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Smoked foods are popular worldwide because of their special flavor and their long life. The diagram below shows the structure of a home smokey and how it is used.

Smoked foods are popular worldwide because of their special flavor and their long life. The diagram below shows the structure of a home smokey and how it is used.

It is believed that smoked foods are renowned globally as their special flavor their long life. The diagram illustrates a home smokey structure and how it is used.
Overall, this is a cynical process that includes 3 main steps. The lids and pipe are all under the ground level.
To start with, the structure of a home spooky consists of a lid that is operate to take fresh air and a closed one used to store smoke. These two lids are connected with the pipe to which allows the smoke to follow the smoke foods. This structure is underground completely.
What is more, first fresh air is pumped into the opened lid that then follows along the system and utilized to combust logs to create smoke. The smoke then goes along the pipe that connects the two lids with the food box to smoke the food.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "their special flavor their long life" -> "their distinct flavor and prolonged preservation"
    Explanation: "Special flavor their long life" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Replacing it with "distinct flavor and prolonged preservation" enhances clarity and employs more precise vocabulary.

  2. "home smokey structure" -> "domestic smoking apparatus"
    Explanation: "Home smokey structure" lacks clarity and uses informal language. "Domestic smoking apparatus" is a more precise and formal term, conveying the intended meaning effectively.

  3. "cynical process" -> "meticulous procedure"
    Explanation: "Cynical process" is incorrect in this context as it implies skepticism or negativity, which doesn’t fit the description of the process. "Meticulous procedure" accurately describes the careful and detailed nature of the process.

  4. "operate to take fresh air" -> "operated to intake fresh air"
    Explanation: "Operate to take fresh air" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Operated to intake fresh air" is more grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning.

  5. "connected with the pipe to which allows" -> "connected with a pipe, enabling"
    Explanation: "Connected with the pipe to which allows" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Replacing it with "connected with a pipe, enabling" improves clarity and maintains grammatical correctness.

  6. "smoke foods" -> "smoke the food"
    Explanation: "Smoke foods" is unclear and lacks precision. "Smoke the food" is a clearer and more concise way to express the intended action of smoking food.

  7. "follows along the system and utilized to combust logs" -> "travels through the system and is used to ignite logs"
    Explanation: "Follows along the system and utilized to combust logs" is awkward and unclear. "Travels through the system and is used to ignite logs" is a clearer and more precise description of the process.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay attempts to address the task by describing the structure of a home smokey and its usage. It covers some key features such as the lids, pipe, and the process of smoking food. However, there are several issues that prevent it from achieving a higher score. The description lacks clarity and coherence, with unclear language and awkward phrasing. Additionally, there are inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the description, such as referring to the process as "cynical" and using incorrect terms like "spooky" instead of "smoky". The essay also fails to provide a clear overview of the process and lacks supporting details.

How to improve:

  1. Use clear and concise language to describe the process of smoking food and the structure of the home smokey.
  2. Ensure accuracy in terminology and avoid using inappropriate or confusing terms.
  3. Provide a clearer overview of the process, including the purpose and function of each component.
  4. Include supporting details to enhance the description and make it more informative.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents some organization by introducing the topic of smoked foods and describing the structure of a home smoker. However, there is a lack of overall progression as the essay jumps between different aspects without a clear flow. Cohesive devices are inadequately used, leading to some confusion and repetition in the text. While the essay attempts to use paragraphs, they are not consistently logical or well-structured.

How to improve:

  1. Ensure a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay, from introduction to conclusion.
  2. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and reduce repetition.
  3. Improve paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic and logical organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition and basic word choices. There are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation throughout the essay. While the main ideas are conveyed, the vocabulary lacks variety and sophistication, which restricts the precision and clarity of expression. Some sentences are unclear due to awkward word choices and phrasing.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource, focus on expanding vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of words and expressions relevant to the topic. Avoid repetition and strive for clarity and precision in word choice. Additionally, pay attention to word formation and spelling accuracy to improve overall coherence and readability. Reviewing and editing for clarity and accuracy can significantly enhance the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There is an effort to incorporate complex structures, although these attempts are less accurate and sometimes lead to unclear meaning. There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("is believed," "are renowned"), incorrect word usage ("operate" instead of "operated," "smokey" instead of "smoker"), and lack of articles ("a home smokey," "the smoke foods"). Punctuation is also faulty, with missing commas and incorrect placement of periods. These errors occasionally hinder communication and may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on sentence structure variety while ensuring accuracy. Practice using complex sentence structures correctly and revise for grammatical errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, word choice, and punctuation. Proofread the essay thoroughly to identify and correct errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly, let’s refine the provided essay while maintaining the original data and structure.


The diagram depicts the design of a home smokehouse and its operational process.

Overall, the process involves three main steps, with the lids and pipe situated below ground level.

Initially, the structure of the home smokehouse comprises two lids: one for intake of fresh air and the other for containing smoke. These lids are interconnected by a pipe, facilitating the flow of smoke towards the food compartment. It’s noteworthy that this entire structure is subterranean.

Furthermore, the process commences with the introduction of fresh air through the open lid. Subsequently, the air traverses through the system and is utilized to ignite logs for smoke generation. The resultant smoke is then directed through the pipe, connecting both lids with the food enclosure, thereby allowing for the smoking of food.


This revised version maintains the original data points and structure while enhancing clarity and grammatical accuracy. If you have any further questions or need additional assistance, feel free to ask!

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