Some employers believe that job applicants’ social skills are more important than their academic qualifications. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some employers believe that job applicants’ social skills are more important than their academic qualifications. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is an undeniable fact that today's world involves numerous unaddressed problems with several controversies. Specifically, nowadays, several recruiters prefer the applicant’s social skills over their academic performance. To this phenomenon, I partly agree with such a view, which would be discussed further in the following paragraph.
On the one hand, social skills could offer as many benefits as one’s academic qualifications do. Specifically, it allows people to handle situations at work and their social relationship perfectly. First off, individuals with good social skills have the ability to resolve and navigate conflicts. Social skills provide people with flexible communicating skills. Thus, a person who can communicate with others well is able to maintain healthy relationships among others without causing any lasting damage. Secondly, social skills go hand in hand with emotional intelligence. Good social skills could enhance several abilities which include understanding, recognising and managing one’s emotion. As a result, it allows people to harness their sense of sympathy, listening; leading to better overall well-being.
On the other hand, academic qualification is no less important and it straightforwardly reflects one’s own ability to handle complex tasks. To begin with, qualifications in terms of academics can tell whether or not a person is eligible enough for a position or a task. Specifically, a person has to go through lots of practice and learning during their academic life to deserve a good qualification. This can reflect their overall ability to perform, handle stress and their professional knowledge as well as their expertise. Moreover, a successful outcome of one’s work mostly relies on their persistent effort and their professional knowledge that could be shown on academic evidence.
In conclusion, social skills and academic skills are equally significant. The answer for which one is more necessary really depends on different situations and requirements. However, I believe that it is best to excel at both skills because the benefits they offer are crucial in any life aspect.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "controversies" -> "issues"
   Explanation: "Controversies" might imply a more heated or contentious debate, while "issues" is a more neutral term that better suits the academic tone of the essay.

2. "To this phenomenon" -> "Regarding this phenomenon"
   Explanation: "To this phenomenon" is a bit awkward and informal. "Regarding" is a more appropriate transition in academic writing, indicating the topic under discussion.

3. "partly agree with such a view" -> "partially agree with this perspective"
   Explanation: "Such a view" is slightly informal. "Perspective" is a more formal term, and "partially agree" is more precise than "partly agree."

4. "First off" -> "Firstly"
   Explanation: "First off" is colloquial; "Firstly" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

5. "go hand in hand" -> "are closely associated"
   Explanation: While "go hand in hand" is a common phrase, "are closely associated" provides a more precise and formal expression.

6. "straightforwardly" -> "directly"
   Explanation: "Straightforwardly" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Directly" is more precise and formal in this context.

7. "This can reflect" -> "This reflects"
   Explanation: "This can reflect" is somewhat redundant. "This reflects" is more direct and concise.

8. "mostly relies on" -> "largely depends on"
   Explanation: "Relies on" is slightly informal. "Depends on" is a more appropriate term in academic writing.

9. "necessary" -> "essential"
   Explanation: While "necessary" is appropriate, "essential" adds a touch of formality and precision to the statement.

10. "really depends on" -> "depends on"
    Explanation: "Really depends on" is slightly informal. "Depends on" is sufficient to convey the intended meaning in a more academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the viewpoint presented in the prompt ("Some employers believe that job applicants’ social skills are more important than their academic qualifications") and provides a clear position, stating partial agreement. The writer discusses both social skills and academic qualifications, giving reasons for their viewpoint and includes examples to support their argument.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the response, it could be beneficial to explicitly state the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the prompt’s assertion. Additionally, providing more specific examples related to personal experiences or well-known instances would strengthen the argumentation.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, expressing partial agreement with the statement that social skills are more important than academic qualifications for job applicants. This stance is evident from the introductory paragraph to the conclusion. However, there is a slight ambiguity in the conclusion where the writer suggests that both social and academic skills are equally significant.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, it’s advisable for the writer to maintain consistency in their stance throughout the essay. If they intend to convey a nuanced perspective in the conclusion, they should clearly indicate this earlier in the essay to avoid any confusion.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas adequately. It provides examples and reasoning to support the argument that social skills are valuable in the workplace, such as conflict resolution and emotional intelligence. Additionally, it discusses the importance of academic qualifications in demonstrating a person’s ability to handle complex tasks and their professional knowledge.
  • How to improve: To further develop the ideas, the writer could delve deeper into the examples provided, offering more specific instances or elaborating on the impact of social skills and academic qualifications in various workplace scenarios.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the relevance of social skills and academic qualifications in the context of job applications. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly deviates, such as when discussing the benefits of social skills for overall well-being. While relevant, this could be more directly tied back to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the prompt. When discussing broader implications, they should explicitly connect these to the argument being presented regarding job applicants’ skills.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering a well-structured argument with relevant examples and reasoning. To improve further, the writer should aim for greater clarity and consistency in their position, as well as ensure that all points made directly relate to the topic at hand.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organization, with a typical introduction-body-conclusion structure. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, presenting both sides of the issue before offering a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. The introduction sets up the argument adequately but lacks a clear thesis statement outlining the writer’s stance. Additionally, the transition between paragraphs is somewhat abrupt, leading to a disjointed feel in the essay’s progression.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start by crafting a thesis statement that succinctly presents the writer’s position on the issue. Ensure each paragraph directly supports this thesis, with smooth transitions between ideas. Consider utilizing transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, each addressing a distinct point. However, paragraphing could be improved for clarity and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better separated for improved readability. For instance, the second paragraph discusses both conflict resolution and emotional intelligence, which could be split into two separate paragraphs for clearer organization.
  • How to improve: Focus on crafting concise paragraphs, each centered around a single main idea. Start new paragraphs when transitioning to a new point or subtopic. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, primarily relying on transitional phrases such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" to indicate shifts between arguments. While these devices contribute to coherence to some extent, their repetitive use diminishes their effectiveness. Additionally, there is a lack of cohesive devices within paragraphs, resulting in a somewhat disjointed flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to include a range of transition words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "conversely," to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, incorporate cohesive devices within paragraphs to reinforce connections between sentences and ideas, improving overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary throughout, with a variety of terms used to discuss the topic. For example, phrases like "undeniable fact," "unaddressed problems," "controversies," "recruiters," "phenomenon," "flexible communicating skills," "emotional intelligence," "harness their sense of sympathy," "persistent effort," and "professional knowledge" contribute to the richness of vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more sophisticated or nuanced vocabulary to enhance the depth of expression and precision.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized or idiomatic vocabulary relevant to the topic. For instance, instead of using "undeniable fact," opt for expressions like "indisputable reality" or "inescapable truth." Additionally, explore synonyms or alternative phrases for commonly used terms to avoid repetition and add variety to the language. Moreover, integrating idiomatic expressions or figurative language where appropriate can elevate the sophistication of the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where precise vocabulary usage could be improved. For instance, phrases like "handle situations" and "handle stress" are somewhat generic and could benefit from more specific terminology. Conversely, terms like "emotional intelligence" and "persistent effort" are used precisely to convey nuanced concepts. Overall, there is a need to consistently employ precise vocabulary to enhance clarity and effectiveness of expression.
  • How to improve: Aim to use vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning to avoid ambiguity or vagueness. Instead of using broad terms like "handle situations," specify the types of situations being addressed, such as "manage interpersonal conflicts" or "navigate professional challenges." Similarly, rather than simply stating "handle stress," consider employing terms like "cope with pressure" or "manage work-related tension" to provide a more detailed description. Additionally, be vigilant in selecting words that accurately capture the nuances of the discussed concepts, ensuring clarity and coherence in communication.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout, with few noticeable errors detracting from overall comprehension. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "recruiters" (spelled correctly), but "recruiters" is repeated closely together, which could be considered as a redundancy issue rather than a spelling one. Similarly, "communicating" is misspelled as "communicateing." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, attention to detail in spelling would enhance the overall professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully to catch any overlooked mistakes can help ensure correctness in spelling. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically for spelling accuracy can contribute to enhancing the overall quality and credibility of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. It incorporates a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, showcasing the writer’s ability to vary sentence structure effectively. For instance, there are simple declarative sentences ("It is an undeniable fact…"), compound sentences ("Specifically, it allows people to handle situations at work and their social relationship perfectly."), and complex sentences with subordinate clauses ("Good social skills could enhance several abilities which include understanding, recognizing, and managing one’s emotion."). This variety enhances the readability and engagement of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the variety and sophistication of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions such as inverted sentences, conditional sentences, and rhetorical questions. Additionally, experiment with different types of phrases and clauses to add depth and complexity to the writing. For instance, using participial phrases or appositive phrases can provide additional information and enrich the overall texture of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is generally accurate. However, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement ("Several recruiters prefer the applicant’s social skills over their academic performance."), missing articles ("allows people to handle situations at work and their social relationship perfectly"), and punctuation errors ("Social skills provide people with flexible communicating skills."). These errors, while minor, slightly detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Review the usage of articles (definite and indefinite) to ensure that nouns are appropriately qualified. Additionally, carefully proofread for punctuation errors, particularly regarding the use of commas and semicolons to ensure coherence and readability. Utilize resources such as grammar guides or style manuals to reinforce understanding and application of grammatical rules and punctuation conventions. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and correct errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is an undeniable fact that today’s world involves numerous issues with several controversies. Regarding this phenomenon, I partially agree with such a perspective, which will be discussed further in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand, social skills are closely associated with various benefits similar to academic qualifications. Firstly, they enable individuals to handle situations at work and maintain social relationships effectively. Individuals with good social skills can resolve conflicts and communicate flexibly, thus maintaining healthy relationships without causing lasting damage. Secondly, social skills are directly linked to emotional intelligence, enhancing abilities such as understanding, recognizing, and managing one’s emotions. Consequently, they foster sympathy and listening, contributing to overall well-being.

On the other hand, academic qualifications are equally essential as they directly reflect one’s ability to handle complex tasks. Qualifications in academics indicate a person’s eligibility for a position or task, as they demonstrate the individual’s dedication to learning and practice. This reflects their overall ability to perform, handle stress, and apply professional knowledge and expertise. Moreover, the successful outcome of one’s work largely depends on their persistent effort and professional knowledge demonstrated through academic evidence.

In conclusion, both social skills and academic qualifications are vital. The extent to which one is more necessary depends on different situations and requirements. However, excelling in both skills is ideal as they offer crucial benefits in various aspects of life.