Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree ?

Due to the detrimental impacts of smoking in terms of engendering serious diseases and death every year, there is a general consensus on the prohibition of cigarettes and other tobacco products. This essay will present the reasons to advocate for this opinion.

Firstly, the ban on the use of these toxic products should be strictly implemented because of their numerous harmful effects on human health. Particularly, these hard drugs can engender drug addiction and gradually damage their brain system. Moreover, many scientific materials asserted that a vast amount of toxic substances in tobacco are the main root of lung cancer and adverse ailments related to respiratory. Furthermore, if a person continually utilizes these dangerous substances for a prolonged time, their health can deteriorate associated with cognitive decline and behavioral changes. Besides that, less productivity and interest in work are negative effects of these hazardous chemicals that people should not ignore.

In addition, the prohibition policies can hugely contribute to lessening the financial burden for those who get the remedies due to smoking. According to the data statistics per year, many residents from other countries around the world have to allocate a huge amount of their funding for these treatments. Last but not least, some scientists acknowledged that smoke can emit toxic chemicals into surroundings. Thus, thanks to the presence of this proscription, environmental pollution can be addressed up to a point. As a result, the ban policies are truly imperative.

In conclusion, this essay stated indisputable causes that verify the ban on cigarettes and tobacco products. I believe that if we conduct these policies effectively, it will bring us a plethora of great benefits.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Due to the detrimental impacts of smoking in terms of engendering serious diseases and death every year, there is a general consensus on the prohibition of cigarettes and other tobacco products."
-> "Owing to the harmful effects of smoking, which lead to serious diseases and deaths annually, there is widespread consensus on the prohibition of cigarettes and other tobacco products."

Explanation: Replacing "due to" with "owing to" improves the formality of the sentence. "Engendering" is replaced with "lead to," which is more direct and appropriate in this context. "General consensus" is changed to "widespread consensus" for clarity and to avoid redundancy.
"This essay will present the reasons to advocate for this opinion."
-> "This essay will present reasons supporting this stance."

Explanation: "Advocate for" is replaced with "supporting," which is more concise and formal. "Opinion" is changed to "stance" for a clearer and more precise expression.
"Firstly, the ban on the use of these toxic products should be strictly implemented because of their numerous harmful effects on human health."
-> "First, the prohibition of these toxic products should be strictly enforced due to their myriad harmful effects on human health."

Explanation: "Firstly" is replaced with "First" for a more formal and concise transition. "Ban on the use" is changed to "prohibition" for clarity and formality. "Because of their numerous harmful effects" is replaced with "due to their myriad harmful effects" for a more sophisticated expression.
"Particularly, these hard drugs can engender drug addiction and gradually damage their brain system."
-> "Specifically, these substances can induce addiction and gradually impair the nervous system."

Explanation: "Hard drugs" is replaced with "substances" to maintain a formal tone. "Engender" is changed to "induce" for a more precise and appropriate term. "Damage their brain system" is replaced with "impair the nervous system" for clarity and formality.
"Moreover, many scientific materials asserted that a vast amount of toxic substances in tobacco are the main root of lung cancer and adverse ailments related to respiratory."
-> "Moreover, extensive scientific literature asserts that the multitude of toxic substances in tobacco are the primary cause of lung cancer and other respiratory diseases."

Explanation: "Many scientific materials asserted" is replaced with "extensive scientific literature asserts" for a more formal and precise statement. "Main root" is changed to "primary cause" for clarity and formality. "Adverse ailments related to respiratory" is replaced with "other respiratory diseases" for conciseness and clarity.
"Furthermore, if a person continually utilizes these dangerous substances for a prolonged time, their health can deteriorate associated with cognitive decline and behavioral changes."
-> "Furthermore, prolonged use of these substances can lead to health deterioration, including cognitive decline and behavioral changes."

Explanation: "Utilizes" is replaced with "uses" for simplicity and formality. "Their health can deteriorate associated with" is changed to "can lead to health deterioration, including" for a clearer and more structured sentence.
"Besides that, less productivity and interest in work are negative effects of these hazardous chemicals that people should not ignore."
-> "Additionally, decreased productivity and diminished work interest are negative effects of these hazardous chemicals that should not be overlooked."

Explanation: "Besides that" is replaced with "Additionally" for a more formal transition. "Less productivity" is changed to "decreased productivity" for clarity. "Interest in work" is replaced with "work interest" for a more formal and concise expression.
"In addition, the prohibition policies can hugely contribute to lessening the financial burden for those who get the remedies due to smoking."
-> "Additionally, prohibition policies can significantly reduce the financial burden on healthcare costs associated with smoking-related illnesses."

Explanation: "Can hugely contribute to lessening" is replaced with "can significantly reduce" for a more precise and formal expression. "Get the remedies due to smoking" is changed to "healthcare costs associated with smoking-related illnesses" for clarity and specificity.
"According to the data statistics per year, many residents from other countries around the world have to allocate a huge amount of their funding for these treatments."
-> "According to annual statistics, residents in many countries worldwide allocate significant funds toward these treatments."

Explanation: "Data statistics per year" is simplified to "annual statistics" for conciseness. "A huge amount of their funding for these treatments" is replaced with "significant funds toward these treatments" for clarity and formality.
"Last but not least, some scientists acknowledged that smoke can emit toxic chemicals into surroundings."
-> "Lastly, some scientists have acknowledged that smoke emits toxic chemicals into the environment."

Explanation: "Last but not least" is changed to "Lastly" for a more formal transition. "Surroundings" is replaced with "environment" for clarity and formality. "Can emit" is changed to "emits" for a more direct statement.
"In conclusion, this essay stated indisputable causes that verify the ban on cigarettes and tobacco products."
-> "In conclusion, this essay has presented compelling reasons to support the ban on cigarettes and tobacco products."

Explanation: "Stated indisputable causes that verify" is replaced with "presented compelling reasons to support" for clarity and formality.
"I believe that if we conduct these policies effectively, it will bring us a plethora of great benefits."
-> "I believe that effective implementation of these policies will yield numerous benefits."

Explanation: "If we conduct these policies effectively, it will bring us a plethora of great benefits" is simplified to "effective implementation of these policies will yield numerous benefits" for conciseness and clarity.

These revisions aim to enhance the formal tone, clarity, and precision of the essay while maintaining academic appropriateness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all aspects of the prompt by presenting arguments in favor of banning cigarettes and tobacco products. It discusses the detrimental health effects, financial burdens, and environmental impacts associated with smoking, aligning with the stance that governments should indeed ban these products.
- How to improve: While the essay covers various reasons supporting the ban, it could further enhance its response by considering potential counterarguments or addressing any nuances in the prompt. Providing a more balanced view could strengthen the overall argumentation.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position advocating for the prohibition of cigarettes and tobacco products. It consistently presents reasons supporting this stance, such as health risks, financial burdens, and environmental concerns, without wavering.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion, reinforcing the coherence of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the health risks, financial implications, and environmental consequences of smoking. However, some of these ideas lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration and support with specific evidence or examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, the essay should provide more detailed explanations and support each argument with relevant data, studies, or real-life examples. This would strengthen the persuasiveness and credibility of the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the reasons for advocating a ban on cigarettes and tobacco products. However, there are instances where the discussion slightly veers off track, such as mentioning productivity and interest in work as negative effects of smoking.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should refrain from introducing tangential points and ensure that all arguments directly relate to the topic of banning cigarettes and tobacco products. Keeping the discussion tightly aligned with the prompt would enhance coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues in favor of banning cigarettes and tobacco products, there are areas for improvement in providing a more comprehensive response, maintaining clarity and consistency, elaborating on ideas, and staying closely aligned with the topic. Strengthening these aspects would elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information, with a structured introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, progressing logically from the harmful effects of tobacco to the benefits of implementing prohibition policies. Transitions between ideas are generally smooth, contributing to the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider refining the introduction to provide a more nuanced overview of the argument. Additionally, ensure that each body paragraph maintains a clear focus on one main point, avoiding repetition or tangential discussions.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure its argument. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, such as the health impacts of smoking, financial burdens, and environmental consequences. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph coherence and unity. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation, which can impede readability.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that each paragraph centers on a single main idea or argument. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly outlines the paragraph’s purpose, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one paragraph to the next.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "In addition," "Furthermore," "Last but not least") and pronouns ("these," "this," "their"). These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally well-utilized, there are opportunities to diversify their usage further. Experiment with a broader range of transition words and phrases to add nuance and sophistication to the essay’s structure. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of pronoun usage to ensure clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "detrimental impacts," "prohibition," "toxic substances," "cognitive decline," and "indisputable causes." These lexical choices contribute to the clarity and richness of the essay’s content.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider integrating more sophisticated vocabulary or idiomatic expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "harmful effects," you could employ alternatives like "pernicious consequences" or "adverse ramifications" to add nuance and depth to your arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally utilizes vocabulary effectively, there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the term "hard drugs" might not accurately convey the nature of tobacco products, which are legal but harmful. Similarly, the phrase "many scientific materials" could be replaced with "numerous studies" for greater clarity and formality.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to select words or phrases that precisely convey your intended meaning. Avoid using ambiguous terms or vague language that could potentially obscure your message. Additionally, consult reliable sources or reference materials to ensure accurate terminology usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "engender" instead of "endanger," "proscription" instead of "prohibition," and "plethora" instead of "plethera." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, attention to detail in spelling is important for maintaining professionalism and clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools, proofreading your work carefully, and expanding your vocabulary through reading and practice. Additionally, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct usage can help improve overall spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is evidence of varied sentence beginnings and lengths, contributing to coherence and readability. However, some sentence structures could be further diversified to enhance the overall quality of expression. For instance, there is a tendency towards using simple sentence structures predominantly, which may limit the sophistication of the essay’s presentation.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences to add depth and complexity to your arguments. Introduce subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and gerund phrases to vary sentence structures effectively. Additionally, pay attention to sentence length variation to maintain reader engagement and flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances of grammatical inconsistencies and punctuation errors throughout the essay. For example, in the sentence "Particularly, these hard drugs can engender drug addiction and gradually damage their brain system," the pronoun "their" lacks clarity in reference. Moreover, there are occasional lapses in subject-verb agreement and misuse of articles.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical coherence within sentences. Clarify pronoun references to avoid ambiguity and maintain coherence. Additionally, review the usage of articles (e.g., "the," "a," "an") to ensure correctness and consistency. Practicing sentence-level editing exercises and seeking feedback on specific grammar and punctuation issues can help improve accuracy over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

Due to the harmful effects of smoking, which lead to serious diseases and deaths annually, there is widespread consensus on the prohibition of cigarettes and other tobacco products. This essay will present reasons supporting this stance.

Firstly, the prohibition of these toxic products should be strictly enforced due to their myriad harmful effects on human health. Specifically, these substances can induce addiction and gradually impair the nervous system. Moreover, extensive scientific literature asserts that the multitude of toxic substances in tobacco are the primary cause of lung cancer and other respiratory diseases. Furthermore, prolonged use of these substances can lead to health deterioration, including cognitive decline and behavioral changes. Additionally, decreased productivity and diminished work interest are negative effects of these hazardous chemicals that should not be overlooked.

Additionally, prohibition policies can significantly reduce the financial burden on healthcare costs associated with smoking-related illnesses. According to annual statistics, residents in many countries worldwide allocate significant funds toward these treatments. Lastly, some scientists have acknowledged that smoke emits toxic chemicals into the environment.

In conclusion, this essay has presented compelling reasons to support the ban on cigarettes and tobacco products. I believe that effective implementation of these policies will yield numerous benefits.