Some argue that investing in renewable energy sources is the most effective way to combat climate change, while others believe that focusing on improving energy efficiency is a more practical approach. Discuss both views and give your own opinion on which strategy is more crucial in mitigating the effects of global warming.

Some argue that investing in renewable energy sources is the most effective way to combat climate change, while others believe that focusing on improving energy efficiency is a more practical approach. Discuss both views and give your own opinion on which strategy is more crucial in mitigating the effects of global warming.

Investing in renewable energy sources to face climate change is supported by many people, while some subscribers are of the opinion focusing on improving energy efficiency which probably is more realistic. From my perspective, it is a good idea to continue studying deeply on energy efficiency.

On the one hand, developing international awareness on using energy is an essential strategy. The more understandable how crucial the environment is, the more standard of life people will get. For example, people complying with using electricity logically would lead to cutting down natural pollutants such as light pollution, global warming,… Therefore, the nation's economy also gets better by these little actions.

On the other hand, I would argue that there is no denying that renewable energy is considered as one of the most important research projects in the world because of its convenience and saving money. Indeed, it offers us a sustainable solution to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and decrease large amounts of fuel consumption. As a result, the quality of air and environment are properly advanced. Additionally, these things bring more career opportunities and substantial profits and boost local economies.

In conclusion, while enhancing energy efficiency is crucial, I believe that investing in renewable energy sources to partly prevent natural effects is more indispensable. However, people should not overshadow the importance of energy efficiency. Considerably two sides have to be balanced as humans' awareness lays a solid foundation for the world's long-term development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Investing in renewable energy sources to face climate change" -> "Investing in renewable energy sources to address climate change"
   Explanation: "Address" is a more precise and formal term than "face," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.

2. "subscribers are of the opinion focusing on" -> "some argue that focusing on"
   Explanation: "Some argue that" is more direct and academically appropriate than "subscribers are of the opinion," which is awkward and unclear.

3. "continue studying deeply on energy efficiency" -> "continue to study energy efficiency in depth"
   Explanation: "Continue to study in depth" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the clarity and formality of the sentence.

4. "developing international awareness on using energy" -> "raising international awareness about energy use"
   Explanation: "Raising awareness about" is a more precise and commonly used phrase in academic writing than "developing awareness on."

5. "The more understandable how crucial the environment is, the more standard of life people will get." -> "The more people understand the importance of the environment, the higher their standard of living will be."
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure, making it more formal and precise.

6. "people complying with using electricity logically" -> "people adhering to logical energy usage"
   Explanation: "Adhering to logical energy usage" is more concise and formal than "complying with using electricity logically," which is awkward and unclear.

7. "cutting down natural pollutants such as light pollution, global warming," -> "reducing natural pollutants such as light pollution and global warming"
   Explanation: "Reducing" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "cutting down," which is less formal and slightly vague.

8. "the nation’s economy also gets better by these little actions" -> "the nation’s economy also benefits from these actions"
   Explanation: "Benefits from" is more formal and precise than "gets better by," which is colloquial and vague.

9. "there is no denying that renewable energy is considered as one of the most important research projects" -> "it is undeniable that renewable energy is considered one of the most important research projects"
   Explanation: "It is undeniable" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express certainty than "there is no denying."

10. "saving money" -> "cost-effective"
    Explanation: "Cost-effective" is a more precise and formal term than "saving money," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.

11. "the quality of air and environment are properly advanced" -> "air and environmental quality are significantly improved"
    Explanation: "Significantly improved" is more precise and formal than "properly advanced," which is awkward and unclear.

12. "these things bring more career opportunities and substantial profits and boost local economies" -> "these initiatives offer enhanced career opportunities, substantial profits, and economic growth"
    Explanation: "These initiatives offer enhanced career opportunities, substantial profits, and economic growth" is more formal and specific than the original phrase, which is vague and informal.

13. "partly prevent natural effects" -> "partially mitigate environmental impacts"
    Explanation: "Mitigate environmental impacts" is a more precise and formal term than "prevent natural effects," which is vague and less specific.

14. "Considerably two sides have to be balanced" -> "Both sides must be balanced"
    Explanation: "Both sides must be balanced" is grammatically correct and more formal than "Considerably two sides have to be balanced," which is awkward and incorrect.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding renewable energy and energy efficiency. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of each perspective. For instance, while the essay mentions the importance of energy efficiency, it does not provide substantial arguments or examples to support this viewpoint. The discussion on renewable energy is more developed, but it still lacks depth in addressing counterarguments or the practicality of both approaches.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored in detail. This could involve providing specific examples of successful renewable energy projects and contrasting them with energy efficiency initiatives. Additionally, a more balanced discussion that weighs the pros and cons of each approach would strengthen the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion that investing in renewable energy is more crucial, but this position is somewhat muddled by the initial statement that suggests energy efficiency is also important. The conclusion reiterates the importance of both strategies but does not clearly prioritize one over the other, which can confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I firmly believe" or "In my opinion" can help clarify the stance. The conclusion should summarize the key arguments supporting this position without introducing new ideas.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the benefits of renewable energy and energy efficiency, but they are not sufficiently extended or supported. For example, the claim that energy efficiency can improve the standard of living is vague and lacks specific examples or data. Similarly, while the essay mentions job creation from renewable energy, it does not elaborate on how this occurs or provide statistics.
  • How to improve: To improve idea development, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Incorporating statistics, case studies, or expert opinions can lend credibility and depth to the arguments. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt about renewable energy and energy efficiency. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the discussion of energy efficiency, which becomes somewhat vague and less relevant to the main argument about its practicality versus renewable energy.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the main question. Avoiding overly broad statements and instead honing in on specific aspects of energy efficiency and renewable energy will help keep the discussion relevant. Using clear transitions can also help guide the reader through the argument.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on providing a more balanced and detailed exploration of both views, maintaining a clear and consistent position, extending and supporting ideas with specific examples, and ensuring that all content remains directly relevant to the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word count can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing energy efficiency to renewable energy lacks a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader smoothly from one argument to the next. The introduction states a personal opinion but does not clearly outline the main points that will be discussed, which can confuse the reader about the essay’s direction.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could include a brief outline of the main points in the introduction. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "In contrast" or "Furthermore" at the beginning of paragraphs can help clarify the relationship between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the body paragraphs could be strengthened by ensuring that each one begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the importance of energy efficiency before delving into supporting details.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. Additionally, concluding sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph could reinforce the argument and provide a more cohesive reading experience.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the transition between contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "these things bring more career opportunities" lacks a clear connection to the preceding sentence, which discusses environmental benefits.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," and "In addition." Additionally, ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one will help create a more cohesive argument. For instance, explicitly linking the environmental benefits of renewable energy to economic advantages can enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, addressing these areas for improvement will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "renewable energy," "energy efficiency," and "greenhouse gas emissions" being appropriately used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. Phrases such as "good idea" and "little actions" are quite basic and do not showcase a higher level of lexical resource.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or more advanced phrases. For example, instead of "good idea," you might say "beneficial approach" or "advantageous strategy." Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the essay, such as "significant" instead of "little" when referring to actions that impact the environment.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "subscribers are of the opinion" which is awkward and unclear. The phrase "the more understandable how crucial the environment is" lacks clarity and precision. The use of "compliance" in "people complying with using electricity logically" is also imprecise; it would be more effective to say "people who use electricity responsibly."
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of "subscribers," consider "advocates" or "supporters." Additionally, rephrasing sentences for clarity, such as "the more people understand the importance of the environment," would enhance precision. Regularly practicing paraphrasing can help in developing a more precise vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only minor errors such as "understandable" instead of "understand" in the context used. However, the phrase "cutting down natural pollutants such as light pollution, global warming,…" is awkwardly punctuated and could lead to confusion regarding what is being listed.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consistent proofreading is essential. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing software can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can reinforce correct spelling in future essays.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy—the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. For instance, the opening sentence employs a complex structure: "Investing in renewable energy sources to face climate change is supported by many people, while some subscribers are of the opinion focusing on improving energy efficiency which probably is more realistic." However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and a lack of variety in more complex structures, such as "the more understandable how crucial the environment is, the more standard of life people will get." This sentence is convoluted and could be simplified for clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of "the more understandable how crucial the environment is," you could say, "the more people understand the importance of the environment, the better their quality of life will be." Additionally, practice using different sentence beginnings and transitions to create a more engaging flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For example, "subscribers are of the opinion focusing on improving energy efficiency which probably is more realistic" lacks necessary punctuation, such as commas, which makes it difficult to parse. The phrase "the nation’s economy also gets better by these little actions" could be more accurately expressed as "the nation’s economy can also improve as a result of these small actions." Furthermore, the use of "considered as" should be corrected to "considered one of," as it is a common grammatical error.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation, especially in complex sentences. Reading your essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for easier revision.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, enhancing the range of grammatical structures and improving accuracy will contribute to a higher band score. Regular practice and revision will be key in achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

Investing in renewable energy sources to address climate change is supported by many, while others argue that focusing on improving energy efficiency may be a more practical approach. From my perspective, it is beneficial to continue studying energy efficiency in depth.

On the one hand, raising international awareness about energy use is an essential strategy. The more people understand the importance of the environment, the higher their standard of living will be. For example, people adhering to logical energy usage would lead to reducing natural pollutants such as light pollution and global warming. Therefore, the nation’s economy also benefits from these small actions.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that renewable energy is considered one of the most important research projects in the world due to its cost-effective nature. Indeed, it offers us a sustainable solution to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and decrease significant amounts of fuel consumption. As a result, air and environmental quality are significantly improved. Additionally, these initiatives offer enhanced career opportunities, substantial profits, and economic growth.

In conclusion, while enhancing energy efficiency is crucial, I believe that investing in renewable energy sources to partially mitigate environmental impacts is more indispensable. However, people should not overlook the importance of energy efficiency. Both sides must be balanced, as human awareness lays a solid foundation for the world’s long-term development.