Schools use film, computers and games instead of books. What extend do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary days, there has been numerous controversies surrounding whether or not movies, computer programmes or games are more effective compared to conventional books. This essay will explore some underlying reasons associated with both sides of this topic, and then express my own perspective.

To begin with, it is indisputable that visual and interactive measures result in many noteworthy school advantages. Due to the development of the scientific education system, researchers claimed that more than 73% of Asian students agreed that it was more convenient and interesting to learn by practical activities such as games or movies. This number is a provement that these modern methods create conditions for children to improve their creativity and flexibility through extracurricular activities beside traditional lessons. Additionally, because of suitable orientation access to internet advancements in schools, children may be easily familiar with the advantages of these platforms, so as to be up-to-date and avoid negative aspects of media.

Although there are many positive influences of movies, computers and games in education, it is undeniable that traditional documents also have their own value. Specifically, because of technological development in the 20th century, most prior scientific research is written in a conventional way, which requires recent individuals to understand and mitigate them through books for authors' respectfulness and cultural value’ conservation. Another possible justification is that reading books fosters childrens’ patience, discipline and imagination. Through papers, young people may create their own stories’ scenes and characters’ appearances in their mind, enhancing their personalization and reading comprehension.

In conclusion, it is acknowledged that visual and interactive measures are essential to educate students in modern ages, while the value of books should be given greater weight in curriculum design. As far as I am concerned, the government and relevant authorities should combine multimedia tools to cultivate childrens’ learning and simultaneously prioritize traditional methods for preserving ethnic culture.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In contemporary days" -> "In contemporary times"
Explanation: "In contemporary times" is a more formal and precise phrase that aligns better with academic writing standards than "In contemporary days," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"there has been numerous controversies" -> "there have been numerous controversies"
Explanation: The verb "have" should be used in the plural form to agree with the plural noun "controversies," ensuring grammatical correctness and formality.
"more effective compared to" -> "more effective than"
Explanation: "Than" is the correct comparative conjunction for comparisons, whereas "compared to" is a prepositional phrase that is less commonly used in this context, making "than" more appropriate for academic writing.
"visual and interactive measures result in many noteworthy school advantages" -> "visual and interactive methods yield numerous educational benefits"
Explanation: "Methods" is more specific and academically precise than "measures," and "educational benefits" is a more formal term than "school advantages," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"Due to the development of the scientific education system" -> "owing to advancements in educational science"
Explanation: "Owing to advancements in educational science" is a more precise and formal way to attribute the development to the field of education, enhancing the academic tone.
"researchers claimed" -> "research suggests"
Explanation: "Research suggests" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "researchers claimed," which can imply personal opinion rather than objective findings.
"This number is a provement" -> "This statistic indicates"
Explanation: "This statistic indicates" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the significance of the data, replacing the awkward and incorrect "This number is a provement," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
"because of suitable orientation access to internet advancements" -> "due to accessible internet connectivity"
Explanation: "Due to accessible internet connectivity" is a clearer and more formal expression than "because of suitable orientation access to internet advancements," which is awkward and unclear.
"children may be easily familiar with the advantages" -> "children can readily become familiar with the benefits"
Explanation: "Can readily become familiar with the benefits" is more precise and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"up-to-date and avoid negative aspects of media" -> "current and avoid the negative aspects of media"
Explanation: "Current" is a more formal synonym for "up-to-date," and "the negative aspects of media" is grammatically correct and clearer than "negative aspects of media," which is somewhat vague.
"it is undeniable that traditional documents also have their own value" -> "it is undeniable that traditional texts also possess their own value"
Explanation: "Texts" is a more specific and formal term than "documents," and "possess" is more academically appropriate than "have" in this context, enhancing the formality of the statement.
"reading books fosters childrens’ patience, discipline and imagination" -> "reading books cultivates children’s patience, discipline, and imagination"
Explanation: "Cultivates" is a more precise and formal verb than "fosters" in this context, and "children’s" should be singular to agree with the singular verb "cultivates," correcting the possessive form to "children’s."
"young people may create their own stories’ scenes and characters’ appearances" -> "young people can create their own narrative scenes and character appearances"
Explanation: "Can create" is more formal than "may create," and "narrative scenes and character appearances" is a more precise and formal way to describe the creative activities involved in reading books, replacing the awkward and unclear "stories’ scenes and characters’ appearances."
"the government and relevant authorities should combine multimedia tools" -> "the government and relevant authorities should integrate multimedia tools"
Explanation: "Integrate" is a more precise and formal term than "combine" in this context, suggesting a more systematic and planned approach to incorporating multimedia tools in education.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages of using films, computers, and games in education, as well as the value of traditional books. The introduction sets the stage for a balanced discussion, and the conclusion reiterates the importance of both methods. However, the essay could have more clearly articulated the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement, as required by the prompt. For instance, the phrase "it is acknowledged that visual and interactive measures are essential" suggests a leaning towards agreement but lacks a definitive stance throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and reinforce this position throughout the essay. For example, a clear thesis statement such as "I strongly believe that while modern methods have their benefits, traditional books should remain a cornerstone of education" would provide a clearer framework for the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating that both modern and traditional methods have their merits. However, the position is not consistently reinforced. The conclusion suggests a balanced approach but does not clearly state whether the author leans more towards one side over the other. This ambiguity can confuse readers regarding the author’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use topic sentences in each paragraph that reflect their stance. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion and summarizing how each point supports this position would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the benefits of interactive learning and the value of traditional reading. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the mention of "73% of Asian students" is a strong statistic, it would benefit from further explanation or context to illustrate its relevance. The discussion on the value of books could also be expanded with more concrete examples or studies that support the claims made.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, anecdotes, or studies that illustrate their points. For instance, discussing a particular study that shows how interactive learning improves engagement would strengthen the argument. Additionally, elaborating on how reading fosters imagination with specific examples from literature could provide more depth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt about the effectiveness of films, computers, and games compared to books. However, some sentences could be more focused. For instance, the phrase "due to the development of the scientific education system" is somewhat vague and could be more directly tied to the discussion of multimedia tools in education.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly relates to the main argument. Avoiding vague phrases and instead using clear, direct language will help keep the discussion on track. Additionally, outlining the essay before writing could help in structuring thoughts more coherently.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from a clearer stance, more in-depth examples, and improved focus on the prompt. By addressing these areas, the writer could enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to first present the advantages of modern educational tools, followed by the value of traditional books. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing modern methods to traditional books in the second body paragraph feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that ties the two ideas together.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, a sentence like "While modern methods offer significant advantages, it is important to recognize the enduring value of traditional educational resources" could serve as a bridge between the two paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of modern educational tools, while the second addresses the merits of traditional books. However, the paragraphs could be improved by ensuring that each one begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of the paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Modern educational tools such as films and games provide significant advantages in engaging students."
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph, reinforcing the argument before transitioning to the next point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "Additionally," and "Although," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied linking words and phrases. For example, the phrase "it is undeniable that" is repeated, which can detract from the overall cohesion of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking phrases and words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "it is undeniable that," consider alternatives like "It is important to acknowledge that" or "Another crucial point is that." Additionally, using phrases to indicate contrast or comparison, such as "On the other hand" or "In contrast," can enhance the flow of ideas and make the argument more compelling.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness in communicating the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "conventional," "interactive measures," and "scientific education system." These choices reflect an ability to convey complex ideas. However, some phrases are slightly repetitive or lack variety, such as "traditional documents" and "conventional books," which could be diversified to enhance the lexical range.
- How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "traditional," alternatives like "classic," "time-honored," or "established" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more academic vocabulary related to education and technology could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "this number is a provement" is unclear and likely intended to convey "this number is a testament" or "this number proves." Furthermore, "suitable orientation access to internet advancements" is awkwardly phrased and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choices. Replacing vague or awkward phrases with clearer alternatives is essential. For example, rephrase "suitable orientation access to internet advancements" to "appropriate guidance in utilizing internet resources." Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context can help identify more precise terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good spelling, but there are a few errors, such as "childrens’" which should be "children’s," and "provement," which is not a standard English word. These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help solidify correct spelling in future writing tasks. Reading extensively can also enhance familiarity with correct spelling patterns.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with some strengths in range and spelling, there are areas for improvement in precision and variety. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Due to the development of the scientific education system, researchers claimed that more than 73% of Asian students agreed that it was more convenient and interesting to learn by practical activities such as games or movies." This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas, showcasing the writer’s ability to construct complex thoughts. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting several sentences with "To begin with" or "Although," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. Using varied introductory phrases or clauses can also help. For example, instead of repeatedly using "To begin with," the writer could use alternatives like "Initially," "Firstly," or "In the first instance." Additionally, embedding clauses within sentences can add complexity and interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "there has been numerous controversies" should be corrected to "there have been numerous controversies" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the term "provement" is incorrect; the writer likely intended to use "proof" or "evidence." Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which requires recent individuals to understand and mitigate them through books."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of vocabulary. It would be beneficial to proofread for common errors, such as misused words or phrases. For punctuation, practicing the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences, can help clarify meaning. Reading the essay aloud can also assist in identifying awkward phrasing or punctuation errors that may disrupt the flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, there have been numerous controversies surrounding whether or not movies, computer programs, or games are more effective compared to conventional books. This essay will explore some underlying reasons associated with both sides of this topic and then express my own perspective.

To begin with, it is indisputable that visual and interactive methods yield numerous educational benefits. Owing to advancements in educational science, researchers claim that more than 73% of Asian students agree that it is more convenient and interesting to learn through practical activities such as games or movies. This statistic indicates that these modern methods create conditions for children to improve their creativity and flexibility through extracurricular activities alongside traditional lessons. Additionally, due to accessible internet connectivity in schools, children can readily become familiar with the benefits of these platforms, so as to be current and avoid the negative aspects of media.

Although there are many positive influences of movies, computers, and games in education, it is undeniable that traditional texts also possess their own value. Specifically, because of technological development in the 20th century, most prior scientific research is written in a conventional way, which requires recent individuals to understand and appreciate them through books for authors’ respectfulness and cultural value conservation. Another possible justification is that reading books cultivates children’s patience, discipline, and imagination. Through texts, young people can create their own narrative scenes and character appearances in their minds, enhancing their personalization and reading comprehension.

In conclusion, it is acknowledged that visual and interactive methods are essential for educating students in modern times, while the value of books should be given greater weight in curriculum design. As far as I am concerned, the government and relevant authorities should integrate multimedia tools to cultivate children’s learning while simultaneously prioritizing traditional methods for preserving ethnic culture.