Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that young members should have the responsibility of caring the elderly in family. I strongly agree that young generations should be responsible for supporting ageing adults because of their moral duty and reduce pressure for society.
One of the main reasons why young people should assume responsibility for caring older people in their family is rooted in a moral obligation, respect and gratitude. Their parents must work diligently to raise their children and provide them with essential necessities such as housing, food and education. However, when they become older, mental and physical health is declined, which can hinder their ability to do some daily activities such as getting dressed or taking shower. Therefore, young children should take care of their parents and fulfil their moral duty.
Another reason is that supporting the elderly can reduce the burden on community. If young generations neglect older people, the responsibility of caring them will be shifted to the government. They have to spend more money supporting the elderly like establishing more nursing homes or training more professional staff for caregiving services. Consequently, if the aging adults are supported by young mamily members, the government can use this fund to invest in other important fields, specially in education and economic development.
Inconclusion, the responsibility of supporting older family members is not only a moral obligation but also the way to reduce the pressure for community.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"caring the elderly" -> "caring for the elderly"
Explanation: The preposition "for" is more appropriate in this context, indicating the act of caring as a service or support provided to the elderly, aligning with formal and grammatically correct usage.
"young generations" -> "younger generations"
Explanation: "Younger" is more precise and natural in this context, referring specifically to the age group of people, whereas "young generations" could imply a broader, more general term.
"supporting ageing adults" -> "supporting aging adults"
Explanation: "Aging" is the correct term in formal English when referring to the process of growing older, whereas "ageing" is commonly used in British English but less preferred in American English.
"must work diligently" -> "must work diligently"
Explanation: No change needed here, as "must work diligently" is grammatically correct and appropriate for formal writing.
"declined" -> "decline"
Explanation: "Decline" should be used as a noun to refer to the process of deteriorating, rather than the verb form "declined," which would imply a past tense action.
"getting dressed or taking shower" -> "dressing or bathing"
Explanation: "Dressing" and "bathing" are more formal and precise terms than "getting dressed" and "taking a shower," which are more conversational.
"young children" -> "young adults"
Explanation: The term "young children" is too broad and informal for this context; "young adults" is more specific and appropriate for discussing responsibilities in family care.
"fulfil their moral duty" -> "fulfill their moral duty"
Explanation: "Fulfill" is the correct spelling in American English, which is more commonly used in academic writing.
"supporting the elderly can reduce the burden on community" -> "supporting the elderly can alleviate the burden on the community"
Explanation: "Alleviate" is a more precise and formal term than "reduce," and "the community" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific entity.
"young mamily members" -> "young family members"
Explanation: "Mamily" is a typographical error; "family" is the correct term.
"specially in education and economic development" -> "particularly in education and economic development"
Explanation: "Particularly" is the correct adverb for emphasizing a specific aspect, whereas "specially" is less formal and slightly archaic.
"Inconclusion" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is the correct phrase for ending a formal essay, whereas "Inconclusion" is a typographical error.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear agreement with the idea that younger family members should support older family members. However, it lacks a nuanced exploration of the extent to which this responsibility should be enforced, which is a critical aspect of the question. The essay primarily focuses on moral obligation and societal benefits but does not consider counterarguments or alternative perspectives, such as the potential for individual circumstances that might affect this responsibility.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly discuss the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. This could involve acknowledging situations where younger family members may not be able to provide support due to financial constraints or personal circumstances. Including a balanced view would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved in the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of the responsibility of younger generations towards older family members. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, the transition between ideas could be smoother, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize or reinforce the main argument presented in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use linking phrases to connect ideas more cohesively. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion while summarizing the key points would strengthen the overall clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two main ideas: moral obligation and the reduction of societal burden. While these ideas are relevant, they are not sufficiently developed or supported with concrete examples or evidence. For instance, the mention of government spending lacks specific data or examples that could illustrate the point more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples or statistics to support their claims. This could include referencing studies on the financial impact of elder care on families versus government resources. Additionally, expanding on each point with further explanation would enhance the depth of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the responsibilities of younger family members towards older relatives. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion of government responsibilities could be seen as a deviation from the main topic of family obligations.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central thesis of family responsibility. It would be beneficial to frame discussions about societal impacts in the context of how they relate to family dynamics and obligations, thereby keeping the essay tightly aligned with the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it requires more depth, balance, and support to achieve a higher band score. Addressing the outlined areas for improvement will lead to a more comprehensive and effective response to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of younger family members being responsible for the care of older family members. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs provide supporting reasons. However, while the ideas are generally organized, there are moments where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing moral obligations to the societal impact of neglecting the elderly feels abrupt. The connection between these points could be made clearer to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument. For example, when moving from the moral obligation to the societal implications, a phrase like "In addition to moral duties, there are also significant societal benefits to supporting the elderly" could provide a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the concluding paragraph is somewhat weak and lacks a summary of the main points discussed. It also contains a typographical error ("Inconclusion" should be "In conclusion"), which detracts from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. This not only reinforces the main points but also provides a clear closure to the essay. Additionally, ensure that all paragraphs are free from typographical errors to maintain clarity and professionalism.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "therefore," and "consequently," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "when they become older" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" can help present contrasting ideas more clearly. Additionally, using synonyms or rephrasing ideas can prevent repetition and improve the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving logical organization, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate their score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "responsibility," "moral obligation," "burden," and "supporting the elderly." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the phrases "young generations" and "elderly," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical diversity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "young generations," alternatives like "younger family members," "youth," or "younger adults" could be employed. Additionally, varying the term "elderly" with phrases like "older adults," "senior citizens," or "aging population" would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the responsibility of caring them" should be "the responsibility of caring for them." Furthermore, the term "ageing adults" could be more accurately expressed as "aging individuals" or "older adults" to avoid confusion with the term "adults" which may imply a broader age range.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should review their word choices and ensure they convey the intended meaning clearly. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more suitable words. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy, such as ensuring correct prepositions, will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "mamily" instead of "family," "Inconclusion" should be "In conclusion," and "specially" should be "especially." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and consider using spell-check tools during the writing process. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help identify words that may be misspelled or misused, allowing for corrections before submission. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial for future writing tasks.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria for IELTS Task 2 essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "when they become older, mental and physical health is declined," which shows an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "young generations should be responsible for supporting ageing adults" is straightforward and could be enhanced with more complex constructions to express the same idea.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or use varied sentence openings. For example, instead of starting sentences with "One of the main reasons," the writer could begin with a dependent clause, such as "Given the moral obligation to care for the elderly, young generations must take on this responsibility." This would not only enhance variety but also improve the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar, but there are several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "responsibility of caring the elderly" should be "responsibility of caring for the elderly." Additionally, the sentence "mental and physical health is declined" is awkward; a more accurate phrasing would be "mental and physical health declines." Punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "specialy in education and economic development," also affect readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common prepositional phrases and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on prepositions and verb tenses, would be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly can enhance overall clarity. For example, revising "Inconclusion" to "In conclusion," and ensuring proper spacing and punctuation throughout the essay will help in achieving a more polished final product.

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially raising their band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed that younger family members should have the responsibility of caring for the elderly within the family. I strongly agree that younger generations should be responsible for supporting aging adults due to their moral duty and the potential to alleviate pressure on society.

One of the main reasons why young people should assume responsibility for caring for older family members is rooted in a moral obligation, respect, and gratitude. Their parents must work diligently to raise their children and provide them with essential necessities such as housing, food, and education. However, as they age, mental and physical health can decline, which may hinder their ability to perform daily activities such as dressing or bathing. Therefore, young adults should take care of their parents and fulfill their moral duty.

Another reason is that supporting the elderly can reduce the burden on the community. If younger generations neglect older individuals, the responsibility of caring for them will shift to the government. This shift can lead to increased spending on supporting the elderly, such as establishing more nursing homes or training additional professional staff for caregiving services. Consequently, if aging adults are supported by young family members, the government can allocate these funds to invest in other important areas, particularly in education and economic development.

In conclusion, the responsibility of supporting older family members is not only a moral obligation but also a means to reduce the pressure on the community.