some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school
do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that some experts suppose that it is more convenient for children to start learning other languages in primary school than secondary school. While there are many advantages of this perspective, i believe the disadvantages will outweigh the advantages and i will discuss on this situation.

On the one hand, it is extremely good for children to start learning language as soon when they arrive to primary school. That golden time is suitable when the children stay in the period of rasing awareness so it would be easy for them to learn and explore some new languages. For instance, children could be learned regular curriculum and taught additional a foreign language at the same time so that not only they could follow the structure of curriculum but also could be various in new knowledge.

On the other hand, although it is necessary for beginning to learn a foreign language in school, it might be dangerous if children have to learn a new foreign language when they are too young. Catching children to learn a foreign language might happen two situations, they might like it a lot and always feel excited to learn and they might feel tedious or boring that they just want to drop it as soon. An example for this thing is that a child who don’t want to learn any new languages and if parents keep forcing that child to learn, it will directly affect on mentality and also on daily life.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the advantages will not outweigh the disadvantages because the effect on awareness and mentality of children when they have to face new things too soon.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"some experts suppose" -> "some experts argue"
Explanation: "Suppose" is too weak and informal for academic writing. "Argue" is more precise and appropriate for expressing a position in an academic context.
"i believe" -> "I believe"
Explanation: Capitalization of the first letter is necessary for proper noun usage in English.
"i will discuss on this situation" -> "I will discuss this situation"
Explanation: Correcting the capitalization and removing the preposition "on" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.
"it is extremely good for children" -> "it is highly beneficial for children"
Explanation: "Extremely good" is colloquial and vague; "highly beneficial" is more precise and formal.
"as soon when they arrive to primary school" -> "as soon as they enter primary school"
Explanation: "As soon when" is grammatically incorrect; "as soon as" is the correct temporal conjunction for indicating simultaneous actions.
"That golden time is suitable when the children stay in the period of rasing awareness" -> "This is a suitable time for children to learn, as they are in the period of heightened awareness"
Explanation: "That golden time" is informal and vague; "This is a suitable time" is clearer and more formal. Also, "rasing" is a typo and should be "raising."
"could be learned" -> "can be taught"
Explanation: "Could be learned" is incorrect; "can be taught" is the correct verb form for describing the action of instruction.
"taught additional a foreign language" -> "taught an additional foreign language"
Explanation: "Taught additional a foreign language" is grammatically incorrect; "taught an additional foreign language" corrects the article and adjective placement.
"not only they could follow" -> "not only do they follow"
Explanation: "They could" is incorrect in this context; "do they follow" is the correct form for expressing ongoing action.
"could be various in new knowledge" -> "can gain diverse knowledge"
Explanation: "Could be various in new knowledge" is awkward and unclear; "can gain diverse knowledge" is more direct and academically appropriate.
"Catching children to learn" -> "forcing children to learn"
Explanation: "Catching" is incorrect and informal; "forcing" is the correct term for describing coercion.
"they might like it a lot and always feel excited to learn" -> "they may enjoy it and consistently feel enthusiastic about learning"
Explanation: "Like it a lot" and "always feel excited" are too informal and vague; "enjoy it" and "consistently feel enthusiastic" are more precise and formal.
"they might feel tedious or boring that they just want to drop it as soon" -> "they may find it tedious or boring, leading them to consider abandoning it"
Explanation: "Feel tedious or boring that they just want to drop it as soon" is grammatically incorrect and informal; the suggested revision clarifies the meaning and maintains formality.
"a child who don’t want to learn any new languages" -> "a child who does not wish to learn any new languages"
Explanation: "Don’t" is a contraction and too informal; "does not" is the correct form for formal writing. Also, "wish" is more formal than "want" in this context.
"it will directly affect on mentality and also on daily life" -> "it will directly affect their mentality and daily life"
Explanation: "Affect on" is grammatically incorrect; "affect their" is the correct prepositional phrase.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of children learning a foreign language at primary school. However, the treatment of the advantages is superficial and lacks depth. The first paragraph mentions that it is "extremely good" for children to start learning languages early, but it fails to provide specific examples or detailed reasoning to support this claim. The discussion of disadvantages is more developed but still lacks clarity and depth in analysis. The essay does not adequately weigh the advantages against the disadvantages, which is essential for fully addressing the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly outline specific advantages of early language learning, such as cognitive benefits, cultural exposure, or ease of language acquisition. Each advantage should be supported with concrete examples or evidence. Additionally, the essay should explicitly compare the advantages and disadvantages, perhaps by using a more structured approach that weighs each side against the other.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. However, this position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The introduction suggests that the author will discuss both sides, but the conclusion reaffirms the stance without adequately summarizing the points made. The transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages is abrupt, which can confuse the reader about the author’s overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. Clear topic sentences for each paragraph that reflect the main argument can help guide the reader. Additionally, summarizing the key points made in favor of both sides before concluding would reinforce the position taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but does not extend or support them effectively. For instance, while it mentions that children can learn a foreign language alongside their regular curriculum, it does not elaborate on how this could benefit their overall education or cognitive development. The disadvantages are discussed with more detail, but the reasoning is not always clear or well-supported. The example of a child being forced to learn a language is relevant but lacks depth in exploring the psychological impacts.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, when discussing the advantages, the author could elaborate on how early language learning can enhance cognitive flexibility or cultural understanding. Each idea should be clearly linked to the thesis and supported with relevant examples or studies.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of early language learning. However, some sentences are vague or off-topic, such as the phrase "the effect on awareness and mentality of children when they have to face new things too soon," which does not clearly relate back to the specific context of language learning. This vagueness detracts from the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the benefits or drawbacks of learning a foreign language at a young age. Avoiding general statements and instead providing specific examples related to the topic will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, using clear transitions between points can help maintain a logical flow.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt, it requires more depth, clarity, and structure to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on detailed support for ideas, maintaining a clear position, and ensuring all points are relevant to the topic will significantly enhance the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, indicating that the disadvantages of early language learning outweigh the advantages. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint, with the first paragraph discussing the benefits and the second focusing on the drawbacks. However, the logical progression between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from the advantages to the disadvantages is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the advantages, a sentence like "However, this approach is not without its challenges" could serve as a smoother transition to the disadvantages. Additionally, ensuring that each point directly supports the thesis will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the advantages of early language learning, while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that clearly states the benefits of early language learning, rather than beginning with a general statement about its goodness.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that outlines the main point. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the key idea of each paragraph, reinforcing the argument and providing a sense of closure before moving on to the next point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to signal contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing. For instance, phrases like "Catching children to learn a foreign language might happen two situations" are unclear and could confuse the reader. The use of cohesive devices could be more varied and precise to enhance clarity and flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely," and "As a result." Additionally, ensure that sentences are constructed clearly to avoid ambiguity. For example, rephrasing complex sentences for clarity will help maintain coherence and ensure that the reader can easily follow the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving logical flow, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "convenient," "advantages," "explore," and "mentality." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, particularly with the terms "learn" and "language." For example, the phrase "start learning other languages" could be varied with synonyms like "acquire" or "study."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "learn," they could use "acquire," "master," or "study." Additionally, employing more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text, such as replacing "good" with "beneficial" or "advantageous."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances where vocabulary is used imprecisely. For example, the phrase "catching children to learn a foreign language" is awkward and unclear; "encouraging" or "motivating" would be more appropriate. Additionally, "they might feel tedious or boring" should be revised to "they might find it tedious or boring," as "feel" does not accurately convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. They should review phrases to ensure that the chosen words convey the intended meaning accurately. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more suitable terms, but it’s essential to ensure that the synonyms fit the context correctly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "rasing" (should be "raising"), "tedious" (spelled as "tedious"), and "on mentality" (should be "on their mentality"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch errors before submission. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, sentences like "It is true that some experts suppose that it is more convenient for children to start learning other languages in primary school than secondary school" showcase a complex structure, yet many sentences are straightforward and lack complexity. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure the argument, but the overall variety is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, including subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "It is true that," the writer could begin with a dependent clause, such as "While some experts argue that…" This would create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "i believe the disadvantages will outweigh the advantages" should capitalize "I." Additionally, the sentence "Catching children to learn a foreign language might happen two situations" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased for clarity, such as "Two situations might arise when children are encouraged to learn a foreign language." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, detract from the clarity of the writing. For instance, "Catching children to learn a foreign language might happen two situations, they might like it a lot…" should be split into two sentences or connected with a conjunction.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as capitalization and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, practicing sentence restructuring can help avoid run-on sentences and improve clarity. Using grammar-check tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting mistakes.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing. Focusing on varied sentence structures and meticulous proofreading will help the writer achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that some experts suppose that it is more convenient for children to start learning other languages in primary school rather than secondary school. While there are many advantages to this perspective, I believe the disadvantages will outweigh the advantages, and I will discuss this situation.

On the one hand, it is extremely beneficial for children to start learning a language as soon as they enter primary school. This is a suitable time for children to learn, as they are in the period of heightened awareness, so it would be easy for them to learn and explore some new languages. For instance, children could learn the regular curriculum and be taught an additional foreign language at the same time, so that not only do they follow the structure of the curriculum but also can gain diverse knowledge.

On the other hand, although it is necessary to begin learning a foreign language in school, it might be problematic if children have to learn a new foreign language when they are too young. Forcing children to learn a foreign language might lead to two situations: they might enjoy it a lot and always feel excited to learn, or they may find it tedious or boring, leading them to consider abandoning it. An example of this is a child who does not wish to learn any new languages; if parents keep forcing that child to learn, it will directly affect their mentality and daily life.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadvantages will outweigh the advantages because of the effect on the awareness and mentality of children when they have to face new things too soon.