Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

It is true that smartphones are attrative a lot to children, who spend a huge amoun of time for it on daily day. I think that this issue brings more negative than positive aspects.

Firstly, smartphones have many beautiful attention and funs for children. This is because they have various vivid sounds and lively images, which make children not to contact eyes with it. For example, most of kids today are allowed to watch some cartoons in Youtube's app by their parents during their eating's time, which encourages these kids to notice eating. As result, this thing will become a disadvantage habit for children when they depend so much on smartphone, which can cause some aliments related to eyes.

Another second reason is that children will be ignore studying at school if they use smartphones a lot. This is mean that some programs or games in smartphone can repeat again in their mind when they are studying. Therefore, they can not focus completely on their studying. For instance, my niece is not interested for studying because sometimes she had not watch completely a cartoon yet.

In conclusion, as I mentioned before smartphones have bad effects to children's development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"attrative" -> "attractive"
Explanation: "Attrative" is a misspelling of "attractive." Using the correct spelling enhances the clarity and professionalism of the essay.
"a lot to children" -> "a lot of children"
Explanation: "A lot to children" is grammatically incorrect. "A lot of children" is the appropriate phrase to indicate a large number of children being attracted to smartphones.
"a huge amoun of time for it on daily day" -> "a significant amount of time each day"
Explanation: "A huge amoun of time for it on daily day" is awkward and overly wordy. "A significant amount of time each day" is a more concise and formal expression.
"beautiful attention and funs" -> "appealing features and entertainment"
Explanation: "Beautiful attention and funs" is unclear and lacks precision. "Appealing features and entertainment" provides a clearer description of the positive aspects of smartphones for children.
"which make children not to contact eyes with it" -> "which prevent children from making eye contact with others"
Explanation: "Make children not to contact eyes with it" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Prevent children from making eye contact with others" provides a clearer understanding of the issue.
"some aliments related to eyes" -> "ocular ailments"
Explanation: "Some aliments related to eyes" is vague and imprecise. "Ocular ailments" is a more specific and appropriate term for health issues related to the eyes.
"will be ignore studying at school" -> "will ignore studying at school"
Explanation: "Will be ignore studying at school" is grammatically incorrect. "Will ignore studying at school" is the correct form to indicate a future action of neglecting studying.
"This is mean that" -> "This means that"
Explanation: "This is mean that" is grammatically incorrect. "This means that" is the correct phrase to introduce a consequence or explanation.
"aliments" -> "ailments"
Explanation: "Aliments" is a misspelling of "ailments." Using the correct spelling ensures clarity and professionalism in the essay.
"not interested for studying" -> "not interested in studying"
Explanation: "Not interested for studying" is grammatically incorrect. "Not interested in studying" is the correct preposition to use with "interested."
"had not watch completely" -> "had not completely watched"
Explanation: "Had not watch completely" is grammatically incorrect. "Had not completely watched" is the correct form of the past perfect tense.
"In conclusion, as I mentioned before smartphones have bad effects to children’s development." -> "In conclusion, as previously mentioned, smartphones have detrimental effects on children’s development."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks coherence and uses informal language. The suggested revision provides a clearer and more formal conclusion while maintaining the intended meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing why children spend a lot of time on smartphones and whether this is positive or negative. However, the response lacks depth and clarity in addressing all parts of the question. While it briefly touches upon the reasons why children use smartphones, it does not thoroughly explore both the positive and negative aspects as requested by the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more comprehensive analysis of both the reasons behind children’s smartphone usage and the potential positive and negative impacts of this phenomenon. It should clearly address each component of the prompt, ensuring that all aspects are thoroughly discussed and supported with relevant examples.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear stance that smartphone usage by children has more negative than positive effects. However, the position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. While negative effects are mentioned, there is limited elaboration or development of this viewpoint, and the positive aspects are not adequately addressed.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay should maintain a coherent argument throughout, with each paragraph supporting the overall stance. Providing stronger evidence and elaboration on the negative effects of smartphone usage, while also acknowledging potential positive aspects, would strengthen the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the negative effects of smartphone usage on children, such as eye strain and distraction from studying. However, these ideas lack development and are not effectively supported with examples or evidence. The essay also fails to extend ideas beyond surface-level observations.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into the presented ideas, providing more detailed explanations and examples to support each point. Extending ideas by exploring potential consequences and implications of smartphone usage would enhance the depth and credibility of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay broadly addresses the topic of children’s smartphone usage, it tends to stray off topic at times. There are instances where the discussion becomes vague or unrelated to the prompt, such as mentioning watching cartoons during meal times without directly linking it to smartphone usage.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the essay should ensure that each point discussed directly relates to the topic of children’s smartphone usage. Avoiding tangential discussions and maintaining a clear connection to the prompt throughout the essay will help improve coherence and effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present ideas but lacks coherent organization. The progression of ideas is somewhat unclear, with abrupt transitions between points. For instance, the essay begins by discussing the attractiveness of smartphones for children but then abruptly shifts to the negative impact on studying without a clear link between these ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the essay should follow a clear structure with well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, with smooth transitions between them. Consider outlining the essay beforehand to organize thoughts logically before writing.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is inconsistent and lacks clear structure. Sentences are often grouped together without clear breaks for new ideas. This makes it challenging for the reader to follow the flow of arguments.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on one main point related to the topic. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Use transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay’s progression of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety and effective use of cohesive devices. There is limited use of linking words or phrases to connect ideas and demonstrate relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., however, therefore, for instance), transitional phrases (e.g., as a result, in conclusion), and pronouns to create smoother transitions between ideas. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates effort in addressing the prompt but requires significant improvement in organization, paragraphing, and cohesive devices to enhance coherence and cohesion. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve a more structured and coherent presentation of ideas, leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, with some attempts to vary word choice. For instance, synonyms like "attractive" and "beautiful" are used interchangeably, albeit with occasional grammatical errors ("attrative a lot"). There’s an attempt to express ideas using different words, but the vocabulary lacks sophistication and precision. The essay could benefit from incorporating more nuanced vocabulary to convey ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Instead of relying on basic adjectives like "beautiful," explore synonyms or descriptive phrases that add depth to the discussion. For example, instead of "beautiful attention and funs," consider alternatives like "engaging content and entertainment." Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy can help avoid errors that may detract from the clarity of expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary usage, leading to unclear or ambiguous statements. For instance, the phrase "This is because they have various vivid sounds and lively images, which make children not to contact eyes with it" is unclear and could be interpreted in multiple ways. The intended meaning may be that the captivating multimedia content of smartphones distracts children, but the expression is convoluted and imprecise.
- How to improve: Aim for clarity and precision in vocabulary usage by selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Instead of using vague phrases like "various vivid sounds and lively images," specify the types of content that captivate children, such as "colorful animations and engaging audio effects." Be mindful of sentence structure to ensure that ideas are expressed clearly and unambiguously.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates inconsistent spelling accuracy, with several errors that impact readability. Examples include "attrative" instead of "attractive," "aliments" instead of "ailments," and "depend" instead of "depending." While some errors may be typographical, others indicate gaps in spelling proficiency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading carefully before submitting written work. Review commonly misspelled words and practice spelling them correctly to reinforce retention. Additionally, paying attention to word endings and suffixes can help avoid errors like "aliments" instead of "ailments." Finally, seeking feedback from peers or educators can provide valuable insights into areas for improvement in spelling and overall writing proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. There’s a predominance of simple sentences, with minimal variation in sentence length and structure. Complex sentences are scarce, and there’s a lack of cohesion in the essay due to the repetitive use of basic sentence structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer can incorporate complex sentences, compound sentences, and varied sentence lengths. Introducing subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and gerund phrases can add complexity and richness to the essay’s structure. Additionally, employing transitional phrases and conjunctions can improve coherence and flow between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies, impacting its clarity and coherence. Errors include subject-verb agreement issues ("smartphones are attrative"), incorrect verb tense usage ("who spend a huge amoun of time"), missing articles ("a lot to children"), incorrect word forms ("attention and funs"), and punctuation errors (missing commas, inappropriate capitalization).
- How to improve: It’s essential to pay close attention to grammar and punctuation rules to convey ideas accurately. Proofreading the essay thoroughly can help identify and correct errors. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules related to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation can improve overall accuracy. Practicing writing with a focus on grammar and punctuation can also enhance proficiency in these areas.

Overall, while the essay presents coherent arguments, improvements in grammatical accuracy and sentence structure variety would elevate the quality of writing and better fulfill the requirements of the task.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that smartphones hold a great appeal for children, who dedicate a significant amount of time each day to them. I believe that this trend brings about more negative than positive consequences.

Primarily, smartphones offer a plethora of attractive features and entertainment for children. This is due to the vibrant sounds and lively images they provide, which can deter children from making eye contact with others. For instance, many children today are permitted to watch cartoons on YouTube during meal times, which diverts their attention away from eating. Consequently, this habit can lead to ocular ailments as children become excessively reliant on smartphones.

Another significant factor is that children may neglect their studies at school if they spend excessive time on smartphones. This occurs when the content from these devices, such as programs or games, occupies their minds even while they are in the classroom. Consequently, they struggle to fully concentrate on their studies. For example, my niece often loses interest in her schoolwork because she has not finished watching a cartoon episode.

In conclusion, as previously mentioned, smartphones have detrimental effects on children’s development.