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Some believe that all individuals who break the law should be placed in prison as a form of punishment. However, others hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some believe that all individuals who break the law should be placed in prison as a form of punishment. However, others hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that lawbreakers ought to be thrown in jail as a penalty, while others contend that tackling these people can be accomplished more successfully in other ways. In my view, I am inclined to the punishment in prison. In this essay, I will discuss both sides and give the reason for my opinion.

Undoubtedly, there are more productive alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Firstly, a number of prisoners breed resentment during their time in prison. Moreover, they make friends with other offenders and even intend to re-offend after being released. Hence, this could put the community in danger. Secondly, one of the root causes of crime is a lack of education, so in order to tackle this issue, we can raise awareness of all individuals. Everyone should have a chance to access proper education from schools, news, and campaigns. As a result, when individuals are fully aware of the dangers of committing crime, they would be less likely to engage in illegal activities.

On the other hand, I believe that all lawbreakers should be put into prison as a form of penalty. The first reason is that a prison sentence is an appropriate way to ensure the safety of other citizens. If these criminals are not locked away, they could pose a serious threat to their communities. For instance, serial killers would continuously murder other individuals if they are not arrested. This is because a significant number of criminals lose all humanity and tend to be insane. The second reason is that the jail ensures the law is respected. This helps deter potential criminals from engaging in illegal acts because of a fear of receiving a prison sentence. In addition, if the law is respected, life will thrive and flourish.

In conclusion, both perspectives have their merits – the other effective substitutes can reduce hostile prisoners and raise awareness of all individuals about crime and its dangers. However, it seems to me that prison would be more valid for its guarantee for all citizens in the community.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is argued that lawbreakers ought to be thrown in jail as a penalty, while others contend that tackling these people can be accomplished more successfully in other ways. In my view, I am inclined to the punishment in prison. In this essay, I will discuss both sides and give the reason for my opinion."
    -> "Debates surround the proposition that lawbreakers should face imprisonment as a penalty, while others argue that addressing these individuals can be more effectively achieved through alternative means. Personally, I advocate for punitive measures involving incarceration. This essay will delve into both perspectives and elucidate the rationale behind my stance."
    Explanation: Replacing "It is argued that" with "Debates surround the proposition that" adds a formal touch, and replacing "I am inclined to" with "I advocate for" enhances the assertiveness of the statement.

  2. "Undoubtedly, there are more productive alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Firstly, a number of prisoners breed resentment during their time in prison. Moreover, they make friends with other offenders and even intend to re-offend after being released. Hence, this could put the community in danger."
    -> "Undoubtedly, there exist more constructive alternatives to address lawbreakers. Firstly, some prisoners harbor resentment during their incarceration. Additionally, they form alliances with fellow offenders and may even harbor intentions of re-offending upon release. Consequently, this poses a potential threat to the community."
    Explanation: Replacing "deal with" with "address," and "a number of" with "some," adds precision and formality to the expression.

  3. "Secondly, one of the root causes of crime is a lack of education, so in order to tackle this issue, we can raise awareness of all individuals. Everyone should have a chance to access proper education from schools, news, and campaigns. As a result, when individuals are fully aware of the dangers of committing crime, they would be less likely to engage in illegal activities."
    -> "Secondly, a fundamental cause of crime lies in the deficiency of education. To address this issue, we can enhance awareness among individuals. Everyone should have the opportunity to receive comprehensive education through schools, news, and campaigns. Consequently, individuals, when fully cognizant of the perils of criminal behavior, are less likely to engage in illegal activities."
    Explanation: Replacing "tackle" with "address," and "raise awareness of all individuals" with "enhance awareness among individuals" improves precision and formality.

  4. "On the other hand, I believe that all lawbreakers should be put into prison as a form of penalty. The first reason is that a prison sentence is an appropriate way to ensure the safety of other citizens. If these criminals are not locked away, they could pose a serious threat to their communities. For instance, serial killers would continuously murder other individuals if they are not arrested. This is because a significant number of criminals lose all humanity and tend to be insane."
    -> "Contrarily, I assert that all lawbreakers should be incarcerated as a form of penalty. Firstly, a prison sentence serves as an appropriate means to ensure the safety of other citizens. If these criminals are not confined, they could pose a substantial threat to their communities. For example, serial killers might persistently endanger others if not apprehended. This is attributable to a significant number of criminals losing all sense of humanity and displaying tendencies toward insanity."
    Explanation: Replacing "put into" with "incarcerated," and "ensure the safety of other citizens" with "serve as an appropriate means to ensure the safety of other citizens" enhances precision and formality. Additionally, the replacement of "locked away" with "confined" contributes to a more formal tone.

  5. "In conclusion, both perspectives have their merits – the other effective substitutes can reduce hostile prisoners and raise awareness of all individuals about crime and its dangers. However, it seems to me that prison would be more valid for its guarantee for all citizens in the community."
    -> "In conclusion, both perspectives possess their merits – alternative effective measures can mitigate the hostility of prisoners and augment awareness among individuals regarding crime and its dangers. Nevertheless, it is my contention that prison would be more warranted due to its guarantee of safety for all citizens in the community."
    Explanation: Replacing "the other effective substitutes" with "alternative effective measures" adds clarity, and replacing "seems to me that" with "it is my contention that" adds a stronger and more formal assertion to the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives, discussing the idea of placing lawbreakers in prison and exploring alternative methods. The introduction presents a clear intention to discuss both views and offer a personal opinion. However, the analysis could be more nuanced, as the reasons for favoring prison are more detailed than those for alternative methods. For instance, the alternative methods section could benefit from additional elaboration.
    • How to improve: To improve, provide a more balanced and detailed examination of both perspectives. Offer specific examples and considerations for the effectiveness of alternative methods to enhance the depth of the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that favors placing lawbreakers in prison. This stance is consistently presented throughout the essay, with supporting reasons provided in both body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating your position in the introduction. Additionally, reinforce the position with stronger and more varied language throughout the essay to emphasize your standpoint.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but the development is uneven. The arguments supporting the prison as a penalty are more detailed and supported with specific examples. In contrast, the alternative methods section lacks depth and could benefit from more elaboration and concrete examples.
    • How to improve: Work on achieving a more balanced development of ideas. Provide specific examples and illustrations for the alternative methods, making the discussion as comprehensive as the section favoring prison.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both perspectives and providing reasons for the preferred stance. However, some points, like the discussion of education, could be more directly related to the topic of alternative methods for dealing with lawbreakers.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the question. Avoid tangential discussions, and tie in examples and arguments more explicitly to the theme of alternative methods.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, improvements can be made in providing a more balanced analysis, deepening the development of ideas, and ensuring all points directly relate to the topic. Work on incorporating specific examples and details for both perspectives to strengthen the overall essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It opens with a clear introduction that introduces the topic and the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs present arguments for both perspectives, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother. For example, a clearer indication of the transition from discussing alternatives to supporting imprisonment would enhance the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To improve the logical organization, consider using transition phrases or sentences to guide the reader through shifts in focus. For instance, explicitly signaling the transition from discussing alternatives to presenting the writer’s viewpoint on imprisonment would enhance the essay’s coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and contributes to the overall coherence. However, some paragraphs, especially in the second body paragraph, could benefit from further development and elaboration to strengthen the overall structure.
    • How to improve: While maintaining clear paragraph divisions, ensure that each paragraph fully explores its topic. In the second body paragraph, expand on the idea that lack of education is a root cause of crime, providing more examples or evidence. This will enhance the depth and effectiveness of the essay’s structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices such as "firstly," "moreover," and "on the other hand" to connect ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to create stronger connections between paragraphs and enhance overall coherence. Additionally, there’s room for improvement in the use of pronouns to maintain clarity and cohesion.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas not only within paragraphs but also between them. Additionally, ensure consistent and clear use of pronouns to avoid any confusion. For example, in the second body paragraph, consider using pronouns more effectively to reference the perspective being discussed and improve overall coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion but could be further strengthened by refining transitions, expanding on certain points, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Some relevant terms are used to discuss the topic, such as "penalty," "respected," "flourish," and "engaging in illegal acts." However, the vocabulary lacks diversity, and there is a tendency to repeat certain phrases like "lawbreakers" and "prison sentence."
    • How to improve: To enhance the score, try incorporating a more extensive and varied vocabulary. Consider synonyms and different expressions to avoid repetition. Utilize sophisticated vocabulary when discussing complex ideas, providing a nuanced and nuanced perspective.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is generally adequate. However, there are instances where more precise terms could be employed. For example, the essay mentions "dangerous criminals," but specifying the types of crimes or using terms like "violent offenders" would add precision.
    • How to improve: Focus on choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Provide specific details and use terms that capture the nuances of the ideas you want to express. This can elevate the overall quality of your writing.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors observed. However, there is room for improvement in terms of word choice, such as using "perspective" instead of "reason" in the concluding sentence.
    • How to improve: While spelling is satisfactory, pay attention to the selection of words to ensure they accurately convey your intended meaning. Proofread carefully to catch any potential errors in word choice or usage.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, but improvements can be made by expanding the range of expressions, using more precise terminology, and paying attention to word choice for enhanced clarity. Additionally, thorough proofreading can help ensure correctness in spelling and terminology.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences, contributing to a smooth flow of ideas. For instance, the author effectively uses complex sentences such as "Moreover, they make friends with other offenders and even intend to re-offend after being released," showcasing a range of sentence structures to convey nuanced ideas.
    • How to improve: While the essay already utilizes a diverse range of sentence structures, further improvement can be achieved by incorporating more complex structures, such as varying the use of dependent and independent clauses. This can enhance the sophistication of the writing and elevate the overall quality of expression.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances where minor grammatical errors are present. For example, the phrase "I am inclined to the punishment in prison" could be revised to "I am inclined to support the punishment in prison" for clarity. Additionally, there are a few instances where articles or prepositions are missing, as seen in "awareness of all individuals" (awareness of all individuals about crime).
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, careful proofreading is essential. The author should pay attention to articles, prepositions, and verb agreement. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools can help identify and rectify such minor errors. Consistent practice and attention to detail will contribute to improved grammatical precision.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy. To reach a higher band score, the author should focus on refining sentence structures further and addressing minor grammatical errors for a polished and sophisticated expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

Debates surround the proposition that lawbreakers should face imprisonment as a penalty, while others argue that addressing these individuals can be more effectively achieved through alternative means. Personally, I advocate for punitive measures involving incarceration. This essay will delve into both perspectives and elucidate the rationale behind my stance.

Undoubtedly, there exist more constructive alternatives to address lawbreakers. Firstly, some prisoners harbor resentment during their incarceration. Additionally, they form alliances with fellow offenders and may even harbor intentions of re-offending upon release. Consequently, this poses a potential threat to the community.

Secondly, a fundamental cause of crime lies in the deficiency of education. To address this issue, we can enhance awareness among individuals. Everyone should have the opportunity to receive comprehensive education through schools, news, and campaigns. Consequently, individuals, when fully cognizant of the perils of criminal behavior, are less likely to engage in illegal activities.

Contrarily, I assert that all lawbreakers should be incarcerated as a form of penalty. Firstly, a prison sentence serves as an appropriate means to ensure the safety of other citizens. If these criminals are not confined, they could pose a substantial threat to their communities. For example, serial killers might persistently endanger others if not apprehended. This is attributable to a significant number of criminals losing all sense of humanity and displaying tendencies toward insanity.

In conclusion, both perspectives possess their merits – alternative effective measures can mitigate the hostility of prisoners and augment awareness among individuals regarding crime and its dangers. Nevertheless, it is my contention that prison would be more warranted due to its guarantee of safety for all citizens in the community.

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