundancy.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "entertainments," "creativity," "problem-solving skills," and "empathy." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety, particularly in phrases like "internet provides" and "traditional school." The use of "unique" appears multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "internet," alternatives like "online resources," "digital platforms," or "web-based information" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to education and technology, such as "pedagogical methods" or "digital literacy," could elevate the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "students could get so much information that internet provides on the internet" is awkward and redundant. Additionally, "life’s issues" is vague and could be more specific. The phrase "the internet are lack of" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "the internet lacks."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Instead of vague terms like "life’s issues," they could specify what issues are being referred to, such as "social challenges" or "academic pressures." Furthermore, ensuring grammatical accuracy in phrases will improve overall clarity. For example, changing "the internet are lack of" to "the internet lacks" would correct the grammatical error and improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "internet" being incorrectly capitalized in some instances, "i" instead of "I," and "nagotiate" instead of "negotiate." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or grammar checkers can help identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and frequently used terms in writing can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion of the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences that could enhance the depth of the argument. For instance, the sentence "Internet can provide them all kind of entertainments" is a simple structure that lacks complexity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "i convinced that formal school is irreplaceable" reflects a basic structure that does not utilize more sophisticated grammatical forms.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Internet can provide them all kind of entertainments," the writer could say, "While the Internet provides a variety of entertainment options, it cannot replace the structured learning environment of a traditional school." This not only adds complexity but also enhances clarity and coherence.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "students could get so much information that internet provides on the internet" is awkward and repetitive, as it redundantly mentions "the internet." Additionally, there are issues with capitalization, such as "It" at the beginning of a sentence and "i" which should be capitalized as "I." The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in sentences like "On the one hand, It is true that we are living in a modern life,internet plays an important role," where there is a missing space after the comma.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch errors in capitalization and punctuation. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify mistakes. Moreover, practicing sentence construction can aid in reducing awkward phrasing. For instance, revising "which online courses still lack" to "which are often lacking in online courses" would enhance clarity and grammatical correctness.

Overall, to elevate the essay’s band score, the writer should focus on expanding their grammatical range by incorporating more varied sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy through careful proofreading and revision.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, there has been an argument that students could obtain a vast amount of information from the internet. While I acknowledge this viewpoint, I still think that schools are essential for children since face-to-face communication plays a significant role in children’s lives.

On the one hand, it is true that we live in a modern era, and the internet plays an important role. The internet can provide all kinds of entertainment. Besides, it also helps children by boosting their creativity, enhancing their problem-solving skills, and addressing various life issues, helping them to live easily in today’s world.

On the other hand, I am convinced that formal schools are irreplaceable because of their unique teaching methods, which include interactions among academic staff and monitoring from lecturers, aspects that online courses still lack. Moreover, traditional schools help children to improve their communication, collaboration, and teamwork skills. They need to negotiate with their peers by engaging in extracurricular activities and teamwork projects, which online learning can’t replace. Such experiences are vital for strengthening children’s empathy, social skills, and the development of their personalities, which the internet lacks.

In conclusion, although the internet offers unlimited access to information, traditional schools provide children with a unique teaching style and many social-life skills that online courses cannot provide sufficiently, which are vital for the development of their personalities.