Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from prison. What do you think is the cause? How can it be solved? Write at least 250 words.

Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from prison.
What do you think is the cause? How can it be solved?
Write at least 250 words.

In today’s world, there is a critical issue that several people have a tendency to carry out illegal actions. From my perspective, this is mainly due to the fact that they find it challenging to reenter the society. In order to tackle this problem effectively, the government should make sure that they offer equal benefits to ex-prisoners.
In term of causes, the initial one is that criminals lack survival skills. They do not have the ability to control their mind and action to keep themselves away from wrong behaviors, which leads to a situation where they are likely to commit crimes again. In other words, society, especially employers do not treat those who went through crimes as normal citizens. Individuals after prisons are not offered a variety of new opportunities to earn living, so making crimes is the only way for them.
When it comes to resolutions, first and foremost, the government should provide equal chances to convicts via policies which support people reintegrate into the community. Therefore, citizens can have a sense of belonging, so that they would not recommit the crime. Furthermore, except for the authorities’ assistance, families and friends of ex-prisoners should give a hand to alleviate the emotional and financial burden of people, this factor would play a key role in declining the rate of crime.
In conclusion, being unable to control themselves and return to the society are major reasons why some convicts offend crimes again. To address this problem, the government and the society should work together to ensure that these citizens have opportunities to reentry into life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "several people have a tendency to carry out illegal actions" -> "several individuals engage in illegal activities"
   Explanation: Replacing "have a tendency to carry out" with "engage in" simplifies and clarifies the phrase, making it more direct and appropriate for academic writing. "Individuals" is also a more formal term than "people."

2. "they find it challenging to reenter the society" -> "they face difficulties reintegrating into society"
   Explanation: "Face difficulties reintegrating" is more precise and formal, and "reintegrating into society" is the correct phraseology for describing the process of readjusting to societal norms after imprisonment.

3. "the government should make sure that they offer" -> "the government should ensure that they provide"
   Explanation: "Ensure" is more formal than "make sure," and "provide" is more specific than "offer" in the context of offering benefits or services.

4. "In term of causes" -> "In terms of causes"
   Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring proper use of the preposition "terms" in formal writing.

5. "do not have the ability to control their mind and action" -> "lack the capacity to regulate their thoughts and actions"
   Explanation: "Lack the capacity to regulate" is more precise and academically appropriate than "do not have the ability to control," and "thoughts and actions" is grammatically correct.

6. "society, especially employers do not treat" -> "society, particularly employers, do not treat"
   Explanation: Adding a comma after "society" corrects the punctuation, and "particularly" is more formal than "especially."

7. "Individuals after prisons are not offered a variety of new opportunities" -> "Individuals released from prison are not afforded a range of new opportunities"
   Explanation: "Released from prison" is more precise than "after prisons," and "afforded" is more formal than "offered," and "range" is more appropriate than "variety" in this context.

8. "making crimes is the only way for them" -> "crime is often the only option for them"
   Explanation: "Crime is often the only option" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea that crime is the sole viable choice for some individuals.

9. "the government should provide equal chances to convicts via policies" -> "the government should offer equal opportunities to convicts through policies"
   Explanation: "Offer equal opportunities" is more specific and formal than "provide equal chances," and "through" is more appropriate than "via" in this context.

10. "except for the authorities’ assistance, families and friends of ex-prisoners should give a hand" -> "in addition to the authorities’ assistance, families and friends of ex-prisoners should provide support"
    Explanation: "In addition to" is more precise than "except for," and "provide support" is more formal and appropriate than "give a hand," which is colloquial.

11. "this factor would play a key role in declining the rate of crime" -> "this factor would significantly contribute to reducing the crime rate"
    Explanation: "Significantly contribute to reducing the crime rate" is more precise and formal than "play a key role in declining the rate of crime," and "crime rate" is the correct term.

12. "being unable to control themselves and return to the society" -> "being unable to control themselves and reintegrate into society"
    Explanation: "Reintegrate into society" is the correct phrase for describing the process of readjusting to societal norms after imprisonment, and it is more formal than "return to the society."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying the causes of recidivism and proposing solutions. The author points out that ex-prisoners struggle to reintegrate into society and lack survival skills, which are relevant causes. The proposed solutions, such as government policies and support from families, are also pertinent. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the causes and solutions, as it presents them somewhat superficially.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should delve deeper into the causes of recidivism, perhaps discussing societal stigma or the lack of rehabilitation programs. Additionally, providing specific examples of successful reintegration programs could strengthen the proposed solutions.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the challenges faced by ex-prisoners lead to reoffending. The stance is consistent throughout, with the author reiterating the importance of societal support and government intervention. However, the phrasing in some areas is vague, which could lead to confusion about the author’s exact viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should use more definitive language and avoid ambiguous phrases. For instance, instead of saying "this is mainly due to the fact that," the author could state, "the primary cause is." This would enhance the assertiveness of the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the causes and solutions but lacks depth in their development. While the author mentions that ex-prisoners lack survival skills, this point is not thoroughly explored. The solutions proposed are relevant but could benefit from further elaboration and examples to substantiate them.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should include specific examples or statistics that illustrate the issues faced by ex-prisoners. For instance, citing studies on recidivism rates or examples of successful rehabilitation programs would provide stronger support for the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, addressing the causes and solutions related to ex-prisoners committing crimes. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the phrase "making crimes is the only way for them" could be interpreted as overly simplistic and detracts from the complexity of the issue.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should avoid broad generalizations and instead provide a more nuanced discussion of the factors contributing to recidivism. Ensuring that each point made directly ties back to the prompt will help maintain relevance throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer language, and more robust support for its ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the issue and the author’s perspective. The body paragraphs logically follow, with the first discussing the causes of recidivism and the second addressing potential solutions. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing causes to solutions is somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the flow of information.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that signal shifts in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "In addition to this." Additionally, clearly delineating the causes and solutions in separate paragraphs with topic sentences can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, the first body paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of the lack of survival skills from the societal perception of ex-prisoners. This would allow for a more focused exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: Implementing a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and ensuring that each paragraph contains a single main idea will enhance clarity. For example, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the lack of skills and the other on societal attitudes towards ex-prisoners.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "In order to," "When it comes to," and "Furthermore." These devices help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases feel repetitive, which can detract from the overall fluency of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Additionally," "Consequently," or "For instance." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language. Additionally, varying sentence structures can contribute to a more engaging and cohesive narrative.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid level of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions can elevate the writing further, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as "critical issue," "illegal actions," and "reintegrate into the community." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly with phrases like "commit crimes" and "ex-prisoners." This repetition detracts from the overall lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "commit crimes," alternatives like "engage in criminal activities" or "reoffend" could be used. Additionally, introducing more varied expressions related to societal reintegration, such as "social reintegration" or "community support," would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay conveys its ideas, some vocabulary choices lack precision. For example, the phrase "lack survival skills" is vague; it could be more specific by stating what skills are lacking, such as "job-seeking skills" or "financial management skills." Additionally, the phrase "equal benefits" could be misinterpreted without further clarification.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify terms and provide context. For instance, instead of saying "equal benefits," specifying "equal employment opportunities" would provide clearer meaning. Furthermore, using terms that accurately describe the emotional and psychological challenges faced by ex-prisoners would enhance the clarity of the argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances where spelling could be improved, such as "In term of causes" which should be "In terms of causes," and "reentry" which is often spelled as "re-entry" in British English.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common phrases and terms that are frequently misspelled. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common IELTS vocabulary and their correct spellings can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, clarifying terms, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the writer effectively uses complex structures such as "In order to tackle this problem effectively, the government should make sure that they offer equal benefits to ex-prisoners." This showcases the ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as "the initial one is that" and "first and foremost," which could limit the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to start sentences and incorporate more varied conjunctions and transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the government should," alternatives like "It is essential for the government to" or "One potential solution is for the government to" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If the government provides support, ex-prisoners are more likely to reintegrate successfully") could further diversify the range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with a few notable errors. For example, the phrase "In term of causes" should be "In terms of causes." Additionally, the sentence "this factor would play a key role in declining the rate of crime" could be more accurately expressed as "this factor would play a key role in reducing the rate of crime." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially employers" in the sentence "society, especially employers do not treat those who went through crimes as normal citizens."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in phrases that require plural forms or prepositions. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could also be beneficial. Moreover, paying attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding clauses and lists, will help in creating clearer sentences. For instance, revising "families and friends of ex-prisoners should give a hand to alleviate the emotional and financial burden of people, this factor would play a key role in declining the rate of crime" to "families and friends of ex-prisoners should give a hand to alleviate the emotional and financial burden of these individuals; this factor would play a key role in reducing the rate of crime" would enhance clarity and correctness.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, there is a critical issue where several individuals engage in illegal activities after being released from prison. From my perspective, this is primarily due to the difficulties they face reintegrating into society. To tackle this problem effectively, the government should ensure that they provide equal opportunities to ex-prisoners.

In terms of causes, the first is that many criminals lack essential survival skills. They often do not have the capacity to regulate their thoughts and actions to keep themselves away from wrongful behaviors, which leads to a situation where they are likely to commit crimes again. In other words, society, particularly employers, do not treat those who have been incarcerated as normal citizens. Individuals released from prison are not afforded a range of new opportunities to earn a living, making crime the only option for them.

When it comes to solutions, first and foremost, the government should offer equal chances to convicts through policies that support their reintegration into the community. This would help them feel a sense of belonging, reducing the likelihood of reoffending. Furthermore, in addition to the authorities’ assistance, families and friends of ex-prisoners should provide support to alleviate the emotional and financial burdens they face. This factor would significantly contribute to reducing the crime rate.

In conclusion, the inability to control themselves and reintegrate into society are major reasons why some convicts commit crimes again. To address this problem, the government and society should work together to ensure that these individuals have the opportunities they need to successfully reenter life.