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Some claim that many things that children are taught at school are a waste of time, while others argue that everything learned at school is useful at some time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some claim that many things that children are taught at school are a waste of time, while others argue that everything learned at school is useful at some time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In the modern world, numerous innovations have taken place, including the advancement in education. It then leads to a rising debate on whether knowledge that children are taught at school is completely wasteful or beneficial at some point in life. The following paragraphs will challenge this debate and provide my opinions on it.
On the one hand, the reason why people believe information that children learn at school is often useless is because of how it has little practical means in real life. More specifically, a variety of subjects in the educational system today are mostly theoretical which could be abstract and unrealistic to some students. Additionally, some of those knowledge are hardly mentioned after they finished highschool , except for the minority of students who pursue higher education to become doctors or teachers. The rest of the youth, however, would find no use in studying those subjescts. For example, many education insititutions include advanced algebra that is taught to 12 graders which consists of unreal numbers and hypothetical theories. These information, however, do not exist in real life.
On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is believed that how young people consume knowledge at school is more important than what they have consumed. To further elaborate, it is undeniable that students are obligated to take in a tremendous amount of information in order to gain good grades when tests come. Therefore, students have to find a way to understand and memorize these knowledge at a larger scale and at a faster rate. As a result, after time, they will develop critical-thinking skills and analyzing skills which are necessary for their careers after graduation. To illustrate, becoming a lawyer is a renowned career because of its difficulty and 10 years in terms of duration for anyone to pursue. However, statistics have shown that good lawyers tend to be extremely good at advanced mathematics back when they were at tertiary.
In conclusion, it is evident that students children at school are taking in a lot of information. However, I strongly believe that students’ way of consuming these excessive amount of knowledge will greatly benefit them later on in life.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "numerous innovations have taken place" -> "significant innovations have occurred"
    Explanation: Replacing "numerous innovations have taken place" with "significant innovations have occurred" adds precision and formality to the statement, aligning it more with academic language.

  2. "It then leads to a rising debate" -> "This has led to a growing debate"
    Explanation: The phrase "It then leads to a rising debate" is somewhat informal. "This has led to a growing debate" provides a more structured and formal expression, fitting for academic writing.

  3. "knowledge that children are taught" -> "the knowledge imparted to children"
    Explanation: Changing "knowledge that children are taught" to "the knowledge imparted to children" enhances formality and specificity, contributing to a more academic tone.

  4. "wasteful or beneficial at some point in life" -> "worthwhile or advantageous in the long run"
    Explanation: Substituting "wasteful or beneficial at some point in life" with "worthwhile or advantageous in the long run" conveys the idea more precisely and elevates the language to a higher academic level.

  5. "challenge this debate" -> "examine this debate"
    Explanation: "Challenge this debate" may imply opposition, while "examine this debate" is more neutral and scholarly, maintaining an appropriate academic tone.

  6. "reason why people believe" -> "rationale behind the belief"
    Explanation: Replacing "reason why people believe" with "rationale behind the belief" introduces a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic language norms.

  7. "little practical means in real life" -> "limited practical applicability in real-world scenarios"
    Explanation: Changing "little practical means in real life" to "limited practical applicability in real-world scenarios" provides a more detailed and formal description, adhering to academic style.

  8. "a variety of subjects" -> "an array of subjects"
    Explanation: Substituting "a variety of subjects" with "an array of subjects" adds a touch of sophistication to the language, maintaining formality.

  9. "mostly theoretical which could be abstract and unrealistic" -> "largely theoretical, often abstract, and detached from reality"
    Explanation: The revised phrase "largely theoretical, often abstract, and detached from reality" offers a more precise and comprehensive description, aligning with academic expectations.

  10. "except for the minority of students" -> "excluding a minority of students"
    Explanation: Changing "except for the minority of students" to "excluding a minority of students" enhances conciseness and formality.

  11. "some of those knowledge are hardly mentioned" -> "some of that knowledge is rarely referenced"
    Explanation: The correction "some of that knowledge is rarely referenced" ensures grammatical correctness and clarity in expressing the idea.

  12. "finished highschool" -> "completed high school"
    Explanation: "Finished highschool" is colloquial; "completed high school" is a more formal alternative, maintaining academic appropriateness.

  13. "For example, many education insititutions" -> "For instance, numerous educational institutions"
    Explanation: The correction improves the formality and precision of the expression, adhering to academic writing standards.

  14. "advanced algebra that is taught to 12 graders" -> "advanced algebra taught to 12th graders"
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "advanced algebra taught to 12th graders" ensures grammatical accuracy and concise expression.

  15. "unreal numbers and hypothetical theories" -> "imaginary numbers and theoretical concepts"
    Explanation: Replacing "unreal numbers and hypothetical theories" with "imaginary numbers and theoretical concepts" enhances clarity and maintains academic language standards.

  16. "consume knowledge at school" -> "acquire knowledge in school"
    Explanation: Changing "consume knowledge at school" to "acquire knowledge in school" is more formal and accurately reflects the educational process.

  17. "undeniable that students are obligated" -> "undeniable that students are required"
    Explanation: Substituting "obligated" with "required" maintains formality and precision in conveying the idea.

  18. "memorize these knowledge" -> "memorize this knowledge"
    Explanation: The correction "memorize this knowledge" ensures grammatical correctness by using the singular form "knowledge."

  19. "at a larger scale and at a faster rate" -> "on a broader scale and more rapidly"
    Explanation: The phrase "on a broader scale and more rapidly" is more concise and academically appropriate than "at a larger scale and at a faster rate."

  20. "they will develop critical-thinking skills and analyzing skills" -> "they will develop critical-thinking and analytical skills"
    Explanation: Combining "critical-thinking" and "analytical skills" creates a more streamlined and formal expression in line with academic writing standards.

  21. "it is evident that students children at school" -> "it is evident that students at school"
    Explanation: Removing the redundant term "children" streamlines the expression without sacrificing clarity.

  22. "students’ way of consuming these excessive amount of knowledge" -> "students’ approach to assimilating this substantial amount of knowledge"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal term "excessive" and using "assimilating" for a more academic tone.

  23. "will greatly benefit them later on in life" -> "will significantly benefit them in their future endeavors"
    Explanation: Substituting "later on in life" with "in their future endeavors" maintains formality and clarity, adhering to academic language conventions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views, presenting arguments on why some consider school education useless and why others believe it is beneficial. The writer also gives their opinion in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers both views, there could be more depth in the exploration of each perspective. Providing specific examples for each viewpoint and perhaps acknowledging shades of gray in the argument would enhance the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position, favoring the idea that the way students consume knowledge at school is more important than the content itself. This stance is consistently presented throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: The essay could strengthen its position by addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging limitations to the presented perspective, demonstrating a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas, providing reasons for both perspectives. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough. For instance, the examples given could be more specific and detailed to illustrate the points effectively.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on examples by providing specific instances or evidence. Develop arguments with more depth to strengthen the overall content and make the essay more persuasive.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing whether the knowledge taught in school is wasteful or beneficial. However, there are instances of minor deviations, such as the brief mention of the difficulty and duration of becoming a lawyer.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all points made directly relate to the main topic. If diverging, make sure the deviation is relevant and contributes to the overall argument.

Overall Comments:
The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing both views and presenting a clear opinion. To improve, consider providing more in-depth analysis, specific examples, and a nuanced exploration of the topic. Strengthen the development of ideas for a more convincing and thorough response. Watch for minor deviations from the main topic to enhance coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a logical organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting both views, and a concluding section. However, there is room for improvement in terms of the coherence within paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph could be better structured to present arguments more systematically.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider introducing a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Additionally, ensure that the flow of ideas within paragraphs is smooth and logical, avoiding abrupt transitions.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately to separate distinct ideas. However, the structure within paragraphs could be refined. The second paragraph, for instance, contains multiple ideas without clear separation.
    • How to improve: Focus on maintaining a clear structure within each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting details. If discussing contrasting views, ensure a clear transition between them to avoid confusion.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion") and pronouns. However, there is room for improvement in the use of more sophisticated cohesive devices to enhance coherence.
    • How to improve: Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, including advanced conjunctions, parallelism, and synonyms. This can elevate the essay’s coherence, making the connections between ideas more explicit and facilitating a smoother reading experience.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, attention to finer details within paragraphs and the incorporation of more advanced cohesive devices could elevate the overall organization and structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is a reasonable attempt to use diverse words, but some repetitions and reliance on basic vocabulary are noticeable. For instance, the repeated use of phrases like "information that children are taught at school" could be diversified.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and varied expressions. Instead of using repetitive phrases, introduce alternative terms to convey similar meanings. This can add richness and depth to your writing.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas effectively, there are instances where vocabulary usage lacks precision. For example, the phrase "consists of unreal numbers and hypothetical theories" might be imprecise, as advanced algebra involves complex mathematical concepts that are real but abstract.
    • How to improve: Aim for more accuracy in vocabulary usage. Choose words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In this case, specifying the abstract nature of advanced algebra without implying that the content is entirely unreal would improve precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "insititutions," "subjescts," and "tremendous" (should be "institutions," "subjects," and "tremendous"). These errors, while not overly frequent, impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spelling during the proofreading process. Consider using spell-check tools and allocate specific time for reviewing and correcting spelling errors. Developing a habit of proofreading will contribute to improved spelling accuracy in your writing.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a satisfactory level of lexical resource, refining vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and addressing spelling errors can elevate the language proficiency and contribute to an improved band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. It uses both simple and complex structures, including compound and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety. Many sentences are of moderate length, and there is a tendency to rely on basic sentence structures. For instance, the essay could benefit from incorporating more complex structures, such as inversion or conditional sentences, to enhance variety and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions. Experiment with different sentence types, such as conditional sentences or inverted structures, to add nuance and sophistication to your writing. For example, instead of always using straightforward sentence structures, try introducing some complexity by employing conditional clauses or utilizing inversion for emphasis.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies are present. For instance, there are some issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "it then leads" where the subject-verb agreement is not entirely accurate. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, like missing commas before introductory phrases. It is crucial to address these issues to enhance overall grammatical accuracy.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement. Ensure that verbs agree with their subjects in terms of number and person. Additionally, review the use of commas, particularly before introductory phrases, to enhance overall punctuation accuracy. Proofread your work carefully, focusing on grammatical details, to catch and correct such errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify grammatical inaccuracies more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, numerous significant innovations have occurred, and education has also advanced. This has led to a growing debate on whether the knowledge imparted to children at school is worthwhile or advantageous in the long run. The following paragraphs will examine this debate and provide my opinions on it.

On one side of the argument, some claim that much of the information children learn at school is of limited practical applicability in real-world scenarios. An array of subjects in today’s educational system is largely theoretical, often abstract, and detached from reality. Excluding a minority of students who pursue higher education, some of that knowledge is rarely referenced after completing high school. For instance, numerous educational institutions include advanced algebra taught to 12th graders, involving imaginary numbers and theoretical concepts that have limited practical use in real life.

On the other hand, there is a rationale behind the belief that the way students approach assimilating this substantial amount of knowledge is crucial. It is undeniable that students are required to memorize this knowledge on a broader scale and more rapidly in order to achieve good grades. However, it is evident that, by doing so, they will develop critical-thinking and analytical skills necessary for their future endeavors. For example, students at school may find themselves obligated to grasp a tremendous amount of information to succeed in tests. Over time, this process of acquiring knowledge will significantly benefit them in their future careers. Statistics indicate that even careers with substantial challenges, such as becoming a lawyer, may require a strong foundation in subjects like advanced mathematics during tertiary education.

In conclusion, the debate on whether the knowledge imparted to children at school is wasteful or beneficial is ongoing. While some argue that certain subjects have limited real-world applicability, I believe that the students’ approach to assimilating this substantial amount of knowledge will significantly benefit them in their future endeavors.

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