Scientists believe that by studying the behaviour of 3-year-old children, people can predict if that child can become a criminal in the future. To what extent is crime a product of human nature? Is it possible to stop children from growing to be criminals?

Scientists believe that by studying the behaviour of 3-year-old children, people can predict if that child can become a criminal in the future.
To what extent is crime a product of human nature? Is it possible to stop children from growing to be criminals?

It is assumed that human nature is one of the determining factors leading people to illegal practices due to the influence of genetic or biological characteristics. However, it is likely that actions from both parents and educational establishments can control this issue.

On the one hand, children of violent criminals might be confronted with psychological instability which can be attributed to innate impacts. It is scientifically proven that commiting crime is more popular among those born by parents with police record. Gene-related effects coupled with detrimental behaviours from their criminal parents might form improper mindset in individuals inducing them to embark on the endless guilty cycle of being adversely affected by their family and set disgraceful experience for their future family.

On the other hand, this vicious circle could be eliminated by the provision of holistic education and positive family environment. Regarding support from schools and teachers, there should be psychological and life-affirming lessons orienting students with aggressive behaviours to optimistic outlook as well as bracing them for severe consequences of illegality. Additionally, parents’ supervision and instruction are equally crutial to develop children’s cognition and keep morality in mind through their good examples. For example, adults should attempt to curb their hysterical attitudes and violent bursts in front of their offsprings as those negative images could trigger destructive sides of human nature. As a result, children brought up under well-rounded shelter and orientation are able to accutely distinguish what is right and wrong and consciously realize the ideal model they would like to aim for.

In conclusion, although human nature seems to predispose a person to guilty activities, it is worth believing that joint effort of family and education could contribute to address this social concern.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is assumed" -> "It is commonly believed"
   Explanation: "It is commonly believed" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, as it avoids the casual tone of "assumed" and aligns better with formal academic language.

2. "due to the influence of genetic or biological characteristics" -> "due to the influence of genetic or biological factors"
   Explanation: Replacing "characteristics" with "factors" provides a more precise term in the context of discussing the causes of behavior, which is more commonly used in academic discourse.

3. "actions from both parents and educational establishments" -> "actions from both parents and educational institutions"
   Explanation: "Educational establishments" is less commonly used and sounds less natural than "educational institutions," which is the standard term in academic writing.

4. "might be confronted with" -> "may face"
   Explanation: "May face" is a more direct and formal way to express potential challenges, fitting better in an academic context.

5. "It is scientifically proven that commiting crime" -> "Research has shown that committing crime"
   Explanation: "Research has shown" is a more precise and academically appropriate way to introduce evidence-based information, and "committing crime" should be a single word.

6. "born by parents with police record" -> "born to parents with a criminal record"
   Explanation: "Born to parents with a criminal record" is grammatically correct and more specific, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "born by."

7. "Gene-related effects coupled with detrimental behaviours" -> "Genetic influences combined with detrimental behaviors"
   Explanation: "Genetic influences" is a more precise term than "gene-related effects," and "combined" is more formal than "coupled."

8. "form improper mindset" -> "develop an improper mindset"
   Explanation: "Develop" is more accurate in this context, as it implies a process of formation or growth, which is more suitable for describing the impact of influences on behavior.

9. "endless guilty cycle" -> "endless cycle of guilt"
   Explanation: "Endless cycle of guilt" is grammatically correct and more formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "endless guilty cycle."

10. "set disgraceful experience" -> "create a shameful experience"
    Explanation: "Create a shameful experience" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic style.

11. "crutial" -> "crucial"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.

12. "orienting students with aggressive behaviours" -> "orienting students to address aggressive behaviors"
    Explanation: "Orienting students to address aggressive behaviors" is clearer and more direct, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.

13. "adults should attempt to curb their hysterical attitudes" -> "adults should strive to manage their emotional outbursts"
    Explanation: "Strive to manage their emotional outbursts" is a more precise and less colloquial way to describe controlling one’s emotions, fitting the formal tone of academic writing.

14. "offsprings" -> "offspring"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.

15. "accutely" -> "accurately"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to ensure the text is free of typos and maintains its academic integrity.

16. "ideally realize the ideal model" -> "ideally aspire to the ideal model"
    Explanation: "Aspire to the ideal model" is grammatically correct and more natural in academic writing, improving clarity and formality.

17. "joint effort of family and education" -> "joint efforts of family and education"
    Explanation: "Efforts" should be plural to match the plural subject "effort," ensuring grammatical correctness and maintaining the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing the extent to which crime is a product of human nature and the potential for preventing children from becoming criminals. The first paragraph introduces the idea that human nature, influenced by genetics and upbringing, plays a role in criminal behavior. The second paragraph effectively presents the counterargument that education and a positive family environment can mitigate these influences. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the two parts of the question, particularly in the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is explicitly linked throughout the essay. For instance, when discussing the influence of human nature, the writer could also mention how understanding this influence can inform preventative measures. Additionally, a more direct comparison of the two influences could strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that both human nature and environmental factors contribute to criminal behavior. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The introduction states that both genetic and environmental factors are important, but the conclusion seems to lean more towards the environmental side without adequately summarizing the role of human nature.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should reiterate the dual influence of nature and nurture in the conclusion. A brief summary of how both aspects interact to influence criminal behavior would clarify the stance and reinforce the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of parental behavior on children and the role of education. However, some points could be better developed. For example, the discussion of the "vicious circle" is somewhat vague and could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to illustrate how this cycle operates in real-life scenarios.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. For instance, citing studies or statistics related to the impact of parental behavior on children’s future criminality would strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding on the educational strategies mentioned could provide a more comprehensive view of how to prevent criminal behavior.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the influences of human nature and environmental factors on criminal behavior. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which may distract from the main argument. For example, phrases like "improper mindset" and "endless guilty cycle" could be clearer and more straightforward.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should strive for clarity and conciseness in their language. Avoiding overly complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the main argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, a more structured approach to presenting ideas could enhance coherence and relevance to the topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a balanced view, improvements in clarity, development of ideas, and explicit connections between points can elevate the overall quality and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first body paragraph discusses the influence of genetics and family background on criminal behavior, while the second body paragraph focuses on the role of education and family environment in preventing crime. This logical division helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from discussing genetic factors to educational influences feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first paragraph, a sentence like "While genetic predispositions play a significant role, the environment in which a child is raised can also have a profound impact" would create a clearer link between the two sections.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the supporting sentences provide relevant details. However, the second paragraph could be further divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on educational influences and the other on parental guidance. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each aspect.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs. The first could discuss the role of schools and teachers in shaping behavior, while the second could focus on parental influence. This division would allow for more comprehensive development of each point and improve readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("however," "additionally") and referencing ("those negative images"). These devices help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "on the one hand" is used effectively, but its counterpart "on the other hand" could be complemented with additional phrases to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," consider alternatives like "in contrast," "conversely," or "alternatively." Additionally, using more specific cohesive devices to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can strengthen connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, achieving a band score of 7. By focusing on improving transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can reach an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "psychological instability," "detrimental behaviours," and "holistic education" showcasing an ability to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "criminal" and "behaviour" could be diversified with synonyms such as "offender," "delinquent," or "conduct."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify alternative words that fit the context. For instance, instead of saying "violent criminals," one could use "aggressive offenders" or "violent offenders" to avoid repetition.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "psychological instability" and "holistic education." However, there are areas where word choice is imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "improper mindset" could be more accurately expressed as "distorted mindset," which conveys a clearer meaning. Additionally, "set disgraceful experience" is awkward and could be rephrased to "create a disgraceful environment."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the exact meanings of words and choose those that best fit the intended message. Reading more academic texts can help in understanding how to use vocabulary more effectively. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also aid in finding more precise expressions.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, but there are notable errors, such as "commiting" (should be "committing") and "crutial" (should be "crucial"). These mistakes detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should incorporate proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling over time. Regular practice in writing and reviewing can also minimize these errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise word choices, and implementing effective proofreading strategies, the writer can enhance their lexical resource further and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "it is assumed that human nature is one of the determining factors" and "children of violent criminals might be confronted with psychological instability" showcase the use of passive voice and conditionality effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "it is" or "there should be." This can detract from the overall fluency and variety of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of starting with "it is" frequently, the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "Given the evidence of…" or "In light of the findings that…". Additionally, employing more rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences could add dynamism to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "commiting crime is more popular among those born by parents with police record" contains a spelling error ("commiting" should be "committing") and a grammatical issue with "police record," which should be pluralized to "police records." Furthermore, the phrase "set disgraceful experience for their future family" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which can be attributed to innate impacts."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread for common spelling errors and ensure subject-verb agreement, particularly in pluralization. Additionally, practicing the use of commas to separate clauses and enhance sentence flow would be beneficial. For example, revising the sentence to "children of violent criminals might be confronted with psychological instability, which can be attributed to innate impacts" would clarify the relationship between the clauses. Engaging in grammar exercises focusing on common pitfalls, such as verb forms and sentence structure, could also help solidify these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly believed that human nature is one of the determining factors leading people to engage in illegal practices, due to the influence of genetic or biological characteristics. However, it is likely that actions from both parents and educational institutions can play a crucial role in addressing this issue.

On the one hand, children of violent criminals may face psychological instability, which can be attributed to innate factors. Research has shown that committing crime is more prevalent among those born to parents with a criminal record. Genetic influences combined with detrimental behaviors from their criminal parents may lead to the development of an improper mindset in these individuals, inducing them to embark on an endless cycle of guilt and creating a shameful experience for their future families.

On the other hand, this vicious cycle could be broken through the provision of holistic education and a positive family environment. With support from schools and teachers, there should be psychological and life-affirming lessons orienting students with aggressive behaviors towards a more optimistic outlook, as well as preparing them for the severe consequences of illegality. Additionally, parental supervision and guidance are equally crucial in developing children’s cognition and instilling a sense of morality through their good examples. For example, adults should strive to manage their emotional outbursts and violent reactions in front of their offspring, as these negative images could trigger the destructive aspects of human nature. As a result, children raised in a well-rounded environment are able to accurately distinguish between right and wrong and consciously realize the ideal model they would like to aspire to.

In conclusion, although human nature seems to predispose a person to engage in criminal activities, it is worth believing that the joint efforts of family and education could significantly contribute to addressing this social concern.