Several languages are in danger of extinction because they are spoken by very small numbers of people. Some people say that governments should spend public money on saving these languages, while others believe that would be a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is true that there has been a gradual decrease in minority languages. Although some people argue that the national and local authorities should adopt financial incentives to prevent these languages from extinction, I believe that investing in preservation would be a waste of money. This essay will delve into both perspectives as well as show my support.
On the one hand, spending public money on protecting minority languages can bring several advantages to the existence of cultural heritage. A language is much more than a means of communication, each language has a strong and vital connection with the cultural identity of the speakers. If they disappear, a whole way of life that are parts of a country's history such as traditions, customs and behaviors will disappear followingly.
To illustrate, the extinction of the Arem, a language spoken by a minority local in Vietnam, has led to several loss of intangible cultural heritage related to linguistic systems and nuances between different cultures.
On the other hand, other people, including myself, strongly believe that investing in linguistic preservation would be a financial extravagance. Under the impact of urbanization, there is an increasing number of pure-blooded minority people that leave their communities and flock into the urban areas in search of jobs and opportunities. Therefore, in order to adapt to the working environment and colleagues, they have to learn the majority languages and ignore their vernacular languages as they are considered as barriers for adaptation. Thus, investing financial resources in protecting these endangered languages requires expensive programs such as facilities, teachers and marketing. However, it is also risky due to the difficulties in attracting learners and maintaining the financial incentives for the long run.
In conclusion, although preserving linguistic diversity can contribute to the intangible cultural identity, I maintain my stance that spending public money is a waste of time and resources. Furthermore, urbanization has made the protection process costly and time – consuming than ever.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"there has been a gradual decrease" -> "there has been a gradual decline"
Explanation: "Decrease" is slightly informal; using "decline" maintains formality and is a more precise term for the gradual reduction of minority languages.
"prevent these languages from extinction" -> "prevent the extinction of these languages"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase improves the flow and maintains a formal tone while conveying the same meaning.
"investing in preservation would be a waste of money" -> "allocating funds to preservation would be imprudent"
Explanation: Replacing "investing" with "allocating funds" and using "imprudent" instead of "waste of money" enhances the formality and sophistication of the statement.
"This essay will delve into both perspectives" -> "This essay will examine both perspectives"
Explanation: "Delve into" is a bit informal; using "examine" is more academically appropriate and maintains a formal tone.
"A language is much more than a means of communication" -> "A language serves as more than a mere communication tool"
Explanation: The modification adds formality and precision to the statement, avoiding overly simplistic language.
"a whole way of life that are parts of a country’s history" -> "an entire way of life that constitutes a country’s history"
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement and using "constitutes" enhances the grammatical accuracy and formality of the sentence.
"followingly" -> "consequently"
Explanation: "Followingly" is informal; "consequently" is a more formal and appropriate alternative.
"intangible cultural heritage related to linguistic systems and nuances" -> "intangible cultural heritage associated with linguistic systems and nuances"
Explanation: Using "associated with" instead of "related to" and maintaining parallel structure improves the precision and formality of the expression.
"pure-blooded minority people" -> "individuals of pure minority descent"
Explanation: The term "pure-blooded" can be considered informal or inappropriate; using "individuals of pure minority descent" is more neutral and academically suitable.
"flock into the urban areas" -> "migrate to urban areas"
Explanation: "Flock into" is a bit informal; "migrate to" is a more formal and precise choice.
"vernacular languages as they are considered as barriers" -> "vernacular languages, as they are viewed as barriers"
Explanation: Adding a comma and using "viewed as" instead of "considered as" improves the sentence’s structure and formality.
"financial resources in protecting these endangered languages" -> "financial resources to protect these endangered languages"
Explanation: Adjusting the preposition improves the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"due to the difficulties in attracting learners" -> "because of the challenges in attracting learners"
Explanation: Substituting "due to" with "because of" enhances formality, and "challenges" is a more precise term than "difficulties."
"a waste of time and resources" -> "an inefficient allocation of time and resources"
Explanation: Adding "inefficient allocation of" provides a more specific and formal characterization of the expenditure.
"urbanization has made the protection process costly and time-consuming than ever" -> "urbanization has rendered the protection process more costly and time-consuming than ever"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and formality, avoiding the comparative error and using "rendered" for precision.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives, discussing the importance of preserving minority languages for cultural heritage and presenting the opposing view that it is a financial extravagance. Relevant examples, such as the extinction of the Arem language in Vietnam, are provided to support the points made.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider explicitly stating the opposing view in the introduction and conclusion for greater clarity. Additionally, ensure that the analysis of each perspective is balanced in terms of depth and detail.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that investing in linguistic preservation is a waste of money. This stance is consistently presented throughout the essay, including in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced discussion of the opposing view. Providing a deeper exploration of potential benefits of language preservation, even if ultimately dismissed, can strengthen the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently and supports them with relevant examples, such as the impact of urbanization on minority languages. However, the development of ideas could be more nuanced and detailed, especially in discussing the risks and challenges of language preservation programs.
- How to improve: Elaborate further on the potential benefits and drawbacks of language preservation programs. Offer more in-depth analysis and explore alternative perspectives to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the preservation of minority languages and the associated challenges. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing urbanization without a clear link to language preservation.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points made directly contribute to the discussion of language preservation. If discussing factors like urbanization, explicitly connect them to the central theme to maintain a focused and coherent argument.
In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing a more balanced discussion of the opposing view and enhancing the depth of analysis in supporting ideas. Additionally, ensuring a tighter connection between all points and the central theme will contribute to a more cohesive essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, presenting both perspectives on the issue and the author’s opinion. The introduction provides a clear roadmap for the essay, and each body paragraph explores a different viewpoint. However, there are instances where the progression of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be more seamless.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs. Ensure that the progression of arguments is clear and cohesive, guiding the reader through the essay with greater ease.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, there are a few areas where paragraph structure could be refined. The second paragraph, in particular, is lengthy and covers multiple ideas, making it less effective in terms of readability and coherence.
- How to improve: Break down longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones. Each paragraph should ideally center around a single main idea, contributing to a more organized and reader-friendly structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the seamless integration of these devices. Some transitions feel abrupt, impacting the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Work on incorporating cohesive devices more naturally. Consider using parallel structures, pronouns, or synonyms to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will contribute to a more cohesive and interconnected essay structure.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To enhance the score further, focus on refining the transitions between paragraphs, breaking down lengthy paragraphs for better clarity, and seamlessly integrating a diverse range of cohesive devices.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words, such as "extinction," "cultural heritage," "vernacular," and "urbanization." However, some repetition of words and phrases, like "financial incentives" and "language," is noticeable.
- How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, try incorporating more synonyms and alternative expressions. For instance, instead of frequently using "financial incentives," consider using terms like "budget allocation," "financial backing," or "funding."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately but sometimes lacks precision. For instance, the phrase "financial extravagance" could be more precisely expressed as "financial burden" or "excessive expenditure." Additionally, the term "pure-blooded minority people" might benefit from a more sensitive and precise phrasing.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Consider using terms that capture the essence more accurately, avoiding generalizations that may lack nuance. For example, instead of "pure-blooded minority people," consider expressions like "indigenous communities" or "native populations."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few errors, such as "followingly" instead of "consequently" and "financial extravagance" instead of "financial burden." These do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for higher precision.
- How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct such minor spelling errors. Additionally, consider using tools like spell-check software to ensure accuracy. Paying attention to common mistakes will contribute to an overall improvement in spelling precision.
In summary, while the essay exhibits a commendable effort in utilizing vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range and precision. Addressing these aspects would elevate the lexical resource score. Additionally, ensuring consistent spelling accuracy will further enhance the overall linguistic quality of the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using more complex structures such as compound-complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. The essay tends to rely on straightforward sentence constructions, and more sophisticated structures could enhance the overall fluency and complexity of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a mix of sentence types, including compound and compound-complex sentences. Utilize diverse sentence beginnings and experiment with different syntactical structures to elevate the overall complexity of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a commendable level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement issues arise, such as in the sentence, "A language is much more than a means of communication, each language has a strong and vital connection." Here, "language" and "each language" should be in agreement. Additionally, some sentences could benefit from more precise punctuation, with occasional minor issues such as missing commas after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. Proofread for punctuation accuracy, particularly after introductory phrases or clauses. Utilize commas appropriately to enhance clarity and avoid potential confusion.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and language use. To improve, focus on incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, with particular attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation. These enhancements will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated expression of ideas.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is evident that there has been a gradual decline in minority languages. While some argue that national and local authorities should allocate funds to prevent the extinction of these languages, I believe that investing in preservation would be imprudent. This essay will examine both perspectives and express my support.
On one hand, allocating public funds to protect minority languages can have several advantages for cultural heritage. A language serves as more than a mere communication tool; it holds a strong and vital connection to the cultural identity of its speakers. If these languages disappear, an entire way of life that constitutes a country’s history, including traditions, customs, and behaviors, will consequently vanish. To illustrate, the extinction of Arem, a language spoken by a minority group in Vietnam, has resulted in the loss of intangible cultural heritage associated with linguistic systems and nuances between different cultures.
On the other hand, there is a belief, shared by myself, that investing in linguistic preservation would be an inefficient allocation of time and resources. Urbanization has led to an increasing number of individuals of pure minority descent migrating to urban areas in search of jobs and opportunities. To adapt to the urban environment, they often need to learn majority languages and, consequently, neglect their vernacular languages, considering them as barriers to adaptation. Thus, allocating financial resources to protect these endangered languages becomes costly, requiring expensive programs such as facilities, teachers, and marketing. Moreover, the challenges in attracting learners make it a risky endeavor, and maintaining financial incentives for the long run becomes an additional obstacle.
In conclusion, while preserving linguistic diversity contributes to intangible cultural identity, I maintain my stance that spending public money on this endeavor is an inefficient allocation of time and resources. Urbanization has rendered the protection process more costly and time-consuming than ever.