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Some believe that people will purchase a product based on their needs and advertising is not needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that people will purchase a product based on their needs and advertising is not needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many people think that advertisements are unnecessary because individuals buy items according to their needs. I completely disagree with the statement for some compelling reasons. In this essay, I will explain why I think that marketing, nevertheless, plays an important role.
Firstly, ads have a beneficial role for notifying consumers about discounts and promotions in the future. People often have a plan to buy necessary products for themself. However, throughout advertisements, they can check out their purchasing lists to make better decisions. For instance, a person wants to buy a new smartphone. Normally, they will go to the store and purchase it. However, people can search advertisements about products on the Internet, and look for when discounts and promotions will be available. These events can bring chances for clients because they have many opportunities to buy items with better prices.
Furthermore, ads help consumers to make the best choices with purchase decisions because advertisements can provide diverse information about products. For example, thanks to information, which advertising can bring, clients can compare products from many different companies to make an available choice. Without this presentation, many individuals will probably hesitate when making their decisions.
In conclusion, I think that advertisements are necessary for our daily lives. they have positive impacts on purchase decisions, providing data about items.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

  2. "many people think" -> "many individuals believe"
    Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "believe" is more appropriate in academic contexts than "think."

  3. "unnecessary" -> "unjustified"
    Explanation: "Unjustified" conveys a stronger, more academic tone than "unnecessary," which can be seen as too simplistic and vague.

  4. "buy items according to their needs" -> "purchase products based on their requirements"
    Explanation: "Purchase products based on their requirements" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

  5. "I completely disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
    Explanation: "Strongly disagree" is a more formal expression than "completely disagree," which can sound overly emphatic and informal.

  6. "compelling reasons" -> "persuasive arguments"
    Explanation: "Persuasive arguments" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "compelling reasons," which can be vague and informal.

  7. "ads have a beneficial role" -> "advertisements serve a beneficial purpose"
    Explanation: "Advertisements serve a beneficial purpose" is more formal and precise than "ads have a beneficial role."

  8. "People often have a plan to buy necessary products for themself" -> "Individuals frequently plan to purchase essential items for themselves"
    Explanation: "Individuals frequently plan to purchase essential items for themselves" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the grammatical error in "themself."

  9. "check out their purchasing lists" -> "review their shopping lists"
    Explanation: "Review their shopping lists" is a more formal and precise phrase than "check out their purchasing lists."

  10. "make better decisions" -> "make more informed decisions"
    Explanation: "Make more informed decisions" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "make better decisions," which is vague.

  11. "a person wants to buy a new smartphone" -> "an individual seeks to acquire a new smartphone"
    Explanation: "An individual seeks to acquire a new smartphone" uses more formal language and avoids the casual tone of "a person wants."

  12. "people can search advertisements" -> "individuals can access advertisements"
    Explanation: "Individuals can access advertisements" is more formal and precise than "people can search advertisements."

  13. "look for when discounts and promotions will be available" -> "monitor for upcoming discounts and promotions"
    Explanation: "Monitor for upcoming discounts and promotions" is more formal and specific than "look for when discounts and promotions will be available."

  14. "bring chances for clients" -> "offer opportunities for customers"
    Explanation: "Offer opportunities for customers" is more formal and precise than "bring chances for clients."

  15. "make the best choices with purchase decisions" -> "make informed choices regarding their purchases"
    Explanation: "Make informed choices regarding their purchases" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "make the best choices with purchase decisions."

  16. "thanks to information, which advertising can bring" -> "thanks to the information provided by advertising"
    Explanation: "Thanks to the information provided by advertising" is grammatically correct and more formal than the original phrase.

  17. "clients can compare products from many different companies" -> "consumers can compare products from numerous companies"
    Explanation: "Consumers can compare products from numerous companies" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the awkward phrasing of "clients."

  18. "make an available choice" -> "make an informed choice"
    Explanation: "Make an informed choice" is the correct idiomatic expression, replacing the awkward and incorrect "make an available choice."

  19. "they have positive impacts on purchase decisions" -> "they exert a positive influence on purchasing decisions"
    Explanation: "Exert a positive influence on purchasing decisions" is more formal and precise than "have positive impacts on purchase decisions."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear disagreement with the notion that advertising is unnecessary. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The essay primarily focuses on the benefits of advertising without acknowledging any potential counterarguments or the nuances of the debate. For instance, the prompt asks "to what extent" the author agrees or disagrees, which implies a need for a more balanced discussion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position on the extent of their agreement or disagreement. This could involve acknowledging that while advertising has its benefits, there are also situations where consumers may rely solely on their needs. Including a brief discussion of these points would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against the idea that advertising is unnecessary. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The introduction states a strong disagreement, but the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the thesis. The conclusion reiterates the author’s stance but lacks a strong summary of the main points made in the body.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that ties back to the thesis. Additionally, summarizing the main arguments in the conclusion would reinforce the author’s position and provide a more cohesive argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the benefits of advertising, such as informing consumers about discounts and helping them make informed choices. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. The examples provided, while relevant, lack depth and could be expanded to better illustrate the points being made. For instance, the example about smartphones could include more detail about how advertisements influence consumer behavior beyond just price comparisons.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve discussing specific advertising strategies and their impact on consumer behavior or providing statistical evidence to support claims. Additionally, extending the discussion to include potential drawbacks of advertising could create a more nuanced argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of advertising in consumer decision-making. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be clearer. For example, the discussion about discounts and promotions, while relevant, could be tied more explicitly to the idea of whether advertising is necessary.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by regularly referencing the central question throughout the essay and ensuring that all examples and arguments serve to support the main thesis.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should focus on fully addressing all parts of the question, maintaining a clear position, providing more developed and supported ideas, and ensuring that all content stays directly relevant to the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on ideas and examples will also contribute to a stronger response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the idea that advertising is unnecessary, and it follows a logical structure. The introduction effectively states the writer’s position, and each body paragraph addresses a specific point supporting this stance. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses how advertisements inform consumers about discounts, while the second focuses on how they aid in product comparison. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some points feel slightly disjointed, particularly between the examples provided.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas. For example, after discussing discounts, a phrase like "In addition to informing consumers about discounts, advertisements also…" would create a clearer connection between the two points. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct focus. The introduction sets the stage, and each body paragraph develops a separate aspect of the argument. However, the conclusion is somewhat weak as it lacks a summary of the key points made in the body paragraphs, which would reinforce the argument. Furthermore, the conclusion contains a grammatical error ("they have positive impacts on purchase decisions"), which detracts from its effectiveness.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. For instance, you could say, "In summary, advertisements not only inform consumers about discounts but also enable them to make informed comparisons between products." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph is well-developed with clear examples and explanations to support the main idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "however," and "for example," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "thanks to information, which advertising can bring" is somewhat awkward and could be better integrated into the sentence.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "Additionally," or "On the other hand" to introduce new points or contrast ideas. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly and naturally within the context of the sentence. For example, rephrase the awkward phrase to something like, "The information provided by advertisements enables consumers to…" to improve clarity and flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on enhancing logical connections, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on some common phrases and expressions. For instance, terms like "necessary products," "better decisions," and "purchase decisions" are somewhat repetitive and lack variety. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, it does not showcase a wide range of synonyms or more sophisticated language that could enhance the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For example, instead of repeatedly using "necessary products," alternatives like "essential goods" or "required items" could be used. Additionally, phrases like "make better decisions" could be varied with expressions such as "enhance decision-making" or "optimize choices."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay includes some imprecise vocabulary choices that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "check out their purchasing lists" is vague and could be better articulated. The term "beneficial role for notifying consumers" could also be more precisely expressed as "crucial role in informing consumers." Such imprecisions can detract from the clarity and effectiveness of the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "check out their purchasing lists," the writer could say "review their shopping lists." Additionally, ensuring that terms are used in their correct context will help clarify the argument. For example, using "inform" instead of "notify" in the context of advertising would be more appropriate.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect the overall quality. For instance, "themself" should be "themselves," and "clients" is used correctly, but "clients" can be replaced with "consumers" for better context. The phrase "they have positive impacts on purchase decisions" is grammatically correct but could be more effectively expressed with correct pluralization and context.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing tools like spell checkers can help identify and correct basic errors. Additionally, practicing writing and reviewing common spelling rules can enhance overall spelling proficiency. Reading more extensively can also help familiarize the writer with correct spelling in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "However, throughout advertisements, they can check out their purchasing lists to make better decisions" showcases a compound structure that effectively connects ideas. Additionally, the phrase "thanks to information, which advertising can bring" employs a complex structure that adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "However," which can detract from the overall variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and transitions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "However," consider alternatives like "On the other hand," or "In contrast," to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, integrating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses can enrich the writing. For example, instead of "People often have a plan to buy necessary products for themself," the writer could say, "While people often plan to buy necessary products, advertisements can influence their choices significantly."
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good command of grammar, with most sentences being grammatically correct. However, there are notable errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "for themself" should be "for themselves," which is a grammatical mistake. Additionally, the sentence "In conclusion, I think that advertisements are necessary for our daily lives. they have positive impacts on purchase decisions, providing data about items" contains a capitalization error at the beginning of the second sentence. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which advertising can bring" to separate the clause more clearly.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and pronoun usage. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify mistakes. Moreover, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with complex sentences, can enhance clarity. For example, revising the sentence about advertisements providing information could be restructured for clarity: "Thanks to the information that advertisements provide, clients can compare products from various companies to make informed choices."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and a good command of grammatical structures, but attention to detail in grammar and punctuation, as well as further diversification of sentence structures, will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, many individuals believe that advertisements are unnecessary because they purchase products based on their requirements. I strongly disagree with this statement for several compelling reasons. In this essay, I will explain why I think that marketing, nevertheless, plays an important role.

Firstly, advertisements serve a beneficial purpose by notifying consumers about discounts and promotions that may be available in the future. Individuals frequently plan to purchase essential items for themselves. However, through advertisements, they can review their shopping lists to make more informed decisions. For instance, when an individual seeks to acquire a new smartphone, they might typically go to a store and buy it. However, individuals can access advertisements about products on the Internet and monitor for upcoming discounts and promotions. These events offer opportunities for customers because they have many chances to buy items at better prices.

Furthermore, advertisements help consumers make informed choices regarding their purchases because they provide diverse information about products. For example, thanks to the information provided by advertising, clients can compare products from numerous companies to make an informed choice. Without this information, many individuals would likely hesitate when making their decisions.

In conclusion, I believe that advertisements are necessary for our daily lives. They exert a positive influence on purchasing decisions by providing valuable data about items.

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