Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions for this?

Despite comprehending that some activities are beneficial to human well-being, millions of individuals still retain their detrimental habits. From my perspective, this predicament is driven by a lack of motivation and hectic schedules. However, these issues can be effectively addressed by interventions from the government.

To begin with, the persistence of unhealthy lifestyles can be attributed to two factors. The first rationale lies in the shortage of time spent on beneficial practices. Driven by the objective to secure a stable income level, some adults may handle a substantial workload, which dominates their schedules and detracts them from enhancing their physical and mental capacities. For instance, despite being informed about the negative consequences, some workaholic individuals still resort to adopting a sedentary lifestyle and consuming excessive amounts of pre-packaged food. Furthermore, insufficient willpower also contributes to this trend. Once harmful habits are ingrained into daily lives, some individuals may resist change, as this transformation requires substantial dedication and commitment. To illustrate, shifting from a poor diet to healthier options requires people to cut down on sugary beverages and fast food, as well as prepare home-cooked meals; this discourages them from attaining a wellness routine.

To address the aforementioned issues, multifaceted approaches are imperative. To commence with, there should be regulations regarding overworking people. Employees should be required to work within a certain time frame, allowing them to engage in other activities like recreational pursuits or workout sessions. Additionally, due to the emergence of some corporations that force their workers to devote excessively, there should be harsh punishments to deter this immoral exploitation. This not only provides workers with more leisure time to enhance their productivity, but also contributes to a balanced life, ultimately leading to improved well-being. Furthermore, the government can foster a culture of well-being through numerous actions. For example, the authorities should provide residents with more open spaces to exercise, launch educational campaigns about the health benefits, as well as impose significant taxes on tobacco or processed foods. This, in turn, helps residents alleviate tension and unwind, along with making more informed decisions for their health.

In conclusion, the phenomenon of individuals keeping their unhealthy practices is caused by a shortage of time and incentives. Therefore, the government plays a pivotal role in mitigating this deleterious trend to foster a more robust population.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Despite comprehending that" -> "Despite understanding that"
Explanation: "Comprehending" is less commonly used in this context and can sound overly formal or awkward. "Understanding" is more natural and appropriate for academic writing.
"millions of individuals still retain their detrimental habits" -> "millions of individuals still maintain their detrimental habits"
Explanation: "Retain" implies holding onto something previously acquired, which is less precise in this context. "Maintain" better conveys the ongoing nature of the habits.
"From my perspective" -> "In my view"
Explanation: "From my perspective" can sound slightly informal and personal for academic writing. "In my view" is more formal and commonly used in academic discourse.
"hustle and bustle" -> "hectic schedules"
Explanation: "Hustle and bustle" is an idiom that may be too informal for academic writing. "Hectic schedules" is a more precise and formal term.
"can be effectively addressed" -> "can be effectively addressed"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "can" should not be repeated.
"the shortage of time spent on beneficial practices" -> "the lack of time devoted to beneficial practices"
Explanation: "Shortage" implies a deficiency in quantity, whereas "lack" is more appropriate for describing the absence of something. "Devoted" is also more precise than "spent" in this context.
"dominates them from enhancing" -> "prevents them from enhancing"
Explanation: "Dominates" is not the correct verb to use here; "prevents" is more accurate in describing the hindrance to enhancing.
"workaholic individuals" -> "individuals with workaholic tendencies"
Explanation: "Workaholic" is a colloquial term and may not be suitable for formal writing. "Individuals with workaholic tendencies" is more formal and precise.
"insufficient willpower" -> "insufficient motivation"
Explanation: "Willpower" is often associated with a colloquial or psychological context. "Motivation" is more neutral and appropriate for an academic discussion.
"requires substantial dedication and commitment" -> "requires significant dedication and commitment"
Explanation: "Substantial" is less precise than "significant," which is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe the extent of effort or resources required.
"cut down on sugary beverages and fast food" -> "reduce their consumption of sugary beverages and fast food"
Explanation: "Cut down on" is informal and vague; "reduce their consumption of" is more precise and formal.
"harsh punishments" -> "stiff penalties"
Explanation: "Harsh punishments" is a bit redundant; "stiff penalties" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"immoral exploitation" -> "unethical exploitation"
Explanation: "Immoral" is somewhat vague and can be seen as overly subjective. "Unethical" is a more precise and neutral term in academic discourse.
"more open spaces to exercise" -> "additional recreational spaces"
Explanation: "More open spaces to exercise" is a bit informal and vague. "Additional recreational spaces" is more specific and formal.
"launch educational campaigns" -> "initiate educational campaigns"
Explanation: "Launch" can imply a more dramatic or sudden start, whereas "initiate" is more appropriate for describing the beginning of a planned effort.
"impose significant taxes" -> "levy substantial taxes"
Explanation: "Impose" can be seen as slightly informal in this context; "levy" is more formal and precise in the context of taxation.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies causes (lack of motivation and hectic schedules) and proposes solutions (government interventions). The discussion of how work pressures and ingrained habits contribute to unhealthy lifestyles is clear and well-supported with relevant examples. The solutions proposed, such as regulations on working hours and educational campaigns, are appropriate and directly related to the identified causes.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, the essay could include a wider range of causes and solutions. For instance, discussing the role of societal norms or peer influence could provide a more nuanced understanding of why unhealthy habits persist. Additionally, elaborating on how individuals can take personal responsibility alongside government action would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the government has a crucial role in addressing unhealthy habits. This is consistently reflected in both the identification of causes and the proposed solutions. The use of phrases like "from my perspective" establishes a clear viewpoint early on, and this is sustained throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, reinforcing it in the conclusion with a more explicit statement about the importance of government action could enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, integrating transitional phrases could help in guiding the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented logically, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the prompt. The essay provides examples, such as the impact of workaholism on health, which effectively supports the claims made. The solutions are also well-developed, with specific actions outlined for government intervention.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, the essay could benefit from additional examples or statistics that highlight the prevalence of unhealthy habits or the effectiveness of proposed solutions. This would not only support the arguments but also engage the reader more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing both the causes and solutions related to unhealthy activities. There are no significant deviations from the main subject, and each point made is relevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point directly ties back to the prompt could enhance clarity. For instance, explicitly linking the proposed solutions back to the identified causes in each section would reinforce the relevance of the discussion and maintain a tighter focus on the prompt.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task, with clear identification of causes and solutions, a consistent position, and relevant examples. To achieve an even higher band score, the writer could expand on the range of ideas presented, enhance the clarity of their position, and ensure that all points are tightly linked to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction that outlines the main causes and solutions related to unhealthy activities. Each paragraph logically follows the previous one, with the first body paragraph discussing causes and the second addressing solutions. For instance, the transition from discussing the lack of time to the need for government intervention is smooth and maintains the reader’s understanding of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence summarizing the causes before transitioning to solutions could reinforce the connection between the two sections. This would help the reader see the relationship between the identified problems and the proposed solutions more clearly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into causes and solutions, respectively. Each paragraph is coherent and contains relevant examples that support the main idea.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the need for government intervention, thereby reinforcing its focus. This would help guide the reader’s understanding of the paragraph’s purpose right from the outset.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "furthermore," and "for example," which help in linking ideas and maintaining the flow of information. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument and illustrate the connections between points.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more complex structures or synonyms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "furthermore," you could alternate with phrases like "in addition" or "moreover." Additionally, using transitional phrases that indicate contrast or comparison could enhance the depth of cohesion, such as "on the other hand" when discussing the challenges of changing unhealthy habits.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "beneficial," "detrimental," "predicament," and "multifaceted" effectively conveying complex ideas. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could enhance the richness of the language. For example, the repeated use of "unhealthy" could be diversified with alternatives like "harmful," "adverse," or "negative."
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "unhealthy," you could use "unwholesome" or "unfit" in different sections. Additionally, using idiomatic expressions or collocations could further enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "handle a substantial workload" could be more clearly expressed as "manage a heavy workload," which is a more common collocation. Similarly, "immoral exploitation" might be better articulated as "unethical practices," which is more specific to workplace contexts.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choice to ensure clarity and precision. Review phrases that may sound awkward or overly formal, and opt for simpler, more direct alternatives. Engaging in exercises that emphasize collocations and context-specific vocabulary can also aid in enhancing precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors that would impede understanding. Words like "beneficial," "detrimental," and "commitment" are spelled correctly, reflecting a good level of proficiency.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, consider regular practice with spelling quizzes or writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading your work for typographical errors can help catch any mistakes before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling practices. By diversifying vocabulary, refining word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences like "Driven by the objective to secure a stable income level, some adults may handle a substantial workload, which dominates their schedules and detracts them from enhancing their physical and mental capacities" effectively convey multiple ideas within a single sentence. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, such as "if… then…" in the context of government interventions, adds depth to the argument. However, while the range is impressive, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced (e.g., "To begin with," "To address the aforementioned issues").
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider varying the introductory phrases and using more varied connectors. For example, instead of consistently starting with "To begin with" or "To address," try using phrases like "Initially," "In tackling these issues," or "Another critical aspect to consider is." This will enhance the flow and maintain the reader’s interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "some corporations that force their workers to devote excessively" could be more clearly expressed as "some corporations that excessively demand their workers’ time." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are areas where clarity could be improved, such as in the use of commas. For instance, in the sentence "This not only provides workers with more leisure time to enhance their productivity, but also contributes to a balanced life," the comma before "but also" is unnecessary.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to sentence clarity and conciseness. Review sentences for potential rephrasing to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, ensure that punctuation is used to enhance readability rather than hinder it; for example, consider whether commas are necessary or if they can be omitted for a smoother flow. Regular practice with grammar exercises and peer reviews can also help identify and rectify recurring errors.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument, but attention to the diversity of sentence openings and careful proofreading for grammatical precision will elevate the writing even further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Despite understanding that some activities are beneficial to human well-being, millions of individuals still maintain their detrimental habits. In my view, this predicament is driven by a lack of motivation and hectic schedules. However, these issues can be effectively addressed through interventions from the government.

To begin with, the persistence of unhealthy lifestyles can be attributed to two primary factors. The first reason lies in the lack of time devoted to beneficial practices. Driven by the objective to secure a stable income, some adults may handle a substantial workload, which dominates their schedules and prevents them from enhancing their physical and mental capacities. For instance, despite being aware of the negative consequences, some individuals with workaholic tendencies still resort to adopting a sedentary lifestyle and consuming excessive amounts of pre-packaged food. Furthermore, insufficient motivation also contributes to this trend. Once harmful habits are ingrained into daily lives, some individuals may resist change, as this transformation requires significant dedication and commitment. To illustrate, shifting from a poor diet to healthier options necessitates that people reduce their consumption of sugary beverages and fast food, as well as prepare home-cooked meals; this discourages them from establishing a wellness routine.

To address the aforementioned issues, multifaceted approaches are imperative. To commence with, there should be regulations regarding overworking individuals. Employees should be required to work within a certain time frame, allowing them to engage in other activities like recreational pursuits or workout sessions. Additionally, due to the emergence of some corporations that force their workers to devote excessively, there should be stiff penalties to deter this unethical exploitation. This not only provides workers with more leisure time to enhance their productivity but also contributes to a balanced life, ultimately leading to improved well-being. Furthermore, the government can foster a culture of well-being through various actions. For example, authorities should provide residents with additional recreational spaces to exercise, initiate educational campaigns about health benefits, and levy substantial taxes on tobacco or processed foods. This, in turn, helps residents alleviate tension and unwind, while also making more informed decisions for their health.

In conclusion, the phenomenon of individuals maintaining their unhealthy practices is caused by a lack of time and motivation. Therefore, the government plays a pivotal role in mitigating this detrimental trend to foster a more robust population.