Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being from the prison. What do you think is the cause? How can it be solved?

The growing rate of recidivism after suffering from a prison sentence has been a discussion. From my perspective, there are numerous underlying causes contributing to this issue; however, it can be alleviated by some viable solutions.

The increased rate of recidivism is a result of the lack of employment for ex-prisoners. With the economic crisis nowadays, job scarcity has become more popular; so it would be difficult for ex- offenders to seek legitimate employment. The societal alienation can be another potential cause for this problem. To be specific, almost companies and workplaces hesitate to consider them becoming official employees because of their previous convictions, which can negatively affect the prestige and reputation of these organizations. Besides this tendency can stem from the lenient punishments which ineffectively deter crime can lead to violating laws again with a reason that they might not recognize their serious violations . As a result, individuals with criminal records can reoffend after facing many retributions.

Despite the severity of issue, I assume that it might be tackled by these feasible methods. Firstly, the government should devise some effective strategies supporting reintegration of former inmates. For example, manual jobs like constructing employment, assembly line factories support them to cover basic living expense, thus probably supporting them to have a subsistence level .This might limit the risks of committing crimes again with purposes of making a living. Secondly, solving societal reintegration aspects, local authorities can ensure social safety by reassuring and equipping with surveillance cameras which positively affect numbers crimes. With this approach, it would conveniently for re-criminals to harmonize into society and constrict their recidivism. Finally, to thoroughly address the high rate of recidivism, many rigorous penalties associated with rehabilitation programs should be imposed and deployed, so these individuals may acknowledge their illegal behaviors being needed to amend and improve.

In conclusion, the number of recidivism is a concern. I argue that it can be attributed to many reasons including social alienation, the deficiency of jobs and lenient penalties; however, the government can take these responsibilities by generating employment opportunities, implementing stringent punishments and reintegration schemes to reduce these likelihoods of re-offending.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The growing rate of recidivism after suffering from a prison sentence" -> "The increasing incidence of recidivism following imprisonment"
Explanation: "Increasing incidence" is a more precise term in academic writing, and "following imprisonment" is more formal than "after suffering from a prison sentence," which sounds overly dramatic and informal.
"numerous underlying causes" -> "multiple underlying factors"
Explanation: "Multiple underlying factors" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "numerous underlying causes," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"can be alleviated by some viable solutions" -> "can be mitigated through several effective solutions"
Explanation: "Mitigated" is more specific to the context of reducing recidivism, and "through several effective solutions" is more formal and precise than "by some viable solutions."
"With the economic crisis nowadays" -> "In the current economic climate"
Explanation: "In the current economic climate" is a more formal and precise way to describe the economic situation, avoiding the colloquial "nowadays."
"job scarcity has become more popular" -> "job scarcity has become more prevalent"
Explanation: "Prevalent" is a more appropriate term in formal writing than "popular," which can imply a positive connotation that is not suitable here.
"societal alienation can be another potential cause" -> "societal alienation is another potential factor"
Explanation: "Is" is more appropriate than "can be" to assert the existence of societal alienation as a factor, aligning better with academic style.
"almost companies and workplaces hesitate" -> "many companies and workplaces hesitate"
Explanation: "Many" is more precise and formal than "almost," which is vague and informal.
"tendency can stem from the lenient punishments" -> "tendency stems from lenient punishments"
Explanation: Removing "can" makes the statement more definitive and assertive, fitting the academic tone.
"ineffectively deter crime can lead to violating laws again" -> "ineffective deterrence can lead to further law violations"
Explanation: "Ineffective deterrence" is a more precise term, and "further law violations" is more formal than "violating laws again."
"individuals with criminal records can reoffend" -> "individuals with criminal records are likely to reoffend"
Explanation: "Are likely to" suggests a stronger probability, which is more appropriate in academic writing than the less formal "can."
"manual jobs like constructing employment, assembly line factories" -> "manual jobs such as construction and assembly line work"
Explanation: "Construction and assembly line work" is clearer and more specific than "constructing employment, assembly line factories," which is awkward and unclear.
"support them to cover basic living expense" -> "enable them to cover basic living expenses"
Explanation: "Enable" is more formal and precise than "support," and "expenses" is the correct plural form.
"solving societal reintegration aspects" -> "addressing societal reintegration aspects"
Explanation: "Addressing" is a more formal and precise verb than "solving," which is too simplistic for academic writing.
"reassuring and equipping with surveillance cameras" -> "equipping with surveillance cameras and ensuring reassurance"
Explanation: "Ensuring reassurance" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of providing confidence and safety.
"conveniently for re-criminals" -> "convenient for reoffenders"
Explanation: "Reoffenders" is the correct term, and "convenient" should be used without "for" to maintain grammatical correctness.
"constrict their recidivism" -> "reduce their recidivism"
Explanation: "Reduce" is a more direct and appropriate verb than "constrict," which is not commonly used in this context.
"many rigorous penalties associated with rehabilitation programs" -> "severe penalties associated with rehabilitation programs"
Explanation: "Severe" is a more precise adjective than "rigorous" in this context, and it aligns better with the formal tone of academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies causes of recidivism among ex-prisoners and proposes solutions. The causes discussed include the lack of employment opportunities, societal alienation, and lenient punishments. Each cause is explained with relevant examples, such as the impact of job scarcity on ex-offenders and the reluctance of employers to hire individuals with criminal records. The solutions proposed, such as government support for reintegration and stricter penalties, are also relevant and well-articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach to clearly delineate the causes and solutions. For instance, using subheadings or clearer transitions between sections could help the reader follow the argument more easily. Additionally, providing more specific examples or statistics related to recidivism rates could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that recidivism is a significant issue caused by various factors and can be addressed through specific measures. The writer consistently supports their viewpoint, particularly in the conclusion, where they reiterate their stance on the causes and solutions.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could improve by ensuring that the language used is consistently assertive. Phrases like "I assume" could be replaced with more definitive language, such as "I believe" or "It is essential," to strengthen the author’s position. Furthermore, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea could enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas related to the causes and solutions of recidivism. Each idea is extended with explanations, such as the impact of job scarcity and societal alienation on ex-prisoners. However, some points could be better supported with examples or data. For instance, the claim about lenient punishments could be bolstered by discussing specific cases or studies that illustrate this point.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should incorporate more concrete examples or evidence. This could include referencing studies on recidivism rates or successful reintegration programs in other countries. Additionally, elaborating on the proposed solutions with examples of how they have been successfully implemented elsewhere would provide stronger support for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions to recidivism. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which may distract from the main argument. For example, phrases like "this tendency can stem from the lenient punishments which ineffectively deter crime" could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should aim for clearer and more concise language. Avoiding overly complex sentence structures and ensuring that each sentence directly supports the main argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any tangential ideas that do not directly contribute to the main argument can help tighten the focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the author’s ideas. With some refinements in structure, clarity, and support for arguments, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the problem and the writer’s perspective. The body paragraphs are organized around specific causes of recidivism, followed by proposed solutions. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the lack of employment and societal alienation, while the second focuses on potential solutions. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For example, the transition from discussing societal alienation to lenient punishments lacks a clear linking phrase that would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs and within paragraphs. For example, when moving from the discussion of societal alienation to lenient punishments, a transitional phrase like "In addition to societal challenges, another significant factor contributing to recidivism is…" could help clarify the relationship between the ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, with the first focusing on causes and the second on solutions. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly delineated in terms of topic sentences and concluding sentences. For instance, the first body paragraph could benefit from a stronger topic sentence that clearly states the main point about employment and societal alienation.
- How to improve: Strengthen each paragraph by ensuring that the topic sentence clearly conveys the main idea. Additionally, consider adding a concluding sentence that summarizes the paragraph’s key points and reinforces the overall argument. This will help the reader better understand the significance of each paragraph in relation to the essay’s thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "besides," and "firstly." These devices help to connect ideas and indicate shifts in the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall coherence. For example, the phrase "this might" appears multiple times, which can make the writing feel redundant.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "this might," try alternatives like "this could potentially," "this may lead to," or "this is likely to." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "consequently," "furthermore," or "in contrast," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a logical structure, there are areas for improvement in terms of transitions, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "recidivism," "alienation," and "reintegration" being appropriately used. However, there are instances where the vocabulary choices are somewhat limited or repetitive, such as the repeated use of "employment" and "crime." The phrase "become more popular" is also awkward in this context, as it suggests a positive connotation rather than the intended negative impact of job scarcity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "employment," alternatives like "job opportunities," "work prospects," or "gainful employment" could be utilized. Additionally, phrases such as "increasingly prevalent" could replace "become more popular" to better convey the seriousness of the issue.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are notable inaccuracies. For instance, "the lenient punishments which ineffectively deter crime can lead to violating laws again" is somewhat convoluted and could be clearer. The phrase "with a reason that they might not recognize their serious violations" is vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways, leading to confusion.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and precision in vocabulary usage. For example, rephrasing to "lenient punishments fail to deter crime, leading individuals to reoffend without fully understanding the consequences of their actions" would enhance clarity. Additionally, ensuring that phrases are direct and unambiguous will improve the overall precision of the vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "ex-offenders" (written as "ex- offenders") and "re-criminals" (which is not a standard term). The phrase "thus probably supporting them to have a subsistence level" is awkwardly constructed and could lead to confusion about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools. Familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing writing can also help. Additionally, using standard terms and phrases will prevent confusion and enhance the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring clarity in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "the societal alienation can be another potential cause for this problem," which effectively conveys a nuanced idea. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and some repetitive structures, such as the repeated use of "can" and "should," which detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied conjunctions and transition phrases to connect ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "can" to introduce potential solutions, alternatives like "may," "might," or "is likely to" could be employed. Additionally, varying the sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses) would create a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "being from the prison" should be "being released from prison," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences, e.g., "the deficiency of jobs and lenient penalties; however, the government can take these responsibilities by generating employment opportunities," where a comma should precede "however."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and preposition use. It would be beneficial to practice sentence restructuring to avoid awkward phrases. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for complex sentences and clauses, would enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar-check tools or seeking feedback from peers could also help identify and rectify these issues.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will enhance clarity and effectiveness, potentially raising the band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

The growing rate of recidivism after serving a prison sentence has been a topic of discussion. From my perspective, there are numerous underlying causes contributing to this issue; however, it can be alleviated by some viable solutions.

The increased rate of recidivism is a result of the lack of employment for ex-prisoners. With the economic crisis nowadays, job scarcity has become more prevalent; so it is difficult for ex-offenders to seek legitimate employment. Societal alienation is another potential cause of this problem. To be specific, many companies and workplaces hesitate to consider them as official employees because of their previous convictions, which can negatively affect the prestige and reputation of these organizations. Besides, this tendency can stem from lenient punishments, which can lead to ineffective deterrence and further law violations, as they might not recognize the seriousness of their actions. As a result, individuals with criminal records are likely to reoffend after facing many retributions.

Despite the severity of the issue, I believe that it can be tackled by these feasible methods. Firstly, the government should devise effective strategies supporting the reintegration of former inmates. For example, manual jobs such as construction and assembly line work can enable them to cover basic living expenses, thus supporting them to achieve a subsistence level. This might limit the risks of committing crimes again for the purpose of making a living. Secondly, addressing societal reintegration aspects, local authorities can ensure social safety by reassuring the public and equipping areas with surveillance cameras, which can positively affect crime rates. With this approach, it would be more convenient for reoffenders to harmonize into society and reduce their recidivism. Finally, to thoroughly address the high rate of recidivism, many severe penalties associated with rehabilitation programs should be imposed and deployed, so these individuals may acknowledge that their illegal behaviors need to be amended and improved.

In conclusion, the number of recidivism cases is a concern. I argue that it can be attributed to many reasons, including social alienation, the deficiency of jobs, and lenient penalties; however, the government can take responsibility by generating employment opportunities, implementing stringent punishments, and establishing reintegration schemes to reduce the likelihood of re-offending.