Society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree ?
In the contemporary world, some think that adopting a ban on advertisements is advantageous on society since these forms of advertising are fruitless and even cause harm. Nonetheless, I personally believe that it would be better to not put a ban on advertising for several reasons. In this essay, I will elucidate why implementing a ban on advertising is advocated by some and present my argument in favor of the opposite side.
There are compelling rationales explaining why people think applying a ban on advertisements will be a way to bring benefits for society. Firstly, some advertisements aim to manipulate consumers by highlighting the quality and strength of products or services, leading numerous individuals to make impulsive purchases. Therefore, many people tend to buy pieces of stuff that they do not actually need and even do not use these items after purchase. Furthermore, advertising is ubiquitous nowadays and children may encounter non-educational ones unintentionally which really has a significant impact on cognitive development and healthy development of children.
Nonetheless, numerous positive aspects of advertising far outweigh the drawbacks in terms of disseminating information to target audiences and offering high-paid careers. To begin with, some useful advertisements can introduce high-quality products and good services to individuals who are in need. This can not only meet customers’ expectations but also solve their ongoing problems. On top of that, the advertising industry offers a lucrative job for individuals who are extremely passionate about creativity and entertainment. Consequently, these people can express their creative talent as well as gain financial stability by taking jobs in this promising field.
To sum up, while acknowledging some limitations, advertising is beneficial in many aspects. Therefore, adverts are not forbidden but governments should put advertisements under control and thoroughly assess them before giving permission for launching them on the market.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"In the contemporary world" -> "In the modern era"
Explanation: Replacing "contemporary" with "modern era" maintains formality and aligns with academic language conventions.
"fruitless" -> "ineffective"
Explanation: Substituting "fruitless" with "ineffective" enhances precision and academic tone by using a more specific term.
"it would be better" -> "it would be more prudent"
Explanation: Replacing "better" with "more prudent" elevates the formality of the expression, aligning it with a more sophisticated academic style.
"elucidate" -> "discuss"
Explanation: While "elucidate" is technically correct, replacing it with "discuss" simplifies the language without sacrificing meaning, making it more accessible for a broader audience.
"rationales" -> "reasons"
Explanation: "Rationales" is a more formal term, but using "reasons" maintains formality while increasing clarity and simplicity.
"pieces of stuff" -> "items"
Explanation: Substituting "pieces of stuff" with "items" is more precise and formal, avoiding colloquial language.
"non-educational ones" -> "non-instructional ones"
Explanation: Replacing "non-educational" with "non-instructional" adds a touch of formality and specificity.
"numerous positive aspects" -> "numerous benefits"
Explanation: While "positive aspects" is acceptable, "benefits" is a more concise and formal term in this context.
"meet customers’ expectations" -> "satisfy customers’ expectations"
Explanation: Adding "satisfy" provides a slightly more nuanced and formal expression.
"on top of that" -> "furthermore"
Explanation: Substituting "on top of that" with "furthermore" contributes to a smoother transition between ideas and maintains a formal tone.
"To sum up" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a standard and more formal way to signal the summary of the essay.
"adverts" -> "advertisements"
Explanation: While "adverts" is colloquial, using "advertisements" aligns with a more formal register.
"put advertisements under control" -> "regulate advertisements"
Explanation: "Regulate advertisements" is a more precise and formal expression for controlling advertising practices.
"thoroughly assess them" -> "rigorously evaluate them"
Explanation: "Rigorously evaluate" adds a level of precision and formality to the language.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "In this essay, I will elucidate why implementing a ban on advertising is advocated by some and present my argument in favor of the opposite side."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction adequately presents the writer’s stance, but it lacks a concise overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. To enhance clarity and structure, consider providing a brief roadmap of the key arguments that support your position on not banning advertising.
- Improved example: "In this essay, I will elucidate the reasons some advocate for banning advertising and counter these arguments with my perspective in favor of allowing advertising. Specifically, I will discuss the impact on consumer behavior and the potential benefits of advertising, both in terms of information dissemination and job creation."
Quoted text: "There are compelling rationales explaining why people think applying a ban on advertisements will be a way to bring benefits for society."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While you introduce the opposing viewpoint effectively, the subsequent development is somewhat limited. To strengthen your argument, provide more detailed reasons and examples supporting the view that banning advertisements can be beneficial for society.
- Improved example: "Some argue for the benefits of banning advertisements, citing concerns about manipulative tactics and their impact on impulsive consumer behavior. For instance, advertisements often highlight product qualities, leading individuals to make unnecessary purchases. Additionally, the inadvertent exposure of non-educational ads to children raises concerns about their cognitive and healthy development."
Quoted text: "Nonetheless, numerous positive aspects of advertising far outweigh the drawbacks in terms of disseminating information to target audiences and offering high-paid careers."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The counter-argument is reasonably developed, but it would benefit from providing specific examples or illustrations to bolster the points made. Include concrete instances of how advertising disseminates valuable information and contributes to lucrative careers.
- Improved example: "However, the positive aspects of advertising outweigh the drawbacks. For instance, informative advertisements play a crucial role in introducing high-quality products and services to individuals, addressing their needs and solving ongoing problems. Moreover, the advertising industry provides lucrative opportunities for individuals passionate about creativity and entertainment, allowing them to express their talents and achieve financial stability."
Overall, the essay addresses all parts of the task, presenting a relevant position throughout the response. However, the depth of idea development could be improved to ensure a more thorough exploration of the reasons and examples supporting the writer’s perspective on not banning advertising.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs present arguments in a cohesive manner. The use of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases, contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. Each paragraph focuses on a central topic, contributing to the clarity of the essay’s structure. While there is some variation in the use of cohesive devices, it generally meets the criteria for Band 7.
How to improve:
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a more consistent use of cohesive devices. While the essay generally employs such devices effectively, there are instances where smoother transitions could be employed to strengthen the logical flow between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the balance of arguments, ensuring that both sides of the issue receive equal consideration. This will contribute to a more balanced and cohesive overall presentation.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with an awareness of style and collocation. However, occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and/or word formation are present, which prevent it from achieving a higher band score.
The essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, presenting rationales for those advocating a ban on advertising and providing counterarguments in favor of advertising. The vocabulary used is varied, with attempts at sophistication. For instance, phrases like "compelling rationales," "ubiquitous nowadays," and "lucrative job" contribute to the overall lexical range. There is also some awareness of style and collocation, evident in expressions like "elucidate why" and "acknowledging some limitations."
Nevertheless, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and spelling, such as "advocated" instead of "advocated for," and "pieces of stuff" could be improved to "items." These minor errors slightly impede the precision and accuracy of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, the writer should pay closer attention to word choice and spelling accuracy. Thorough proofreading can help identify and correct such minor errors. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary, along with ensuring precise usage, can contribute to a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation with a variety of complex structures used throughout. There are frequent error-free sentences, and the majority of the essay is well-constructed. However, some errors and inconsistencies exist, such as in the sentence "there are compelling rationales explaining why people think applying a ban on advertisements will be a way to bring benefits for society." Additionally, there is a minor issue with parallelism in the sentence "express their creative talent as well as gain financial stability."
How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence structures and ensure consistency in parallel constructions. Proofreading for minor errors, such as the use of "fruitless" instead of "futile" or selecting a more appropriate word for "non-educational," would enhance the overall accuracy. The essay could benefit from a more careful review for nuanced grammar and punctuation details.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the modern era, there exists a debate regarding whether society would benefit from a complete ban on advertisements due to their perceived ineffectiveness and potential harm. However, I hold the view that it would be more prudent not to impose such a ban for several reasons. In this essay, I will discuss why some advocate for banning advertisements and present my argument against it.
Some argue that a ban on advertisements would be beneficial for society. They believe that certain ads manipulate consumers by emphasizing product quality, leading many to make impulsive purchases. Consequently, individuals often acquire items they neither need nor use after purchase. Moreover, the omnipresence of advertising, including non-instructional content, can significantly impact children’s cognitive and healthy development unintentionally.
Nevertheless, the numerous benefits of advertising outweigh these drawbacks, primarily in disseminating information and offering lucrative careers. Firstly, informative ads can introduce high-quality products and services to those in need, meeting customers’ expectations and addressing their problems. Additionally, the advertising industry provides lucrative opportunities for individuals passionate about creativity and entertainment. This enables them to showcase their creative talents while achieving financial stability in this promising field.
In conclusion, despite acknowledging its limitations, advertising holds various benefits. Instead of a complete ban, it would be more effective to regulate advertisements rigorously. Governments should thoroughly evaluate them before allowing their launch into the market.