some believe that going to university a waste of time. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

It is argued that university is a waste of time. From my point of view, I disagree with this opinion for some reasons which will be presented in the following essay.
Clearly, there are many reasons why going to college is important. Firstly, studying in college helps us gain more knowledge. Studying at university provides learners new knowledge about their majors, works. This new knowledge supports their thinking. For example : When you want to become a doctor, studying at a university will help you have professional knowledge about the medical field.
Not only that, studying at a university helps learners expand relationships. When they study at university, they can communicate with many different people to expand their relationships. The relationship helps them develop their future work. For instance : Bill Gates and Pall Allen were friends in college , and later founded Microsoft together.
To conclude, Studying in university will help us have skills.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is argued that university is a waste of time." -> "It is often contended that university education is a waste of time."
Explanation: The phrase "It is often contended that" is more formal and precise than "It is argued that," and adding "education" clarifies that the discussion is about the educational aspect of university, not the institution itself.
"From my point of view, I disagree with this opinion for some reasons which will be presented in the following essay." -> "From my perspective, I disagree with this assertion for several reasons, which will be discussed in the following essay."
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more formal expression than "From my point of view," and "assertion" is more specific than "opinion." Additionally, "several reasons" is more precise than "some reasons," and "discussed" is more appropriate than "presented" in academic writing.
"going to college is important" -> "attending college is crucial"
Explanation: "Attending college" is a more formal and precise term than "going to college," and "crucial" conveys a stronger importance than "important."
"helps us gain more knowledge" -> "enables us to acquire more knowledge"
Explanation: "Enables us to acquire" is a more formal and precise way of expressing the idea of gaining knowledge, emphasizing the active role of the university in facilitating learning.
"works" -> "fields of study"
Explanation: "Fields of study" is a more formal and specific term than "works," which is vague and informal in this context.
"supports their thinking" -> "enhances their cognitive abilities"
Explanation: "Enhances their cognitive abilities" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "supports their thinking," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"For example : When you want to become a doctor, studying at a university will help you have professional knowledge about the medical field." -> "For example, pursuing a medical degree at a university can provide students with professional knowledge in the medical field."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the example by specifying the type of degree and the subject area, and uses a more formal structure.
"Not only that, studying at a university helps learners expand relationships." -> "Furthermore, studying at a university facilitates the development of relationships among learners."
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Not only that," and "facilitates the development of relationships among learners" is more precise and formal than "helps learners expand relationships."
"The relationship helps them develop their future work." -> "These relationships can contribute to the development of their future careers."
Explanation: "These relationships" is more specific than "The relationship," and "contribute to the development of their future careers" is a more formal and precise expression than "helps them develop their future work."
"Bill Gates and Pall Allen were friends in college, and later founded Microsoft together." -> "Bill Gates and Paul Allen, college friends, co-founded Microsoft."
Explanation: "College friends" is more concise and formal than "were friends in college," and "co-founded" is a more precise verb than "founded together."
"Studying in university will help us have skills." -> "University education can equip students with essential skills."
Explanation: "University education" is a more formal and specific term than "Studying in university," and "can equip students with essential skills" is more precise and formal than "will help us have skills."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a disagreement with the notion that university is a waste of time. However, it fails to explore the extent of this disagreement, which is a critical aspect of the task. The essay does not provide a balanced view or consider counterarguments, which is essential for a comprehensive response. For instance, while it mentions the importance of university education, it does not acknowledge any potential drawbacks or alternative perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly discuss the extent to which they agree or disagree with the statement. This could involve acknowledging some arguments for why university might be considered a waste of time, followed by a reasoned rebuttal. Including a clear thesis statement that outlines the writer’s position and the main points to be discussed would also strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear position against the idea that university is a waste of time. However, the position lacks consistency and depth throughout the essay. The concluding statement is vague and does not reinforce the initial stance effectively. The writer does not consistently relate back to the main argument, which can confuse the reader about the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly supports their thesis. They can achieve this by restating their main argument in different ways throughout the essay and ensuring that each point made ties back to the central claim. A more definitive conclusion that summarizes the main arguments would also help clarify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the acquisition of knowledge and the expansion of relationships through university education. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail or examples. For instance, while the example of Bill Gates and Paul Allen is relevant, it lacks depth in explaining how their university relationship specifically contributed to their success.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations and additional examples. They can also include statistics or studies that support their claims about the benefits of university education. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the benefits of attending university. However, it does not sufficiently engage with the prompt’s requirement to discuss the extent of agreement or disagreement. The final statement about gaining skills is too vague and does not add value to the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the prompt. They should avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion that do not tie back to the main argument. Instead, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay and reinforce the writer’s position on the topic.

Overall, the essay needs to be more comprehensive in addressing the prompt, with a clearer structure and more developed arguments to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the notion that university is a waste of time, which is a strong foundation for logical organization. However, the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction effectively sets up the argument, but the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the thesis. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses gaining knowledge but does not explicitly connect this to the overall argument until later in the paragraph. The second body paragraph introduces the idea of relationships but lacks a clear transition from the first point, making the connection between the two points less apparent.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of that paragraph. Additionally, use linking phrases such as "Furthermore," or "In addition," at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure could be more effective. The introduction is concise, and the body contains two main points, but the lack of clear separation and development of ideas within paragraphs can lead to confusion. For example, the second body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the importance of knowledge and the other on the value of relationships. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: Consider using a more structured approach to paragraphing. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations. This not only improves clarity but also helps the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," and "Not only that," which help to signal the progression of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and the transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the use of "For example:" is effective, but the essay could benefit from additional phrases that connect ideas, such as "In addition," "Moreover," or "Conversely," to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases that indicate addition, contrast, and cause-effect relationships. This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and do not disrupt the natural flow of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic of university education. Phrases such as "gain more knowledge," "expand relationships," and "professional knowledge" show an attempt to use relevant terminology. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "studying at university" is used multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate a broader range of vocabulary. For example, instead of repeatedly using "studying at university," alternatives like "pursuing higher education," "attending college," or "enrolling in a degree program" could be utilized. Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary related to the benefits of higher education, such as "intellectual development," "networking opportunities," or "career advancement," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "supports their thinking" is vague and could be articulated more clearly. Additionally, the term "new knowledge about their majors, works" is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity. The use of "works" here is particularly ambiguous and does not effectively convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clearly defining terms and ensuring that each word accurately conveys the intended message. For instance, instead of saying "supports their thinking," the writer could say "enhances critical thinking skills." Furthermore, clarifying "new knowledge about their majors" to "specialized knowledge related to their chosen fields of study" would improve clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the inconsistent capitalization of "Studying" at the beginning of the concluding sentence, which should be lowercase unless it starts a new sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully to catch any capitalization or typographical errors. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help identify mistakes. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further improve spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling consistency. By incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary and ensuring careful proofreading, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, primarily using simple and compound sentences. For instance, sentences like "Firstly, studying in college helps us gain more knowledge" and "Not only that, studying at a university helps learners expand relationships" show a straightforward construction. However, there is a lack of complex sentences that could enhance the depth and sophistication of the writing. The use of phrases like "for some reasons which will be presented in the following essay" indicates an attempt to introduce a more complex structure, but it is not fully realized throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "studying at university provides learners new knowledge about their majors, works," the writer could say, "studying at university provides learners with new knowledge about their majors and equips them with skills that are essential for their future careers." Additionally, using varied sentence openings and transitions can help create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "studying at university provides learners new knowledge about their majors, works" is awkwardly constructed; it should be "provides learners with new knowledge about their majors and work." Additionally, the use of colons before examples (e.g., "For example : When you want to become a doctor") is incorrect; there should be no space before the colon. Furthermore, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage, such as "Studying in university will help us have skills," which should be "Studying at university will help us develop skills."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding colons and commas, will improve clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insights into correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage. Lastly, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct these errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents arguments, improving the variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often contended that university education is a waste of time. From my perspective, I disagree with this assertion for several reasons, which will be discussed in the following essay.

Clearly, there are many reasons why attending college is crucial. Firstly, studying in college helps us acquire more knowledge. Studying at university provides learners with new knowledge about their fields of study. This new knowledge enhances their cognitive abilities. For example, when you want to become a doctor, pursuing a medical degree at a university can provide students with professional knowledge in the medical field.

Not only that, studying at a university facilitates the development of relationships among learners. When they study at university, they can communicate with many different people to expand their networks. These relationships can contribute to the development of their future careers. For instance, Bill Gates and Paul Allen, college friends, co-founded Microsoft together.

To conclude, studying at university will help us acquire essential skills.