Society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary societies worldwide, there is an opinion that banning all forms of advertisements would contribute to society numerous advantages due to the fact it can result in useless or drawbacks. While acknowledging the reasons for this thinking, I still lean towards the view that advertisements becoming more and more common is a positive development.

Granted, one might argue that banning advertisements can help consumers decide to buy products that best meet their needs, instead of buying anything advertised. As a result, consumers can save their money. However, this line of reasoning is not sound because it fails to factor in informing consumers about available products and services. By providing essential information such as product features, pricing, and usage instructions, advertisements can somehow help consumers to make informed purchasing decisions.

In addition, the economic development of the whole society is hindered when advertisements are banned. Actually, advertising can serve as powerful tools for business to drive sales. Through strategic placement across various platforms such as television, digital media, and outdoor displays, companies can effectively reach their target audience and boost brand awareness. With increasing revenue for business, advertisements can contribute to economic growth and facilitate the poor’s life by social welfare from corporate income tax. This can result in detrimental effects on the economic development of a nation

On the other hand, banning advertising gives rise to an increase in the unemployment rate. In fact, the advertising industry contributes to job creation, including content creators, designers, marketers and sellers. Consequently, if all forms of advertising are banned, numbers of workers will be forced to do other work or remain jobless. This issue would put a burden on the whole society as the government ought to provide temporary financial support for these people.

In conclusion, advertising plays a key role in society. Banning advertising results in a burden on both the government and citizens.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"there is an opinion that" -> "it is commonly believed that"
Explanation: "It is commonly believed that" sounds more academic and emphasizes the prevalence of the belief more effectively than "there is an opinion that," which could imply a singular or isolated viewpoint.
"useless or drawbacks" -> "useless or have drawbacks"
Explanation: Adding "have" clarifies the meaning, ensuring grammatical correctness and enhancing the formal tone by making the phrase structurally complete.
"advertisements becoming more and more common" -> "the increasing prevalence of advertisements"
Explanation: "The increasing prevalence of advertisements" is a more precise and formal way of expressing the idea, avoiding the repetition of "more" and enhancing academic style.
"somehow help" -> "aid"
Explanation: The word "somehow" suggests uncertainty and is too informal for an academic context. Replacing it with "aid" provides a straightforward and confident expression.
"Actually," -> "Indeed,"
Explanation: "Indeed" is more appropriate in academic writing than "Actually," which is often perceived as too conversational.
"powerful tools for business to drive sales" -> "effective tools that businesses use to drive sales"
Explanation: "Effective tools that businesses use to drive sales" is more formal and specific, improving the clarity and flow of the sentence.
"With increasing revenue for business," -> "By increasing revenue for businesses,"
Explanation: "By increasing revenue for businesses," corrects the grammatical structure, making it clear that this is a method through which the action is achieved, rather than a standalone observation.
"facilitate the poor’s life" -> "improve the quality of life for the impoverished"
Explanation: "Improve the quality of life for the impoverished" is more precise and formal, avoiding possessive forms which can seem informal and unclear in such contexts.
"This can result in detrimental effects on the economic development of a nation" -> "This could have detrimental effects on a nation’s economic development"
Explanation: Revising to "This could have detrimental effects on a nation’s economic development" improves sentence structure and clarity, making the potential outcome more directly linked to the economic context.
"gives rise to an increase in the unemployment rate" -> "leads to an increase in the unemployment rate"
Explanation: "Leads to" is a more academically appropriate phrase than "gives rise to," which can be seen as slightly idiomatic.
"numbers of workers will be forced to do other work" -> "many workers will be compelled to seek alternative employment"
Explanation: "Many workers will be compelled to seek alternative employment" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the awkward phrasing of "numbers of workers."
"the government ought to provide" -> "the government may need to provide"
Explanation: "The government may need to provide" suggests possibility and conditionality, which is more accurate in academic discourse than the more definitive "ought to," which implies obligation.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument presented in the prompt. It discusses the potential benefits of banning advertisements, such as helping consumers make informed decisions and potentially saving money, while also acknowledging the economic impact and job creation aspect of advertising.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could delve deeper into the counterargument regarding the potentially damaging effects of advertising, providing more nuanced analysis and perhaps addressing ethical concerns or societal impacts beyond economic factors.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in support of advertising, arguing that its prevalence is a positive development for society. This stance is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, further emphasis on the reasons supporting this stance could strengthen the essay. Providing more detailed examples or statistics to reinforce the argument would make the position more compelling.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing both sides of the argument and providing examples to support its points, such as the impact of advertising on consumer decision-making and economic growth.
- How to improve: To extend the ideas further, the essay could incorporate more diverse examples or delve deeper into the consequences of advertising beyond economic implications. Exploring the societal and cultural impacts of advertising would enrich the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, addressing the central question of whether society would benefit from a ban on advertising. However, there are some minor instances where the focus shifts slightly, such as the discussion on economic development and job creation.
- How to improve: To improve focus, the essay could maintain a tighter connection between each point made and its relevance to the overall argument. Clear transitions and topic sentences can help guide the reader and ensure coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents arguments in favor of advertising, it could benefit from deeper analysis and more thorough exploration of the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, maintaining focus and coherence throughout the essay will enhance its overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that presents the topic and the author’s stance clearly. Each body paragraph addresses a separate aspect of the argument, first discussing the potential benefits of advertising, then highlighting its role in economic development, and finally addressing the potential consequences of banning advertising. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains logical progression overall, there are opportunities to enhance coherence further by refining transitions between paragraphs. Clearer transitional phrases could help guide the reader through the flow of ideas more smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main point can strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize its content, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, there are areas where the structure of paragraphs could be improved for greater effectiveness. For instance, the second paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs to address the potential benefits and drawbacks of advertising more distinctly. This would enhance clarity and readability.
- How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused units to improve readability and highlight key points effectively. Each paragraph should present a coherent idea or argument, and transitions between paragraphs should be clear to maintain the flow of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this line of reasoning," "on the other hand") and transitional phrases ("Granted," "In addition," "On the other hand") to connect ideas and maintain coherence. These devices contribute to the overall cohesion of the essay and help guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates a basic use of cohesive devices, expanding the range of these devices could further enhance cohesion. Incorporating a variety of transitional phrases and logical connectors can strengthen the connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensuring consistency in the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay can help maintain coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing a variety of words and phrases to convey ideas effectively. For instance, phrases like "contemporary societies worldwide," "line of reasoning," "strategic placement," and "boost brand awareness" showcase the writer’s ability to employ diverse vocabulary throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a good variety of vocabulary, incorporating more sophisticated or nuanced terminology could further enhance lexical resource. Introducing specialized vocabulary related to advertising, economics, or societal impact could elevate the depth of analysis and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, in the phrase "advertisements becoming more and more common," the term "common" could be replaced with a more specific descriptor such as "ubiquitous" or "pervasive" to add clarity and specificity to the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, it’s beneficial to carefully select words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. This can involve using synonyms or consulting a thesaurus to identify more precise alternatives. Additionally, considering the context and connotations of words can help avoid ambiguity or imprecision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few errors detracting from overall readability. However, there are a couple of instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "advantages due to the fact it can result in useless or drawbacks" (should be "advantages due to the fact it can result in uselessness or drawbacks") and "society as the government ought to provide temporary financial support for these people" (should be "society, as the government ought to provide temporary financial support for these people").
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofreading carefully and utilizing spell-checking tools can be effective strategies. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can help minimize errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, ranging from simple to complex. There is effective use of both simple and compound sentences, as well as instances of complex sentences. For instance, the essay utilizes compound sentences like, "By providing essential information such as product features, pricing, and usage instructions, advertisements can somehow help consumers to make informed purchasing decisions," demonstrating an ability to convey ideas with clarity and coherence. Furthermore, complex sentences such as, "This issue would put a burden on the whole society as the government ought to provide temporary financial support for these people," add depth to the argument by incorporating nuanced ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and sophistication of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence patterns, such as those involving relative clauses or conditional structures. This could involve utilizing phrases like "which," "who," or "where" to add additional information to sentences, thereby enriching the overall expression of ideas. Additionally, experiment with different sentence beginnings and lengths to maintain reader engagement and avoid monotony.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage throughout. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used effectively to separate clauses and clarify meaning. For example, "Granted, one might argue that banning advertisements can help consumers decide to buy products that best meet their needs, instead of buying anything advertised," showcases correct punctuation usage to delineate the introductory clause. Similarly, appropriate use of commas and conjunctions aids in maintaining coherence and readability.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits strong grammatical accuracy overall, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors occur. For instance, in the sentence, "This can result in detrimental effects on the economic development of a nation," the phrase "detrimental effects on" could be revised for clarity and conciseness. Additionally, ensure consistent subject-verb agreement and watch out for tense consistency throughout the essay. Reviewing each sentence for grammatical accuracy during the editing process can help identify and rectify any remaining errors, thereby further refining the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary societies worldwide, it is commonly believed that banning all forms of advertisements would serve no useful purpose and may have drawbacks. While acknowledging the reasons for this perspective, I still lean towards the view that the increasing prevalence of advertisements is a positive development.

Indeed, one might argue that banning advertisements can aid consumers in making more informed purchasing decisions, leading to savings. However, this argument overlooks the crucial role of advertisements in informing consumers about available products and services. By providing essential information such as product features, pricing, and usage instructions, advertisements can help consumers make informed choices.

Moreover, banning advertisements could have detrimental effects on a nation’s economic development. Advertisements are effective tools that businesses use to drive sales. Through strategic placement across various platforms such as television, digital media, and outdoor displays, companies can effectively reach their target audience and boost brand awareness. By increasing revenue for businesses, advertisements can contribute to economic growth and improve the quality of life for the impoverished through social welfare from corporate income tax.

On the other hand, banning advertising leads to an increase in the unemployment rate. The advertising industry contributes to job creation, including roles such as content creators, designers, marketers, and sellers. Consequently, if all forms of advertising are banned, many workers will be compelled to seek alternative employment or face unemployment. This situation would put a burden on the whole society as the government may need to provide temporary financial support for these individuals.

In conclusion, advertisements play a key role in society by informing consumers and driving economic growth. Banning advertising could have negative repercussions, including economic strain on both the government and citizens.